by Mimi Barbour
“Lance!” Cara called, trailing behind him. Her voice was full of confusion.
He stopped looking for Frenzy and turned to Cara. He hated the worry on her face. He'd caused it and never meant to. “You know how I said I didn't want a relationship the other night?” He finally broke the silence.
She nodded slowly, crossing her arms across her chest. Lance focused on her face, even though it didn't help the strong inclination to gather her in his arms and hold on tight. He wanted a taste, but one wouldn't be enough.
“When we were sitting together just now, a more than friendly thought popped into my head. I wanted to kiss you. Friends don't want to kiss friends.”
“Y-you wanted to kiss me?”
Why did it surprise her so much? “I did.” Still do. That's where the trouble was. If he wanted to kiss her, he would want to do it again. And if he did it again, it would lead to feelings and complications. What if it didn't work out? What if he brought her to meet Tamara- officially- and she got attached? What if Alex and Shelly hated the idea? What if-
Whoa. When did I get so weird about this stuff? He'd never dealt with so much insecurity as he had until now. Well, actually, until after he'd found out about Lauren's affair. Not that he could ever confront her about it, because she'd been dead for so long. Lance would have to deal with these unresolved feelings without talking to the source.
Cara didn't move from her spot. They stood feet apart, staring at one another. Her left hand twitched at her side. “But you don't want to kiss me, either.”
He searched her face for any kind of sign she was upset. Her tone and expression remained completely neutral. “It's not that I don't because of you.” Yeah, like that sounded good. When did he lose his ability to sweep a woman off her feet with charm and wit? He'd had it at one time.
“Actually, I get it. I think.” She scrunched up her nose. Lance loved the way her face crinkled in certain places, bringing out the few freckles she had. “You want to kiss me. But you don't want to kiss me because of conflicted feelings. The thought of starting over in the dating game. The whole 'what happens after I kiss you'. The pressure of dating with kids, especially when the other also has a lot on their plate.”
She'd nailed it, which made him want to kiss her even more. He moved closer, contemplating. His mind went back and forth like a swing “You got it,” he replied after a while.
“And then there's the fact that I'm this crazy hormonal woman who tells you my life story, can't handle her own kids-”
Lance held out a hand. “Whoa there. It's not like I'm all put together. Look at me. I can't even gather up the courage to take my daughter's pet home. You've got to stop doing this.”
“Stop what?”
“Downing yourself like that,” he said softly. “It's not good for you.” Sure, Lance understood, but this woman would be so much better off if she'd kept those thoughts out of her mind. When was the last time someone complimented her or made her feel like she was on top of the world? Cara didn't seem the type at all to desperately seek that kind of attention, but she deserved it. Though a little emotional, Cara was a strong woman because she kept it together for her kids. She put her all in which left her drained. He had a lot of respect for her. And a lot of wanting to kiss her pain away.
He needed to stop thinking about kissing and intimate things. Don't. Go. There.
She seemed taken aback. “Is that what I was doing?”
Wasn't it? Or was he looking more into things than he should have been. “Kinda felt like it.” Open mouth, insert foot perhaps?
“I probably do that sometimes. I'm hard on myself, but at the moment it wasn't what I meant to do.”
Feeling like a jerk, he stepped closer and reached for her hands. “I call for a do over. I think we're both feeling awkward right about now. There's a work Christmas party I'm supposed to attend Friday night. I haven't been looking forward to it, but maybe if I bring someone with me it'll be more fun. What do you say?”
“Umm...” Cara blinked. “I can see if Tess will keep the kids for a few hours. Let me check with her and get back to you?”
“Sounds good. My mom is making sure I get out a little at night. She says it's not good to keep myself cooped up in the hospital.” Oh, his mother would have a field day if Lance managed to take Cara to this party.
“Well, I agree, but then again if it were my child in the hospital, I'd want to be there day and night, too. You're close with your family?” Her tone filled with sadness at the last question. Why was that?
“As close as one can be. We have our quirks, but what family doesn't? They've been really great about staying with Tamara, even when she was in the coma.” He let her hand go. Touching her only added to the flame lit in his body for her. “I hope we get that do over. And that night, I promise to try not to be so awkward and strange.”
Cara laughed. God, she had a beautiful laugh. If only she'd do it more often. Lance wanted to find ways to bring out that laugh again and again. “You're not all that bad. Sure, we've had some interesting moments, but it's nice to have someone else to be awkward with me.”
“Perfect.” He agreed with her. How many more ways would he find to be so in sync? “Guess it's time to face the music and take Frenzy home.” Disappointment weighed on his shoulders.
“You can try a line from Alex's parody Christmas song,” Cara suggested. “The other day he sang We Wish You a Ferret Christmas.”
If he'd had a drink, Lance would have snorted it out. He could totally picture Alex singing that. It reminded him of the first day he'd met them when the carolers were singing We Wish You A Merry Christmas. “Love that. Too cute. Now I feel even more bad about having to do this.”
“Maybe he can visit Frenzy sometime.” She must not have meant to say that out loud. Lance watched her cheeks redden. Cara pursed her lips and took a step back.
“Not a bad idea. I wouldn't mind finding reasons to visit with Alex's pretty mother again. Come on, let's go find Frenzy and I'll get out of your hair for the evening.” Frankly, he needed this night to end, as his mind went in places he was unsure of, dragging himself and Cara into confusion.
Chapter Nine
Alex hadn't asked about Frenzy the next morning, but he'd barely spent time in his room since coming home to change and get ready for school. His knee seemed to be fine. Cara watched for any cues, but he seemed excited and ready to go back to school.
“I saw that man over here last night,” Shelly accused once Alex's bus drove away.
“Lance?” Cara asked, not fully thinking.
“Yes. Why was he here?”
“To pick up his ferret.”
Shelly's face fell. “Alex is gonna be so mad at me once he figures out I told. I looked up on line about ferrets so he could stay here. I heard sometimes they bite in play, but Frenzy didn't do that. He was good around Alex.”
“He might be-” Cara chose her words carefully. She didn't know if her daughter was setting another trap in order to fight with her. “It's the right thing to do. Frenzy doesn't belong to us. Lance's little girl is recovering and needs her friend back. At least you and Alex have each other.”
“Yeah, but sometimes I'm not the best big sister.”
“And sometimes, I'm not the best mom. We all get mad, we fight, and we do things we're not proud of.”
“So you still like me?” Shelly hugged her. For her daughter to show that kind of affection when she hadn't been lately meant she really felt bad.
“Always. I'll never stop. We have to stick together and not fight, though. I can't make up for missing your game, but I feel horrible. Maybe we should go for a girls' day sometime soon though and spend time together, just you and I.”
Shelly smiled. “I like that idea.” Then her expression turned serious. “I heard you asking Tess to stay with us Friday night because you're going on a date.”
Caught off guard, Cara's heart skipped a beat. She hadn't expected this conversation quite yet and wasn't ready. “Not sur
e I'd call it a date. Lance asked me to his Christmas party. I think he's more lonely than anything because his daughter is in the hospital, and we have things in common.” Hopefully Shelly wouldn't ask what.
Her daughter sent her an odd look. “Umm yeah, that's what people who date do. They have things in common.”
Not always. Cara kept the thought to herself. She didn't have a lot in common with Ethan.
“He seems nice.” Shelly shrugged. “If you date him, cool. He's good with Alex.”
No denying that. Not many men would put so much effort and thought into things the way Lance had.
“I'm not thinking about dating.” Just kissing. And being confused at Lance's confusion.
“Well, if you were, I think Lance is a good fit. So enjoy your non-date. We should go before I'm late for school.” Shelly grabbed her backpack, slung it over her shoulder, and shot her a pointed look.
The rest of the day went better than she'd imagined. Maybe the universe finally took pity on Cara and aligned the stars just right. Work didn't say anything about her cutting out early, Tess said she'd stay with the kids so she could go to the Christmas party, and no fits from Alex in the morning. Yep, things were looking up. If she could make it through Christmas and New Years without falling apart, she'd be set.
*****
Lance spent the morning taking down the Lost Pet signs. With Frenzy safely tucked away at home, he could now go tell his daughter her friend had been found. He ignored the way he felt about him being at home again. Somehow he had to find a way to get over this. Tamara had lived, and her injuries were healing. It could have been so much worse. Lance hated to admit it, but he talked to Frenzy as if the animal could converse back, but he felt a lot better after doing so. Not that he'd tell anyone else about it, but whatever worked.
He tossed the papers in the back, laughing at how he'd now ruined his organized car. That led him to thinking about Cara and he wondered if she'd say yes to going with Friday night. Especially after his wishy washy ways last night. Argh! Why in the world did he let so much of his vulnerability show to her? Was he really that comfortable with the woman? Apparently so. Either that, or he was an idiot.
Now that he had her number in his phone, Lance debated on calling her to see how Alex handled Frenzy being gone. Poor kid.
Once at the hospital, Lance immediately calmed down when Tamara and Ma were all smiles, reading a book together. What a photo worthy scene. Before he let on that he'd arrived, Lance snapped a photo with his camera phone. He stuck it back in his pocket afterwards. “Good morning!” he called cheerfully, almost honestly feeling it.
“Daddy!” Tamara's eyes lit up. He bent to kiss her forehead.
“Hey, sweet girl. How was last night?” he asked, looking his mom's way.
“Everything was great. We had ice cream, chocolate, and lots of giggly girl talk.” Ma winked.
“Oh really now?” Lance gasped in mock horror.
Tamara laughed. “Only the girl talk is true!”
“Oh, phew. That one's a relief. Hey, I've got good news for you. I found Frenzy and he's home safe and sound.” His smile wavered, but Lance held his own to avoid letting his mom or Tamara know his true feelings.
“You did? Where was he?” Tamara grabbed his hand. Excitement lit up her face.
“A little boy found him, and he's been hiding out at their house. I picked him up last night.” And almost kissed the boy's mom, then lost my mind.
The doctor strolled in and chatted with Tamara while doing a normal vitals check, so Lance and his mom stepped out for a moment to talk about things Tamara didn't need to overhear.
“How was your night, son? Did you forget about work for a while and rest?” She studied him.
“Actually, yes. I spent some of the evening with a woman,” he admitted, waiting for her reaction.
“The woman whose son ran in here the other day?” There it went. The knowing smile. He'd bet she'd ask him for more details.
“Yes, the one and only. She called last night to tell me her son kept Frenzy. She had a rough time with both of her kids, so we went to grab dinner. I took her out to look at Christmas lights. After that, I brought Frenzy home.”
“Interesting.” She tapped her foot and folded her arms.
“Ma, get the smirk off your face. It's not what you're thinking.” Except he'd invited Cara to the Christmas party. “We're friends.”
“Hey, I said nothing. You need a friend.”
“What's that supposed to mean?” He huffed.
“Son, don't get all defensive. You've been in a shell for a while.”
“Well, I invited her to the work Christmas party. As friends,” he added quickly before the comments continued. Not that it would stop his mother.
“As long as you go. Bring her by the room beforehand. I want to meet this woman. What's she like?”
“She's nice.” More than that. Cara was very nice. Understanding. A little insecure, but hey look at him last night. “You want me to bring her here before we go to the party? Are you serious?”
“Very serious. I want to meet her. I want to see she's more than nice.”
“Are you sure I should even go to this thing? I don't like being away from Tamara.”
Ma hugged him, catching Lance off guard. “You're a good father. You deserve a break here and there. Don't feel guilty just because you aren't with Tamara 24/7. You can leave a little trust to your family.”
“I'm not trying to say I don't trust you. I do feel bad. I feel like-” Whoa. He'd almost admitted to his mother that he felt like this whole thing was his fault.
Putting her hands firmly on his shoulders, she stood close. “Hear me. You did not cause this. It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself, and stop blaming Frenzy. Things happen. It could have been worse. You're doing the best you can. Don't give me that look. I know what you're thinking even when you don't say it. I've been your mother for thirty four years, I know my son. You good for now, or do I need to stay longer?”
“No, I'm good. Looking forward to spending some time with Tamara.” They'd be better once she could go home, but at least conversations weren't one sided any more. Lance bet she'd talk non stop about Frenzy, but if it made her happy, then he was fine with it.
“It'll be easier when she's home and things get back to normal. Love you, kiddo.” She tousled his hair.
Lance laughed, ducking away from the gesture. “Love you too, Ma. Thanks for everything. And if it makes you happy, I'll bring Cara by before the party.” Then he added, ”If she says yes.”
“Who wouldn't say yes to this face?” Pinching his cheeks, his mother chuckled.
“Okay, stop!” Lance moved away, shaking his head. His mother and her touchy feely stuff. Even at thirty four, he couldn't avoid it. He loved her, quirks and all.
“See you later. Let me say bye to Tamara and I'll go for now.”
*****
An hour after coming home, Alex came running out of his room in a panic. Eyes wide, face red, tears running down his cheeks. “Mom! I can't find him!” he shouted.
She didn't have to even ask. Cara knew. “Honey, let's sit down. We need to talk.”
Alex backed away from her. At any minute, she expected a full blown meltdown. Cara blew out a breath and hoped for the best.
“Remember when you hurt yourself yesterday and you held on tight to your stuffed animal?” Did she already use this tactic, or had Lance? When they first discussed this. Cara couldn't remember.
“He took him.” Alex's normal monotone voice grew louder. “And you let him. Why are you so mean?”
Her heart hurt for her son's pain. When he looked at her with such anger and hurled the mean comment, she couldn't take it. Tears formed in her eyes. “Alex-”
“Go away!” He hobbled toward his room and slammed the door. While not a full fledged outburst, he was definitely upset. Something flew toward the door with a loud thump and then Alex must have flopped on his bed crying.
She stood out
side his door, poised to open it. She needed to talk him through this. Why was parenting so confusing at times? Cara was the adult here. She should be able to walk in and talk to her son calmly. But she couldn't. Fearing his reaction and more of the words he'd said earlier, Cara couldn't force herself to walk in there.
Shelly entered the hallway with the worst guilty expression. She puckered her lips. “He found out, huh?”
Cara nodded, attempting to keep the tears at bay. Don't cry, don't cry!
“Let me try talking to him,” Shelly offered.
“Maybe it's best to let him be.”
“I know what the doctors say, but we can't always leave him alone when he has one of these things. I should tell him I was the one upset and told on him, even though he should never have kept Frenzy and not said anything. Please let me try?”
Cara stared at her daughter, realizing how grown up Shelly acted at times and was immediately grateful for the help. “Sure, but call me if you need anything.”
“I'll be okay. Promise. Love you!” Shelly kissed her cheek and knocked on Alex's door.
Taken aback by the sudden gesture, Cara watched helplessly as Shelly walked inside Alex's room. Not too long after, his crying stopped. When laughter followed after a while, a mix of relief and regret slammed her. Whatever Shelly did, it worked.
Her phone rang. Cara did a double take when Lance's number showed up on the caller ID. “Hello?” Her voice cracked. She cringed.
“Hi, Cara. I'm wondering how Alex is taking it with Frenzy being gone.”
If she stood in front of a mirror, Cara was sure she'd laugh at her expression. Her jaw dropped. Touched by his concern, she hoped her words wouldn't come out jumbled. “Umm...” Yeah, so much for that. Another failed attempt at keeping in check.
“That bad, huh?” He groaned. “I'm so sorry.”
“He says I'm mean,” Cara muttered, totally hating that she'd just said it out loud. It felt like she'd just tattled on her own kid!
“For what it's worth, I think you're one of the nicest people I know.” The genuine feeling in his tone touched a thousand places in her body, most of all her heart.