by Jillian Dodd
“It confuses me too. I kept thinking if it was real love with Whitney that we’d get back together. That it would just happen.”
“That’s exactly what I’m wondering. Is real love easy or hard?”
“You make me hard.” He grins and raises his eyebrows at me.
I smack him gently on his buff arm.
“What? I’m serious. You do. So, um, what exactly did you and my brother do? Like, what really happened between you?”
“Like, sexually?”
“Yeah.”
“Nothing. Well, he did see a bit of my bra the other night.
“He got to see your bra?”
“I was getting dressed for carnival and well, yeah, sorta. I’m talking like just the straps because I was holding a dress in front of me asking if it was appropriate before I put it on.”
“Was it the same sexy leopard bra you had on the other night? I don’t remember much of the party, but I do remember that.”
“It’s not really that sexy. It covers up more than a bikini.”
“I think pretty much anything would look sexy on you. But you’re right, it would probably look better off.” He grins at me and his eyes glisten.
Charm and sexiness definitely run in the Johnson family.
I bite the corner of my lip, trying to stop myself from smiling.
He says quietly, “And I probably shouldn’t do this, but I am.”
Then he leans over and kisses me.
Now, he’s dragging me across campus. Says he wants to show me all his favorite places.
Stop number one is a parking lot.
We walk up to a fully modified BMW 1M V-8 Hurricane RS. It’s got a custom paint job in carbon fiber gray, has blacked out windows, extra body moldings, and all sorts of engine modifications. It’s a hot car. Tommy would love it.
I watch him gently wipe a speck of dust off the hood.
“Your car is your baby, isn’t it?”
He laughs. “Pretty obvious, huh?”
“I got a really sweet car for my birthday,” I say wistfully.
“Really? What kind?”
I tell him about my beautiful Mercedes. The car I have never even driven.
He lets out a whistle. “Your parents have good taste.”
“I’m the one who saw a picture of it and told Tom, uh, my stepdad that I loved it. I never imagined they’d buy it for me.”
“Why didn’t you bring it?”
Because I didn’t want a stalker to use it to track me down.
But, shit. Why didn’t I? Why wouldn’t I? I try not to panic. I think about how Tommy named all his cars. How you’d find him sitting in the garage staring at them and wiping them with a diaper. I come up with an answer.
“I didn’t want it to have to sit outside. Especially in the winter. So I need to buy a car here. How well do you know the area around school?”
His eyes light up. “I know it quite well. I was going to ask if you wanted to go off campus for some killer pizza tonight. Thought we could discuss my image. We could go early and swing by a couple dealerships. So what do you want? Do you know?”
“I was thinking a Range Rover.”
He nods his head. “A tight one, though, right?” He looks me up and down.
“What’s that for?”
“I’m trying to figure out what you’d look best in.”
“I already know what I’d look best in. The black V-8 with the supercharged motor. Deep chestnut interior. Probably have to do some cool wheels later.”
“You have good taste.”
“Well, thank you. So I need to change and grab my purse. What time do you want to leave?”
“Just text me when you’re ready.”
You should hate yourself.
3pm
I’m redoing my makeup when I get a text from Riley.
Sex God: You were kissing my brother in front of me. Break my heart.
Me: It was one kiss and you hooked up with Audrey last night.
Sex God: Because you were with Aiden. Having a million dances.
Me: It was 29.
Sex God: Why didn’t you meet me at the party? It was fun.
Me: I was upset. Didn’t feel like a party. Didn’t want to go back to Aiden’s room.
Sex God: Why?! What happened? Did he try stuff you didn’t want him to? I’ll kick his ass, seriously.
Me: It’s a long story. And no, he was a total gentleman.
Sex God: So who upset you?
Me: Aiden. He confuses me. I have no idea what he thinks. One minute he’s all romantic. The next he acts like he hates me.
Sex God: What are you doing now? Wanna go to the cafe with me and Dallas later?
Me: I’m going off campus for dinner.
Sex God: With the dance team?
Me: Um, no.
Sex God: My brother?!
Me: Yeah.
Sex God: He asked you on a DATE!?
Me: No. It’s pizza. He hung with me and Dallas last night.
Sex God: So you can party with Dallas and my brother, but not me?
Me: We smoked. Chilled. I didn’t know he was gonna be there. He was upset about Whitney. Still loves her. We bonded over our fucked up love lives. Ask Dallas if you don’t believe me.
Sex God: So if he loves Whitney, why did he kiss you?
Me: I’m not exactly sure about that. We’re going to talk about love, true love, over pizza. And it was just a little kiss. Spur of the moment kind of thing.
Sex God: I wanted it to be you last night.
Me: LOL! Not enough, apparently.
Sex God: I was drunk?
Me: Not what I heard. And the girl talks, Riley. A lot. I heard ALL about you in bed. Well, what she remembers of it anyway . . .
Sex God: I hate you.
Me: You should hate yourself.
Sex God: True :(
Me: I still love you though.
Sex God: Good :) My brother needs a nice girl. I don’t really want it to be you, but I’m tired of the Bitch screwing him around. He needs to get over it already.
Me: He’s a nice guy, not the dick I first thought. But I’m NOT interested in him. At all! Like NOT AT ALL! And you two need to be closer.
Sex God: We are close.
Me: I mean talk to each other close, not tease each other close.
Sex God: That’d be nice.
As we’re driving off campus, I remember to press the appropriate buttons on my phone so that Garrett doesn’t send the cavalry after me.
“Is this main gate the only way out?” I ask Dawson.
“You planning to sneak out?”
“Um, no, but I just wondered. The guard told us they have a senator’s son here this year. I thought, you know, if terrorists try to kidnap him or something, it might be good to know the back way out.”
Dawson grins at me. “He didn’t tell you?”
“Who didn’t tell me what?”
“You already know the senator’s son.”
“I do? Who?”
“Guess.”
“Jake?”
“No.”
“One of the freshmen?”
“Nope.”
“Just tell me.”
“It’s Dallas.”
“Seriously? I wouldn’t have guessed that.” But I plan on talking to him. I wonder if he was briefed on security protocol and escape routes.
We get to the Range Rover dealership. I find the car I want sitting on the showroom floor and tell the salesman that I’ll take it. He takes me into an office. I give him my shiny new black credit card and am slightly shocked that he takes it, charges my account, gives me a few papers to sign, and hands me the keys.
I never knew it was so easy!
As we’re walking out, Dawson says, “I’m starving. You ready for the best pizza of your life?”
“Will it really be the best of my life?”
He rolls his eyes. “Not really. The best pizza of your life is in New York. If you’re nice to me, maybe I’ll take yo
u there sometime.”
I follow him to the pizza place.
It’s adorable. Little brick building. Little striped awnings. White tablecloths with red napkins.
We sit down and I ask if that’s where he’s from.
“Yeah. My parents live in New York. We have a place there and one in the Hamptons. That’s where I spend most of my breaks.”
“That’s cool.”
“All this shopping has made me hungry,” he says. Then he proceeds to order us two large pizzas.
“You’re that hungry?”
He laughs. He has an adorable laugh. “No, I promised Jake I'd bring some back for him.”
“So you and Jake are best friends, right? It surprises me that he's been kissing Whitney.”
“He’s been my best friend since freshman year, and we decided we're not gonna let her get in the way of our friendship.”
“That’s very mature. Except you told me last night you wanted to kill him.”
“Yeah, well today . . . ” He reaches across the table, holds my hand, and stares into my eyes with his big dreamy brown ones. “I haven't thought about her at all.”
I move my hand out from under his. “Oh, no you don’t. Don't you dare drag me into that mess. I saw the daggers her eyes were shooting at me when you were trying to get the football from me. I can’t imagine what she’s going to do when she hears that you kissed me. I don't care about being popular, Dawson. In fact, I don't want to be popular. We can be friends, but that’s it.” I say it with conviction, but I can’t help but grin at him. Dawson is very easy on the eyes. “We’re supposed to be talking about true love and our broken hearts, remember?”
His eyes trail from my face down my body. “You dress different,” he says.
I’m wearing a really cute Free People fit and flare tank dress with an adorable black leather studded waistband in a cute brown print. With it: Proenza Schouler black slingback platform wedges that have a burl wood heel. Large Burberry tote in a chestnut color that matches both the dress and the interior of my new car. Accessories are a fun braided leather bracelet, handmade silver and gold cross necklace, and brown teardrop chandelier earrings.
Really, I thought I had dressed pretty conservatively.
I stick my bottom lip out and pout.
He flicks my bottom lip and laughs. “Stop pouting. It’s not bad different. You just have a different style. I like it. It fits you. You don’t look like everyone else.” His dark eyes are smoldering.
I hold my hand up in front of his face. “Stop doing that.”
“Stop doing what?” he asks with a smirk.
“Stopping giving me those eyes. They aren’t going to work on me.”
He chuckles. “If you have to look away, they already are.”
“Okay, so we know you are not lacking in confidence around me. Now you need to work on being confident again around Whitney.”
“We’re back to that, huh?”
“Yes, we are. Do you believe in true love?”
“I don’t know. I prefer to focus on what’s in front of me.” He reaches out and touches my cheek.
I close my eyes and shake my head at him. “You are persistent. I will give you that. So, back to love.”
He puts his hand back on the table with a little thud and sighs. “Fine. So, you think Aiden spoke to your soul?”
“That sounds really dumb, doesn't it?”
“It sounds hopelessly romantic, actually.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re right. I sound like a gooey freshman girl with a crush.”
“You know about my past. Tell me about yours.”
“Um, well, for a year and a half, I was part of the perfect high school couple.”
“Sounds like me and Whitney.”
I nod. “He’s a great guy, but our relationship wasn't as perfect as it seemed.”
“Why not?”
“Well, aside from the fact he got drunk all the time, we didn’t really have any passion.”
“Passion, huh? So he was bad in bed?”
“I don't know. I never slept with him.”
Dawson’s eyes get huge. “Really? And he stayed with you that long?”
“The no sex was what he wanted, not what I wanted. I broke up with him the day after he was named prom king. Then the Keats guy and I finally kissed. He asked me to spend the weekend camping and surfing and I hoped, you know, I'd get to sleep with him. It would have been my first time. He was my dream guy.”
“So, did you?”
“No. He left early without me and then sent me this message that made me think he was hooking up with other girls there.”
He takes a drink of his soda and shakes his head. “That must've hurt.”
“It did.” I sigh. “Then there was this other guy. Riley reminds me of him. The guy that’s with a different girl at every party.”
“Tell me you didn't sleep with him.”
“Oh, I did. He said he was in love with me. I was upset at the Keats guy at the time. But I was also just tired of waiting. And he was sexy, funny, and hot. And so I did. We went out. He was very sweet to me.”
“You sound like you loved him.”
“I wanted to, but I think I was trying to convince myself I wasn’t in love with the Keats guy.”
“So, then what happened?”
I close my eyes. See Cush’s sexy face. How he looked at my party when I said I love you. The boots he gave me. Then I hear Vincent’s voice.
I open my eyes quickly because they start to tear up.
“Um, I, um. I don’t . . .”
Dawson grabs my hand again. “You don't have to tell me. It’s written all over your face. He cheated on you, right?”
“Do you have girls here that will do anything to be popular? Is popularity a big deal here? I mean, it's obvious you're part of the It group.”
He thinks about it. “You mean girls who think if they hook up with me that I'll ask them to sit with us at lunch and invite them to our parties?”
“Yeah.”
“Sure there are.”
“I was leaving to go on vacation. He had the house we all partied at. We had a tight group. We all sat together at lunch like you do, but the parties were a lot bigger.”
“You didn't have to party in a dorm room.”
“True. So, a girl like that put Valium in his beer and when I stopped by to give him a kiss I walked in on . . .” I shake my head. I can’t even say it.
He runs his thumb across the top of my hand. “It’s okay. I get it.”
“I found out that the Keats guy wasn't hooking up. He apologized for ditching me and that’s who I was with all summer.”
“You loved him?”
“Yeah, I was crazy about him. All summer he told me loved me. Told me we'd be together forever. Then at the end of summer, he told me he was leaving me for a year to travel the world. Like, he told me and then was leaving a few days later. That’s why I'm done with love.”
“I don’t think you should be done with love. You just need a guy that’s not a dick.”
“If only boys came with warning labels. Like, yours would be: Do not kiss when drunk. Riley’s would be: I’m going to sleep with you and your best friend too.”
He laughs lightly with me, but mostly he’s looking at me with his adorable face. And I just figured out why he seems sweeter than Riley. It’s his eyes. They are so expressive. It’s like all his emotions are mirrored in them. Last night they looked hurt. Jealous. Today they have ranged from naughty to thoughtful.
“You haven't hardly eaten any pizza.” He holds a piece up to my mouth, so I take a bite of it.
“You’re being awful sweet to me.”
“I think that saying misery loves company is true. You're hurting as much as I am. Probably more.”
“I guess at least I don't have to see them every day like you do.”
He nods. “Is that why you came here? To run away?”
How should I say this? What did I tell Riley when
I was crying and blathering on? “No. My mom and stepdad announced they were moving to France. They gave me the choice of going with them or coming here.”
He grabs both my hands, pulls them up to his mouth, and kisses my knuckles.
“I'm glad we were both at the cave last night.”
Monday, August 29th
Why can’t it be both?
Ceramics.
Today is the first day of classes and uniforms. I always feel both excited and nervous on the first day of school but, so far, my classes seem to be okay. First period, I have History with Riley. Neither of us like mornings very much and I’m pretty sure our teacher agrees. He showed up about five minutes late with a very large cup of coffee.
Second period is English with Katie, Dallas, and two guys named Jordan and Parker. Jordan is on the soccer team and has mischievous eyes. Parker plays tennis and seems very interested in Katie’s boobs.
In third period Math, we were forced to sit in alphabetical order. Which put me right behind Logan, who was throwing all those passes to Aiden in the scrimmage. He took off his navy blazer and when he leaned forward to write, I could see muscles bulging across his back and shoulders. I can already tell Math is going to suck, but at least I’ll have a nice view.
It’s like what Grandpa always says about real estate. Location, location, location.
I’m pretty sure I’m sitting on Park Place overlooking the back of Boardwalk.
I walk into fourth period Ceramics and am surprised to see Bryce and Jake sitting at a table in the back. They are the only boys in the class.
I laugh and say, “You’re taking ceramics?”
Jake laughs. “Haven’t you seen Ghost?”
“Yeah?”
Bryce chimes in. “We needed a fine arts class and thought playing around in the clay with hot girls sounded fun last year when we signed up.” He waves his hand in front of him. “But, so far, no hot girls.”