by Amy Andrews
‘Whereabouts?’
‘At the general hospital, in their emergency department.’
‘And you came home because you were...’ He raised both eyebrows. ‘Over it?’ She shook her head. ‘Burned out?’ She shook it again. ‘I know,’ he said, smiling, drawing attention to his lips, ‘St Felicity was sacked.’
‘No.’ She laughed.
‘It was drugs, wasn’t it? It’s okay, you can tell. You’re secret is safe with me.’
‘No,’ she said, laughing harder. ‘Try again.’
‘Hmm.’ He narrowed his eyes, his gaze roaming all over her face for long moments. ‘I know,’ he announced. ‘It was because of a man, wasn’t it? He broke your heart.’
Felicity’s breath hitched at his startling accuracy. She hoped her face didn’t betray how badly her heart had been broken as she forced joviality into her voice. ‘Bingo.’
Callum’s face morphed from teasing to serious in one second flat. ‘Oh, God, sorry. I didn’t mean...I shouldn’t have been kidding around. That was...dumb.’
‘It’s fine. It was four years ago. I’m over it.’
It was a startling revelation to realise she was over it. The hurt had lingered for such a long time. But she could put her hand on her heart right here, right now and honestly say that all the feelings she’d had for Ned were no more.
She’d always love him in that nostalgic we-were-good-together-and-you-used-to-mean-the-world-to-me way. They’d had a lot of great times. There’d been a lot of love. But she was over the heartache.
She was healed. And not crazy glued back together but actually fully knitted.
‘How long were you together?’
‘Four years. He—Ned—was a nurse. We went through uni together and we both worked in A and E. We were friends first and it kind of developed slowly from there. Crept up on us, I guess.’
‘So how did it all go wrong? What happened?’
To this day, Felicity still didn’t fully understand it. It had been so sudden. ‘One day he just said he’d met somebody else. Just...’ Felicity splayed her hands ‘...like that. We were a few weeks off taking a holiday to New Zealand. I thought he was going to propose.’ She gave a half-laugh and shook her head, thinking about how damn clueless she’d been. ‘On the day he dumped me I was asking him if his passport had arrived yet and he just blurted it out. “I’ve met somebody else and I want to be with her.”’
His hand slid across the table and covered hers. ‘I’m so sorry. That must have been devastating. What a total creep.’
His quick insult surprised a laugh out of Felicity. ‘He said he hadn’t meant it to happen, he hadn’t been looking for it. For what it’s worth, I believed him. He was never the kind of guy who was always looking over my shoulder, you know?’
He winced. ‘We’re all creeps, aren’t we?’ He withdrew his hand and placed both of them over his heart. ‘I sincerely apologise on behalf of the entire male sex in that case.’
She laughed again. ‘It’s okay. I survived.’
‘You did,’ he murmured, his gaze locking on hers as he dropped his hands to the table. ‘Kudos to you.’
‘Oh, I licked my wounds for a long time, don’t you worry about that. It was pretty messy for a while.’
‘Did you never suspect?’
‘Never.’ Felicity had been completely blindsided by Ned’s admission. ‘Apparently he’d known her for a month.’
He blinked. ‘Wow. That’s a big call.’
‘Yeah. But they got married a month later and have two kids so they must be doing something right.’
‘And you came home?’
Felicity nodded. ‘I did. Home to my old bedroom and my father’s country music playing on the radio and my mother’s home cooking.’
‘Just what the doctor ordered,’ he teased.
‘Yes.’ She’d put on six kilos in that first month. It had taken her another year to get them off. ‘Then Dr Dawson gave me a job, even though I had no practice nurse qualifications. Sure, I’m Luci’s friend so he knew me well and probably couldn’t say no to me when I burst into tears in front of him one day, but I will be forever in his debt for that. He was a saviour. Work was a saviour.’
Work had got her through days when all she’d wanted to do was curl up in a ball. It had saved her from ringing Ned a hundred times a day, screaming and/or crying at him until she was hoarse.
‘You were lucky, then.’
His voice was even but there was a gravity to his words and all the teasing light had dimmed from his eyes. Of course. Callum had never had that when his life had gone pear-shaped. She’d relied on work to get her through her grief but he hadn’t been able to work. The mere fact he couldn’t had been at the very crux of his grief.
‘Yeah, I was,’ she agreed.
‘Well,’ he said, tossing his head as if he was trying to shake off the black cloud that had descended around them, ‘for what it’s worth, I’m glad you weren’t with that lying, cheating scumbag the day you stepped on the train.’
Felicity laughed. ‘So am I.’ The heaviness of the conversation suddenly lightened as good memories crowded out the bad. Sitting opposite him now, it felt like they were back in the dining carriage.
‘What about you?’ she asked. ‘A woman ever broken your heart? No.’ She shook her head. ‘Let me guess. You do all the breaking, I bet.’
‘I’ll have you know a girl called Susie Watts smashed my heart to smithereens when I was nine years old.’ He put a hand on his chest. ‘She dumped me for Jimmy Jones because he had a bigger bicycle than I did.’
Felicity sucked in some air through her hollowed cheeks in an appropriately sympathetic noise. ‘Ouch.’ But the urge to laugh was overwhelming. ‘I’m sorry. That’s awful.’
He narrowed his eyes. ‘You don’t look very sorry.’
Laughter bubbled in her chest. ‘No, I was just thinking...’
‘Thinking what?’
‘A guy called Jimmy Jones? He sounds like one of those bad boys some girls are fatally attracted to. Maybe it wasn’t just his bicycle that was bigger.’
‘Oh, no,’ Callum groaned good-naturedly, shutting his eyes before opening them again. ‘Kick a guy when he’s down.’
She did laugh this time. ‘Sorry,’ she said, trying to make herself stop.
He drank his coffee and watched her patiently—intently—a smile turning the fullness of his lips into two plush crescents. God, he was sexy. The way he smiled was sexy. The way his hair brushed his ears was sexy. The way he tilted his head was sexy.
The way he looked at her was sexy.
‘So, you didn’t answer my question,’ Felicity said when she’d pulled herself under control. ‘Ever had your heart broken? In an adult relationship?’
He placed his coffee cup back on its saucer. ‘Not really.’
‘You more a play-the-field kind of guy?’ Everything about him oozed masculine confidence. She could see him at some hip Sydney bar mobbed by women.
‘There’s been a couple of longer-term relationships but they were never love matches and when you’re working long hours and studying all the other hours left in the day they tend to take a back seat until they fizzle out. They were light and fun and mutually enjoyable while they lasted. And then...’
Felicity waited for him to continue after his abrupt cessation. When he didn’t she cocked an eyebrow and prompted him. ‘And then?’
He shifted in his seat, sitting more upright, pulling his arm back and propping his bent elbow on the curved back of the chair. ‘After the accident...people didn’t really know what to say and frankly I was pretty awful to be around sometimes. Most people in my social circle were in medicine and a lot of them dropped out of the circle—I guess because I was the elephant in the room. I was their what if. A rather sad r
eminder of how you could be riding on top one second then on your butt the next.’
‘Did they think it was contagious?’ she asked drily.
He smiled. ‘I think maybe they thought of me more like a bad omen. Surgeons are all about the successes. We don’t like to talk about failures. We certainly don’t like to be confronted by them.’
‘And it was the same with women?’
‘No. Ironically, my sex life had never been better.’ He fiddled with his coffee cup for a moment. ‘And I’m not very proud to say I kind of drowned myself in that for quite a while.’ He shrugged. ‘I was throwing myself a huge pity party and it wasn’t like there was much else to do. Until I realised that about ninety percent of the action I was getting amounted to pity sex.’
‘Oh.’ Felicity wanted to reach out and touch him like he’d touched her, but he seemed so far away now. ‘What about the other ten percent?’
‘Some kind of sick sexual healing for the blind man thing.’
Felicity grimaced. ‘Oh, dear.’
‘Yes.’ He frowned into his coffee. ‘After that I kind of just stopped. It was a real downer for my libido.’
Felicity knew she shouldn’t get into a conversation about his libido in case it veered into flirting territory but she was a sucker for a wounded guy and the nurse inside her urged her to try and turn that frown upside down. Soothe it right off his face.
‘Your sex drive seemed in perfect working order to me,’ she murmured, hoping her voice sounded light and teasing rather than coy and flirty.
‘Ah, well,’ he said, lifting his gaze squarely to her lips, sucking away all the oxygen between them, ‘that’s because you woke it up.’
Her mouth tingled under his intense scrutiny and she could barely breathe. She probably shouldn’t feel so damn turned on, especially as he didn’t look entirely happy about his newly roused libido.
But she did. ‘I’m...sorry?’
He shook his head, his eyes lifting higher and locking with hers. ‘I’m not.’
The words both pleased and petrified Felicity. Was it just a statement of fact or a subtle reminder of the thing they were trying to ignore? Luckily for her, a waiter chose that moment to clear their table, breaking their eye contact and the accompanying tension.
For now.
* * *
Felicity pulled her car up outside Luci’s house at around four. She waved at Mrs Smith, who was in her front garden, watering her plants. The old biddy didn’t even pretend to be minding her own business.
‘Uh-oh,’ Callum said. ‘Bouncer at six o’clock.’
Felicity laughed at the idea of Mrs Smith in a black T-shirt with Security stamped across the front in big white letters. Not that she needed it—she’d taught at the primary school for almost thirty years. Nobody in Vickers Hill messed with her.
‘Thank you for today,’ Callum said as he undid his seat belt. ‘I had a really great time.’
‘So did I.’
And she had. They’d had their moments when teasing and banter had definitely branched into flirting but they’d pulled back and just enjoyed each other’s company.
As much as two people who were trying to deny their sexual attraction could.
‘We should do it again,’ he said.
Felicity nodded. ‘Oh, we will. By the time you get out of here I promise you’ll have seen every inch worth seeing.’
She realised the potential double entendre about the same time as Callum, his eyebrows rising as he tried to suppress a grin. ‘None of those inches include me.’
He laughed. ‘Just checking.’
She rolled her eyes at him. ‘Seriously? Mrs Smith is over there, probably trying to read our lips, so show a little decorum, please.’
‘Of course.’ He nodded and moulded his face into solemn lines but there was mischief in his eyes. ‘So...my turn for the chauffeuring next time but I can’t do next weekend because I’m on call.’
‘That’s okay. I’m actually going to an art exhibition on Thursday night at Drayton’s Crossing. We drove through there on our way to lunch? It’s a friend of mine but if you want to come along it should be fun. You can drive if you want.’
‘Ah...okay.’
Felicity gave a half-laugh. ‘Your enthusiasm is overwhelming. It won’t be MOMA but she’s really good, I promise. She has sell-out showings in Adelaide but this is a fundraiser for the local fire service and she’s a Clare Valley girl.’
‘No, it’s not that.’ He smoothed his palms up and down his jeans, which was distracting as hell. ‘I can’t...drive at night on my conditional licence. My visual acuity and depth of field in my left eye deteriorates badly in the dark.’
‘Oh, okay, sure.’ She shrugged. ‘So I’ll drive. I don’t mind.’
But she could tell that he minded. A lot.
‘It’s not okay,’ he growled, shoving a hand through his hair. ‘I feel like a damn teenager on a curfew.’
His frustration was almost palpable. He’d obviously lost a degree of independence as well as his career and Felicity wanted nothing more than to soothe him, but it was probably the last thing he wanted from her. A guy like Callum who had turned his back on a steady supply of pity sex probably just needed a bit of understanding.
Being able to jump in a car and drive whenever she wanted was something she always took for granted. Any restriction on that would be a constant irritant for her too.
‘I can imagine that’s a real pain in the butt.’
‘Yeah,’ he huffed, looking out his window for long moments. ‘I’ve got used to taking a taxi everywhere in Sydney.’ He glanced at her. ‘I don’t suppose they have any Ubers in Vickers Hill?’
‘Ah, no.’ Felicity smiled. ‘But we do have an old-fashioned taxi service and I’m perfectly fine to drive us to Drayton’s on Thursday, I promise. Hell, this car’s been there so many times it could do it without any assistance from me.’
‘Fine. But I drive on our next daytime outing.’
Felicity nodded. ‘It’s a date.’ Damn it. She cringed at her flippant choice of words, her cheeks heating. Way to make it awkward, Flick. ‘Well, you know, figuratively, of course.’
He laughed. ‘Of course.’
Between that gaffe and Mrs Smith starting to pace up and down her footpath Felicity just wanted today to be over. She’d had a great time but clearly it was only going to be downhill from here.
‘Well...I’m pretty sure Mrs Smith is about to turn her hose on us so I think it’s time I left.’
‘Sure.’ He reached for the doorhandle. ‘Thanks again.’
He was out of the car before she remembered she hadn’t given him the gift from Mr Dunnich. ‘Wait,’ she called out quickly before he shut the door.
He ducked his head back in the car. ‘What? Mrs Smith is giving me the evil eye.’
Felicity smiled. Mrs Smith hadn’t lost that school-teacher glare—the one that could see straight through a kid and know exactly what they were guilty of. She reached over to the back seat and grabbed the plastic container with five of the most perfectly formed rhubarb tartlets she’d ever seen.
‘This is from Alf. He made me promise I’d give them to you. Not keep them for myself.’ She thrust the box of temptation into his hands. ‘You have no idea how hard that was.’
‘I appreciate your restraint,’ he murmured as he took the container, looking at her with eyes that left her in no doubt he appreciated much, much more.
Unexpected heat arced between them like a solar flare. ‘Don’t,’ she said, trying to mentally pull herself back from this different sort of temptation. ‘There were six. I ate one.’
He chuckled and it oozed into the car all around her. ‘I appreciate your lack of restraint too.’
Felicity’s breath caught in her throat as his gaze tur
ned copulatory. Was he thinking about her lack of restraint in bed that night? Because she sure as hell was. She swore she could almost feel the rock of the train around them again.
Then he was straightening, the car actually rocking slightly as the door shut. He waved at Mrs Smith, earning himself a scowl, before he swaggered down Luci’s path like he was striding along a hospital corridor instead of a path lined with lavender and sweet peas.
Two weeks down. Six more to go.
CHAPTER TEN
THE DAYS FORMED a steady rhythm, which Callum was starting to appreciate. He’d thought he’d needed the pace and the unpredictability of the north shore practice to keep his mind off things. He’d thought if he slowed down, if he had too much time to be idle, he’d have too much time to dwell on the state of his life.
And probably in the city that would have been true.
But there was something surprisingly satisfying about the slower tempo in the country. It took his mind off himself more effectively than keeping a frantic pace ever had because it freed up his mind from multiple foci—a jam-packed appointment book or surgical list to get through each day—and allowed him the space to think more holistically. He wasn’t skimming the surface. He had time to sink down deeper into the layers.
He realised now that he hadn’t needed to keep physically busy—he’d just needed to be mentally challenged. That was what he’d always loved about surgery—the mental challenge of the detail involved—and now he was finding a similar appreciation in the way general practice involved the minutiae of people’s lives. That they were, as Felicity had said, the sum of all their parts, not just the product of one.
Even in the mornings, when he wasn’t at work, he didn’t feel the constant churn of loss and regret that continually threatened to swamp him back home in those rare quiet moments. Life in Sydney and the constant mix of pity and expectation from people for him to bounce back, to be the guy he’d been before the accident, seemed a million miles away.
Everything back home had reminded him of what he couldn’t have. Everything in Vickers Hill showed him what he could.