by J. Sterling
I shrank back in response to her question, not that she could see it. Did I love Daniel? No, not yet, but I knew the potential was there.
“Do you love him like I love him?” she asked again.
“That’s not really your business,” I said with little conviction.
“If you don’t love him, if you really don’t love him the way I love him, then please let him go. Please send him back to me. I’m begging you, Elizabeth. I just need to talk to him, so he can see…”
She started sobbing again into the phone, and my heart softened as I heard her genuine pain and longing for a man who would never love her back. Her pain started to weigh heavily on me, and I had to break our connection before I caved.
“I wish you the best, Kate. I truly do. But please don’t call my place of employment for things like this in the future. It isn’t appropriate. You need to take this whole affair up with Daniel and leave me out of it. I do not want to be involved. Good night, and good luck.” I ended the call without giving her a chance to say another word. My head was spinning, my resolve was breaking, and my heart was aching for the girl I used to know.
32.
DANIEL
“Daniel, Elizabeth Lyons is on line one for you.” Serena’s voice came through the speaker on my phone.
“Thank you. I’ll take it. And, Serena? Go home,” I responded before pressing down the button for line one.
“Babe!” My voice came out overly excited and I wanted to smack myself. This woman turned me into a child.
“I wasn’t sure you’d still be at the office.” She sounded off, and my stomach fell to the floor with the innate knowledge.
“You okay? What’s the matter?”
I waited as she inhaled a single breath. My knees started to bounce under my desk as I feared what was about to spill from her lips—the lips that I had kissed, tasted, and loved just this morning.
“I’ve just had a really long and weird day.” Her tone was riddled with avoidance and distance—two things I wanted least of all from her.
“What else? Something’s on your mind. I can sense it.”
“I just needed to tell you that I have a production deadline, and I’m not going to be available for the next few weeks.”
“What does that mean? I can’t see you for a few weeks? That’s okay, babe. We’ll have lots of phone sex,” I said with a laugh, hoping to lighten the mood.
She didn’t laugh back.
“I just can’t have you coming down here unannounced and stuff while I have this big project on the line, okay? Promise me that you won’t show up here without my permission.” Her voice pleaded and she sounded desperate and nervous.
“Elizabeth,” I all but begged, “what’s really going on?”
I almost booked the plane in those moments where she remained silent. I hated the fact that I couldn’t see her face, or look into her eyes, when I knew something wasn’t right.
“I had a shitty day, okay? I got in trouble during my first meeting. Ben came to see me for lunch, and then Kate wouldn’t stop calling my office.”
“Wait. Slow down.” I almost coughed on my words. “You got in trouble? What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay. Tell me about Ben then.” I tried to pull any information from her that she would give me.
“He tried to tell me that he needed closure between us. It was stupid, time-consuming, and ridiculous, but I’m pretty sure he’s over it. I think he just needed to get some stuff off his chest after running into me the other night. It’s no big deal.”
I started fuming at the idea of Ben being able to see her when I wasn’t around. I hated that he could be there when I couldn’t be. It burned me to no end. “He came to the studio?”
“For lunch. It was fine. Thirty minutes was all the time I gave him,” she announced sternly.
I huffed out an irritated breath. “Fine. What’s this shit about Kate? Why was she calling you?”
“Exactly, Daniel.”
“Exactly what?” I asked, slightly confused.
“Why the fuck is your ex-girlfriend, or whatever the hell she is, calling me at my office over and over again?” Her voice was laced with venom, and I couldn’t stand knowing that it was directed at me.
“I have no idea. What did she say?”
A disgusted laugh filtered through the phone line. “She actually asked me to stop seeing you. Said she couldn’t handle you breaking up with her. You won’t talk to her, and she’s desperate to talk to you. I don’t know, Daniel. She was hysterically crying during the whole phone call, talking about how she is so in love with you.”
I pulled at my hair as anger ripped through me. Kate had always been the mellow and laid-back type until I’d told her that it was over. She’d flipped her fucking lid that night, and she hadn’t been the same since. I’d blocked her number from my cell and instructed Serena not to put any calls from her through at the office.
“I’m so sorry, Elizabeth. I had no idea that she would behave like that. What do you want me to do?”
“What do I want you to do? What I want you to do is not have girls who are in love with you call me at my fucking job, Daniel! I don’t need this.”
“I’ll put an end to it.”
“It’s too late. It already happened. I didn’t have to deal with any of this crap until you came along. I can’t have this kind of stuff around me. I can’t. I won’t.” Her voice was firm, and I could sense her mind solidifying its stance.
I’d known I might have to deal with this from her, but I hadn’t thought it would be so soon. A woman like Elizabeth needed baby steps when it came to relationships. Even though we’d talked about it, things between us had been rushed. It was hard to stop something that felt this right.
“Don’t do this, Elizabeth. I know what you’re about to do. Don’t do it.”
“I need you to stay away from me, please. I need you to just leave me alone because I don’t know how to balance whatever this is and my job right now. I’m absolutely overwhelmed with everything I feel for you. I can’t lose focus, and you make me lose focus.”
I could hear it in her voice that it was too late. She’d already decided.
“Please don’t do this. I’m begging you not to do this.”
“It’s done.”
She breathed out a breath as I lost mine.
“We’ll work through finding the balance together. You think all these feelings aren’t new to me? I’ve never felt this way about anyone. You’re all I fucking think about all day long. That’s normal, Elizabeth!” I desperately tried to convince her. “It’s natural to feel like this when you’re crazy about someone.”
“Well, it’s not natural for me. I don’t like it. I feel out of control. I can’t be out of control when it comes to this.”
“Elizabeth,” I mumbled under my breath.
“Just let me go, Daniel. Pretend I never entered your life.”
“I could never do that.” I refused to lie to her. “Could you?”
She sniffed, and I half-wondered if she was crying. It would tear me apart if she was.
“I don’t know, but I have to try.”
“I don’t want this. I want to be perfectly fucking clear that this is not what I want. But if it’s what you need, then I’ll do it. I can’t make you want to be with me.” I admitted defeat, knowing that trying to change a strong woman’s mind was like trying to reason with a drunk person. There would be no reasoning tonight.
“Wanting to be with you isn’t the problem.”
“Then, what is?”
“It’s everything else that comes with it. It’s too much for me. I’m not equipped to deal with all the extra crap. I want you—minus the crap.”
I believed her because I knew, in this moment, that she believed the words herself.
“I wish you felt differently.” God, how I wished that more than anything else in the world right now.
“I’m sorry. I don
’t. I just don’t know how to do this.”
“Good-bye, Elizabeth.” I ended the call, knowing that if I heard her tell me good-bye, I’d fucking lose it. It was one thing for me to say it because I knew I didn’t mean it. But hearing it from her lips, I knew she would have meant it, and that would have absolutely broken me the fuck apart.
33.
DANIEL
After driving over to Kate’s shitty apartment, I let myself into her building and pounded on her door, half-tempted to knock it the fuck down. When it opened and she saw me standing there, her face lit up like she’d hit the lottery.
“Daniel,” she breathed out and wiped her tear-stained face.
I pushed past her, walking into her living room before sitting down. “What the fuck is going on with you, Kate? Why are you acting like this?”
She started spouting off at the mouth, “Did Elizabeth call you? Did she tell you to come see me?” She moved next to me on the couch. “I knew she would. She’s such a good person, but she doesn’t love you like I love you.”
The second Elizabeth’s name had left her lips, I wanted her to stop talking.
I stood up and started pacing. “First of all, how dare you call Elizabeth at her work. Her work, Kate! Second, calling her and talking to her about us…who does that? Do you not realize how crazy that is?”
Her head lowered into her hands as her shoulders began to shake. I hated seeing women cry.
“I just wanted to get her to break up with you, so you’d give me another chance.”
“You asked her to break up with me?” Her words spun around like a carnival ride inside my brain. How had this become my life? It was no wonder Elizabeth couldn’t handle this shit. I could barely handle it, and it was my own doing.
“I just wanted to see you again, but you wouldn’t talk to me.” Tears continued to spill down her cheeks as conflicted emotions raced within me. “You ignored all my calls. I just wanted to talk to you, Daniel. I need to know why. What did I do wrong?”
Sitting back down next to her on the couch, I pulled her against my chest and let her cry. “Kate?” I said her name softly, knowing that only expressing my anger wouldn’t solve anything. “Kate, look at me.”
I reached for her chin and tilted her face up. She batted her big doe eyes at me.
“I never lied to you, did I?”
She wiped at her face before shaking her head.
“From the very beginning, I told you what this was between us and what I wanted from you, did I not?”
“You did,” she choked out.
“Then, why are we here right now? Why are we going through this? Why are you ruining the best relationship I’ve ever had?” It was a low blow, but it was the truth. Sometimes, the truth hurt, and I needed to be crystal clear in this moment.
“Because I figured you’d change your mind. When we first started out, I knew that you saw me as just a friend, but I assumed, after time went by and you got to know me better, that you’d develop real feelings for me.”
I shook my head. “I told you that would never happen.”
“I know,” she agreed.
“You just didn’t believe me?”
“I guess I hoped for different.”
What the hell was it with women? Were they incapable of keeping things uncomplicated? Clearly, the answer here was no.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you, but I never lied to you. I never promised you a future, but I understand now how you could have wanted one.” I had to admit that my actions had been less than gentlemanly and certainly not always considerate even though I had intended for them to be both by being so honest upfront.
“After being with you for so long, I guess I just thought we’d never end.”
“To be honest, Kate, I had no idea that I’d meet someone like Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth had changed everything. My whole world had shifted the moment I found her. You know how when you meet that one person who tilts your world on its axis just by being a part of it? That’s how it felt when Elizabeth stepped into my life. It wasn’t something I could control or talk myself out of- it was just one of those things- where a part of you is being drawn to another person in that unexplainable way. People talked about experiencing that kind of thing all the time. I always thought it was bullshit until it had happened to me.
“I want someone to feel that way about me. I think I always hoped it would be you.”
Knowing that I’d caused this pain forced me to try to make it better. I could be a complete asshole but not to her, not right now. She’d given me everything I needed for two years without complaint.
I hugged her tighter against me, rubbing her shoulder to help bring her comfort. “And I know, without a doubt, that you will find that guy, Kate. I’m just not him. You deserve someone who puts you first and wants to be with you all the time, not just when he needs sex.”
She laughed, and my heart lightened.
“I’m really sorry I called Elizabeth.”
“I know.” I squeezed her gently, letting her know I forgave her.
“Desperate women do crazy stuff,” she said with another laugh.
“You can say that again.” I moved her body away from mine, and I pushed up from the couch. “Come here.” I extended my hand and pulled her up. I hugged her long and hard, knowing it would be the last time.
I whispered, “You are an amazing woman. Don’t ever forget that, and don’t sell yourself short because of what we had, okay? You’re going to make some guy extremely lucky, and if he doesn’t know it or doesn’t treat you that way every single day, he isn’t the right guy.”
A smile spread across her face as my words sank in. “Thanks, Daniel. I’m really sorry again for all the drama I caused.”
“I know.”
“Do you want me to call her and apologize? I probably should.”
I briefly glanced away before meeting her swollen eyes. “No. This is something I need to do on my own, but thank you.”
Closing her apartment door behind me, I headed for home, wondering how the hell I was supposed to live my life without Elizabeth Lyons in it.
34.
ELIZABETH
After getting off the phone with Daniel, I hung my head in my hands and bawled my eyes out, thankful that the studio would be virtually empty by the time I left. I would be mortified if anyone in the office saw me like this.
My heart ached inside my chest with each breath I inhaled. Somewhere in me, I knew it was the right decision for my career to tell Daniel good-bye, but I hadn’t planned on him accepting it so easily. I hated to admit how much that part hurt. I’d never considered that Daniel would walk away without a fight, even though that’s exactly what I’d asked him to do.
I tried to accept the fact that all I needed was time when it came to getting over him. With enough of it, eventually, I would feel whole again. But I didn’t know if I believed myself. Daniel Alexander had reopened emotions in me that had been closed for so long. I wasn’t sure how to go through this experience without him here to guide me.
It had been ten minutes, and I already missed him desperately. That sentiment alone caused me to feel foolish.
****
I woke up the next morning, and I could still smell him on my pillow. Inhaling the scent of him only caused me further pain, so I tore the sheets from my bed and tossed them into the laundry basket. I’d never get over him if he constantly surrounded me.
This was going to be harder than I had ever anticipated. Grown-up emotions were so much more intense than college-aged ones.
How was I supposed to get over someone like Daniel?
While driving to the studio, I tried to convince myself that if I buried myself in enough work, he’d eventually fade away. But I knew that was a lie. A guy like Daniel could never fade into the background after he’d been in the foreground for any length of time.
Wiping at the tears that started to fall, I pulled myself together as I walked down the hallway toward my offi
ce. Barbara’s face saddened as soon as she caught sight of me, and she hustled into my private space before closing the door behind her. This had become an all-too-familiar scene lately.
“Oh my gosh, what happened? Why are you crying? Did something happen with Daniel?” Her rapid-fire interrogation refused to quit.
I nodded my head instead of answering, afraid of how saying the words out loud might affect me.
“What happened?”
“I broke up with him,” I admitted before swiping at my eyes to stop the tears.
“Why? Why on earth would you do that? Did he do something?”
I glared at her, willing my sadness to be replaced with anger or annoyance or anything. Anything would be better than feeling less than whole.
“Yes, he did something! He invaded my thoughts and made me have sexual fantasies about him during the meeting with Mr. Kline yesterday! I totally spaced out while he was presenting! I’m surprised it didn’t come to drooling.”
Barbara was doubled over, laughing, her dark hair spilling down around her knees. I wanted to smack the living crap out of her.
She leaned up slightly. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” She continued to laugh. “Oh God, Elizabeth, that’s fucking hilarious.”
“Hilarious, my ass! Mr. Kline called me out in front of the entire meeting. He asked me what I was thinking about that was so much more important than listening to him speak.”
“Oh shit, it’s too much.” She laughed even harder, her eyes narrowing to a squint with the force. “What did you say to him? Did you tell him?”
“I lied through my teeth. Told him I was daydreaming about a book I’d started reading that I couldn’t stop thinking about.”
“Oh Lord, seriously, this is priceless.”
“It’s not. It’s really not,” I chastised her, my tone clearly irritated.
“Okay, okay.” She tried to level her breathing out by taking long inhales and slow exhales. “So, you got pissed at Daniel for this?”
“Yes, among other things.”