by Lynn Ames
“That’s good, Mama, because I have a surprise for you.”
“You’re giving me the keys to the plane?”
Natalie’s laughter carried out to Jessie. “I love you, Mama, you know that?”
“I do. And it’s a good thing, since I invested so much money in you.”
“Very funny.”
“Grandma Claudia, you have a visitor.”
Jessie could tell by the tone of Chelsea’s voice that she was bouncing again.
“I have two. I may be old, but I can still see, sweetheart.”
“No. You have another visitor.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Mama, Jessie is here.”
There was a long pause.
“What did you say?”
“Jessie is here, Grandma Claudia. She’s right outside the door. She came all the way from Washington with us to see you.”
Another pause.
“Mama, are you all right?”
Jessie pushed off the wall as alarm spread through her. Her pulse hammered in her ears.
“Jessie? My Jessie is here? Here, as in, in the building?” Jessie released the breath she’d been holding. Claudia was okay, after all.
Chelsea laughed. “She’s just outside that door.”
“Oh. Oh, goodness. You’re serious?” The excitement in Claudia’s voice warmed Jessie to the core.
“Absolutely. She’s here, Mama, and she wants very much to see you.”
“You found my Jessie.”
“Oh, don’t cry, Grandma Claudia. We found your Jessie. She’s awesome.”
“You found my Jessie. After all this time.”
“Here, Mama. Here’s a Kleenex.”
Jessie heard Claudia blow her nose.
“You want me to tell her to come in, Grandma Claudia?”
“What? Right now? With me looking such a fright? Heavens no.”
“Whoa, Mama. Lie back down.”
“Help me. Oh, dear. I’ve got to get dressed. Natalie, get me that green dress, you know the one. And I need makeup. I’ve got to put my face on. Where’s my hairbrush?”
Jessie ran a hand over her face. Claudia wanted to look good for her. For her. It was too much to hope for.
Jessie could hear a lot of activity in the room, and she imagined Natalie and Chelsea helping Claudia prepare for a moment sixty-seven years in the making. She wanted to tell Claudia not to bother with all that, not to expend her precious energy on trivial matters, but she understood that Claudia likely was as nervous as she was.
As the sound of footsteps approached from inside the room, Jessie moved away from the door and tried to act nonchalant.
“Hey, Jessie. Sorry for the delay. Grandma Claudia’s ready for you now.” Chelsea took stock of Jessie standing a few steps down the hallway from the door. “You weren’t standing all this time, were you? Are you okay?”
“Thank you, Chelsea. I’m fine.”
“Grandma Claudia wanted to look her best for you,” Chelsea whispered conspiratorially in Jessie’s ear. “She’s pretty as a picture.”
“She was always pretty as a picture,” Jessie whispered back and patted Chelsea on the cheek.
“Go get ’em, tiger.” Chelsea stood back and beamed.
“Stop looking at me like that.” Jessie’s admonition only made Chelsea grin bigger. Impulsively, she stepped forward, straightened Jessie’s collar, and gave her a fierce hug.
Flustered, Jessie dropped her cane.
“Oops. My bad, Jessie. I’ll get it.” She did, handing it back to Jessie with a wink.
Jessie squared her shoulders and started forward. After two steps, she stopped.
“What’s the matter?”
“Take this,” Jessie said, handing Chelsea her cane.
“But, Jessie.”
Jessie held up a hand and shook her head. She would not let Claudia see her looking infirm or weak. She wanted to be that twenty-year-old gallant butch that Claudia remembered. One deep breath, and she strode forward, praying that she wouldn’t fall flat on her face.
She lifted her chin up as she came around the doorframe. And froze. There was her Claudia, sitting up in a recliner, looking breathtakingly beautiful.
No one spoke. It was as if time stopped. Slowly, Jessie smiled through her tears. “Hello, Claude.”
“Hi there, sugar. Fancy meeting you here.” Claudia held out her hand. “What took you so long?”
“We’ll just give you two some privacy.”
“But Grandma, this is just the coolest thing ever. I want to—”
“Come on, Chelsea. We’re going.”
Jessie barely noticed as Natalie slipped out the door, taking Chelsea with her and closing the door behind her.
“You look even more beautiful than I remember, Claude.”
“You’re still not a good liar, sugar, and I could still clean your clock at poker.”
Jessie laughed. “I have no doubt, and I’d gladly let you.” Carefully, she closed the distance between them and handed Claudia the flower. “I mean it. You look as pretty as I remember. Prettier.”
“Thank you for this.” Claudia sniffed the flower and placed it on a nearby table. “And you look positively swarthy. My heroic girl.”
Jessie took the hand Claudia offered and gently kissed it. The tears swimming in Claudia’s eyes matched her own.
“Claude.”
“Jessie.”
They spoke at the same time.
“You go first,” Jessie said.
“No, you.”
“Okay, then. Claude…” Jessie’s voice shook, and she paused to compose herself. “Claude, I need you to know that I never stopped loving you. Never.” Jessie bowed her head as her tears overflowed. “I love you as much today as I did sixty-seven years ago. No one but you ever had my heart.”
“Oh, Jess. Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that?”
Jessie nodded. “As long as I’ve waited to say it, sweetheart.” She put her hand to Claudia’s cheek. “My beautiful, magical Claude.”
“Kiss me, sugar. Kiss me like you used to.”
“What if someone comes in?”
Claudia chuckled. “At this point in our lives, do you really care?”
“I was only concerned about your honor.”
“To heck with that, Jess. Kiss me, already.”
Jessie leaned down and cupped the back of Claudia’s neck. When their lips met, everything that had happened in Jessie’s life in the intervening years disappeared. There was only Claudia, melting underneath her, taking and yielding all at the same time.
“I love you, Jess. With all my heart and soul. I never thought I’d get the chance to say that to you again in person, but I’m so glad I did.”
“I love you, Claudia Sherwood. For eternity and beyond.” Jessie leaned away from Claudia in order to bring her face into better focus. “That reminds me. Where did Turner come from?”
Claudia laughed, which brought on a coughing fit. Jessie scrambled to the nearby table and picked up a glass of water for her.
When she was able, Claudia said, “Lana Turner, of course. You remember my penchant for the movies.”
Jessie nodded knowingly. “Figures. I don’t know why that didn’t occur to me.”
“It was the first thing that popped into my head, though don’t ask me why I was thinking of a glamorous movie star when I was so busy feeling decidedly unglamorous.”
For the first time, Jessie noticed that, underneath the makeup, Claudia looked exhausted. “We ought to get you into bed, love.”
Claudia winked. “I’ve waited a long time for you to make me that offer again, sugar.”
“I’m serious. This is a lot to take in—a lot of excitement for both of us—and I can see that you’re tired.”
Claudia’s lips formed a thin line. Quietly, she said, “I’ll have plenty of time to rest soon enough. I don’t want to waste a second that I could be spending with you.”
“I didn’t say I w
as going anywhere, did I?” Jessie offered Claudia her hands. “I promise, I won’t leave your side.” Carefully, lovingly, she pulled Claudia upright and steered her into her arms. Claudia fit neatly underneath her chin as Jessie stroked her back. She breathed in and caught a whiff of Claudia’s perfume. It was the same scent she’d worn all those years ago. Jessie smiled into her hair.
“I want to stay like this forever, sugar.”
“Me too.” After a few minutes, Jessie said, “I’ve got a confession to make.”
“I’m listening,” Claudia said against her chest.
“My legs aren’t as strong as they used to be. I think I might need to sit down.”
“Of course. Help me to the bed, darling.”
Jessie guided them over to the bed, where she used her remaining strength to lower Claudia slowly onto the mattress. Jessie sat down with her and rested. “Can I help you get undressed?”
“I thought you’d never ask. My nightie is in the closet. Get it for me?”
When Jessie returned, Claudia was struggling to unzip her dress.
“Here. Let me do that.”
Claudia hesitated with her hand on the zipper.
“What is it, love?”
Claudia’s lower lip trembled. “You should know before you do this that I don’t have the body I used to.”
Jessie leaned forward and kissed Claudia’s mouth. “You’re beautiful.” She finished undoing the zipper and nudged Claudia to lift up so she could help her out of the dress.
“Wait, sugar.” Claudia sounded panicked.
“What is it?” Jessie paused with her hand on the clasp of Claudia’s bra.
Claudia tried to catch her breath. “I need to rest for a minute. And I need to tell you something.”
“I’m listening.” Jessie lowered her hand and brushed her fingers across Claudia’s bare back. She was as slender as ever, maybe more so.
“I…” Claudia swallowed audibly.
“It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.”
“They took my left breast, Jess. I’m deformed.” Claudia leaned into Jessie. Her shoulders shook.
“Oh, honey. They prolonged your life so that we could be together again. You’re still you, every bit of you. Nothing else matters.” Cautiously, Jessie reached up and unhooked Claudia’s bra, sweeping the straps off her shoulders, off one arm, and then off the other. There was an angry red scar where Claudia’s beautiful left breast had been.
Claudia tried to fold her arms over her chest, but Jessie stopped her. “Don’t.” She ducked her head and gently kissed where Claudia’s nipple used to be, then brushed her lips the length of the scar. When she finished, she met Claudia’s fearful gaze. “I love you, Claude. You’re every inch a beautiful, desirable woman. I’m going to have to beat off the competition with a stick.”
“As if,” Claudia said, her voice choked with emotion.
Jessie lowered the nightie over Claudia’s head and settled it over her body. Then she pulled down the covers, lifted Claudia’s legs, and tucked her in.
Claudia’s eyes started to close, and with obvious effort, she strained to open them again.
“Don’t fight it. You need the sleep.”
“I need you more.” Claudia’s speech started to slur.
“I already told you, I’m not going anywhere.”
Weakly, Claudia patted the bed next to her. “Lie down with me, sugar. Hold me. Please?”
Jessie knew she would never deny Claudia anything, ever again. She sat down on the side of the bed and took off her shoes, then slid under the covers and pulled Claudia into her arms. The bed was not really big enough for both of them, but they would make do. She stroked Claudia’s hair as she heard Claudia’s labored breathing even out.
When she was satisfied that Claudia was sleeping peacefully, Jessie closed her own eyes and surrendered to slumber.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
In her dream, Jessie was holding Claudia as she slept, their hearts beating in synchrony. It was such a wonderful feeling, she never wanted to wake up. Then she caught a hint of Claudia’s perfume in the air and her eyes flew open for confirmation.
Claudia was nestled with her head on Jessie’s shoulder, her breathing somewhat labored but regular. Jessie stroked her hair and kissed her softly on the forehead. “I love you, Claude,” she whispered, not wanting to wake her. Jessie flinched as the door to the room slowly opened, but she did not move or relinquish her hold on Claudia.
Natalie peeked her head in, then entered quietly and approached the bed. If she was surprised at or upset by the tableau before her, she gave no indication of it. “How long has she been asleep?” she whispered.
“How long ago did you leave us alone?”
“About three hours. I took Chelsea home and came back.”
“Then she’s probably been asleep about two-and-a-half hours. She was exhausted, although she never would have admitted it.”
“Sounds about right. How are you holding up?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you need me to get your meds for you?”
“Not just yet.” Jessie didn’t want to be reminded about her own frailties. “I didn’t… I don’t want Claude to know.”
“Know what?” Claudia said, weakly. Her eyes remained closed.
“Nothing, love. Go back to sleep.”
Claudia snuggled closer. “Are you really here, Jess? Or am I hallucinating?”
“I’m really here. Go back to sleep, sweetheart.” Jessie rubbed Claudia’s shoulder gently and kissed the top of her head. Claudia settled down and her body relaxed back into sleep.
When Jessie looked back up, Natalie was smiling broadly. There were tears in her eyes. “I haven’t seen her sleep this peacefully since she’s been here.” She turned around to compose herself. When she faced Jessie again, she said, “Thank you. Thank you for coming back with us and putting that smile on Mama’s face. Thank you for loving her.”
“Your mother was always easy to love. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love her.”
Natalie was quiet, and Jessie could see there was something on her mind. She was afraid she might know what it was.
“It’s none of my business why you and Mama ever parted ways…”
“You’re right.” Jessie hoped her response made it clear the topic was off-limits.
“Let me finish, please.” Natalie began to pace. “I mean, the times were different then, and I’m sure it must have been so hard for you both. Obviously, you had your reasons and Mama had hers. I… I just wish for both of you it could’ve been different. It’s so clear how much in love you two are, even after all this time. Mama has been so alone and lonely all these years.” Natalie’s voice broke. “Anyway…”
Jessie nodded around the lump in her throat. If she spent too much time thinking about how different their lives could have been… Well, it just didn’t bear too much thinking. So she decided to change the topic. “I have a huge favor to ask of you.”
“Anything.”
“You haven’t heard it yet. You might want to wait.”
“I’m listening.”
“It’s not for me, so much as it is for your mother.”
Natalie nodded.
“She didn’t want to tell you, because she didn’t want to be a burden or to make your life difficult.”
Natalie moved closer to the bed. “What is it?”
“I’m sure you did what you thought was best for Claudia.”
“Please, just tell me what it is. I’m feeling awful and I don’t even know why yet.”
“Your mother really wants to be home. She wants to die in her own bed, surrounded by her own things. She wants her dignity and privacy.” Natalie blinked several times, but said nothing, so Jessie continued. “It’s not that there’s anything wrong with this place, and I’m sure the care is more than adequate. But it’s not the same.”
“Why didn’t she tell me?” Natalie’s voice was filled with self-reproach.
“Oh, Mama.” Natalie swallowed a sob and put shaking fingers to her lips. “If she’d just told me.” Natalie’s eyes pleaded with Jessie for understanding. “I only wanted her to have the best care possible. If anything happens here, there’s a doctor on call and wonderfully caring nurses. I… I…”
“Natalie,” Jessie waited for Natalie to look at her, “your mother knows you only want what’s best for her. She never thought otherwise. Neither do I, for what it’s worth, and she’ll probably kill me for saying anything.”
Natalie frowned.
“Listen, I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere. I could take care of her—”
“Jessie, I know you mean well, but you’re not in any condition to take care of Mama. You have no idea what she requires. She has to be lifted, her bedpan changed, she needs sponge baths and medications.” Natalie ran her hands through her hair and resumed pacing. “Okay.”
Jessie simply raised an eyebrow and watched as Natalie worked through whatever she obviously was debating in her head.
“Okay.” Natalie stopped pacing and turned to face Jessie. “Mama always put me first. She sacrificed so much for me and never asked for anything in return. She never let me help her financially or pay her back for medical school, despite the fact that I know she needed the money. The greatest gift I could give her is time alone with you.”
Natalie nodded to herself. Jessie wondered if she even remembered there was anyone else in the room.
“So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to arrange for a private nurse to stay in the house. She’ll be upstairs, and you and Mama will be downstairs in Mama’s room, so you’ll have as much privacy as possible. I’ll interview the nurse myself to make sure she understands and has no problem with your relationship.”
Jessie tried not to fidget. To hear Claudia’s daughter talk about them like this was disconcerting and not a little uncomfortable.
Natalie finally looked Jessie in the eye. “Does that sound acceptable to you?”
“It’s fine with me, if it’s okay with your mother.”
“Jessie, do you have any…help at home?”