by Jillian Dodd
Will he be a jerk and make me want to slam the door in his face?
Is he going to keep visiting other girls’ houses?
Will he tell all his friends about his visit?
Will my house get a bad reputation?
When we get back to school, will he start walking a block over so he can avoid my house?
We did use protection, so I shouldn’t have to worry about things like STDs and pregnancy, but what repercussions will it have on our very young relationship? Do we even have a relationship? And, if we do, what is it now? Did this change things?
Will we be closer? Will it make things awkward? Will he want me again? Did he lose all respect for me?
Shit. I really have no idea.
And I’m even more worried because he isn’t in bed with me. Did he creep out early this morning just to get away from me? Do the walk of shame out to his living room?
I get up, pee, brush my teeth, and brush through my hair. Maybe he went out surfing, and I should go join him. But then I realize that I probably, definitely screwed up by sleeping with him. Because if he wanted me out surfing, he would’ve woken me up and asked me to go with him like yesterday.
This thought depresses me, so I throw myself across the bed.
Why, oh why, did I sleep with him? And so soon?
Note to self: do not sleep with another boy until you are seriously in love.
What was I thinking?
I need to talk to someone about this. Someone who’s an expert on hookups. I know it’s the middle of the night, like three am, in Vancouver, but I text Tommy anyway.
Me: Since you say you’re a guy, and that makes you an expert on them, AND you were a player—what’s too soon to sleep with a guy you really like, and you think he really likes you too, but you don’t know for sure because you’ve only known him for like a week, but it feels like so much longer?
Me: And if you did to decide to sleep with him, because he is so incredibly sexy and made you feel like there was molten lava running through your body, but then you wake up the next morning and he’s not in bed with you, what does that mean?
Me: Especially when it’s his house?
Me: I’m asking for a friend.
Me: Please, please, be awake.......
Me: Or wake up...............
Me: Okay, I’m asking for me. Please wake up!
Me: I’m freaking out here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom: Molten lava, huh? That’s pretty damn hot. To answer your first question, I prefer a girl to turn me down at least once. Twice is good. Three times is not a charm. If she turned me down three times, she was out.
Me: And after she didn’t turn you down, how did you treat her? Did sex change things?
Tom: Yeah, it made it hotter.
Tom: This is your mother. He should NOT have said that. PLEASE tell me you didn’t sleep with Gorgeous.
Me: I didn’t sleep with Gorgeous.
Tom: Don’t lie to me!
Me: You just told me to lie to you?
Tom: Stole my phone back. Was he sweet to you, before, during, after?
Me: I don’t want to freak Mom out, but I’m SO glad I can talk to you about this stuff :) And idk about sweet, it was very intense, very hot, before and during, but like in between, yeah, he was. He’s REALLY sweet. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???
Tom: Think positive. Maybe he just went to get some coffee. Chill, baby, it will be okay. And if it’s not, I’ll come kick some ass.
Me: If you are going to start kicking asses, you should start with B’s.
Tom: Why?
Shit. I almost just blew it. They don’t know about me seeing him. I don’t want them to know how stupid I was.
Me: He’s kinda been a jerk lately.
Tom: Is that why you slept with Gorgeous? What’s his actual name anyway?
Me: Dawson.
Tom: I doubt he left you alone in his house. Go find him. Don’t make it awkward.
Just as I read the text, Dawson pushes through the door carrying a tray of food. I could die from relief. I text Tommy back quick.
Me: OMG!!! You were actually RIGHT!!! He brought me breakfast!!!!! :)))))) He’s SOOOO CUTE!!
Dawson grins at me. “You’re awake.”
“Barely.”
“I, um,” he acts a bit embarrassed. “I got us some breakfast. Figured we could surf a little later if you want to.”
“Are you feeling awkward?”
“No. I mean, a little awkward maybe, but that’s because I don’t know what you’re thinking. Like, if you regret it.” He sits next to me on the bed. “I really hope you don’t regret it. Or hate me.”
“Why would I hate you?”
“Because maybe you felt like I made you, or talked you into it, or you thought I sucked at it, or you didn’t like it, or you wished we would’ve waited. I mean, I would’ve waited. I planned on waiting. But I’m glad, really glad, we didn't wait.”
“You talk a lot when you’re nervous. It’s cute.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“You didn’t ask me a question.”
“Did you just get caught up in the moment? Do you regret it?”
“Honestly?”
“Uh, I think so. Yes. I want to know honestly what you’re thinking. We’ve been honest with each other about our feelings so far. Part of why I like you so much. I want that to continue.”
He likes me so much?!
“Hmmm, well, I could see you wondering if I got caught up in the moment the first time but, you know, after the, uh, fourth time, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just a moment. It was amazing, really. I just hope I don’t regret it.”
“What would make you regret it?”
“If it messes things up for us. If it makes you think poorly of me.”
He lets out a big sigh, grins big, grabs me, and kisses me. “Keatie, last night was awesome. I don’t think I’ve ever woken up feeling so happy.”
“I admit, I had a little freak out when I woke up and you weren’t here. I even texted my stepdad to ask him about it.”
He gets a slightly shocked look on his face when I mention the D word.
“Oh, it’s cool. He’s cool. I can talk about that stuff with him and my mom. Not, like details but, you know, in general terms.”
He gets a sneaky look, dives across me, grabs my phone off the nightstand, and reads what I wrote.
“I’m Gorgeous, huh?”
“Yeah, that’s what I called you before I knew your name. I sorta stalked you a bit.”
I can’t believe those words just came out of my mouth.
“You can stalk me any time.” He kisses me.
“Oh, I’ll be like that Audrey girl. I’ll bake you cookies and carry your books to class. I’m just teasing, I don’t, like, expect anything.”
“Well, I expect something.”
“More sex?”
“No—well, that’d be nice, but what I meant is I don’t want this to change anything. I like how we’ve become friends, how we talk. I like you. A lot. Do you think we should be going out now?”
“Because we had sex? No.”
“What if I told you I was thinking about asking you before we had sex?”
“I think we should wait. I think we’re both kind of on the rebound. Let’s see how things go. We don’t have to label our relationship.” Ohmigawd, did those words really just come out of my mouth too? “Um, are you going to tell all your friends about this?”
“I don’t kiss and tell. You hungry?”
“I’m starved.”
Riley and I are out in the ocean, floating over waves on some boogie boards.
He gives me a smirk. “You and Dawson totally did it.”
“What? Why would you think that? Riley, don't tell people you think that, okay? If you tell people you think we did, then people will assume we did, even if we didn't.”
“He came in my room in the middle of the night to steal condoms. I happen to know he always ha
s two in his wallet. I’m thinking it was a really good night.”
“Maybe he needed the condoms for something else.”
“Like?”
“Uh . . .” Shit, I can’t think of anything. “He was making me balloon animals out of the balloons we used for the water balloon fight. Ran out. Used condoms.”
“Uh, no. You really like him? I thought you were all into Aiden.”
“I crushed on Aiden, yes. He's very cute, but he thinks he’s so cool, and, I don’t know, maybe he’s used to girls falling all over themselves to be with him. He asked me Thursday night to hang out on Friday.”
“What's wrong with that?”
“If you like a girl, Riles, you don't wait until Thursday to ask her out. So, I told him I was busy and to ask sooner next time.”
“I don’t know what it is about you, but I still have this strange need to protect you. Even though he's my bro, I'd probably kick his ass if he was mean to you.”
“You're brother is so sweet. He’s amazing.”
“Amazing in bed? That runs in the family, you know.”
After lunch, we hang by the pool, relaxing, tanning, swimming.
I’m in the water, up against the edge of the pool. Dawson has me barricaded into the corner with his arms on both sides of me.
Not that I mind.
He’s giving me more molten lava kisses.
“So did you tell my brother?” he whispers.
“No, he guessed. Says you stole his condoms.”
“Oh, yeah, well . . . you know. We needed them.”
“I don’t think he will tell.”
“Yeah, he will. He loves talking about that shit. About what he's done. What he thinks I’ve done.”
“He won't tell.”
“I'm just saying if it gets around school, don't blame me.”
“Okay.”
He kisses my nose. “You’re so cute. I just love you.”
Did he just say, I love you?
“Oh. Uh . . .” he mutters.
“It’s okay. I know what you meant. You love me like you love swimming or ice cream.”
“Um . . .”
“Look, this all happened crazy fast. We talked about taking things slow before and just because we went fast, sexually, doesn't mean we should rush a relationship. I still want to take that part slow. I mean, you might get back to school, see Whitney, and decide you still love her.”
His eyes get soft. “Keatie, I’m not gonna do that. I told you the other night, before all this, I don’t love her anymore.”
“Still, you loved her. And I’m not sure you’re over her.”
“Actually, I’m very over her, and I kinda have a thing for this really hot new girl. She’s on the dance team. You might know her.”
“Oh, really?”
His eyes sparkle. He is so freaking adorable. Seriously, how did I get so lucky? Dawson is the perfect adorable distraction.
“And this thing you have for her, that just means you want her, right?”
“No.” He stops, considers that for a second, says, “Well, yeah, I do, but it’s more than that.” He laughs, kisses my neck, and whispers in my ear, “But you know, if she wants me now, we do have a little free time before we have to leave.”
I quickly drag him out of the pool, back to the bedroom, and spend that time wisely.
Cute little daisy charm.
4pm
Dallas and Ace yell, “Hey everyone, the limo’s here!”
Everyone is hooting and hollering over the limo. This limo is sweet. A brand new Range Rover HSE with a jet door. Inside it has all sorts of toys, wild, neon-colored interior, a couple flat screens, sound system, fog machine, and disco lights. Of course, as you can imagine, the thing the boys went most crazy over was the Xbox 360.
“That’s what I’m talking about,” Riley says.
We all get loaded up, play with the toys, get high, and then most everyone crashes. I’m leaning up against Dallas’ shoulder. Dawson’s asleep, his head lying in my lap.
Dallas says randomly, “You have very weird toes.”
“Shut up. I have cute toes.”
“This weekend was really fun, huh? I’ve never been to a party that lasted all weekend like that. And it was cool: like, the perfect mix of partying, chilling, girls, sunning, and stuff.”
“I agree. This weekend was fun.”
“I suspect you had a little more fun than me,” he grins mischievously.
“You made out with a different girl each night.”
“Yeah, but I didn't have sex.”
“Me neither.”
“Kiki, we don't lie to each other remember?”
“Damn, you must be physic about more than just panties.”
“Dawson is crazy about you.”
“Naw.”
“Uh, yeah. He is. He’s been on freaking cloud nine since you got here. Even before y’all had fun. Riley is actually worried you might hurt him. He thinks you like the Hottie God or whatever you call him.”
“The God of all Hotties.”
“That’s it. Hey, remember how we were talking about redoing Dawson’s image? Did you notice how tight he and Riley were this weekend?”
“I know. And I don’t even care about his image anymore, but I like seeing him happy. He was really sad that night.”
“And someone has cheered him up. Amazing how some orange panties can do that.”
“Oh my gosh! Have you been creeping through my clothes?”
“Nope. I’m just that good. Plus, I could see them when you bent over to pick up your duffle bag. Cute little daisy charm on the back.”
“Shut up. I’m afraid that when Whitney sees him happy, she’ll want him back. I’m not sure I’d stand a chance. We should be worrying about me getting hurt, not him.”
“Ah, Kiki, you know Dallas is always here for you.” Then he says, “Speaking of that. You, me, and Riley tonight at the cave.”
Tuesday, September 6th
Stalking me.
6:27am
I have seven missed calls from Dallas and a couple texts from him and Riley.
Basically the texts are versions of: Where are you? Did you fall asleep? Wake up!!
But the best text of all was from Dawson this morning.
Dawson: Miss waking up with you. Will be stalking you :)
I should be horrified by this text. I mean, stalking me! But, I’m not. It seems like a strange twist of fate that I’m happy about being stalked.
I get ready quickly, but carefully. I want Dawson to think I look amazing today.
I flip open my look book to see today’s look.
It’s not really how I’m feeling, looks very cute, but more preppy. So I flip through the book and try to find the sexiest version.
Look eighteen is what I want. The navy, black, and red plaid skort; red lace bra—and if it happens to show a little under my skinny ribbed black tank, oh, well; short red cardigan, with only the middle button buttoned; black leather sliced cuff; and vintage black and gold Channel earrings. Kym showed it with a pair of cute flats, but I decide to go full out sexy and wear the black platform Gucci boots I brought from home.
My hair is full of big curls and my bangs are held back in a poof with a silver barrette. My makeup is soft and natural, except for a black eyeliner swoop and as much mascara as my lashes can hold.
I look like the schoolgirl version of Barbarella.
(In case you’ve never seen Barbarella, it’s an old movie starring Jane Fonda. When it came out in the seventies, it was very risqué. There were no explicit sex scenes, but the whole thing’s all about sex. Like there is one part where this evil dude locks her in this room that plays organ music and makes her feel, um, extreme pleasure. Anyway, I watched part of it until Tommy told me I had to go to bed. I think he was just turned on by Jane and wanted Mom to himself. Anyway, she has big hair and wears tall platform boots in the movie.)
Katie left earlier to get breakfast. I’m hoping to have time to g
rab at least some coffee before I head to class. I walk out and there, sitting on the brick wall, is Dawson, waiting for me.
I have to say, I love the way the boys here dress. No baggy jeans, no underwear showing. There’s something so sexy about a boy who’s dressed up. Dawson has on his required khaki cargo shorts, a pink and white striped oxford, a pink tie that I'm pretty sure has little blue elephants all over it, the navy school blazer, and Sperrys on his feet.
He looks so hot sitting there I almost want to whistle.
And then I can barely breathe as my mind flashes to his muscular body, naked, on top of me.
Whooh. Sorry.
He sees me, does let out a whistle, and looks me up and down. “Damn, Keatie, you look like some kind of S&M schoolgirl fantasy.
I smile. “So, you’re stalking me?"
“You know I am." He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me in for a kiss. As I lean forward, a bit of red lace peeks out. He stops midway, pushes me back out a little, and looks down. “Red lace. Are you trying to drive me nuts? Speaking of that, I still haven't seen the leopard one yet."
"I think you saw plenty this weekend."
"Yeah, but mostly bikinis. I want to see this bra up close and personal after practice.”
"I don't know. I might have lots of homework,” I tease.
"I'll tutor you, but I want you wearing nothing but that bra. Red panties too?"
“Probably.”
He pulls me in for a sexy kiss.
“Did I see you brought me coffee?”
"Oh, uh yeah, you distracted me. Here. Skinny soy chai latte, no whip, right?"
"How'd you know that?"
"I described you to the coffee shop dude. He told me."
"Thanks. You're very resourceful."
"I'm very horny, actually."
“Down, boy. We have to go to class. And I have to hurry; your brother needs to copy my worksheet."
They’re Gucci.