by Ciana Stone
She snorted, jumped up to put her hands on his shoulders, and shoved him under the water. Throughout the ensuring water battle, she found herself wondering what JJ was thinking.
*****
JJ was pissed. He’d no more told her that he needed to figure out if he was good enough for her before she was tussling in the lake with Brodie. Fuck. It had to be Brodie. Mr. Looks like a California Surfer, Know No Fear, Can Charm a Snake Brodie.
Fuck.
He kicked every twig or weed in his path on the way back to the ranch. JJ wasn’t even sure why he headed there until he found himself in front of Deacon’s cabin. Deacon was sitting on the front porch with a beer in one hand, rocking slowly in the swing.
“Getting ready to blow a cog?” Deacon asked.
“What?”
“What has you so pissed?”
“Women.”
“In general or one in particular?”
“One in particular.” JJ took a seat on the porch step and leaned his elbows on his knees. “Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask.”
“She said you were her guardian angel and when I asked what that meant she said it was your story to tell so I should ask you.”
“Is there a question in there?”
“Yes. What does that mean? That you’re her guardian angel?”
“There’s a whole lot more to that tale than just my part and I can’t be telling someone else’s story.”
“She told me. About what happened once you were released after being shot.”
“She told you.”
“Yes. About the drugs and booze and men. About you drowning her. Being her guardian angel.”
“I see.” Deacon stood, leaned against the porch support, and stared off into the distance. “I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a person more determined to save someone than Etta was to save me. She slept in a chair in my hospital room for four weeks, and then she demanded a bed in my rehab room.
“She went with me to every PT session, every visit with the shrink and surgeon. Sat right there in the waiting room or stood outside the door and waited. She didn’t leave my side. When I was cut loose, we were provided transport, her to California and me to Tennessee. I remember standing there on the tarmac thinking that she wasn’t anything like the woman I first met. She was thin with dark circles under her eyes and her hair was two inches of white, where once it’d been two feet of black silk.
“I should have seen it then, that she was coming apart, but I didn’t. Maybe I was just thinking about myself, about getting back to my own life. Whatever the case, I was wrong not to go with her that day.”
“So how did you end up with her?”
“Got a call from a friend two weeks later who was stationed with her, an MP. He found her passed out in her car on base with all kinds of pill bottles on the floor of her car, along with a half-empty bottle of whiskey and a loaded gun on the seat. He called me first and I asked him to keep it quiet.
“I called in a marker with Angel and he let me go get her. She was one messed-up human being. I barely recognized her. I took her home with me.”
“She told me about that. Sounds like it was bad.”
“It was. More for her than me.”
“She made it sound like you had the shitty end of the stick.”
“That’s because it’s in her nature to be giving, but the truth is, she was hurting in a lot of ways. She loved Gabe and he deceived her in the worst way. If you’d seen the look he gave her that day, the hate and contempt in his eyes…that cut deep. Too deep. It made her feel stupid for being so fooled. Not just that he loved her, but she missed any sign that would have indicated he’d turned traitor.”
“No one else saw it either.”
“No. All anyone else saw was Gabe, the same asshole he’d always been.”
“If he was such an asshole, why did she fall for him?”
“Haven’t you figured it out? Because he was broken. Etta needs to fix people.”
That threw JJ for a mental loop. She saw him as broken? Well, shit, of course she did because when he got there, that’s just what he was. Broken. Like Humpty Dumpty, and she’d used her energy, her empathy, her intelligence, and her caring to put him back together again, one piece at a time.
Still, it stung to think that’s what she saw when she looked at him. A broken man.
“Why?” he asked, as much to escape the unpleasantness of that last thought as to assuage his curiosity.
“Because she knows what it feels like to be broken.”
“But she married Gabe before he betrayed her.”
“Doesn’t mean she wasn’t broken before that.”
“Okay, but back to you. Why are you her guardian angel?”
“Because I was dead and she brought me back, gave me a second chance. The whole time I was in the hospital and rehab, she thought of nothing but me. My healing, my comfort, my happiness. She gave and she gave and I took it, let her strength bolster mine. I never stopped to really look at her, to see that she was becoming more undone every day and giving away her life force to me one day at a time, keeping nothing for herself. I damn near took her life, so I owe her.”
“She says she owes you her life.”
“Not really. After all, I did drown her.”
“And yet she calls you a guardian angel.”
“Because I watch out for her.”
“For how long?”
“As long as it takes.”
“Takes to what?”
“For her to be whole again.” Deacon reclaimed his seat on the porch swing.
The idea that she wasn’t had never entered JJ’s mind. Not even after finding out about Gabe. “You think she’s not?”
“If I did, I wouldn’t be here.”
“You know I have feelings for her.”
“I do.”
“And she knows it. Today we—we talked about it.”
“Oh? That’s what you talk about in therapy?”
“I had to know.”
“Know what?”
“What she wants.”
For the next few minutes, there was only the sound of the swing creaking as Deacon rocked back and forth, an occasional neigh from a horse or the distant lowing of cattle. Finally, JJ looked around at Deacon.
“She said she wanted someone to love, someone who would love her and be there for her.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
“I told her I had to figure out if I loved her enough.”
“Son, I hope you didn’t use those words.”
“No. I mean, that’s not exactly what I said, but I had to be honest with her. I keep hearing how I talk more about getting back to my unit than anything, and maybe I do think more about that than I do about me and her, but it’s all I know. It’s my life, so how can I not think about it?”
“It’s your life.” Deacon said and stood. “There’s your answer, boy.”
“Sir?”
“You said it’s your life. Not she’s your life or who you want to be your life or even who you want as the most important person in your life. Now, it’s time for you to go.”
“Yes, sir.” JJ stood. “Are you headed over to the doc’s house?”
“She seems to think she doesn’t need a babysitter.”
“What do you think?”
“I think the surveillance we set up in her house to monitor things will let us know quick enough if anyone tries to get in.”
“You have the outside and inside wired?”
“We do.”
“Does she know? That you’re watching her?”
“Only the windows and doors. We’re not invading her privacy.”
“Didn’t mean to suggest that, sir. Have a good night.”
“You, too.”
JJ thought about their conversation as he walked along in the fading light of day. Maybe Deacon was right. Maybe he did have his answer. But if he did, why did it make him feel almost sick to his stomach at the idea of l
eaving this place, of leaving her?
JJ wanted to return to his unit with an intensity that bordered on obsession, but in the quiet moments when he was alone, he sometimes wondered if it was being SEAL he missed, or was his eagerness to return a need to prove that he’d overcome being a hostage. That he was as strong as ever, physically and mentally.
He should have gone straight to the main house, should not have stopped to look at Etta’s house and the light spilling from the windows. He should have kept walking on, but his legs carried him up her front steps to the door.
JJ raised his hand to knock on the door, paused, then started to turn away. How many sets of eyes were on him right now? Who all knew that he was standing at her door? The door opened and there she stood, backlit by the glow from the sitting room. “JJ.”
All the thoughts swirling in his head stopped. The words gathering to be spoken lodged in his throat. At that moment, everything became clear. What he wanted, what he needed was her.
JJ wanted to tell her, but the enormity of it robbed him of voice. All he could do was step inside and kick the door closed behind him. He took her hand and guided her out of the line of sight of the door or any window, then ran his free hand behind her head and pulled her in to meet his kiss.
Every time he kissed her, it was like a first. Tonight, she melted against him like an eager lover, taking all he had to give. It took Herculean effort to end the kiss and whisper against her lips.
“You’re under surveillance. Every door and every window.”
Etta looked up at him in surprise and then her eyes narrowed. “Don’t move.”
She crossed the room and picked up her cell phone from the coffee table to place a call. Her gaze stayed fixed on JJ. He was surprised when Mason’s voice came over the speaker. He hadn’t expected her to allow him access to the conversation. “Etta? Is everything okay?”
“Tell whoever is on duty to turn off the feed. Every camera in my house and do it now.”
“Etta, the only reason we have the cameras installed is for your safety.”
“Fine, but not tonight. I’m having a guest for the night and I damn sure don’t want to be anyone’s evening entertainment, so turn them off or I’ll find them and tear them down. Your choice.”
“I think you’re being a little unreasonable. I’ve been assured that your privacy is not being violated. The cameras monitor the windows and doors.”
“And what else?”
“Well, I don’t know, but I’m certain no one would—”
“Shut them down, Mason. Now.”
“Fine, I’ll call Deacon.”
“Thank you.”
She ended the call and when JJ opened his mouth, she held up a hand. “Wait.”
He did, and the seconds ticked by. She watched the face of her phone and the moment the phone chimed, she answered. “Deacon.”
“The surveillance is for your safety.”
“I appreciate that, but I have a phone and a gun. I’ll be fine.”
“Etta, be reasonable.”
“I am. No cameras. Give me your word, Deac.”
“Fine. The cameras go dark in two minutes.”
“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
JJ watched Etta, who was staring at her phone. Finally, she put it down and walked over to him. “Now, where were we?”
“I was about to carry you into your bedroom and take my time making love to you. Unless you don’t want that.”
“Oh, I do.”
JJ swept her up in his arms and, as promised, carried her to the bedroom where he set her down beside the bed. Etta started to remove her shirt, but JJ stopped her. “Uh uh. I’ll do that. Lie down.”
Despite his urge to rush, JJ took things slow. He undressed her, one article of clothing at a time, touching and tasting every inch that was laid bare to him. What he discovered was a woman who was remarkably responsive to his touch, one with hidden levels of sensuality he’d not suspected.
She surrendered completely to him and his mind went void of every thought other than the taste and feel of her. For hours, he teased her, carrying her to the edge of release with hands and mouth, only to stop short and leave her wanting. By the time they were both naked, the excitement had his heart hammering and his skin burning with suppressed need.
“Jasper.” Etta’s voice was low and husky as she wrapped her long legs around his waist and hoisted her hips up to press her hot sex against him.
A fever swept through his mind and he grabbed her by the hips as he sat back on his heels, pulling her onto him. The breath she released was a sharp, excited hiss, followed by a mumble he couldn’t understand. Not that it mattered. The way she gasped his name had stabbed him with a shard of hunger so strong it damn near blinded him.
JJ wanted to take it slow and love her easy, but she was so damn beautiful, so wantonly sensual the way she writhed against him.
“Now,” she begged. “Please, now.”
He didn’t possess enough will to refuse. It was what he’d dreamed of. With a quick move, he rolled her onto her back. There’d be time to take it slow. Later. After he’d laid claim to his woman.
Chapter Fourteen
JJ hated to break the peace and contentment of the moment. He and Etta had made love for hours. Every touch, kiss, and whisper had put him deeper under her spell . By the time they collapsed, sweaty and replete, he knew that he hadn’t claimed her. She’d claimed him. Body and soul.
Even so, something had been nagging at him and he had to ask.
“I was talking with Deacon about you and Gabe, and why you’d hook up with him and Deacon said that you knew what it was like to be broken. And I know you felt that way after Gabe, but how could you have known before he did that to you?”
He felt a current of tension that started in her shoulders and worked down her body. She was silent for a few moments and when she did speak, her voice was barely above a whisper.
“My father was a policeman. He spent twenty years in the Army as Military Police, retired, and went to work in civilian law enforcement. He made detective and was assigned a case, a robbery murder. Two young women shared an apartment. One was at work and while she was out, someone broke in, killed her roommate, and basically cleaned out the apartment of everything of any value.
“The roommate who was at work was my mother, Noelani. She’d moved to the mainland just eight months prior to take a job with a newspaper. Even though she was twenty years younger than he was, they fell in love.
“I grew up around cops and knew at an early age that not all were good people, but most were and whether they were good or bad, they protected their own. Or they tried.
“When I was twelve, my dad stepped on the wrong toes, and busted the lieutenant of a drug kingpin. He was warned to recant, make the evidence disappear, but he wasn’t the kind of man to back down.”
She paused and swiped at her eyes. JJ rolled her back and propped up on his elbow so he could look at her. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too hard.”
“I just…have never told anyone but Deacon.”
JJ knew that Etta was closer to Deacon than anyone in the world, and he wasn’t sure that he even fell into the same category of trustworthiness. He was, however, sure that he wanted to. Moreover, he wanted to know Etta. Really know her. Not as his doctor, but as a person.
“But I want to tell you,” she added.
He nodded and waited. Etta stared up at the ceiling and JJ suddenly felt it, what she was feeling. She was seeing it, just like he saw the bad times in his past.
*****
Etta had not allowed herself to go back to that time in many years. It’d taken her so long to escape the trauma of it that she’d built a wall around it and each year added to its thickness until it was buried deep enough it couldn’t reach her.
She knew it would surface one day, and hoped that when day came, she’d be prepared. Now that the time had come, she wasn’t at all sure she was prepared to open herself to the e
motions that memory evoked.
It was a winter night and even in her sleep, she could hear the occasional clank of pipes from the old furnace in the basement. That sound didn’t matter; it was as much a part of her home as the thick quilt on her bed that kept her toasty warm.
The sudden sound of shouting and her mother’s scream was not part of her normal home life. At first, Etta thought she was dreaming. Then her bedroom door flew open and banged against the wall. Her heart was already hammering a staccato beat when she peered out from beneath the quilt.
Had her throat not constricted, she would have screamed at the sight of the hulking figure in the doorway. Backlit by the overhead hall light, he looked like an ogre from one of the books she’d read.
Etta was frozen in fear until he took a step into the room. That’s when her body went into motion on its own. She was off the bed and scrambling beneath it before the giant had taken more than two steps.
Her voice reactivated when the bed suddenly flipped up and over toward the window, exposing her. Her scream intensified when the big man grabbed her by the hair of her head and jerked her upright.
It was like something from a nightmare. How could this be happening? Where were her dad and her mom? Etta’s body started to shiver so badly she could barely stand and her screams died. There were other screams in the house, other voices.
As she was dragged from her room and down the stairs, she started to cry. Why wasn’t her dad there to save her from this horrible man?
Her captor shoved her down the remaining stairs. She landed in a sprawl on the floor, winded by the fall. A pair of shiny black shoes were in front of her, along with legs cased in black material. She looked up to see a man looking down at her.
Etta had never seen evil until that moment, but his was the face of it. It wasn’t that he was disfigured or ugly, it was just the cold dead look of his eyes and the predatory look of his smile. He bent to reach for her and Etta screamed and tried to crawl away.
That earned her a kick in the ribs from the giant who’d carried her downstairs. Before she could cry out from the pain, the evil man had hold of her hair, pulling her to her feet. Once she was standing, he jerked her in front of him.