by S. J. Sylvis
He shrugged, taking a huge bite of his Coney dog. He chewed vigorously, jaw chomping up and down, and then he wiped his mouth with his forearm.
He looked over at me and realized that I wasn’t giving up. I noted how his blue eyes looked a little duller than normal and my heart ached.
“Dawson, tell me,” I pleaded, still staring at him intently.
“I just…” he started. He turned his head and looked out the windshield. I did the same, noticing the pretty, blooming flowers just outside of the building. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go out with Andy.”
My heart tumbled in my chest.
“Why?”
He shrugged again.
“Dawson, why? Did he say something?” Suddenly, I thought back to every movie I’d ever watched regarding a really popular guy and a less than popular girl. What if this was a trick? What if Tyler put him up to this? Better yet, what if Breanna put him up to this?!
He shook his head no, causing my wild thoughts to simmer, and then glanced back at me. His eyes searched my face and then I watched them soften. “Never mind, Ivy.”
I scoffed and paired it with an eye-roll. “You can’t just say something like that and then tell me never mind.”
He cleared his throat, placing the hot dog on the center console, mere centimeters from my arm.
“I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
My body relaxed and I smiled. I reached my hand over and placed it on his face. His barely-there facial hair scratched the palm of my hand and I couldn’t help but notice that his cheek fell inwardly toward it. “I’ll be fine, Dawson. I’m a big girl… but,” I took a deep breath, stopping myself.
“But what?” he asked, grabbing my wrist with his hand.
I clenched my teeth before answering. I’d never really been that nervous around Dawson, not since we became best friends, that is, but right now… I was feeling a little panicky to be admitting something so personal out loud.
“Ivy?”
I blew out air and then removed my hand from his face, flinging my attention to the windshield. “Why me?”
“What?” he questioned.
“Why me? Why would he want to take me?”
Sure, Andy had called me beautiful but still. Why me? I wasn’t special. I wasn’t like the other girls. I didn’t spend hours in front of the mirror every morning applying endless amounts of make-up to my face. I didn’t dress like a slut. I was just… normal. Ordinary.
Dawson rushed through his words. “Why would you ask that? Why wouldn’t he ask you? I’m surprised it took him this long.”
I was quick to respond. “Do you think I’m pretty?”
He stuttered. “Wh—what? You know I think you’re pretty, Ivy.”
I shook my head so hard the Camaro actually bounced a little. “No, no. I mean, like, try to imagine I’m not your best friend who you met in middle school. Try to forget about the fact that I used to wear high-water jeans and dingy ol’ Converse. Think of me like a normal girl, someone you just saw on the street somewhere. Would you actually stop and stare for a second?”
I turned to face him, grabbing a few chili fries on the way. The chili and cheese mixture hit my tongue and I let out a moan. So, so good.
I stopped chewing when Dawson started to choke on his milkshake, laughing before asking if he was okay and giving him a slap on the back.
“I’m fine,” he grunted. Then he turned towards me, eyes blazing with something I’d never seen before. It had me pausing with my fingers inches from my face, a few chili fries dripping their melty cheese back onto the plate.
“Ivy,” he whispered. “I think you are the most beautiful girl that I’ve ever seen.”
I stared at him for a few long seconds, his blue eyes pulling me in like the ocean drawing in the tide. Then I busted up laughing. His face contorted quickly as confusion washed over him.
“You’re not,” I laughed harder, smacking his bicep. “You’re not being serious.”
He gulped, still staring at me. He didn’t even so much as crack a smile, which had my laughter fading. A strange silence filled the Camaro, and even though the windows were open, I could have sworn that even the wind stopped moving.
“I am. I think you are so beautiful, Ivy. Inside and out.”
Suddenly, I felt like I knew how Alice felt when she fell into the rabbit hole. Confusion filled my body but at the same time, so did anticipation and excitement.
Dawson thinks I’m beautiful? Why does that mean so much to me?
“Really?” My voice was near a whisper and he nodded, causing my heart to skip a beat.
“But, I look nothing like the girls you always pursue. How can you think I’m beautiful but then cozy up with Angela or Jessica?”
I immediately thought about how different I was from the girls he surrounded himself with. Angela had bright red hair and her boobs were what wet dreams were made of. Then you had Jessica. She had strawberry blonde hair, and the clothes she wore… made her seem like she had the same type of boobs as Angela. Except, I knew she didn’t. I’d seen her without a shirt on in the locker room.
Then there was me: brown hair, usually wavy because I had a crappy straightener. By the end of a school day, it was always piled high on my head or in a braid that fell over my shoulder. I had forest green eyes which I always thought were dull looking. I wore jeans that weren’t meant to be super tight and usually some type of Hollister shirt that didn’t show any of the cleavage that I didn’t have.
All the girls Dawson had had his feel of were the same: slutty but pretty, and they gave guys their everything. That wasn’t me. I was totally different from every single girl he’d ever been with. Yes, there had been times that he’d snuck some touches in, and there had been times that I’d caught him staring at me, but I figured that was probably because I had something on my face. The butterflies that erupted in my stomach every time he did do something like that just taunted me. They reminded me that Dawson only saw me as a friend and that I should do the same. Besties for life.
“I never tell them they’re beautiful,” he quipped, taking back his hot dog and shoving the rest of it into his mouth.
I let out a shaky breath, ignoring our weird and out of character moment.
“But you’re still attracted to them…”
“I guess,” he answered, his mouth full of food.
A few minutes passed and he finally spoke again.
“Ivy…”
I moved my head towards him, taking a huge gulp of the creamy, chocolatey milkshake.
“Just don’t let him use you.”
“I won’t.”
He smiled weakly at me and reached his hand up to my face. His hand wavered for a second before he brought his eyes back to mine. I couldn’t ignore the way my heart suddenly felt fuller in my chest and how all the oxygen from my body seemed to have disappeared.
His finger reached up and swiped my lip (which probably had leftover milkshake on it), but it lingered there for a moment too long. My eyes snapped to his and we stared at one another, saying nothing.
The air had shifted around us and I felt myself inching towards him. His eyes widened at the same time my breath hit his face, and then we both paused. My body felt hot, my mind was backtracking in my head, but my heart was chanting, “Do it! Do it! Do it!”
Do what? I asked it back, and then I hastily jolted myself backwards, slamming myself onto the back of the seat when it answered, “Kiss him!”
Then I let out a yowl.
“Jesus, Ivy,” Dawson groaned, reaching in the center console for the napkins.
The chili fries were everywhere. My capris were going to be stained from the rust-colored sauce and yellow cheese, and I would likely have burn marks from their simmering heat.
“You are a walking disaster,” he muttered while chuckling and handing me napkins.
I chuckled, too, ignoring the fact that I literally had just tried to kiss my best friend.
“And to think, I wasn’t even walking…” I said, although I was truly screaming on the inside. I was dying. DID I SERIOUSLY JUST TRY TO KISS HIM?
Dawson started to laugh at my little joke and then I nervously joined in. We laughed together for a few seconds and then began stuffing our faces with our food and shakes. It was completely obvious that we were both trying so desperately to cover up what had just almost happened.
…But maybe he didn’t notice?
Chapter Four
Dawson
Chipped red fingernails trailed over my thigh, scratching along the fibers of my jeans, inching closer and closer to my dick. Jessica’s cleavage was in full action, spilling out of her tight V-neck shirt. I stifled a groan, and not the kind that meant I wanted her hand to creep higher. Her hand on my leg was doing absolutely nothing for me right now.
This morning when I squeezed her ass as she breezed by me in the school parking lot, I was more than excited to know that we were going to Shane’s together. She gave me a flirty smile, smacking my hand away but I could see in her eyes that she was egging me on. I knew we would probably end up in my Camaro or somewhere deep within the woods, the smell of a bonfire laced within her blonde strands and her tongue tasting of some cheap beer, coaxing the life right out of me.
So why was I no longer eager?
I knew why, but I would never admit it out loud.
The bonfire was lit so high that I could see the flames before I even rounded the bend of the road. Shane lived with his mom and stepfather, who were currently out of town for his little brother’s baseball tournament. He threw parties every single time they left town, and since they lived out in the middle of Bumfuck Egypt, there were no neighbors to call and rat him out.
Plus, I was pretty sure they knew that he threw parties all the time. They just didn’t care.
The drive to his house was long. It was well beyond the city limits, surrounded by tall oak trees and open fields. Cows mooing in the distance, coyotes howling with the wind. Even through the thirty minute drive and through Jessica’s nonstop blabbering, the only thing I could focus on was Ivy and how she would be here with Andy.
Oh, and let’s not fucking forget that I almost kissed her a few hours ago.
My God, if she hadn’t pulled herself away, I would have kissed the life out of her. I swear it. I could almost taste the chocolate on her mouth. I could almost feel the touch of her soft, heart-shaped lips on mine.
But it was a good thing she pulled away. If she hadn’t and I really did kiss her, everything would have changed.
I know that whenever I did kiss Ivy, there would be no going back. There will be no going back to being just best friends. It’ll be something entirely different and let’s face it: I’m not ready to tackle that obstacle yet; I need to get my shit together first. I just wasn’t good enough for her.
No one was, but especially not me, the dumb jock with parents who were too busy worrying about their other fucked-up son…that is, when they weren’t arguing over money or having a pissing contest over which one could bring home the larger paycheck.
At this point in my life, I had no ambitions. I had no goals. I was pretty much coasting through high school, messing around with any girl who gave me a second glance. Which was more often than not.
Sure, I was popular, but that’s not what Ivy deserved. She deserved someone with dreams like hers, someone who would apply himself in the future and take care of her. Someone who hadn’t slept with most of the school because he was simply bored.
I couldn’t have Ivy that way, no matter how badly I wanted her. Instead, I would stay her best friend and fuck up any guy who hurt her.
That’s what I was to Ivy. Her best friend, her protector. I loved her, I did. More than anything, but because I loved her, that also made me realize that I couldn’t have her. I just… wasn’t ready to cross that bridge. Maybe in the future. Maybe if I ever got myself together and actually tried to be the guy she deserved, but right now… no.
I don’t think I’m ready.
Shit, maybe I am.
Max’s words echoed in my head from earlier in the background of replaying the almost-kiss with Ivy. It was like an old VCR that just kept rewinding and then playing over and over again. Was I ready to tell her? Was I ready to risk it all? The near-kiss was like a hand squeezing my throat; I couldn’t get away from it. It was consuming me.
Jessica’s hand crept up higher along my jeans, causing me to cease fire on the argument over Ivy. “If you want, we can just go to back to my house. My parents aren’t due back home for a few hours.” Her voice sounded more like a purr. A sexy purr, but it just wasn’t workin’ tonight.
“Nah,” I said, sliding her hand off my leg. “Let’s just go in. People are expecting me.”
People = Ivy.
She popped out her bottom lip and I almost laughed. She resembled a five-year-old, which wasn’t the least bit attractive.
You know who was attractive when she stuck out her bottom lip? Ivy.
I quickly pushed open the driver’s side door and jumped out, slamming it hard. It slammed so hard that Jessica actually yelped.
“Jeez, Dawson.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled, still irritated with myself.
As soon as we made it around the curve of the concrete driveway, I spotted the giant, blazing bonfire in the middle of the yard. Most of the guys were standing around it, wearing their letterman jackets with red cups in hand.
Jessica spotted some of her friends and whispered that she’d be right back. I nodded but I wasn’t really paying attention. I was looking for someone else.
Someone who I’d give my full attention to.
I found her within half a second. Her brown curls landing halfway down her back. She looked so different than any other girl at the party, with her Hollister jeans and dark purple hoodie. That was one of the things I loved about Ivy. She never dressed to impress. She just dressed normal, and it worked for her.
She was effortlessly beautiful.
Which was absolutely alluring. I was almost tempted to just grab her arm and pull her back into my Camaro and tell her that if she gave me a couple years, I could change and be the guy that she deserved, that I just needed to figure my shit out…but then my eyes locked onto Andy, standing only a few feet away from her. His head was inclined to the left, peering down at her with a smile on his face. My blood ran cold.
I wanted to knock the stupid fucking smile right off his face because it was damn near torture for me to see him looking at her like that. As if she walked on water. I was the only one who could look at her like that, just me. No one else.
I let out a huge sigh and walked over the freshly-cut grass to Max and Clay.
“What up, bro. Where’s Jessica?”
I shrugged, not answering and not really giving a shit.
I was already in a piss-poor mood after dropping off Ivy at Becca’s. We’d completely acted as if the two of us almost kissing wasn’t the least bit significant. As if it was this huge secret, which kind of stung. Did she realize that she didn’t want to kiss me? Or was she concerned with the same thing I was – best friends don’t kiss - and if we did, we could say good-fucking-bye to our comfort zone.
My piss-poor mood cranked up another notch when I got home. I walked in on my older brother punching a hole through the living room wall. Small pieces of dry-wall clattered to the floor, dust flying around the room. My mom was screaming with her high-pitched voice at him to “get his shit together,” and then he stormed off to his room, slamming the door shut so hard the frames on the walls rattled.
My brother, Emmett, was only a year older than me, meaning he was a senior and should be at the same school as me, except he attends a military school. It was all very hush-hush in our family, telling neighbors and friends that he went to military school because he got accepted on some scholarship and wanted to join the military right out of high school. That wasn’t true. My mom, dad, and I… we knew that Emmett was really in the mi
litary school because he was a rebel. He enjoyed breaking the rules. Even more so than me.
He’d been arrested, he’d been on probation, and he’d been in more fights than I could even count. Emmett was the epitome of a hothead and now that he was on spring break, back in town for a few days, things were right back to how they were before he left. Bad.
I was almost certain that it was because at military school, they didn’t allow the students even an ounce of freedom. He was caged up like a fucking lion at the local zoo. I felt bad for him, but not bad enough to check on him before I picked up Jess.
I’d tried that before and he almost ripped off my head. No, thanks.
I pulled out my phone, sitting my ass on one of the foldout chairs surrounding the bonfire, ignoring everyone and their relaxed conversations and laughter. Usually I was the life of the party, joking around with everyone with a girl on my lap, gaze staying close to Ivy, who would be hanging with Becca or Casey somewhere in the distance.
But that wasn’t the case tonight. She was with Andy and I was not joking with anyone. I was pissed off and uncomfortable. Like there was a pit in my lower stomach, growing larger and larger with each crackle of the fire.
My head twitched when I heard a soft, familiar laugh a few feet away, but instead of looking in her direction, I stared down at the tweets lining my phone screen.
The very first one made me cringe.
Emmett @emmett09 – 6 h
Don’t drink and drive. But if u do, make sure you live in a small town with hella chill cops. #smalltownperks
Then the next one.
Emmett @emmett09 – 4 h
I can’t believe I’m saying this but I can’t fucking wait to get out of this hellhole town. #fuckingparents
I blew out a long breath, feeling tension crawl over my shoulders. Why the fuck was my brother doing this shit? Sure, my parents were kind of neglectful, but Jesus. He was turning out to be a fuckup and I hated that because I used to look up to him. He used to be my hero.
I pressed my hand against my chest, feeling a pain wedge itself deep within. I was a junior in high school and here I was fucking worried about my brother getting into even more trouble and my parents investing so much time into their insane competitiveness to make more money than the other that they didn’t even realize how messed up he really was.