Finally he smiled sadly. “I will never be against you. I am merely opting out. I have always been a renegade so I’ll go back to being a renegade.”
And that was the truth. When I was first introduced to this world and learned that newbies needed some type of protector, Rand hadn’t been exactly keen on the idea of becoming mine. Instead he’d informed me that he lived outside the rules, that he was a renegade. But once Bella made it known that she wanted to be my protector—for less-than-noble reasons—Rand really had no choice but to take the task upon himself.
“No one should exist outside the rules of the kingdom,” Varick said pointedly. “If we are to have a Queen over our society, we must come to terms with the fact that rules must exist for everyone. Otherwise, there is no difference to how things used to be.”
“Yes, there would be a difference,” Rand began. “A monarchy would be in full effect but I would not consider myself an enemy of the state, merely a bystander.”
“I doona like the idea,” Odran said and shook his head.
“Frankly, I don’t care,” Rand answered.
I couldn’t help but notice that Sinjin hadn’t said anything. I was glad. I didn’t want to know what was going through his head. But I did want to know what was going through Rand’s.
It can be different, Rand, a different form of rule than you’re imagining it to be, I thought and glanced up at him, my expression hopeful.
This goes against everything I believe, Jolie, everything I stand for.
Even though I knew it was fruitless, I couldn’t help but fight back. I had to try to convince him his idea of monarchy was old school, that the Underworld Queen of the twenty-first century could be as different as night is to day.
It doesn’t have to contradict your values, Rand. We can shape this role to be anything we want it to be! And for the first time, I realized what my goal was, my hope in taking the so-called throne—I didn’t want to rule the Underworld alone. I wanted to lead with Rand by my side. The problem was that Rand was too stubborn to see it.
By its very nature, this goes against every fiber of my being, Jolie. I don’t believe any creature should be subjugated to a ruler, whether Bella or … you.
Rand, please. Just give me a chance.
“As I understand it, there are creatures who are waiting to be brought back to life?” Mercedes asked, focusing on Rand again. I had to wonder if she’d been eavesdropping on our conversation or if she had just realized it was time for a change of subject matter.
Rand was quiet for a few seconds and then nodded. “I am ready if you and Jolie are.”
Mercedes nodded and faced the table again. “I believe we should start with ten deceased at a time.”
“Ten?” I asked in surprise, pushing all thoughts of being Queen to the back of my mind. “Um, I’ve only ever reanimated one person at a time, Mercedes.”
“Jolie has a point,” Rand said, shaking his head. “Ten seems overzealous.”
Mercedes gave a smile that said she knew something we didn’t. I’ve learned to hate those types of smiles.
“With the three of us, it will be an easy feat,” Mercedes said. “Let us reassemble here tomorrow morning.”
I just nodded although I had to wonder how in the hell I was going to reanimate ten of our fallen soldiers at the same time.
Later that evening, I couldn’t sleep. Memories of Rand assaulted my mind and I couldn’t seem to force them down. I sat up in my bed and sighed deeply. Sometimes I felt like I was living in the past—like I just couldn’t allow the memories of my best moments with Rand to live in eternity as they were meant.
But tonight my memories were alive. And they centered on the moment when Rand had first told me he loved me. It was the evening before we were due to go to war with Bella, and Rand and I were in the midst of a telepathic conversation …
Rand was quiet for a moment or two. Have you been crying?
Yes, I’ve been so worried and I couldn’t stomach the idea of you going to war and being angry with me.
I wasn’t angry with you, Jolie. I was hurt.
I’m sorry.
There is something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while. I’d hoped to tell you before tonight and I could kick myself for my own bloody foolish pride … but I want you to know there has never been a day I haven’t thought of you. Sometimes I drive myself mad with debating over whether we should be together or not. I’ve never acted on my feelings because I’ve convinced myself I’m not in your best interests.
His comment amazed me. Not in my best interests? As if to say I was too good for him? How could you not be in my best interest?
Because you are special, Jolie. You’re unique and someday you’ll realize the extent of your powers. You’re not like any Underworld creature I’ve ever seen before and I’ve kept you at arm’s length because I feel such an incredible need to protect you.
Rand …
It’s my own foolishness that has made me unable to tell you, but now we might never see each other again. I … I just want you to know …
He paused for such a long time, I wondered if I’d lost him. I was about to prompt him, to make sure he was still there but he beat me to it.
I love you. I’ve always loved you.
JOURNAL ENTRY
Enemies of the State
Diary, I’ve been thinking a lot about my vision of the Lurker attack and the fact that Mercedes is convinced that if I hadn’t accepted my role of Queen, the Underworld creatures would continue to battle against one another and our society would become more and more vulnerable. Maybe even more important, we’d become easy targets and our enemies could infiltrate our ranks when we’re at our weakest. The more I think about that somber possibility, the more I realize just how lucky we were that the Lurkers didn’t ambush us when we were in the midst of battling Bella and her followers.
Even though I once thought the Lurkers weren’t much of a force to be reckoned with, Mercedes has changed my mind. I think the main reason I never really took the threat of the Lurkers seriously was because I didn’t entirely understand who or what they were. Sure, I’d heard of them taking out a few vamps, witches, and weres here and there, but they hadn’t seemed all that intimidating. And no one knew that much about them.
The fact that no one knows much about them really disturbs Mercedes. In her words: “The first lesson you must learn as Queen, Jolie, is to keep your friends close but your enemies even closer. The fact that we know very little about the Lurkers is a problem and a problem that could devastate our society.”
Needless to say, I got the hint and have decided to outline this great threat to our existence—to catalog all the things I do know about the Lurkers.
1. Lurkers are human half-breeds, part vampire and part human. Their history dates back to the seventeen hundreds in Graz, Austria. They began their existence as a band of human villagers who, realizing vampires were living among them, decided to act the part of pest control.
The humans attacked the vamps but as you can probably guess, the vamps made short work of them. They fed on them and left them for dead. Apparently, in the chaos of the moment, a few of the villagers ended up ingesting some of the vampire blood, which not only ensured their survival but also endowed them with superhuman traits such as the strength and speed of a vampire and the ability to outlive their ordinary human counterparts. As I understand it, the average age of a Lurker is two hundred years. And Mercedes believes a few of the Lurker elders (who are still alive) were among the original massacred villagers, which means they have first-generation grudges in full effect.
2. Their race has been expanding over the centuries while ours has been dwindling. Due to the multitude of squabbles among the creatures of the Underworld (all the races tend to stick together with very little cross-breeding, and as mentioned earlier, witches have trouble procreating with one another so our race has been hurt the most), our community lacks the unity required to preserve it. Meanwhile, the Lurkers can procre
ate by breeding like ordinary humans, a huge boon to their power and number.
3. The Lurkers have only ever attacked us in guerrilla-style one-offs, giving the appearance that they lack any sort of accord or sophistication. Mercedes is convinced this attack style was meant to throw us off, to make us doubt them as a legitimate foe. And apparently their strategy worked.
4. Lurkers have attacked all Underworld creatures in general, giving the appearance that they want to banish anything otherworldly from the face of the earth. As to the whys of it, no one really knows. It sounds to me like they’re seeking revenge, and I guess I can’t blame them for hating vampires. I do find it ironic, though, that they want to banish something that’s inherently a part of them. I have to wonder if they detest that part of themselves? Who knows. And really, does it matter?
5. The Lurkers possess magic. Even though I can only base this opinion on the vision I witnessed, I’m convinced there is more to the Lurkers than meets the eye. I could so clearly see and feel their magic when I was struck with that vision of them destroying our kind, I know it must be true. And that makes me wonder what their weaknesses are. Do they have any? Furthermore, how do we uncover their weaknesses? Even scarier, what if they don’t have a chink in their armor—what if they are all-powerful? Somehow that seems impossible to me—if that were the case, they would have obliterated us a long time ago.
That’s basically all I know. Mercedes advised us to put together a special task force whose only responsibility is researching the Lurkers and I gave this idea my blessing, so she’s moving forward with it.
Really, the only other enemy of our state is Bella. Many of her followers died, and we’re not about to reanimate them. Of those who survived, the majority immediately took an oath (accompanied by a charm to ensure they didn’t break it) pledging themselves to our side.
What was interesting was the fact that of the twenty or so who seemed more hesitant, eighteen were demons. I don’t have much experience with demons. In fact, the first demon I ever saw was on the battlefield, and I hadn’t really known what to make of it. But according to Rand, demons can be law-abiding citizens of the Underworld so we had to offer them amnesty as long as they were willing to abide by our laws.
After some time and some gentle prodding, the demons also took the oath. In an ongoing attempt to ensure the loyalty of our followers, we started implementing truth serums. A truth serum is basically a liquid of some kind (we used apple juice) charmed with a loyalty oath. Any creatures in question drink the serum, and if they’re guilty of allying themselves with our enemies, the truth serum begins to burn as soon as it hits their tongues. They usually can’t handle it and after gagging, they vomit it all back up again.
Honestly, I’m not sure what I think about the truth serums—it seems a bit Clockwork Orange or Big Brother but I guess desperate times call for desperate measures and we need to know who is with us and who is against us. Oh God, I sound like Mercedes …
But back to Bella … Bella is most definitely not on our side and she poses a big risk to all of us. She wants nothing to do with the truth serums or oaths of allegiance and I have a feeling she’ll continue to be a problem. Do I think she should be put to death? No, even though there are many among us who think death would be the best solution for her. What do I think should be done with her? I haven’t decided.
I actually paid her a visit early this morning. I wanted to make sure she was being treated properly. Although she isn’t allowed to leave her room in Pelham Manor—she has a comfortable room, three meals a day, a TV, and plenty of reading material (all Christa’s old Vogue magazines, which I found humorous; why, I’m not really sure).
Anyway, Bella was less than friendly and accused me of coming to gloat. Of course I instantly denied it because it just wasn’t true. Instead I told her I wished she’d join our side and that I bore her no ill will. She turned her back on me and told me to leave, that she wanted nothing to do with me. So I left. But before I went, I made sure to remind her I wasn’t her enemy.
Yep, she’s going to be a tough nut to crack. But I really do hope she comes around, because it would go against everything in my being to put her to death. It would not be right. And I know Rand would be opposed to it as well.
Rand.
I don’t even like to think about what happened last night when he declared he didn’t support the monarchy and intended to be a renegade again, living outside the rules of the kingdom. I know this whole Queen bit is going to drive us apart—I just don’t see any way around it, and it breaks my heart every time I think about it.
I completely understand his angst toward a monarchy. Prior to the war with Bella, he’d outlined a plan for an ideal republic. It had been a good, solid plan, precluding the existence of a monarchy, since all creatures were endowed with the freedom of choice. Rand had designated covens around the world, and each creature would belong to the coven closest to it. Members would elect magistrates who would represent their interests. Rand even delineated a panel of thirteen elders, each elected by a coven as their representative. These leaders would meet monthly to discuss problems and find solutions. Rand’s republic was an exercise in weights and measures, everything and everyone being equal.
And really, I approved of this plan and still thought we could put it to use, just with me as the figurehead, since it was still necessary to ensure the creatures of the Underworld were unified. The problem, though, was that Rand couldn’t seem to see my point of view or, if he did, he didn’t believe it was possible.
Regardless, it’s now ten o’clock and I’ve got a date with Mercedes and Rand so we can start reanimating our legion. At least we’re all in agreement on that subject.
Mercedes decided we should do our reanimations outside since those who needed to be reanimated might be a bit dirty and bloody, having died while in the midst of a battle. That seemed to be fine by Rand, who didn’t argue. I almost wanted to smile as I imagined us reanimating these first ten in Rand’s living room and then watching them bleed all over his couch or bump into his priceless art pieces.
But my sense of humor didn’t last long. Things were still strained between Rand and myself. I’d tried to talk to him after our meeting last night but he’d been barraged by questions from Odran, Varick, and Trent.
This morning I just felt like being alone and writing in my journal. Now I was face-to-face with him and although he was as polite as he always was, there was something hesitant about him, something reserved. Yep, I’d been exactly right—this Queen stuff was a huge elephant in the room, stomping and showing off her enormous tusks.
“Morning,” I said to Rand with a weak smile.
“Hi, Jolie,” he said with a smile that attempted to ignore the situation breaking us apart. “I hope you slept well?”
“I slept okay,” I lied and dropped my attention to the ground, hating the fact that we were doing the whole small-talk thing. God, there was so much I wanted to say to him but I didn’t want Mercedes to be our audience. I figured if I tried our mind connection, she would overhear it. Nope, I’d just have to wait for a better time, even though waiting basically sucked.
“So what do you want us to do exactly?” I asked Mercedes as a cold breeze rustled the elm trees and enveloped me in an unwanted hug. I shivered in the morning air and wrapped my arms around myself, hoping this little adventure wouldn’t take very long. However, I couldn’t imagine it would be a quick task to reanimate ten creatures, especially when in the past it had taken me the better part of a day to reanimate just one.
I felt a drop against my cheek and glanced upward, watching the dark gray clouds swirl and grumble above me as they threatened to swallow up the sky. A storm was coming, and by the looks of things it was moving in fast. Another cold wind rattled through the trees as two more drops spattered against my cheeks. I had to wonder if this was some sort of sign—it was as if the heavens didn’t approve of us getting involved in the cycle of life and death.
“Hold Rand’s h
and,” Mercedes said and glanced at me pointedly, like she was annoyed I was so preoccupied with the weather. I didn’t say anything; I just nodded and turned to face my warlock. I reached for his hand at the same time he reached for mine and when our skin met, an electric pulse shot through my hand and blazed its way up my arm. It was the same feeling I got whenever I touched Rand—it was basically his energy, his power traveling into me. Sometimes it seemed stronger than others; today it was especially powerful, almost as if the electrons in the air were somehow recharging it.
I felt another drop on my hand and glanced at it, watching it wind its way down my fingers and pool in the crevice of Rand’s thumb and index finger. I couldn’t help but focus on his strong hands—how large and capable they were, with long, slender fingers and the lightest dusting of dark brown hair at his wrists.
Rand squeezed my fingers, and I glanced up at him in surprise. He gazed at me, looking almost detached, like he was watching a movie.
Don’t ever think I don’t care about you, Jolie. It was his voice in my head. No matter what happens, nothing can change my feelings for you.
Rand, it doesn’t have to be so black and white, I tried, my heart reeling at his confession. I wanted to, no, I had to convince him that the problem of the monarchy was something that could be resolved. It didn’t have to be all one way or all the other.
We could still create your republic, I thought.
“Are you ready?” Mercedes asked and glanced at me impatiently. If I wasn’t convinced she could magick me into oblivion, I would have bitch-slapped her silly for her bad timing.
“Yeah,” I mumbled as Mercedes reached inside a big ziplock bag and produced a handful of cloth scraps. It looked like she was about to give us a lesson on quilting.
“Three for you,” Mercedes announced as she handed me three squares of cloth: one red, one pink, and one black. I glanced down at them and fingered the cottons, figuring Mercedes must have cut the clothing supplied to us by our legion into smaller pieces so they’d take up less space. These three pieces of clothing represented three lives that were cut short—three lives we were about to give back.
Witchful Thinking (Jolie Wilkins #3) Page 12