by Anne Bennett
‘She is too slight for this, Mammy,’ he told her. ‘She will do herself an injury. Besides, what sort of a man would it make me to sit idly by and see a child struggle? Molly is worn out. Anyone with half an eye can see it. She needs to seek her bed.’
Molly looked at Tom gratefully, as her grandmother said, ‘I will say when she goes to bed.’
‘Is that so?’ Tom snapped, suddenly and uncharacteristically angry as he faced his mother across the room. ‘No one is any use to me who is sluggish through lack of sleep. They are more a liability than anything.’
‘I told you, if Molly doesn’t work then—’
‘She doesn’t eat,’ Tom finished. ‘Don’t start on about that again.’
‘But I do work,’ Molly protested. ‘I do the very best I can.’
Tom nodded in agreement. ‘You do, Molly, but if you are to continue to help me effectively on the farm, then you need proper rest and good food. Surely, Mammy, you can see that yourself?’
Molly was grateful and surprised at her uncle’s intervention but, she noted, not as surprised as her grandmother, whose eyes were narrowed in discontent.
Biddy was almost astounded. Tom had never gone against her before; he always had been easily cowed. She knew what had changed him, however. It was all the fault of that girl. He couldn’t see what a troublemaker she was.
In a way his mother was right, for Tom had only challenged her because of pity for Molly.
He was glad, though, that his mother didn’t know how his legs were shaking and his heart thumping almost painfully against his chest. He had always secretly been afraid of her and he was annoyed and a little ashamed of himself for feeling that way because he was a grown man.
Biddy hadn’t spoken and Tom said, ‘Well, Mammy? What about it?’
‘She hasn’t even said the rosary yet,’ Biddy said.
Tom answered, ‘I’m sure God will understand the one night.’ And then he turned to Molly and said, ‘Get yourself to bed. You look all in.’
Molly gave a sigh of relief. She knew that for her grandmother this issue was not resolved and that she might suffer for it in the morning. That was another day, however, and not one that she was going to worry her head over.
She lay in bed and realised she was ridiculously excited to be going to Mass in the morning. For one thing, she would wear a dress, and then she would leave the farm, which was starting to feel a little like prison, and meet other people. Her toes curled in pleasurable anticipation of it.
Everyone at the church was interested in seeing Molly Maguire the next day. They had known she was coming. It was too small a place for anyone to keep anything secret for long. With the guards at the door of the cottage, and then the sending and receiving of telegrams, the whole community knew of the death of Nuala née Sullivan and her husband, and of the grandmother off to see to things.
When Tom had told Nellie McEvoy, the postmistress, his mother would be returning, first with both children and then just the girl, she had been amazed. Other women that she told felt the same way and a collection of townswomen had gathered in the post office to discuss it.
‘Didn’t think she’d be that bothered about any child of Nuala’s,’ Nellie said.
‘Well, no. I mean, she never even sent a scribe to her since her man died that time.’
‘Aye, and before that wouldn’t you have thought the sun shone out of young Nuala?’
‘You would,’ one said emphatically, and added, ‘Spoiling is good for neither man nor beast, and she had the child ruined altogether.’
‘Aye,’ another commented. ‘I own that she was a pretty enough wee thing and so kind and thoughtful, almost despite Biddy and all, but—’
‘It wasn’t the child’s fault,’ Nellie said. ‘She was a lovely wee thing, like a little doll, but you’d think there wasn’t another child in the universe to hear the mother talk.’
‘That’s right,’ agreed the first woman. ‘Blowing on about her all the time, till she would make a body sick.’
‘That’s why she took it so bad, likely, when the girl went off and married a Proddy, as Joe was after telling me before he took off for the States,’ another woman said. ‘Further to fall, see.’
The others nodded sagely and then Nellie commented, ‘Maybe that is why she taking the child in. Making it up to her, like.’
‘D’you think that she feels sorry for the way she went on – is that what you are saying?’ one woman asked, adding, ‘From what I know of Biddy, feeling sorry for something she does or says is not part of her make-up at all.’
‘Aye,’ Nellie said, ‘but this is death. Very final, is death, and that changes a lot of things.’
‘And,’ said the first woman, ‘she has taken the child in, there is no getting away from that.’
There were nods and murmurs of agreement.
‘So let’s all wait and see, and not have her tried by judge and jury beforehand,’ Nellie said.
‘Aye, you’re right,’ said another of the women. ‘Let’s all wait and see.’
And they did see, that first Sunday morning. Everyone saw, in fact. Those who could remember Nuala saw the resemblance to her in Molly, and they also were soon well aware, from the malice-ridden eyes Biddy turned on the girl and the brusque way she spoke to her, that she had not brought the child to live with her because she felt sorry for her. It was for other reasons altogether and not ones that were making the young orphaned girl happy.
Molly sensed the people felt sorry for her, and indeed many expressed this as they shook her by the hand, the priest, Father Finlay, amongst them.
‘In the midst of life there is death, Molly, and we must remember that,’ he told her predictably.
‘Yes, Father.’
‘And I am sure your parents are now reaping their reward in Heaven.’
‘Her father won’t be,’ Biddy said harshly and with satisfaction. ‘He’ll have descended to the fiery pit by now, where all sinners go.’
Ashamed at her grandmother saying that about her lovely father, Molly burst out, ‘He’s not. My father was no sinner.’
‘No sinner,’ Biddy repeated, and turned to the priest. ‘Went nowhere to worship, Father, neither church nor chapel. That’s why I took the girl. Couldn’t have left her there with the heathen of a grandfather, for he was the same as his son.’
The priest was embarrassed and whispered something noncommittal. Those close enough to hear what Biddy had said were looking askance at her and could clearly see how upset the poor girl was. Molly was, in fact, angry, and she wondered why her grandmother thought she had the right to judge her father. She knew not the slightest thing about him; didn’t know what a good kind man he had been. He didn’t go to church, that was true, but she knew a fair few who never missed Mass who were not half the man her father had been. And she knew that if God was the loving Father they were taught He was, then she was sure that He would treat her father fairly.
She didn’t attempt to say any of this, however, because she knew she would cry if she tried. Tom, who had stopped at the gate to talk to neighbours, had not seen any altercation and was unaware of any undercurrent until he saw the tears glistening in Molly’s eyes.
‘You all right?’ he whispered as he got closer.
Molly gave a brief nod.
‘You sure?’
Molly, seeing her grandmother was now out of earshot, said quietly, ‘I sometimes wonder if I will ever be right again, but it’s nothing that can be fixed here and now. But I’ll tell you one thing,’ she added fiercely. ‘I don’t care how sensible it is. I am not going to let my grandmother say what she likes about my parents and say nothing in their defence ever again.’
‘Molly—’ began Tom warningly.
‘No, Uncle Tom. I know what you are going to say,’ Molly said. ‘You must do as you see fit, but I will not let her or anyone else destroy the memories I have of my parents, for they were the best parents in the world to me and Kevin.’
She walked a
way from her uncle then and he watched her with worried eyes, knowing that if she stuck to her guns she was heading for extremely choppy waters.
When Molly entered the church and saw the painting of the Nativity scene, she could understand her uncle’s enthusiasm, because it was magnificent, especially with the sun glinting on the vibrant colours so that the whole thing looked almost lifelike. Somehow, the sheer beauty of it soothed her a little, and this was helped by the familiarity of the Mass, so that she let it all wash over her and give her a measure of peace.
After a very good dinner, Molly washed up while Tom took his ease by the fire with his pipe and the Sunday paper, but really he was watching Molly and as she put away the last plate he said, ‘I don’t suppose you would fancy a tramp amongst the hills this fine afternoon?’
Molly turned to her uncle with her eyes shining, for there was nothing, absolutely nothing, that she would like better. The baking for the Sunday tea had been done the day before and she could conceivably be free for an hour or two.
Biddy didn’t think so. ‘Don’t you offer to take the girl off out without as much as a by-your-leave.’
‘I wasn’t under the impression I had to ask permission of you to take a walk with my niece,’ Tom said mildly. ‘Come along with us if you like?’ He caught the look of distaste that flitted across Molly’s face at his words and the slight shiver to her body and hid his smile. He knew he was on safe ground.
‘You know full well my gallivanting days are over,’ Biddy snapped.
‘All right, Mammy,’ Tom said. ‘But Molly’s are just beginning, do you see? She’s young and well up for gallivanting. Isn’t that so, Molly?’
There was such a broad smile on Molly’s face as she answered in like manner, ‘I am, Uncle Tom.’
‘So, are you ready?’
‘Quite ready.’
‘Then what are we waiting for?’ Tom said, catching up her arm.
Only when she was a little way from the house did she say to her uncle, ‘Did you see the look? Crikey, by rights I should be lying dead now on the kitchen floor.’
‘I should say you’re not that easily killed, Molly,’ Tom said.
‘People are very easily killed when you think about it,’ Molly murmured quietly.
Tom felt immediately contrite. ‘Oh, my dear, I am so sorry.’
‘No, I’m sorry,’ Molly said. ‘For bringing such sadness into this lovely afternoon. It wouldn’t be something my parents would have approved of at all. They were always telling me to take joy in every day.’
‘You are a privileged girl to have such memories,’ Tom said. ‘Your home sounds as if it was once a happy one.’
‘It was, very.’
‘Well, no one can take those memories away, and they will help sustain you during the bad times.’
Molly nodded. ‘I know, but sometimes I am sad that those times will never come back.’
‘You are not alone, Molly,’ Tom said. ‘You’ll always have me.’
‘I know I am not alone, Uncle Tom,’ Molly commented grimly, but with the ghost of a smile playing around her mouth. ‘I have your blooming mother as well.’
Tom laughed as he said, ‘By God, young Molly, with that spark of humour, I’d say you’ll do all right. You are one of life’s survivors.’
Molly gave a definite nod of her head. ‘I fully intend to be,’ she said.
Tom caught up her arm. ‘Come on then, Molly. Let’s you and me stroll out with the best of them and you can tell me all about your life in Birmingham.’
‘Only if you tell me about my mother when she was a girl.’
‘It’s a deal,’ Tom said.
Afterwards, Molly was to see that walk she undertook with her uncle as a sort of turning point in her relationship with him. The tentative talks that had begun in the cowshed had opened the way for them and that day each found out more about the other’s life.
Molly could see how it had been for them all growing up on the farm, the three boys and the baby, Nuala, spoiled and petted by them all. She tried to paint the picture of her life before the tragedy. She wanted him to see how the adult Nuala had fared, of the fine man she had married and what a marvellous mother she was.
‘It wasn’t always easy for her, either,’ Molly said. ‘She wanted a houseful of children, she told me herself, but she lost three babies before Kevin was born. Then she was so ill giving birth to him that the doctor said there were to be no more.’
‘Ah, that must have been a disappointment for her.’
‘I’m sure it was,’ Molly said. ‘In fact, she said it had saddened her at first, but then she got over it and took pleasure in the children she had. That was the type of person she was, you see, someone really special. She said often people hanker for things they can’t have, until it takes over their lives and they miss enjoying the things they have got. I know that she would want me to always remember them, but not let their loss destroy my life totally.’
‘A wise woman, I’d say,’ Tom said. ‘And I regret the fact that I ever lost contact with her.’
‘So do I,’ Molly said. ‘I had thirteen years of loving care from my parents, while my little brother only had five. He never even knew his other grandma because she died just after his first birthday and it would have been nice for him to know – both of us, I suppose, but him especially – that there were other people that cared about us.’
‘I see that,’ Tom said. ‘Pity we can’t roll back the clock and have another go at the things we know with hindsight we did wrong. Was your other grandmother kind to you?’
‘She was lovely,’ Molly said, smiling at the memory. ‘She was round and cuddly, and her lap just the comfiest place to sit. Her house always smelled nice too, of cooking mainly, because she was always baking. When I would go and see her she always had cakes or something for me. Mom liked her too and they got on well. Granddad used to laugh and say the pair of them weren’t normal, that it was written in the rule book that they should be at it hammer and tongs.’
‘You must all have missed your grandmother when she died.’
‘We did, and it was so sudden,’ Molly said, casting her mind back. ‘I mean, she hadn’t been ill or anything. She was fine one minute and had a massive heart attack the next. I was nine then, and I didn’t think people just died like that. I was so shocked that for a while I didn’t believe she was really dead and, in the end, Granddad took me to see her and there she was lying in a coffin. I knew she was dead then. She didn’t look bad or anything, she looked just as if she was asleep, only you see I never saw my grandma so still before. She was always on the go – “on the batter”, Granddad used to call it.’
‘Does it upset you to talk about it?’ Tom asked, noting the reflective tone that had crept into Molly’s voice.
‘No, not upset really,’ Molly said. ‘It helps in a way. I mean, I wish none of it had happened, that my life with my parents and grandparents had gone on uneventfully for years and years and we would all live happy ever after. But life isn’t like that and you have to take the bad times with the good times and learn to cope with it.’
She smiled and looked up at Tom and said, ‘Your mother is about as bad as it gets, and for now, while I am a child, I have to put up with it, but she will have to chain me down when I am grown, for I will not stop here one moment longer than necessary.’
‘And I will not blame you one bit,’ Tom said earnestly.
‘Hilda was our next-door neighbour and Mom’s great friend,’ Molly said. ‘And just before I left she said that your mother was a very bitter and unhappy woman and I had not to let it drag me down; that I had to rise above it or it would destroy me too. She was lovely, Hilda, and I am dying to hear how they are all getting on. I’m sure they will write straight back.’
‘Look who is ahead of us,’ Tom said suddenly. ‘I knew we wouldn’t be the only ones out walking today. Good day, Nellie. Lovely afternoon.’
The postmistress stopped and smiled at them both. ‘Couldn�
�t be better,’ she said. ‘Hello, Molly. Lovely to see you enjoying the fine weather. You need more of it, get some roses in your cheeks, for you are far too pale. Not like my girl, Cathy here,’ she said, indicating the girl by her side, whose cheeks were like two rosy apples either side of her nose.
‘Huh, and when I go out in the sun,’ said the girl with a toss of her head, ‘all I get is more freckles.’
Molly saw the girl, who looked a similar age to herself, was right, for merry eyes danced in a face covered in little brown spots. She had glimpsed her in the chapel that morning, but her grandmother had seen to it that she had no chance of a conversation with anyone.
Tom smiled at the girl. ‘Ah, will you give over, Cathy,’ he said. ‘Sure, aren’t freckles just sun kisses?’
‘Kisses I can well do without,’ the girl said. She turned to Molly. ‘I saw you at Mass earlier and I really envied you your hair, for it is beautiful, while mine is dull brown and like a frizz in comparison.’
‘If you ask me, miss, you think too much about your appearance,’ Nellie told her daughter sharply, but Molly knew from her twinkling eyes that she wasn’t really cross. ‘And in Mass too, when you should have your mind on higher things.’
Cathy made no reply to this, though she looked not the slightest bit abashed and when she glanced across at Molly and surreptitiously gave her a wink, Molly decided that she liked Cathy McEvoy very much.
It seemed that the McEvoys liked her too, because Nellie said, ‘You must come and see us so that we can get to know you better. I am tied up with the post office through the week, but what about next Sunday for tea?’
Molly knew she would love it, but she also knew her grandmother would more than likely not allow it, but before she could open her mouth to say this, Tom said, ‘That would be lovely. You’d be delighted, wouldn’t you, Molly?’
‘Yes, but—’
‘So, shall we say four o’clock?’ Nellie said. ‘We eat about five so that gives you some time together first.’
‘Perfect,’ Tom said. ‘And I will come up later to leave Molly home.’