by Jillian Dodd
“And you had your hand on my waist the entire way.”
“Didn't you sleep?”
“No. I just sat there and soaked it in.”
“What does that mean?”
“Look, I think it’s pretty obvious that I like you.”
“Um, sometimes it seems like you do, but then other times it doesn't. At all.”
“When doesn't it?”
“When you get mad at me and won't talk to me. When you say mean things to me. Or about me.”
“I haven't done that for a while.”
My phone buzzes in my hand.
B: Please call me today. I love you. I can't stand having you mad at me. And tell your bf he's an asshole.
Aiden looks at my phone. “I think I might like this guy.”
“Why's that?”
“The last part.” He grins.
“Dawson’s not an asshole. Why do you think that?”
“Maybe because he has you.” He points to my phone. “So, are you going to forgive him and dump Dawson?”
I think maybe I can talk to Aiden about this. He knows about the Keats quotes. Maybe he can give me some advice. “He quoted me Keats again the other night. Makes it hard to resist—”
Aiden’s gorgeous green eyes immediately darken. He looks pissed off and interrupts me. “Yeah, well, hey, I gotta go.”
Then he marches off.
Okay, WTF?!
First, he's telling me he likes me then he gets all pissed off again?
I want to yell back at him that I didn't do the four-leaf clover and the dances because I wanted to dance with him! That it was just a sacrifice I made.
That I was paying it forward!
Isn't that supposed to get you bonus points, karma-wise?
Oh, I hate him sometimes.
Because me + being nice to him = bad.
I’m the one who got the stupid detention because of him. And now he’s mad at me!?
And he never even let me finish my stupid sentence! I was going to say it makes it hard to resist because he’s been my friend for so long. I didn’t mean that I would ever get back together with him. We are never, ever getting back together. No freaking way. Ahhhhhhhh! I want to scream out loud.
What the hell. I’m already pissed off. I might was well call Brooklyn.
He answers.
“Got your text,” I say.
“I was up looking at the dawn, thinking how much I miss you,” he says.
And, even though he was a total asshole, I sigh because I know I’m about to forgive him.
“I miss the dawn. I miss the beach. I miss the way things used to be.”
“Damn, Keats, that was almost poetic.”
“Yeah, well, whatever.”
“Are you going to forgive me?”
“I might after I have someone kick your ass or something.”
“You don’t need to do that. Trust me, I’ve been beating myself up over it. My chi is way out of whack. My surfing sucks. My life is out of balance.”
Or not.
You’ve got to be freaking kidding me!
“Wait. You want me to forgive you so you can get your groove back?”
“Well, kinda.”
“So, you don’t feel at all bad about what you did?”
“Uh . . .”
“That’s why I won’t forgive you. It’s always all about you!”
I hang up, mad.
Oh, I hate boys.
Okay, not all boys, just two in particular. And then I think of the one boy that has been nothing but sweet to me. So I call him.
He answers in a hoarse, sleepy, you-just-woke-me-up voice.
“You sound like you’re still in bed.”
“I am. You done with detention?”
“Yes. How would you like some breakfast in bed?”
“I just want you in my bed, but food would be nice too.”
On the way to his room, I stop and grab three glazed donuts, a caramel latte for him, and a bottle of water for me.
When I open his door, I grin.
He looks so adorable when he’s just waking up. His dark hair is messy, and he hasn’t shaved since yesterday morning, so he’s got a five o’clock shadow. It looks so sexy on him. His hair is sorta smooshed up on one side, like you can tell exactly how he was lying when he was sleeping. Plus, he’s shirtless.
“Mhmmm, come here,” he says, pulling back his covers, and then covering us back up.
I snuggle up to his chest and think about going back to sleep, but I kiss his neck instead. Just soft little lazy kisses.
Well, they start out that way.
Then I kiss his neck with a little more intention. Up by his ear, around his earlobe, back down the side of his neck, then across his check, and to his waiting mouth.
The minute our lips meet, a wave of desire runs through my body.
Or maybe it’s because he’s got his hand between my legs now. I’m not sure. It’s sorta hard to focus on thoughts just now, because he’s quickly pulling off our clothes.
“You make me feel like a superhero, Keatie.”
“A superhero?” How?”
“In bed. I feel like I could fly, kick the Hulk’s ass, bust Superman’s chops, all before lunch.”
“Well, in bed, you are my superhero.” I giggle. “You make me feel sexy. It’s kinda addictive.”
“You’re addictive. I can’t get enough of you.”
Pretending it was your head.
2pm
We crash for a while, me finally getting some much-needed sleep, then we get up and go work out. Dawson is lifting weights, while I rotate through a little exercise circuit, trying to concentrate and not just sit and drool watching his muscles flex. I will admit, I’m not working out all that hard. I’m mostly drooling.
Plus, I feel lazy today.
I go over to the punching bag, where I have a good view of Dawson’s muscles, and punch the bag a little. I slowly do some of the different kicks and moves Tommy’s trainer used to make us do.
Just as Dawson lies on a exercise ball and starts doing crunches, Aiden steps in front of me, blocking my drool-worthy view.
“I was punching that earlier. Pretending it was your head,” he says, pointing to the bag.
“You need to grow up. Figure out what you want before you go telling girls you like them, then two seconds later deciding you don’t and walking away. It’s no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.” I maybe, kinda snarl a little.
Not because I care. But he is blocking my view.
“I could get a girlfriend like that,” he says, snapping his fingers.
“Why don’t you then?”
He shrugs and lowers his voice. “I’m not sure.”
“Yeah, well, good luck with that.”
Dawson walks up to me, sweaty, but grinning. He sees Aiden, of course, and I think pumping iron maybe got his testosterone flowing because all of a sudden he is very into me.
He ignores Aiden and smacks my butt. “Come on, baby. Time to get you back in bed.”
One: he never calls me baby.
Two: he never so blatantly lets people know we’ve been in bed.
Three: he never so blatantly suggests we are going to go do things in bed.
Four: like, not even in front of his friends.
Five: like, his friends assume things, but they don’t know, because he hasn’t told them.
Six: and to say it to Aiden, of all people, who’s already punching my head, theoretically. If I’m not careful, he may make a voodoo doll of me, and I will be going around doing normal stuff and, like, stop in pain, or start doing weird kicks in dance. He could make my life miserable if the voodoo doll worked.
And, although on the inside, I am mortified by all this, apparently on the surface, I find his smack and “baby” adorable.
I grab his waist and giggle. “Already? Again?” And drag him away from the god.
And even though mere hours ago I was chewing Brooklyn out about his inner chi
being screwed up, I realize I am heading on the same downward spiral when I turn around and glance back at Aiden.
And the look I get back—let’s just say it’s a really good thing I’m inside because that look has the power to rain god-like bolts of lightning straight down on me.
All he does is piss me off.
3pm
Dawson and I don’t go back to his room. He drops me off at my dorm, tells me to shower and get ready because he’s taking me out.
My phone rings while I’m sitting on my bed, my hair still wrapped up in a towel.
“Hey, Mom!”
“How are you? I feel like we haven’t talked in forever.”
“I know. I’ve talked to and texted Tommy a few times.”
“Yeah, what’s that about? I thought you came to me for advice.”
“Well, Tommy says since he’s a boy, he knows what boys think.”
“How’s his advice been so far?”
“It’s hard to tell.”
“So, how’s Gorgeous?”
“He’s really, really good. I know I shouldn’t have slept with him so soon. It was really stupid of me. I also want you to know I am not sleeping with another boy until I am very in love with him. Or engaged or something. But he was just so damn sweet. And hot. And I was really upset about B. And he doesn’t do anything that pisses me off.”
“And the god?”
“All he does is piss me off.”
“Well, it sounds like you’ve made the right choice then. So, I called because I wanted to hear your voice, and, well, to tell you something.”
“Are you pregnant again?”
“No, but we do have a new addition to the family.”
I laugh. “You got the dog?”
“Yeah, we did.”
“And its name is Kiki?”
“No. We settled on Aurora Jasmine Tinkerbell Michelle.”
“Michelle?”
“Yes. That was Gracie’s choice.”
“So is that what they’re calling it? All those names?”
“No. They’re still calling it Kiki. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Mom. I don’t want them to forget me. At least they will be saying my name sometimes.”
“I love you and I miss you terribly. Are you sure you’re doing okay? I worry about you every single day.”
“I’m safe, Mom, that’s the main thing. And I love you too.”
Dawson takes me into town for a late lunch. We stop at this dive that he says has the best hamburgers ever and sit at a little picnic table out front, eating what actually is the best hamburger of my life. And I’m pretty sure it’s because of the company, not the actual meal. He feeds me French fries and buys me a chocolate cone with sprinkles for dessert.
Oh, and I started on the pill as soon as I unpacked them. I tried to figure out where I was in my cycle and started the pills at that point. From what I read online, I should be protected after being on it for seven days, but it also suggested to wait until after your first period to consider yourself fully protected. When I use the bathroom at the dive, I’m surprised to discover that my period has started. I was expecting it based on the pills, but I didn’t even have cramps! And I always know when it starts because I usually get horrible cramps. I need to call my mother back and seriously thank her.
Riley and Ace both text us to let us know that a bunch of people are meeting up to watch college football games at a big sports bar and then to have dinner there. It’s gorgeous out, so we all sit around big tables on the sports bar’s patio and watch the game on the rows of flat screens. Then Dawson and I go see a movie.
After that, he walks me to my dorm, kisses me over and over until I’m almost late, and then I fall, happily exhausted, into bed.
Sunday, September 18th
I want to lose.
1pm
I go to church service on campus with Dawson at eleven. Then we have lunch.
At lunch, Jake and Ace are organizing a game of kickball.
Katie and I stop off at our dorm to change out of our church clothes and then meet everyone down at the practice field.
Jake and Ace decide they will be captains and start choosing sides. I wasn’t really surprised that Aiden, Logan, and Nick all show up, but I am surprised when Aiden smiles at me.
Damn those smiles.
Aiden is the first person Jake picks.
Ace chooses Dawson.
Jake has to choose a girl next, so he picks me. Then he sticks out his tongue at Dawson.
Dawson grabs me around the waist and gives me a long kiss. “Don’t get mad at me when my team kicks your team’s ass.”
“Hmmm, what do I get if my team wins?”
“Me, of course,” he replies.
I flit over to our side of the field feeling happy.
Aiden snarls, “Now I want to lose. I never want to lose.”
“Why would you want to lose?”
“So you don’t get Dawson. Besides, I need you tonight.”
“Can’t. I have plans and you were a jerk yesterday.”
“I’m sorry, okay. You just make me so—never mind. I’m sorry, but I do need you. We have that French test on Tuesday. It’s a recap of everything I didn’t learn last year and I really need to do well on it. A bunch of us are going to the library after this to study. Please come.”
He is so pathetic.
Actually, so I am. I can’t stay mad at him. No matter how hard I try.
Plus, I promised Miss Praline I’d tutor him. I suppose I kinda have to help him.
I roll my eyes at him. “Fine.”
This is bullshit.
9pm
I make Annie come with me to library. I’m happy with Dawson. I don’t want to ruin it because some silly god feels like messing with me.
We actually get a lot of studying done. Aiden invited Nick, Angela, and Stewart to study too. They all have French, just at different times. We study for a couple hours and then we are all hungry so we order pizza and go to Nick’s dorm room to eat it. Then we decided we need to do more studying, and Aiden suggests we chill in the hot tub at the Rec Center. He convinces us that we can still quiz each other there.
In the hot tub, we mostly jack around instead of studying.
I decide that if they are done studying, I’m going to head out. I get out of the hot tub and grab a towel to dry myself off. I want to go hang out with Dawson before curfew.
Aiden runs up to me, grabs me around the waist, and leaps into the pool.
When we come up for air, he’s still holding me in his arms. And we have this moment. I’m so pissed at him. But we’re so close. Body to body. Face to face.
We just stare at each other for a moment. It’s like he’s trying to memorize my face with those gorgeous green eyes.
He gives me a little squeeze, then lets go of me.
I swear, Aiden makes me melt one minute and boil the next.
I could never like him.
Annie and I are in the locker room, changing out of our swimsuits.
I check my phone and see that I have numerous texts and a couple missed calls from Dawson.
Dawson: Hey :) I wanna see you tonight <3 (6:15pm)
Dawson: Where are you? (6:42 pm)
Dawson: Why aren’t you replying? (7:14 pm)
Dawson: I heard you were in the library with Aiden and now no one seems to know where you are. Just FYI, I’m headed up to his room. (8:22 pm)
Dawson: This is bullshit. (9:10 pm)
Me: Hey, sorry. What’d you want? (9:26 pm)
Dawson: What I want is to know where you’ve been and why you haven’t replied.
Me: I didn’t have my phone.
Dawson: Okay. You want to tell me where you were?
Me: Oh, yeah, sorry. I was studying in the library with Annie, Aiden, Nick and some other people for our French test. Then we ordered pizza and ate it in Nick’s room. Then we decided to finish studying in the hot tub in the rec center. Ask Annie, Nick, Stewart, Angela. They a
re all here.
Dawson: It seems like Aiden is always trying to find an excuse to spend time with you.
Me: You’re the only one I want to spend time with. Can I come over now, make it up to you?
Dawson: What did you do that you have to make up for?
And that text, I have to say, makes me mad. I don’t need this right now. I had a good night and made a few new friends. I’m not going to feel bad about it. I also have more homework to do.
Me: I thought maybe I made you worry or something. Never mind. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Dawson: No, I’m sorry. I’m being a jealous jerk. Meet me outside the dorm. We can go for a walk?
Me: Much better <3
I meet him outside his dorm.
“So, studying in the hot tub is a good idea. We need to do that because it’s usually pretty private. We could have some fun,” Dawson tells me as we walk down toward the football stadium.
“Yeah, it was nice. Although, we didn’t do that much studying once we got there. Everyone was screwing around and talking, so I was planning on leaving, but then Aiden threw me in the pool. He can be such a jerk.”
“Why’d he do that?”
“I don’t know.”
“How did he do it?”
“Do what?”
“Throw you in the pool?”
“Uh, what do you mean?”
“I mean, did he push you in?”
“Um, no. He like picked me up and carried me screaming in.”
“He carried you?”
“Nick did it to Angela. They don’t like each other. Okay, you know what? I’m done with this conversation. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“No, but, never mind. I’ll take care of it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ll just talk to Aiden.”
“And why would you do that?”
“He needs to stop flirting with my girl.”
“Oh my gosh. Seriously?”
“You think I’m being dumb, right?”
I get a big grin on my face. “I think what you need is a talking to.” I push him gently with both my hands, but I gesture big, which made it look like I was trying to push him hard. He lets himself get pushed up against the brick wall that surrounds the stairs going up to the bleachers.