by Jillian Dodd
I wait by the stairs at the end of the hall for him to open his door.
When he does peek out, I see he’s shirtless, wearing a pair of athletic shorts, and probably nothing else.
I'm shaking. Half excited and half scared of what I think I’m about to do.
He winks at me, which sets me in motion. I take a step forward, pull my top off, and toss it down the hall at him. He grabs it and throws it into his room.
I say a quick prayer I don't get caught.
I walk by another door, pull my shorts off, and throw them at him.
Now I’m in nothing but a bra and a thong.
I take another step. I'm two doors away and breathing heavily.
What on earth possessed me to do this?
But the fire in Dawson's eyes, and the fact that his shorts are now saluting me, keep me going.
When I'm one door away, I stop and undo my bra.
He grabs me and pulls me into his bedroom.
He doesn't close the door, so I kick it shut behind us. When he hears it shut, he slams me back into it.
“Fuck, Keatie. I can't believe you just did that!”
I don’t get to reply. His mouth is on mine. His hands are in my hair, then down my back, then cupping my ass and pulling me up toward him. He leans me back against the wall and pushes his shorts down. I wrap my legs around him and kiss his neck. Hard. When he thrusts into me, I gasp and kiss him again. He's as out of control as I feel.
I'm trying to be quiet. But I'm having a hard time. I don’t want anyone walking in the hall to hear us. Dawson stops suddenly and says into my hair, “Not yet.”
Then he locks the door and carries me to his bed. We're still attached in every way when we fall onto the bed.
“Ohhh, god,” I say.
Apparently that was all he was waiting for. He's out of control again.
Finally, he says, “Holy shit.” And collapses on top of me.
He kisses my cheekbone, down by my ear, and then rolls off me. He lies spread out on the bed like he just finished a marathon.
“That was so fucking hot,” he says, kissing my fingers. Then he sits up and shakes his head. “No, that was hotter than hot.”
“It was molten lava hot,” I say, thinking about how he always makes me feel.
“You’re gonna kill me. Two and a half hours of football and then this.”
I smile at him and snuggle into his shoulder. I know I need to get dressed quickly. You never know when someone is going to knock on the door.
But instead, I lean across his chest and kiss the key necklace. “Do you still want me to have this?”
“You can have each and every part of me.”
I know what part he is specifically referring to and it's safe to say that it’s not his heart.
I roll off the bed, grab my shorts, and pull them on. He's watching me, so I throw him his shorts before he can get any ideas.
He slides on his shorts, sits on his desk chair, and pulls me onto his lap before I have a chance to find my bra.
“Does that mean you're ready for my heart? Are you in love with me?”
I run my hands through his gorgeous dark hair and sigh. “I’m not sure about the whole love thing yet, but I like you a lot, Dawson, and I don't want anyone else kissing you or doing anything else with you.”
“Keatie, are you asking me out?” he asks playfully, as he tickles my sides.
I giggle and squirm. “No!” I scream a little too loudly, which causes Jake to burst through the bathroom door.
“What’s wrong now?” He has a freaked out look on his face. “God, I thought Dawson died or something.”
I push my still naked chest into Dawson's, trying to cover myself up.
Jake says, “She said no, bro. No means no.”
They both laugh hysterically.
“What’s so funny?”
“Inside joke,” Dawson says.
Jake agrees. “Yeah, old joke from freshman year. Back when we were both virgins.”
I laugh. I love their friendship.
Jake pulls a red bra off his bathroom counter and swings it by the strap. No wonder I couldn't find it.
“This belong to you, Monroe?” he asks with a smirk.
Dawson laughs heartily and buries his head in my shoulder.
I want to say no, but it's a new bra and I want it back. I sheepishly nod.
“And what exactly was it doing in the hall?”
“I’ll let you two discuss that after I leave. I'm gonna go back to my dorm and change for dinner.”
I cover my boobs with one arm and grab the bra out of Jake's hand with the other. Then I grab one of Dawson's sweatshirts off the pile at the end of his bed and pull it over my head.
Dawson motions for Jake to leave and pulls me into a hug. He gently touches my cheek with the back of his hand and looks sweetly into my eyes. “I love you, Keatie." He adds quickly, “Don't say it back. I'm glad you're ready for the key. And I do want you to go out with me, but I want to ask properly.”
“Properly? Does that mean I get more naked chests?”
He kisses me. “Only my naked chest. Whenever you want.” He pulls me in tighter for a steamier kiss. “God, you're hot. I don't know how I got so fucking lucky. So, tomorrow, we'll go out for dinner. Just the two of us.”
“That sounds nice," I say.
He smacks my butt in response. “Hurry and go change. I'm starving.”
Promise not to freak.
10pm
After the game, the girls are hanging out in my room. Annie is practically bouncing off the walls.
"Can you believe Ace asked me?" She holds her phone to her chest and dances with it. “Can you believe he was sitting right next to me at the game and asked me on Facebook? It was so cool. I about died when I read the notification!”
“You also screamed out loud!” Maggie laughs.
“I know. I’m sure people just thought I was cheering about the game. But, whatever, I have a bigger concern now.”
“What’s that?” I ask.
“I need a great dress. I don't really like the dress I picked out with my mom. It's black and conservative. All of a sudden, I want to be one of those girls."
Maggie stops texting whoever she is texting. "One of what girls?"
"You know, the kind of girl that gets a pink sparkly dress. The kind of girl that feels like a princess when she goes to the dance. Not the kind of girl to wear the black shapeless dress her mother bought. The kind of girl that's going to make out on the dance floor and not care about getting in trouble."
"Damn," I say. "Ace has got you all messed up."
She spins around again. "I know. Isn't love amazing?"
"Love?" Maggie, Katie, and I all say at the same time.
Now I'm lying in bed thinking about love. About how to know when you’re in love. None of the girls have much experience with love, so I can't really ask them for advice.
I grab my phone, go into the stairwell, and call Mom.
"Hey, sweetie," she answers. "How's my girl?"
"I'm good, but I have a question. How do you know when it's the right time to tell someone that you love them?"
"I suppose you would want to tell them when you feel it."
"Yeah, but feelings are tricky."
“You like this Dawson a lot, huh? Are you thinking about telling him? Has he said it?"
"He has. And I feel really bad for not saying it back."
"Well, why didn't you say it back?"
"Because I'm not sure what love is."
"Then you probably aren't ready to say it."
"But I feel like I love him. It's just hard to admit. It opens you up to more hurt. And Brooklyn said it to me all the time and he—look Mom, I need to tell you the truth about something. I hate lying to you."
"What are you lying about?" she says in a tone that makes me know she's panicking.
"Promise me you won't freak."
She makes a little sniffle noise. I can tell she'
s doing that thing where she takes a deep breath in through her nose when she's trying to stay calm. "I promise I won't freak. No, that's a lie. I'm already freaking because you just made me promise not to freak. Which means you think I will freak. So, now I am.”
"Over Labor Day weekend, Brooklyn had a tournament in New York. I went to see him."
"Keatyn! All we've done to try and keep you safe and you went to a scheduled event? What if Vincent had been there?"
"He was there, Mom."
"What?! Why don't I know about this? What happened?"
"I saw him. He didn't see me. I'm fine. I got out of there. But I need to tell you about B. What he did."
Mom takes a deep breath. “Tell me that you won’t try to see him again."
"I won't. You don't have to worry. I just never thought Vincent would go that far to try and find me. It’s still hard to believe.”
"I know, sweetheart," she says gently. "This is all pretty unbelievable. But please, don't make any mistakes. I love you. That's the only reason I even agreed to this plan. I wanted you to be able to have a somewhat normal life."
"I want a normal life too. Do you think sometime I could come there? Like spur of the moment, no one knows kind of thing. Like even you would be surprised?"
"If no one knows you’re coming, there is no way Vincent could know. But if he found out you were here, I'd be worried about getting you back safely."
"Yeah, that's true," I say defeatedly.
"So, back to love," Mom says. I can tell by the way her voice shakes that she's getting choked up.
"So when B asked me to come see him, he told me that he still loved me. He talked about us, you know, doing things sexually that weekend. How me missed me. All that."
"And so you went . . ."
"And while I was there, he snuck into a cabana and had a quickie with a groupie."
“Really? That just doesn’t sound like something Brook would do.”
“Well, he did. He told me he had to take care of something but looked all sneaky about it. I followed him. Watched him meet the girl. Watched her drag him into the cabana. Stood there for about five minutes and watched them both come out still sort of getting dressed."
"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. I know that you loved him."
"You know, Mom. You taught me all about protection and how not to get pregnant, but never once did you teach me how to protect my heart."
"That's because you can't protect your heart. Your heart feels what it feels. Your brain helps you decide if that person is worthy of your love."
"So you can love someone who’s wrong for you?"
"Of course. Your heart is capable of loving lots of different people in lots of different ways. The way you will love your children is different from how you love your pets. The way you love the man you marry is going to be different than the love you felt for an old boyfriend."
"So you loved and married my dad, but now you love Tommy. How is the love you felt for my dad different from what you feel for Tommy?"
"That's a hard question. Um, your dad was my best friend. He was gorgeous and he made me feel beautiful and he could always make me laugh. When I walked into a room with him, I knew every woman there was jealous that I was with him. He was caring and sweet."
“And Tommy?"
"I don't want to diminish what I had with your father, so don't take it that way. When I married him, there was no one I wanted or loved more. But Tommy felt different. He felt like my destiny. I don't know if it's because I needed to experience life before I was ready for Tommy or what, but he came into my life at just the right time. You liked him right away too. I never would've been with someone you didn't love. You were always my first priority."
"I don't know if Dawson is my destiny. But I love being with him. He's sweet and sexy. He makes me feel happy and, I don't know, I have been through a lot lately. When we first started hanging out, he told me that he felt like he was healing every time we were together. He had a really rough breakup that he was trying to get over. And I feel that way about him."
"Keatyn, you're seventeen. You don't know what your future holds. If you feel like you love him and you want him to know it, you should tell him."
"Thanks, Mom. I think I just wanted someone to tell me it was okay. I don't really trust my feelings. I never would've thought B would do something like that. I thought I loved Cush because of a pair of boots. And I thought Vincent was my friend. I must be a really bad judge of character."
"Part of life is making mistakes and learning from them. I've made plenty of them."
"You have? You're, like, perfect."
Mom laughs. "I am far from perfect and I make mistakes like everyone does. So are you going to tell him?"
"Yeah, I think so. Night, Mom. I love you. Give the girls a kiss for me.”
"Love you too, sweetie."
Wednesday, September 28th
Getting tangled up.
Lunch
"So, Monroe," Jake says, setting his tray between Whitney’s and mine. “I hear you’re trying out for the play."
"Yeah, I'm planning on it."
Whitney starts talking loudly to the table just as Peyton sets her tray down. "Okay, people. Voting for Homecoming Court is this afternoon and every vote counts. You know that Jake and I will be the perfect King and Queen." She leans over and kisses him on the cheek. "Won't we, baby?"
"I don't really care about that,” Jake says, shrugging his shoulders. “But I do want to play the Good Prince in the drama production." He turns to her. "Remember, I told you tryouts are tomorrow?"
She waves her hand, dismissing him. "Jake, who cares? This is Homecoming Court I'm talking about. It's important."
He gives her a defiant look and turns to me. "So, anyway, Monroe. You know, if you get the part of the Cheerleader Bachelorette, we're going to have to kiss a lot." He stops, licks his lips, and gives Dawson a smirk.
Whitney's face goes blank and she shuts her eyes tight, just for a second.
She rubs her hand up Jake's arm. “If it's the lead, then I'm sure you will get it. You’re talented at everything you do. You didn't mention though that the role calls for kissing."
I smile and happily inform her, "Oh, it's not just the Cheerleader Bachelorette he has to kiss. He will be kissing—what was it, Jake, four or five bachelorettes?” I turn and say to Whitney, "But, you know, it's just acting.”
I notice Peyton isn’t wearing her normal boring pumps. Today she has on an adorable pair of kitten heels. “Peyton! I love your shoes. They’re so cute.”
Yeah," Whitney says. "If you want to look like a tramp."
"Better than looking like a grandma," Peyton fires back. "And personally, I think Dawson is going to win Homecoming King this year." She gushes to me. "Wait until you see it, Keatyn. Eastbrooke does Homecoming up big. You and Dawson will dance together in front of everyone. It's a big honor. And you two are just so darn cute together."
Jake says, "As long as Dawson understands I may be borrowing her. We’re going to have to do a lot of practicing.”
Whitney shoves her tray away. "If you’re trying to piss me off today, Jake, it's working. Excuse me."
She gets up and leaves her tray on the table. Rachel and the minions immediately look concerned and follow her, all leaving their lunches on the table for someone else to pick up.
Peyton snickers and flirts with Jake. "It's kinda fun to piss her off, isn't it?"
Jake rolls his eyes, shoves the rest of his pizza in his mouth, and says, "I better go talk to her."
As Dawson walks me to French he says, "Keatie, do you really have to try out for the play? Jake had a part last year and they have a ton of practices. You won't have any time for me."
"We'll find time, Dawson. Even if I have to sneak to your room in the middle of the night."
He grabs me and pushes me up against the wall in front of French class. "We should skip class, sneak into my room, and spend the afternoon getting tangled up."
Miss
Praline walks by and says, "Mr. Johnson, I think you better get yourself to class."
Stop grinning.
French
I'm thinking about the play. About how if I do get the part of the Cheerleader Bachelorette that I’m going to have to kiss both princes. Jake thinks he will get the part of the Good Prince and says that Logan will get the part of the Bad Prince. Kissing Jake will be no big deal. We're friends, but Logan will barely speak to me.
I spin around in my desk and say to Aiden, "Isn't Logan one of your best friends?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"I heard he's trying out for the part of the Bad Prince."
Aiden nods and makes a little frown.
Even though I wish I could control the wattage of his smile and its effect on me, I really don't like to see Aiden frown. It just doesn't look right on his face.
"Is he nice?"
"Logan?"
"Yeah. He's in my math class. Sits right in front of me. He has a nice looking back but that's all I know about him. I tried to talk to him yesterday about the play. I don't think he likes me." I sigh. "And I'm not sure why."
"Uh, that's probably my fault."
"Your fault?"
Aiden moves his pencil around in a tight circular motion before raising his head. "I may have told him about some of my past frustrations with you."
"So he hates me," I say flatly, putting my head down and turning back around.
I'm completely, one hundred percent over the hottie god but, for some reason, knowing that his best friend hates me because of things Aiden has said about me makes really sad. That and his stupid stars.
Annie looks at me. "What's wrong? You look like you're going to cry."
I wipe a stray tear from the corner of my eye. "I think I have something in my eye."
Aiden leans up and whispers in my ear. "He doesn't hate you."
I turn back around because now I'm kinda pissed. Pissed that this idiot who I've been wasting my time tutoring for almost a month is saying bad things about me.
"You must have had wonderful things to say about me to make him hate me when he doesn't even know me."
"He thinks you kind of played me.”
“Played you? Are you kidding me? You’re the one that got all pissed off and didn’t call.”