Sliding his chair back, he folded his hands behind his head and stretched his legs out underneath the table. “Mr. Walker asked me to drop something off at the office, so I got to leave class before the bell.”
He really did look tired. “Did you stay up late every night during your camping trip?”
“No, we went to bed early. My brother likes to hike until he’s dead tired. We logged eight-mile hikes each day, then camped. Of course, each morning he got me up at the crack of dawn to start the torture all over again.” Ethan snorted, then winced as he bent his knees.
“A bit sore?” I teased, reaching out to touch his thigh.
He immediately sat up and his leg shifted out of my reach. “I’ll live. Let’s talk about Sunday.”
I furrowed my brow, uncertain if I’d just imagined that he’d sat up to purposefully pull away from me or if I was being paranoid. “That wasn’t a fun scene.”
Setting his elbows on the table, Ethan steepled his fingers and pressed them against his mouth. “I know it bothers you that you’re just now finding out about your dad, but look at it this way, Nara, it’s got to feel good to know you’re not alone.”
“I don’t feel alone,” I said and then it hit me where he was coming from. “And you shouldn’t either. We have each other—” I started to touch his hand, but he quickly moved it under the table. My stomach dropped. “Why do you keep pulling away from me? I’m not imagining it.”
Ethan blew out a breath. “Being up in the mountains gave me time to think about everything. Since things kept happening that I couldn’t predict from your dreams, I think it’s best if you get your dreams back.”
A heavy weight thumped against my chest. “Are—are you saying you don’t want to see me any more?”
His jaw clenched and his hand fisted on the table. “No, Nara. I just think it’s best if two of us are seeing your dreams. If we spend time together, I’ll still share your dreams like I did before, but…” His gaze skimmed my hair, my face, then lingered on my lips, before he finished,” I can’t touch you any more.”
You’re having your first real nightmare. Wake up! Wake up! I dug my short fingernails into my palms. The pain came, radiating up my arms, but nothing changed. Ethan was still staring at me with his steely, determined gaze. “I don’t—” I choked and blinked to hold back tears. “I don’t know—”
“Nara…” Sadness reflected in his eyes. He started to lift his hand toward my face, but curled his fingers inward and set a tight fist on the table. “I don’t like it either, but I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you because I’d stolen your dreams.”
There had to be another way. I couldn’t imagine spending time with Ethan and not being able to touch him. Ever. Again. “Maybe I need a dragon tattoo.”
Amusement flickered, but he shook his head. “You’ve been given your powers for a reason,” he said quietly.
“I inherited them,” I said in a flat tone. “And what about your powers? Do you believe you have them for a reason?”
His expression hardened. “That’s not fair. This isn’t a gift. It’s a curse,” he said through gritted teeth.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, instinctively reaching for him. Catching myself, I jerked my hand back, then grabbed my books and stood. I needed to get out of there before I started to cry. “I have to do some research in the library,” I said, then turned and walked out.
I found an empty seat in the back corner of the library and sat there rubbing my temples so I wouldn’t cry. After all we’d been through, I couldn’t believe what Ethan had just done. Didn’t he know it broke my heart? I pictured the sadness in his eyes and hunched my shoulders, letting the tears fall. He was right.
He has an inner strength that’s amazing to see in someone so young. Aunt Sage’s comment about Ethan floated through my mind. He always tried to do what was right by me, regardless of his own feelings. Why was that fact so easy to forget?
Because you’d wanted to work up the courage to tell him how you feel about him and now you’re scared you lost your chance.
***
At the end of the day, I was so relieved to see Ethan leaning against my car, my eyes instantly misted. The determined set of his jaw told me he hadn’t given up on me. I loved him even more for his belief in us. I’d worn the peach sunglasses he’d given me, hoping he’d know we were all right. I blinked away the moisture and dug into my backpack as I approached.
Stopping a couple feet away, my hand shook as I held the folded piece of paper out to him. “You probably saw all the research I did on the meaning of feathers, but I thought you might like the information compiled in one place.” I gave a tentative smile when Ethan took the paper and unfolded it.
“Thanks for doing this,” he said quietly. Scanning the contents, his brow creased and he pointed to a website address I’d added at the end. “What’s this? This website wasn’t something I remember you finding in your aunt’s books.”
“I thought you saw my entire day,” I said with a smug half-smile.
“I usually do, except when my brother interrupts my normal sleep pattern to ‘get an early start on the day’.”
I was pleased to share something new with him. “I found an old posting from a couple years ago on a message board, asking about the significance of a feather tattoo on a shoulder blade.” I shrugged. “Though this person’s wasn’t exactly the same as yours, since they mentioned a fully inked feather, not just the outline of one.”
The paper crumpled in his hand. “You mean like this?” Jerking his jacket and shirt down, he turned so I could see his shoulder.
I gasped and my stomach bottomed out. The feather was now completely filled in, except for an area along the middle. There, purple and green colors merged together, like the shimmer of light reflecting on an otherwise pitch-black feather.
“I don’t understand. How—how’d this happen? You were in the mountains with your brother, right?”
He folded the piece of paper and shoved it in his jeans’ pocket. Jaw clenched, he stared at the mostly empty parking lot. “When I left for the mountains, it wasn’t filled in,” he paused, his blue eyes sharpening. “I have no idea how this happened, but I’m going to find out.”
Worry tightened my chest. “Have you told your brother about the feather?”
His focus snapped back to me. “Other than you, Samson’s the only one who’s on my side. The difference is, he doesn’t really get what’s going on with me. You do, Nara. Do you really think he’d understand a tattoo appearing from nowhere and then, in a matter of a few days, filling itself in?”
“Show it to him and explain. He’s your brother, Ethan,” I said in an upbeat tone. Ethan’s stubborn look dashed my hope that he would tell his brother anything.
The creases were back, making deep grooves around his mouth. “Telling Samson might put him over the edge. I need his support. I can’t lose that.”
I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hold him close, but I knew he wouldn’t let me. “What are you going to do?”
“More research.”
Research didn’t sound so bad. “I’ve scoured the net, but let me know if you find anything.” I stared at him, still a bit worried. “Are you…okay? About the feather, I mean?”
“I have to be okay with it.”
“Does it hurt at all?”
“Only where I scrubbed my skin trying to get rid of it.” He gave a grim look. “It’s there to stay.”
With a sigh, I turned and opened my trunk. As I retrieved my soccer bag for practice, Ethan said, “I’ve been thinking about something your aunt said about your dad.”
Tugging the soccer bag onto my shoulder, I slammed my trunk harder than I’d meant to. “I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Just listen.”
I faced him, arms crossed. “Fine.”
Ethan ran his hand through his hair. “While I was laying there staring at the stars, something your aunt said kept bothering me. She said
your father only tried to contact you once he’d learned you had his powers and had lost them, right?”
I nodded.
“Remember, I’d been seeing your dreams for a while before we officially met.”
Where was he going with this? “And?”
Ethan rubbed the back of his neck, looking puzzled. “If your aunt was telling the truth, then why did your father try to call your house that day a few weeks ago? That was before you told your aunt you had the ability to see your future through your dreams.”
I opened my mouth, then closed it, because I didn’t have an answer. “Now that I think about it, Aunt Sage had seemed surprised to learn my dad would’ve called our house if I hadn’t blocked his call.”
“Do you remember what he said to your mother in your dream?”
“I only heard Mom’s responses.” I closed my eyes, trying to remember. “She said, ‘Inara’s here. She’s fine.’ And then she paused and said, ‘She’s perfectly safe’. I assumed that he called to ask about me once he’d seen the bomb threat on the news.”
“Yeah, that would’ve been the day after you called in the school bombing.”
I gripped my soccer bag’s strap. “So what’s bothering you?”
Instead of answering, Ethan asked another question. “When you dream your entire day, how do you see it? Do you see yourself like you’re starring in a movie?”
I’d never thought about how I saw my dreams. “No, it’s not like that. I see everything from my point-of-view. I don’t see myself. Do you see something different?”
“Yeah, it’s like I’m watching a movie and you’re starring in it.”
I had no idea Ethan was seeing my dreams from another perspective. “What does that have to do with my dad?”
“Because I heard what your dad said to your mom, Nara. He said, ‘Elizabeth, I know I’m the last person you want to hear from. Inara is special and her safety’s of the utmost importance. Can I please speak to her?’ Maybe he was calling because he wondered if you’d been the one to call it in.”
My pulse whooshed in my ears. “You think my dad knew that I called the bombing in because of my dreams?”
Ethan shoved his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know for sure, but putting what he said together with the timing of his call—right after the bombing incident was averted at school—and then the fact your aunt said he’d paid the highest price for interfering, it just got me wondering.” His blue eyes focused on me. “Maybe you should talk to him. Find out all you can about your powers.”
Setting my lips in a firm line, I shook my head. “I’ve dealt with this ‘gift’ for a while now. When my dad left us, my mom nearly lost it. I won’t go there again, Ethan. I won’t put her through seeing or hearing from him, just because I’m curious about my powers.”
“I would kill to have someone to talk to about my power, to know I wasn’t the only one—” he started to say, then cut himself off, sighing heavily. “Whether you like it or not, you have your dad’s ability. Your aunt and your dad don’t know that your dreams never really disappeared. With the warnings your aunt mentioned ‘to respect your power and not intervene’ and your recent run-ins with Fate, you have to be wondering what price your dad paid.”
Chapter Nineteen
What price had my dad paid?
The question had echoed in my mind ever since I learned we shared the same ability. But my desire for answers didn’t override my worry of how my dad’s sudden reappearance would affect Mom and me…except for one burning question.
What if my dad had dealt with Fate before?
Had my dad prevented a disaster, only to watch people get hurt anyway, like I’d experienced with people at school?
The nagging “need to know” had me picking up my cell phone several times to call my aunt and ask for my dad’s info, but I’d always put it back down. Resentment and curiosity fought major battles in my brain, making my thoughts a mishmash of contradictions.
I hated my dad for what his leaving did to my mom and me, but a part of me really wanted to know more about my powers—why we had them and what to expect as I grew older. And yeah, the insecure part of me wanted to confront him and demand, “Why did you leave us? How could you leave me?” But then I pictured my mom falling apart and worry for her stamped out all the “pro-reunion” voices in my head.
It was hard enough to see Ethan at school and talk with him in study hall. Spending any time alone together without being able to touch would’ve killed me, so I suggested we finish up our History project via email. It hurt that he agreed, but it was for the best.
Wednesday morning, the sunlight slipped sleepily into my room, its rays warm and inviting. My eyes slowly opened and as my brain engaged, a floodgate of emotions rushed forward. I was tired again. My dreams had returned, but I didn’t feel whole or happy. Instead, sadness and regret engulfed me. Tears fell hard and fast, while deep, heart-wrenching loss clogged my throat. I wasn’t crying because of my dreams. I was crying, because dreaming about my future again meant that my special connection with Ethan had diminished…and would never return.
I was all put back together, but had never felt more torn apart.
Mom had left on business the night before, and as I dragged myself through my morning routine of getting ready for school, the silent house felt quiet and echo-y, making me feel especially alone.
I kept to myself the entire day at school and even spent study hall in the library. I knew I was moping and feeling sorry for myself, which meant I was probably punishing Ethan in the process, but I couldn’t help how I felt. Ethan didn’t complain, though I saw the resigned understanding in his eyes when he walked me out to my car after school.
“You got your dreams back last night, didn’t you?” he asked when we stopped beside my car.
The wind swirled his black hair around his face, making me jealous. I wanted to feel the thick mop twist and curl around my fingers. “Yeah,” I said, peering up at him through my peach shades. They were the only ones I wore now.
Ethan hunched his shoulders to ward off the chill air, his army jacket bunching around his chin. “You coming back to study hall tomorrow?”
His blue gaze held more than a question. It reflected the need I felt deep inside, the same knocked-in-the-gut pain I’d experienced this morning when I realized I had my dreams back. “You still see my dreams, don’t you?”
When he nodded, I exhaled a sigh of relief. “That’s good. What about the visions and voices? Are they coming back during the day?”
He shrugged. “Nothing I can’t handle.”
My heart twisted. I wanted to touch him, to take away his pain and lessen my own.
Awkward silence passed between us, then he took a couple steps back so I could open my car door. “I guess you need to head home now.”
There was so much I wanted to say to him. “Ethan, this is just so hard—”
He suddenly stepped so close that I tensed, even as my insides skittered in excitement. “I want to touch you, Nara, but I can’t,” he said in a low, tortured tone. “I want to kiss you, but I can’t. All I can do is watch you from a distance and it’s killing me.” His gaze searched the planes of my face before he stepped back again. “I’ll see you at your game.”
I didn’t think it was possible to fall even more deeply in love with him, but my emotions shredded in the wind whipping around us. “I miss you, too,” I said in a strangled voice, then opened my car door. Before I closed it, Ethan asked, “When are you going to contact your dad?”
“I can’t. I deleted all his text messages.”
He frowned. “That’s a cop out.”
“It’s the truth.”
“You can call your aunt anytime for his information, Nara. Hide it from your mom if you think that’s best, but I think you should contact him.”
Shutting the door, I drove off, wishing I wasn’t such a chicken and that Ethan’s opinion didn’t matter so much.
***
The next day,
I waited by Ethan’s locker first thing in the morning, my nerves wound tight. My heart jumped when I saw Lainey and Jared walking hand-in-hand down the hall.
She stopped beside me, her eyes shining with excitement. “You’re coming to Jared’s party tonight, right?”
Jared flashed a big smile. “Yeah, come on, Nara. I want to celebrate my girl’s win last night.”
I swallowed the hard lump in my throat. While Jared turned to high-five with one of the football players, Lainey clasped my hand and squeezed. “Bring Ethan. Coming to a party might help loosen him up some.”
“I’ll try.”
“Great.” As Jared dragged her away, she waved. “See you later.”
“Not a good idea,” Ethan said near my ear, making me jump.
I turned to him, eyes pleading. “I know this party will probably give you a whole slew of new nightmares, but can you please go with me?”
Ethan’s jaw tensed. “You’re not going to warn her about him, are you?”
“It wouldn’t do any good. She needs to see for herself this time.”
“What about the other?”
I heard the tension in his voice. “Even if I hadn’t dreamed it, I would never have let her drive drunk.”
When Ethan leaned back against his locker, a look of disapproval on his face, I folded my arms across my chest. “What? You expect me to stand by and do nothing?” My voice rose slightly as anxiety clawed at my throat. “I would’ve taken her keys anyway, like a good friend should.”
“You did take her keys.”
“Her sneaking out of the bathroom and snitching the keys from the shelf where I’d set them wasn’t what I expected.”
“Exactly. You tried.”
“We might not know how bad the accident is, but we know she has one. I’ll just drive her home myself.”
He slowly shook his head, his jaw set. “Maybe…it was meant to be, Nara.”
“Ethan” I was in a panic. He had to help me help Lainey. I’d thought I’d been successful in making Fate back off, but it was continuing the pattern. I couldn’t not act.
Dark Roses: Eight Paranormal Romance Novels Page 78