Spring Will Come

by Ginny Dye

  “You mean, do I think you are disloyal? No. I know where you stand, Carrie. You know where I stand.” He paused. “Only, I’m not really sure where I stand any more. I still think the Southern cause is a just one, and I will fight this war with everything in me, but...” Staring off into the distance, he paused for a long minute. “Hindsight is always most clear, I guess. I think if anyone could have seen what all of this was going to mean, there would have been much greater effort to assure it never happened in the first place. I guess you don’t fully understand the horrors of something until you’re in the middle of it. The sad thing is that too many times it’s too late to back out.” Robert took a deep breath. “No, I’m afraid the only way out of this is forward. We must press on to victory, or we have indeed lost everything. It is impossible to go backward and undo the past. All you can do is live with the present and try to make the best of the future.”

  Carrie watched him thoughtfully as he spoke. “You have been doing a great deal of thinking,” she observed.

  “There is little else to do when you’re lying in camp during the nights. When there is nothing else distracting your thoughts, it is much easier to think clearly. One thing I have decided - never again will I allow myself to be so caught up in the events of my world and my activities that I lose contact with my own heart and mind. All my achievements mean nothing if I lose myself in the process.” Robert looked at Carrie. “What is that funny look on your face?”

  “That funny look is my attempt to contain the swelling of my heart,” Carrie said softly. “It is expanding with love right now.”

  Robert’s response was to take her in his arms. “I recognize that feeling,” he said tenderly. He held her for a long minute then stepped back. “Are you ready to go dancing?” he asked with a quick grin.

  “Absolutely!” She had decided for this one night to push back all thoughts of the men in the hospital. She had a very much alive soldier here, right now, who needed some rest and relaxation before he headed back into battle. “Father is going to be there as well. Janie is accompanying one of the doctors from the hospital. It seems that the whole town is in a celebrating mood now that McClellan is not camped outside our gates.”

  Robert laid a finger on her lips. “Not a word about the war,” he said firmly. “Tonight I am simply a Southern gentleman escorting the most beautiful woman in Richmond to a dance.”

  Carrie curtsied gracefully. “And I am merely a demure Southern belle meekly accompanying my dashing Southern gentleman,” she responded sweetly.

  Robert shouted with laughter. “There is, I’m afraid, nothing either demure or meek about you, my dear.”

  “Just so you’re not surprised,” Carrie said impishly.

  Their laughter and banter continued all the way to the Hobson mansion where the party was being held. Carrie was surprised at the number of people mounting the steps to the graceful home on Franklin Street. Relieved smiles and cheerful talk rose as testimony to the vanquished Union Army while averted looks and muted laughter acknowledged the terrible cost of what they celebrated.

  Carrie had long admired the three story structure surrounded by oak and dogwood trees. As if in defiance of the war, an explosion of flowers bordered the yard and the sidewalk leading up to the stately stairs framed with wrought iron. She had been to a party there just after the war had started. Sumptuous amounts of food and beverage had flowed as liberally as the music and dancing.

  She and Robert murmured their greetings then wandered inside, pulled by the sound of the band into the large ballroom. Robert nodded genially to several people as they passed through, but he didn’t stop. Carrie gazed around as they eased through the crowd. What she had heard about the starvation parties was true. There was not a morsel of food in sight, and the only beverage looked to be very watered-down lemonade. She could feel herself relax even more. She could envision having a good time as long as valuable resources weren’t being lavishly wasted.

  “May I have this dance, beautiful lady?”

  Carrie moved willingly into Robert’s arms. “I thought you’d never ask.” The old magic rose up to capture them as soon as they glided onto the dance floor. Reality, along with faces, blurred as they waltzed gracefully around the room. All she could see was Robert. All she could feel were his arms. All she could hear was the music carrying them, lifting them to heights she had been hungry for. Everything else faded from her mind - the war, the hospital, the future. There was just now - and Robert.

  They danced through several songs before Robert leaned down to talk softly. “Now do you know why I wanted to come? Why they have these parties?”

  Carrie smiled up at him. “Yes, sir. I do.” She grew thoughtful. “When you can find no reason to celebrate, you find one anyway. Every soul needs laughter and fun, no matter how awful the reality of the present.”

  “You learn well, Carrie Cromwell,” Robert laughed.

  “I’ve always said my daughter was extremely bright,” an amused voice broke in. “Might I have this dance, my dear?”

  “I would be delighted, Father,” Carrie replied, stepping back from Robert and raising her arms to her father.

  “I do believe the Virginia reel is next,” he teased. “Do you need a break?”

  “Hardly!” she retorted. “Unless, of course, you’re afraid you can’t handle it...”

  Thomas winked over her shoulder at Robert and swept her onto the floor. “Just try to keep up, my dear!”

  Carrie was laughing and out of breath when the music finally slowed and stopped. “Drink! I need something to drink,” she begged.

  “Not bad for an old man, eh?”

  “That was no old man I was dancing with,” she replied. She was thrilled to see laughter and light in her father’s eyes again. As he disappeared to get some lemonade, she glanced around for Robert. She finally saw his dark hair rising above a knot of uniformed men standing near the fireplace. Just then he looked up and caught her eye. A thrill rushed through her at the look of love he shot her across the room. She could still hardly believe this man loved her. Suddenly she tensed. There was something on his face that had not been there a few minutes ago.

  “Here you are, my dear.”

  “Thank you,” Carrie murmured, tearing her eyes away from Robert as she reached for the drink. They could talk later. She searched her suddenly anxious mind for something to talk about with her father. He saved her.

  “I hope you don’t mind if I join some of my colleagues on the porch.”

  “Of course not. I was just thinking I would like some time to engage in people watching,” Carrie replied quickly. She was relieved when her father melted into the crowd.

  “Well, if it isn’t Carrie Cromwell.”

  Carrie controlled her groan as she pasted on a smile and turned. “Why, Louisa Blackwell. What a surprise!” She was sure her attempt at feigning pleasure was not extremely successful. Why tonight of all nights? Oh, she had known Louisa was in the city, pushed from her plantation by invading Union troops along with everyone else. Their childhood pretense of friendship had faded long ago. They would be cordial if protocol demanded, but they made no effort to seek out each other’s company. Carrie didn’t know when Louisa had become so bitter and ill-tempered, but she had learned it was to her benefit to stay out of her way.

  “I had heard you were in Richmond,” Louisa simpered, her blond hair immaculate as always. “Whatever are you doing with yourself?”

  Carrie was sure from the look in Louisa’s calculating blue eyes that she knew already. “Just doing my part for the war effort,” she said casually, trying to figure out a way of escape. A quick look over Louisa’s shoulder told her Robert was still engaged in deep conversation.

  “Why, I’m surprised to hear that!” Louisa exclaimed.

  Carrie regarded her evenly but didn’t respond.

  “Really, Carrie, how can you help the South when you’ve done so much to harm it already?” Louisa’s tone sharpened. “Don’t you know we need all
the labor we can possibly obtain? Setting your daddy’s slaves free was hardly a way to help the war effort!”

  Carrie could feel her temper rising along with Louisa’s voice.

  Louisa wasn’t done. “I understand your daddy’s plantation has not been harmed. Poor Edmund Ruffin has suffered such a terrible loss. Imagine that. Your daddy’s plantation is so close to his.” She paused, letting the drama build; then she delivered her finale. “I don’t suppose, though, that the North would hurt someone who was so helping their own cause. Lucky for your poor daddy that he has a Yankee traitor in the family.”

  “That is ridiculous!” Carrie gasped angrily, suddenly aware of people leaning forward to catch the conversation. She was so furious she couldn’t think straight.

  “It certainly is ridiculous,” a stern voice boomed over her shoulder.

  Carrie felt a rush of relief as Robert’s hand settled on her shoulder.

  “I’m sorry, Miss Blackwell, that you have so little to do with your time that you find it necessary to spread erroneous propaganda.” Robert’s voice was calm, but the edge in it made Carrie shiver. “I’m sure your little sewing circles keep you busy and are very necessary, but I think you’ll need to find someone else to attack. Carrie happens to spend all of her days and most of her evenings closed in at Chimborazo Hospital ministering to the needs of the wounded. I hardly think those are the actions of a traitor.”

  Carrie watched as the anger in Louisa’s eyes turned to desperation. Her one-time friend knew she was being made to look ridiculous. In the past that had only served to make her more dangerous.

  “Oh, really,” she drawled. “And do you call setting all her daddy’s slaves free the act of a genuine Rebel. I even understand she wants to see all the slaves set free.”

  Robert ignored the rising swell of comment from the growing circle of observers. “I understand,” he replied firmly, “that when you own slaves you are free to do with them what you want. Is that not why we’re at war, Miss Blackwell? To guarantee ourselves the right to run our lives and affairs the way we see fit - without intervention?” He paused but gave her no opportunity to reply. “What Miss Cromwell does with her family’s people is hardly any concern of yours. And her personal feelings about slavery are not anyone’s business. She is giving everything she has to aid the suffering in our city. I would think that is all anyone would need to know.” Robert smiled slightly and took Carrie’s hand. “Now, if you’ll excuse us.”

  Louisa wasn’t done however. “Well, of course. I would never want to stand in the way of anyone who wishes to escort a nigger lover!”

  Carrie gasped and straightened, the sudden surge of fury clearing her thoughts. “Louisa Blackwell, I’m ashamed of you. You can accuse me of loving anyone you want to. I will consider it a compliment. God forbid I should ever be consumed with as much hatred as you!” Just as quickly, a flood of compassion replaced her anger. Her voice became gentle. “I’m sorry for you, old friend.” She watched the sudden look of surprise battle the fury on Louisa’s face. Carrie smiled up at Robert. “May I have this dance, sir?” The quick light in Robert’s eyes told her he was proud of her.

  “I would be honored, ma’am,” he said gallantly.

  Carrie fought to control her pounding heart as they swept across the floor. Part of her wanted to beg Robert to take her home. A bigger part told her if she left she would be granting Louisa the victory she wanted. Determined not to give her old friend the satisfaction of running her away, she plastered a smile on her face and danced.

  Three songs had followed them around the floor before Robert stopped and pulled her to the side. He took her hand without a word and pulled her down a hallway. Carrie followed willingly, glad to escape the suddenly stifling confines of the ballroom. She breathed a huge sigh of relief when he swung open a set of double doors onto a balcony overlooking the city. Carrie moved to the edge of the wrought iron railing and leaned out, taking in deep breaths of fresh air. Towering trees blocked any view of the stars, but a gentle breeze caressed her hot face. Long minutes passed before Robert turned her to him.

  “I was very proud of you back there.”

  Carrie pulled back, astonished. “Proud of me? I thought I looked like a fool. I could barely think of what to say.”

  “Exactly. I wouldn’t have been surprised if you had slapped her in the face. She certainly deserved it.”

  Carrie giggled at the idea of slapping Louisa in the face. Then she sobered. “Why is she like that? What have I done to make her hate me so much?”

  “Nothing,” Robert said firmly. “Some people are just like that. It’s easier to be hateful and jealous of other people.”

  “But why in the world would Louisa be jealous of me?” Carrie asked in genuine surprise.

  Robert smiled softly. “That’s one reason I love you so much, Carrie Cromwell. You don’t know how incredibly beautiful you are. Oh, Louisa is attractive too, but her beauty is all on the outside. Your beauty goes down to the very core of your being. It’s who you are.”

  Carrie gazed up into his eyes, warmed by the love and admiration she saw there. “Thank you,” she finally murmured. The scene in the ballroom faded away as the night reached out to wrap them in its embrace. Suddenly she remembered the knot of men standing next to the fireplace. “You’re leaving again, aren’t you?”

  “How in the world did you know that?”

  Carrie shrugged at his look of astonishment. “The look on your face earlier. When you were talking with the other officers. I’ve seen it before.”

  Robert nodded heavily. “I leave in the morning. All I know is I’m heading out with General Jackson. Beyond that, I have no clue. General Jackson is not one to reveal his plans to anyone. Most of the time his closest staff has no idea what is about to happen. He tells them just enough to move them from one point to another.”

  “I see.” Carrie could think of nothing else to say. She supposed she should be getting used to the uncertainty war brought, but it didn’t seem to be getting any easier. Each parting was like a ripping of her soul. She knew countless thousands of women were dealing with the same thing every day, but knowing it didn’t make her own pain any easier to bear.

  Robert stood quietly for a long time, staring out into the darkness. Finally he turned. “I’m going to do something I vowed I wouldn’t.”

  There was something in his voice that made Carrie’s heart race. Breathlessly, she waited.

  “I told you I was not going to speak of marriage until this war was over.” His voice took on a note of desperation. “But I have no idea when this war is going to end. It could go on for years. I suppose it’s selfish to want to marry you while I am still fighting, but...” his voice trailed off.

  Carrie moved closer and took both of his hands in hers, her heart swelling with tenderness. “But the knowledge someone loves you enough to commit her whole life to you is a wonderful thing. It can carry you through a lot of hard times.”

  Robert stared down at her. “Exactly.” Then, “You don’t think I’m selfish.”

  “I think when you finally ask me I will be the luckiest woman in the world. Whether I’m married, or simply in love with you, will not change, one iota, the amount of time I spend worrying and wondering about you.”

  Robert seemed incapable of words as he swept her into his arms. “I love you, Carrie Cromwell. Will you marry me?”

  “Yes, Robert Borden, I will marry you.” An explosion of joy made her laugh with delight. “May I ask when this wondrous occasion will take place?”

  “Right now!” Robert laughed. Then he sobered. “How about when I come back from this mission? I don’t know what is happening, but I hear no word that General Lee is moving the entire army. I have hopes I won’t be gone too long.”

  “I will count the days until you return, Lieutenant.” Carrie opened her mouth to say more, but she was silenced by a long kiss.

  Thomas watched Carrie and Robert disappear down the hallway with relief. He had see
n and heard Louisa Blackwell’s attack. He thought they had handled it beautifully. He had been angry, of course, but pity was a much stronger emotion. Louisa was such a beautiful girl. What had happened to turn her into such a shrew? Surely she could not love Robert Borden that much - could not be that jealous. He had seen her with swarms of admirers ever since she arrived. Perhaps it was just that she was hungry for the kind of love his daughter and Robert shared and feared she would never have the same.

  “So is it true, Thomas?”

  Thomas turned his attention back to the group of men he was conversing with. “Is what true?” he asked pleasantly even though from the look on their faces he suspected what was coming.

  “Did your daughter let all your people go free?”

  “No, it is not true,” he stated simply. He was relieved to be able to tell the truth. He knew many of his people were free, but he also knew some had chosen to remain on the plantation.

  One man edged a little closer. Thomas edged back slightly, trying to cover his distaste. Edgar Jackson had moved to Richmond a few months ago from South Carolina. Thomas respected the job he did in the War Department, but he had no taste for the man personally.

  “You mean to say there is no truth to the things that young lady said? Why would she make accusations like that if there was no basis for it?” Jackson demanded.

  Thomas could feel his anger rising, but he managed to maintain a pleasant smile. It would do no good to rise to the man’s bait. He had struggled with his own anger over Carrie’s actions. Their love for each other had been strong enough to help them weather their differences, but in his honest moments, he acknowledged there was still some hurt in him. When this war finally ended, would he have anything to return home to? “There is no understanding why people say the things they do sometimes,” he said with a slight smile then turned to the man next to him before Jackson could continue his questioning. “I understand you saw a full report of the meeting between Colonel Key and General Cobb. I’d very much like to know what happened between them. I’ve only heard rumors.”