by S. J. Sylvis
She hated when I was late for dinner. Like she thought I was staying at work for shits and giggles. It was so petty and often had me reconsidering our newish relationship instead of the “just sex” that it had been.
“Hey.”
The ghost of a familiar voice wafted around me and I clenched my eyes shut, not wanting to open them to find a pretty, chestnut-haired girl from deep within my past standing there.
But I opened them anyway and pretended not to notice the clench in my gut when I saw her. She looked so different from when we were younger…in the best way possible. She was captivating, almost glowing like an angel.
She had curves but her body was slim. Her features were more delicate than when she was a fifteen-year-old going through puberty. The pink blush on her cheeks stood out against her creamy skin and I knew that if I looked hard enough, I could see small freckles lining the bridge of her feminine nose.
Forest-green eyes stalked my every step, and I wanted to hold my breath so I couldn’t get a whiff of her scent. She always used to smell so good…I could never pinpoint what the smell was and the memory of it had faded over the years, but now that she was standing within spitting distance of me, it was like I’d never even forgotten.
“Do you need something? I haven’t had time to look at the plans for your house yet. I’ve been in meetings all day.” My voice held a prickle of anger, but I was truly annoyed because I could already feel myself softening around her. I wanted to hold onto my anger for a long as possible because if I didn’t, then I would start feeling all kinds of inappropriate things.
“I wanted to talk to you, privately.”
Ivy stood awkwardly, her small arms crossed over her striped tank top. I could see the goosebumps along her skin and I wasn’t sure if that was from the nip in the air or some other reason.
“Okay. Then talk.”
I was painfully aware that I was being an ass and I couldn’t remember a time in my life, ever, when I’d treated her poorly.
We never fought when we were best friends, ever.
I met her eyes again and they were glistening, just barely, but it was enough for me to look away. Why did it still bother me that she was hurting?
“I don’t really know what to say. It’s been a long time.”
I scoffed, unable to stop myself. “And whose fault is that?”
She pulled back and winced, like I’d slapped her. I might as well have. I opened my mouth to apologize because she was right… it had been a long time. Why was I still holding a grudge? Why was I still pissed? Why was I still hurt?
I should be over this.
But I wasn’t. I was the world’s biggest pussy.
I held my tongue when I looked up at her again, because those eyes that were glistening just seconds ago? Yeah, they were basically simmering with fire. The green hues were sparking with anger and it set an undeniable thrill down my spine.
“I’m not sure why you’re treating me so shitty. I mean,” Ivy uncrossed her arms from her chest, where my eyes lingered for far too long, and then she placed them on her jean-clad waist. “I wasn’t expecting you to be super happy to see me, but I didn’t expect you to act like such a fucking dick.”
My mouth fell open for a second before I snapped it closed.
Did she just curse? Ivy, little Miss Follow-the-Rules, just said the F word.
I couldn’t help it. I laughed.
I barked out a booming laugh, echoing through the almost empty parking lot, which only pissed her off even more. I could feel the boiling anger pouring off her body. Like if I were to reach out and touch her, I’d be charred.
“Is it funny when I’m mad? Because I don’t think it’s that funny, Dawson.”
I laughed harder, running my hand through my hair. “It’s funny to hear you curse, that’s all.”
She rolled her eyes so far back that I bet she could see her brain. “I’m not fifteen anymore, which means I’m no longer the girl you once knew. Saying ‘fuck’ isn’t that big of deal.”
That brought my laughter to an abrupt stop, reminding me that I was supposed to be angry and still holding a grudge.
“Yeah, I can see that.” I almost growled, feeling all the hurt and despair that I felt so long ago creep up behind me like a stealthy cat. I instantly morphed it to anger. “I don’t think I knew you very well back then, either.”
Her mouth twitched and her eyes narrowed.
I hit a tender spot but that didn’t stop me. I kept going, my voice becoming louder. “The girl I knew would never just leave like you did, without saying goodbye. Without somehow contacting me and letting me know you were okay. But I was obviously wrong.”
Ivy bit the inside of her cheek, taking a step back. Her eyes welled up again and just like that, I was back to feeling bad. My God, is this what it feels like to be a woman? One second mad, the next sad? Jesus Christ.
She didn’t say anything for a few long, painful seconds and I was this close to taking everything back that I’d said but then she started to walk towards me, causing my entire body to go into panic mode.
We were only inches apart. My breathing was labored and heavy while my heart was thumping so loudly I could feel it pounding against my ribcage. I looked over her head, keeping my eyes trained on the glass doors to the office, when she whispered, “I wasn’t okay, Dawson.”
Then she sidestepped me and walked away, taking every bit of my anger with her.
Chapter Eleven
Ivy
I hated the way my eyes were puffy from crying last night. I hadn’t cried in so long, but after seeing Dawson looking so… grown up, and then feeling the fury radiate off his body, because of me…I just couldn’t keep it together.
I was happy to see him, elated even, and then he acted so cold towards me that it literally set a chill through my body. So, I waited. I waited for two hours outside his work to talk to him, to explain my side of the story, to clear the air.
I knew from the second I laid eyes on him that things would never be the same between us, no matter how badly I wanted them to be, but I definitely didn’t want things to be so dicey, either. My God, he acted like I had ripped his heart out and fed it to the wolves. He clearly wasn’t that upset that I’d left without any contact when I’d actually had come to talk to him. Why was he acting like he was so upset I left when he clearly was completely fine a few weeks later?
Like, it’s been six years. Has he just grown cold and angry over time?
I wasn’t lying to myself. It hurt my heart so badly that he stared at me with such distaste. If there were anyone I would want to make proud in this world today, other than Mia, it would be him.
He still meant something to me even after all these years. The bond we had wasn’t just something that went away with time. No matter what happened between us, I still felt him in my very bones. Seeing him hurt and angry…made me feel sick, and empty. Seeing that small amount of pain on his face killed me. My heart had literally moved in my chest, like it was trying to dodge the hit.
I thought I’d done a good job burying all those unresolved feelings for him over the last six years, but the second I saw him, looking so attractively heartbroken, I realized that I had been so incredibly naïve thinking I could be around him without feelings from the past popping up.
I was so naïve. I was so trusting in myself to put on a brave face but I failed, miserably.
At least I had been able to keep it together until I got home.
That’s when I let it all out. I cried so hard into my pillow that I woke up to my hair stuck to my face in a salty crust. It was lovely. So far, being back in my long-lost hometown kind of sucked.
Mr. Lanning, Dawson’s father, told me that he’d have Dawson get back with me in a couple days to talk about what needed to be done to the house, and the price. But after our little spat last night, I wasn’t sure that would be the case. He could barely make eye contact with me without acting as if he hated my very presence… so I needed to turn to p
lan B.
Which was to do the work myself.
I already had YouTube up on my phone this morning, teaching myself how to knock a wall out…which surprisingly looked really easy. I could totally do it.
I’d been surviving on my own for the last six years. I’d been working, going to school, taking care of my sister…and uncle, all while managing my money so well that I could afford my own house while helping pay for my sister’s college.
If I could do all that, I could totally knock a wall out—no biggie.
I might even change my name to Joanna Gaines. I bet if we were friends, she would totally be cheering me on. Or probably even helping me.
I ran to my barely unpacked room, bypassing my mattress on the floor because I still lacked an actual bedframe, and yanked open my closet doors.
Smiling to myself, I grabbed a heather grey t-shirt and my thrift store, super-adorable, jean overalls. I braided my long, chestnut hair into a French braid and nodded to myself in the mirror.
Time to put on your big girl panties and get to work, Ivy the Builder!
I could do this. I could do anything I wanted. I’d proved that to myself over and over again. That was one thing I was sure of – I could definitely take care of myself.
Hopping down my cracked, concrete steps, I made a mental note to YouTube how to pour concrete next, or maybe I could splurge and pay a concrete company, because I was bound to break an ankle walking up and down steps that looked as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to them.
“Agh, shit!” I shouted while falling less than gracefully onto my knees. My palms stung from the jagged concrete as I quickly hopped to my feet, staring down at the already bleeding slices in my hands.
“Yeah, I definitely need to fix those next,” I mumbled as I looked down at my aching knees, thankful that my jean overalls had kept them somewhat protected. The jeans were worn a little from where I fell, widening the almost-tears, but at least that just made them look more vintage.
“Are you okay?”
My breath hitched as I flicked my head up to the one voice I did not expect to hear.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded, shoving my hands behind my back.
Dawson walked closer to me but I took a step back, eyeing him daringly. He looked much different today - not as put-together like yesterday. He had on worn blue jeans and a bright orange t-shirt with his company logo above the right breast pocket. His coffee-colored hair (which was so much darker from when he was a sixteen-year-old, sporting that surfer boy haircut) was tousled on top in a cute, messy way. It looked totally different from when I had seen it yesterday, all combed and slicked over.
Dawson’s eyes narrowed slightly when he saw me step back, as if it surprised him that I would step back from him. He really shouldn’t have been surprised though, as he was a complete dick to me yesterday.
“Let me see them,” he commanded.
I muttered under my breath, “I’m fine.”
“I see you haven’t lost your stubborn streak.”
My mouth twitched but I bit back my smile. “What are you doing here?”
He walked closer to me but this time, instead of stepping back, I stayed put. “I’ll tell you as soon as you show me your hands.”
A tiny sigh escaped my mouth but I eventually brought my hands around and flipped them up so he could survey the damage.
“Come on,” he said, walking past me and around the broken part of the steps. I stood, just staring at him for a few seconds, but somehow my feet knew to follow him into my house.
His tall stature stood inside my living room, taking it all in before walking into the kitchen. I listened to the faucet creaking as he turned the knob and then the water flowing into the sink. As I walked into the kitchen I made sure to keep my distance from him. When he turned around and nodded for me to come a little closer, I took my time making my way over to him.
La-de-da, act normal, Ivy.
A shock of pleasure went through me when he wrapped his hand around my wrist and pulled it under the water. The contrast of his warm skin on mine and the cool water streaming over my hand literally made me dizzy. My heart started to beat erratically and I didn’t know why. I felt energized but drained at the exact same time.
Suddenly, my feet swayed under my legs and Dawson’s face twisted. He grabbed my arms to steady me and scanned my face. “Ivy, seriously. Are you okay?”
I swallowed my thick spit and tried to clear my head. No. I think I’m having a fucking panic attack!
I breathed, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
He kept his sturdy hands on my arms and I stomped all over the thought of his arms wrapping around me.
I used to wish on every single star that I could have just one more hug from him. One more hug from my best friend…especially on those nights when I’d hear Mia whimpering in her sleep, or when I’d wake up from having a good dream about my old life, only to realize that it was gone. People were usually afraid of having nightmares, but not me. I’d stay awake as long as I could to keep away the good dreams, as they only made my real life seem that much worse when I did wake up.
But I had stopped wishing for hugs from Dawson a long, long time ago, right about the time that Eric had come into my life, yet here I was, desiring that very same hug that used to make me feel loved and safe, all over again.
And that probably had something to do with the fact that my boyfriend of the last year had dumped me the second I told him I was moving back to this “Podunk” town, as he called it.
Yeah, that’s exactly why I feel like this. Because of my lack of Eric, not because of Dawson standing in front of me with those mesmerizing blue eyes.
“Are you sure? You look pale.” Dawson’s face contorted with concern and it was like getting a glimpse of the old him, the one I used to know; he seemed like he cared and it flooded my body with relief.
“I’m really fine. I swear. Just the combination of the fall and blood made me a little woozy. I’m okay.”
He nodded, finally taking his hands off my arms. He reached over and turned the water off as I grabbed some paper towels off the counter. I started to dry my raw hands while trying desperately to calm myself down.
Dawson leaned against the counter opposite of me, looking relaxed with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes followed my every move: the patting of my hands on the towel, the crumpling of the somewhat bloody material, and the walking over to the trash to throw it away.
I cleared my throat, bringing my attention back to him, my heart climbing in my chest. “Why are you here, Dawson? You made it pretty clear last night that you were… angry with me.”
His face stayed even but his eyes spoke differently—he was definitely still angry.
“I just want to know why, Ivy.”
I clenched my teeth, taking in a huge gulp of air. I could feel myself getting angry at the fact that he was angry. I was pretty sure my blood pressure was rising.
I blurted, “Why are you so mad, Dawson?”
His jaw worked back and forth before he pushed his body away from the counter. My eyes trailed his frame as he stomped back and forth in my kitchen.
“I’m angry because my best friend just up and left me six years ago. She was just gone and didn’t even have the fucking heart to say goodbye. And now she’s back, acting as if nothing even happened.”
I sneered, rolling my eyes and slapping my injured hands on my waist. “You can’t possibly justify being angry with me, can you?!”
His steely glare set forth a fire inside of me. Rage bubbling to the surface. “Yes, I can. I know it was six years ago but goddammit, Ivy. You had to have known that it would hurt me. You just fucking disappeared.”
His voice trailed at the end and it was becoming raspier by the second. But it didn’t matter, because I was still fuming. I was normally such an even-tempered person but right now, all I wanted to do was throw my toaster at his stupid face.
“You act like you know everything, Dawson.” M
y voice was unsteady as its sound echoed throughout the kitchen. I walked towards him, pointing my finger in his face. “I know that you always used to beat me in Jeopardy and my God, I swear your head would grow ten times each time you did, but you don’t know everything, so stop acting like you do!”
“Like what?” he shouted, bringing his hands out in front of him. “What changed that I don’t know about? Did you go back in time just now and come see me to tell me that you were okay, or at least where the hell you were? The last fucking time I saw you was when you were crumbled in front of your burning house, crying your eyes out.” He paused, breathing so hard his nostrils flared every few seconds. “And, I could still school you in Jeopardy.”
I would have laughed if he hadn’t just implied that I had literally just skipped out on our friendship without even attempting to contact him.
I was pissed beyond belief. He had been holding a grudge for the last six years over the fact that I hadn’t let him know that I was okay, and I had been holding a grudge for the last six years that when I had attempted to see him again, he was with stupid, slutty Breanna having a jolly ol’ time.
What a freaking predicament we were in.
I backed away slowly, still keeping ahold of his eye. We were staring at one another so intently that World War Three could have been occurring around us and we wouldn’t dare break eye contact.
“I don’t have to go back in time, Dawson,” I said, feeling my heart break a little in my chest as I replayed the memory in my head. “I did come back.”
Then I spun on my heel and marched right through my front door, leaving him standing there to simmer in what I’d just said.
There! He can deal with that all by himself, jerk!
Unfortunately, before I could even make it down my front steps, he’d grabbed my arm. My body spun around and he looked down at my face, still keeping his hand pressed tightly on my bicep.
“What did you say?” Dawson’s voice was so low that I could barely hear him.