by Molly Harper
“Which remote?”
Carl took a long draw of beer and shook his head. “All of them, Duff. All of them.”
Duffy nodded. “She learned that one from Frankie. I feel like I should make some sort of warning sheet for Eric. ‘If you do “this stupid thing,” Frankie will respond with “this particular act of pointed smartass vengeance” when you least expect it.’”
“Nah, if he’s hitching into this family, he’s gotta run the gauntlet. There are no shortcuts,” Carl said, frowning. “So, it must have been weird seeing Lana again. After all, you told me that you haven’t hung out with her in weeks. A new record, you said. Finally over her, I think you said.”
Duffy tilted his beer back and drained the rest of it in one gulp. “I knew it.” Carl sighed and picked up a fresh beer.
Duffy shrugged innocently. “Knew what?”
“Dammit, Duffy! You know I don’t like talking about feelings,” Carl told him.
“I am really not looking forward to whatever comes after this.” “I love you like only a brother can,” Carl said. “But Lana is poison. She always has been. You put up with stuff from her that you’d never allow from anybody else.”
“That . . . is a fair assessment.”
“Don’t you want someone to share your life with? Somebody you can spend more than a few hours at a time with? Kids?”
“Are we really having this conversation?” Duffy scoffed. “This is not porch talk! This is what Marianne and Frankie talk about when they have girls’ nights at Margot’s. Are you gonna paint my toenails for me next?”
“I wouldn’t touch your nasty-ass feet with a ten-foot pole.
Answer the damn question,” Carl countered.
Duffy picked at the ring of his beer can. The bitch of it was that Duff was lonely. With everybody in the family pairing off but him, he was starting to feel left behind. The only other singles in the family were Stan, an avowed bachelor after the disappointment of his first marriage, and Donna, who was basically a puffer fish when threatened with human interaction. So sometimes, with Lana, he felt a little bit less alone.
“Yes, I would like kids of my own one day,” Duffy said. “As much as I love hanging out with the boys . . . yeah, I would like a couple of girls, I think.”
“Asshole.”
“Tell Aiden to stop putting his homemade superglue on people’s chairs and I’ll change my mind.”
“That boy’s either gonna be an astronaut or a supervillain,” Carl said with a sigh. “But you’re never gonna have one like him if you keep this crap up with Lana. Girls like Lucy Bowman—who I happen to know is back in town, thanks to my lovely wife—do not put up with playing second fiddle to crazy ex-wives and their drama. Hell, look what happened when you tried to take that cute girl from the Bass Pro Shop out to the movies.”
Duffy shuddered. AnnaBeth, the fishing lure consultant, had not been amused when Lana sent an usher into the theater, searching for Duffy by flashlight, because his “wife” was having a medical emergency at the concession stand. Duffy ended up spending most of the night cleaning popcorn out of his hair, as AnnaBeth had dumped the bucket over his head. Sadly, this was not the first of Duffy’s dates that had ended this way.
“You don’t love Lana,” Carl noted. “You just feel bad for her.”
“Yep.” Duffy sighed.
“Well, last time I checked, TiVo-ing a bunch of Oprah don’t make you a life coach,” Carl muttered.
“Marianne wasn’t supposed to tell you about the Oprah thing. I feel betrayed,” Duffy said.
“McDuff, one of the great things about you is the fact you’re one of the nicest guys in the world. I mean, everybody in town knows that if they need something, they can call you, day or night, and you’ll be right there for ’em. But maybe it’s time for you to put some of that nice guy aside and think about yourself first.”
“What in the hell does that mean?”
“Stop answering Lana’s calls. Stop humoring her when she shows up wanting attention like a stray cat. And when she invades your dates, pretending you’re still married, tell her to take her ass home.”
“Fine,” Duffy told him. “I will.”
“And stop being such a gutless wonder and ask Lucy out on a damn date.”
“I’m not a gutless wonder. I’m full of guts. And those guts know that if I tried to date Lucy and messed things up with her, that would be the end of our friendship. And I’m not willing to risk that. And hell, that’s assuming she wanted to date me in the first place. I caught her loading an eighteen-inch penis cake into her van and I can’t imagine I can offer her anything much in comparison.”
Carl choked, spraying his beer down the front of his shirt. “What?”
“Long story.”
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Click here to continue reading Gimme Some Sugar! (out April 2, 2019)
Also by Molly Harper
Discover More by Molly Harper
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**all lists are in reading order**
The Southern Eclectic Series (contemporary women’s fiction / romantic comedy)
Save a Truck, Ride a Redneck (prequel novella)
Sweet Tea and Sympathy
Peachy Flippin’ Keen (novella)
Ain’t She a Peach?
A Few Pecans Short of a Pie
Gimme Some Sugar
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The Mystic Bayou Series (paranormal romance)
*This series publishes in audio first; the ebook and print editions come out six months after*
How to Date Your Dragon
Love and Other Wild Things
Even Tree Nymphs Get the Blues (out in June, 2019)
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The “Sorcery and Society” Series (young adult fantasy)
Changeling
Fledgling (out in August, 2019)
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The “Nice Girls” Series (paranormal romance)
Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs
Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men
Nice Girls Don’t Live Forever
Nice Girls Don’t Bite Their Neighbors
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Half-Moon Hollow Series (paranormal romance)
The Care and Feeding of Stray Vampires
Driving Mr. Dead
Undead Sublet (A story in The Undead in My Bed anthology)
A Witch’s Handbook of Kisses and Curses
I’m Dreaming of an Undead Christmas
The Dangers of Dating a Rebound Vampire
The Single Undead Moms Club
Fangs for the Memories
Where the Wild Things Bite
Big Vamp on Campus
Accidental Sire
Peace, Blood, and Understanding (out 10/7/2019)
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The “Naked Werewolf” Series (paranormal romance)
How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf
The Art of Seducing a Naked Werewolf
How to Run with a Naked Werewolf
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The “Bluegrass” Series (contemporary romance)
My Bluegrass Baby
Rhythm and Bluegrass
Snow Falling on Bluegrass
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Standalone Titles
And One Last Thing
Better Homes and Hauntings
About the Author
Molly Harper worked for six years as a reporter and humor columnist for The Paducah Sun. Her reporting duties included covering courts, school board meetings, quilt shows, and once, the arrest of a Florida man who faked his suicide by shark attack and spent the next few months tossing pies at a local pizzeria.
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Molly has published over thirty books. She writes women’s fiction, paranormal romance, romantic comedies, and young adult fantasy. She lives in Michigan with her husband and children.
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Please visit her website for updates, news, and freebies! https://www.mollyharper.com/
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Twitte
r: @mollyharperauth
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Molly-Harper-Author-138734162865557/