by K. A. Last
“I didn’t think you would—” But before Lilith could finish, Josh pushed her towards the wall and she exploded into a cloud of dust.
Josh let the stake drop to the ground. It rolled along the uneven surface until it hit my boot. He put his forehead against the wall and closed his eyes.
A hand squeezed my shoulder and I looked up at Michael. He shook his head, and it was as if the ground had fallen out from under me.
Ryan lay on the floor of the cavern. Archer knelt beside him, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Seth crouched beside him, a hand on his shoulder. Hope and Justice watched, their faces masked with stony expressions.
“No.” The word puffed from my mouth, and I stumbled.
Michael caught my arm. “He lost too much blood.”
“No!” I shoved him away from me, but Michael held on and pulled me to his chest. I pounded his arms, trying to escape from his suffocating embrace. “No.”
Josh punched the wall again, and more bits of rock clattered on the ground.
Seth misted to my side and took me from Michael’s arms.
“We need to get the body out of here,” Michael said.
“He has a name,” I whispered.
Michael stuffed his hands into his pockets, an unreadable expression on his face. He had the wall up in his mind, so I couldn’t tell if he was pissed off, or looking at me in that sly way he always did. I wanted to ask if he was angry with me, but I couldn’t. Our problems were obsolete in the face of Ryan’s death. At that moment, it didn’t matter.
Nothing mattered.
I should have made him stay home.
He never would have accepted that. Archer raised his head. Tears lined his face.
Michael moved towards Archer. Justice picked Ryan up, cradling him in his arms.
Seth reached out and wiped a tear from my cheek, and as he moved away to join the others, a white butterfly appeared and flittered around Ryan’s head. It landed on his chest where it stayed, beating its wings slowly.
I hoped he was with Emma, and that they were happy.
“Come when you’re ready,” Seth said.
“I’ll meet you at the terrace?”
Michael nodded. We need to talk about Josh.
What about him?
He can’t live.
You can’t be serious, I thought. No one touches him.
He’s killed, Grace. It changes things.
He didn’t know who he was.
We can’t be sure he won’t do it again. Michael frowned.
Angelica’s the one who’s responsible. Make her answer to you.
“Michael, we can sort this out later.” Seth gritted his teeth.
Both angels stared at me. I was thankful to Seth for stepping in. Michael nodded. The group orbed and misted, leaving me alone with Josh.
When he turned around, the anger in his eyes had been replaced with pain. I hated what he had become, and I hated myself for being the one to help him get there. But I had to find a way to walk away. If I didn’t, we would keep coming back to the same place. I would keep questioning if I’d made the right decision, and my friends would continue to get hurt.
We stood in the silence of the cavern, surrounded by death and destruction. I stared at Josh’s hand, at the ring that had my name engraved into it. I fiddled with the ring on my finger, the one Josh had given me, and I thought about the day I’d put it on. He was thinking about that day, too.
“It all seems so insignificant now, doesn’t it?” Josh said.
“I don’t know how to deal with any of this.” More tears spilled onto my cheeks.
“In every battle someone has to die.” Josh’s words sounded hollow, and his dark gaze bore into me. “How did we get here?”
“I keep asking myself the same thing.”
“It looks like our pieces still don’t fit properly,” Josh said. He reached up and touched my cheek. “I will always love you, no matter who dies, or where we go, or what happens.”
“I know you will.”
We stared at each other, and I wanted to tell him. The words were right there in my mouth, waiting to come out. If I said them, would it change anything? I didn’t think so. But maybe if I told him, he’d believe me, and it might make things easier. Maybe we could share the pain, and make its burden less heavy.
Was it possible to love someone, but to love someone else more?
“I love you, too,” I said. “But it isn’t enough.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Josh smiled. “What matters is you finally said it.”
THIRTY-SEVEN
Grace
I convinced Josh to come to the terrace with me—after all, it was his place—but when we got there he went straight upstairs.
I scanned the room, taking in the expressions on Archer, Abby, and Seth’s faces.
“Where is he?” I said. “Where’s Ryan?”
“Michael took him,” Archer said.
“What? Where?”
“Home, Gracie. He took him home.”
Archer stared at me with red-rimmed eyes, his conversation with Michael playing through his head like a movie. I turned to Seth. My mouth opened to say something, but I had no words. Abby sat on the edge of the couch, pressing her hands between her knees. Her shoulders shook, and she squeezed her eyes closed.
“It’s for the best,” Seth said. “Easier this way.”
A painful sigh rushed out of my mouth, and I leant forward, resting my hands on my knees.
“Easier for who?” I said. “He can’t do that, can he? He can’t wipe him off the face of the earth, so no one remembers him.”
“He can and he will … Michael’s taking Ryan to our cemetery,” Archer said. “We won’t forget him.”
“What about Abby, will she forget?”
Abby stared at me with vacant eyes, a tear lining her cheek.
Archer shrugged. “Michael agreed. Some of us need to remember. She promised not to talk about him. No one would know who she was talking about anyway.”
“His parents?” I asked.
“It will be as if he never existed.” Archer hung his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets.
I had something else to be angry with Michael for. If he’d stayed around a bit longer, I probably would have given him an earful.
“He also said Josh is safe—for now,” Seth said. “Only condition is he doesn’t feed, or take a life. If he does, Michael will personally kill him.”
I picked up a note Hope had left on the kitchen bench and stared at the phone number. I programmed it into my phone before sticking it to the fridge. Maybe Josh would need it someday—not that she’d be thrilled to help him.
“Justice said to say bye. Hope frowned a lot.” Archer grabbed our bags and lugged them down the hallway, his head hanging low and his eyes searching the floor. I helped Abby up and we followed. I stopped at the foot of the stairs.
“You ready?” Seth asked, placing his hand on my back.
“Take Abby outside. I’ll be a minute.”
I climbed the staircase before he could say anything. When I reached Josh’s room, I stopped outside his door. He stood at the window, looking out at the dreary day. The weather seemed to know exactly how we all felt. A fine mist of rain fell over everything, turning the city grey.
“We’re heading off,” I said.
Josh turned to face me. He leant against the windowsill and folded his arms.
I didn’t know what to say.
There was so much pain hanging between us. Josh had lost his best friend, and now he was losing me.
I didn’t want to say goodbye.
He stared at his feet. “This sucks.”
A sigh whistled through my teeth. “I’m sorry for everything. For Ryan. Even for Lilith.”
“Killing vampires is what we do.” He looked up, and a new determination filled his eyes, as if he had a purpose. “I’ve done some bad things, and I think after all this time, Angelica didn’t take my memory just to get to you
. She took it knowing that one day she’d give it back, and I’d remember everything I’d done. She’s punishing me for being what I am, and by punishing me, she’s punishing you, too.”
He was right. Angelica had thought about all of this far too much. I only hoped Michael would pull her into line somehow, and that he’d leave Josh alone as he’d said he would.
Josh was one vampire I didn’t want to kill.
“I don’t want to think about her,” I said. “She’s gone.”
“For now.” Josh glanced out the window.
“It’s over,” I said. “It has to be.”
We both knew I wasn’t only talking about Angelica, and Lucas. I was talking about us.
“It will never be over,” Josh said. “As long as I’m walking this earth, I will always be looking over my shoulder.”
“I can protect you if you come home.” I couldn’t believe I’d said that. I wanted Josh safe, but having him around all the time would complicate things again.
He pursed his lips. “You don’t need to babysit me.”
“I wish things were different.”
“But they aren’t.”
We stared at each other for a long time. So many things had gone unspoken between us, but so much had been said as well. It was time for me to walk away, time to go home and get on with it, whatever it was supposed to be.
I fiddled with the ring Josh had given me, twisting it around my finger before sliding it off. I stared at the sapphire then went to Josh and placed the ring in his hand. By taking it off it felt as if I was breaking a promise, but I wasn’t. Not really. Still, I couldn’t keep wearing it.
“I can’t keep this,” I said.
Josh nodded, closing his fingers into a tight fist around the ring. He walked to his chest of drawers and opened the top one, dropping the ring inside. He pulled the silver band from his own finger and dropped it in next.
“You have to be careful,” I said. “Michael is watching.”
“If you’re telling me not to kill anyone, don’t. I know the consequences, and the guilt is enough to remind me.”
“Just … don’t do anything …” I sighed. “If you need me …”
“Goodbye, Grace,” Josh said without turning around.
I left without replying. There was nothing else I could say. I couldn’t fix things between us because I couldn’t give Josh what he wanted. I understood why angels were forbidden to fall in love with humans, or at all.
It hurt too damn much.
Abby stood on the footpath, wringing her hands.
“Can you get home?” I asked.
She nodded. “My car’s at the end of the street. I’ll follow you?”
I watched Abby walk up the footpath then got into the car where Archer and Seth were waiting for me.
Take us home, Arch. I stared out the windshield.
He glanced at me before turning the key in the ignition. The Defender roared to life, and he pulled away from the kerb.
“Will Josh be okay?” Seth asked.
“I hope so,” I said, not having the energy to be surprised that Seth had asked. “But I really don’t know.”
“Call him in a week or so. See how he’s doing.” Archer stared straight ahead, driving slowly and waiting for Abby to pull out behind us. “I’d be happy if I never set foot in this city again.”
I agreed.
Seth squeezed my shoulder. We hadn’t had a chance to talk about anything at all since he’d appeared in the park wrapped in celestial fire. I knew nothing about where he’d been and what he’d been through. I wanted to know everything, but I was exhausted. It was like I was in a state of numbness nothing could penetrate. I wanted to be happy that Seth was there with me, but a shroud of sorrow hung over all of us, and I had no energy left. My mind and heart wanted me to throw myself at him, but my body had other ideas.
We have plenty of time, Seth thought.
The streets passed in a blur, and once we reached the other side of the iron bridge, putting Wide Island City behind us, I breathed a little easier.
So much had happened in such a short space of time. There were so many things to think about, and so much to consider when we finally got home. I wrapped my arms around myself, wishing they were Seth’s arms.
Archer squeezed my leg. Gracie, get in the back.
You don’t have to chauffeur.
You need him. He smiled. And he needs you.
I unclicked my belt and climbed through the middle of the car, drawing the centre lap-sash across my waist. Seth wrapped me up, and I rested my head on his chest. My heart ached with the loss of Ryan and Charlotte, but right then all I could do was focus on the moment, and take comfort in the feeling of Seth’s arms around me. If I didn’t, I’d crack a little more than I already had.
I never really knew what I’d had in Seth before he was taken away from me. I’d lost him twice already, and I was determined not to lose him again. It had taken quite a few mistakes, some bad choices, betrayal and heartbreak, but for the first time since Seth had taken his fall, in his arms I finally felt safe.
THIRTY-EIGHT
Seth
Two weeks later
The tree looked exactly the same. Nothing had changed in the ten years since I’d made my deal with Michael. I ran my fingers around the edge of the split in the trunk, and wondered how I’d gotten to where I was.
I’d made so many wrong decisions.
No matter what I tried to do, I couldn’t seem to set things completely right.
Grace had always been beyond my reach.
“Reminiscing about old times?” Michael spoke, but I didn’t turn around.
My hand fell away from the tree and I stuffed it into the pocket of my jeans.
“What do you want, Michael?” I asked.
“To collect the debt you owe me.”
I faced him and squared my shoulders. “I owe you nothing. Grace made her decision.”
Laughter filled the small clearing, but it didn’t touch Michael’s eyes. “You’d be wrong about that. She may have chosen you, but has she given you her heart? That was the deal.”
“You said I had this generation. It isn’t over yet.”
“It may as well be.” Michael folded his arms and leant against a thick Tallowwood. “The rules have changed.”
I sniggered. “Of course they have.”
Michael stared at me, his brown eyes digging deep into my soul. “They changed as soon as Grace fell. There are no future generations.”
“Well then, since Grace can’t die, I should have eternity.”
My fingers itched to plant a fist on Michael’s face, but to stop myself I pulled my hands from my pockets and folded my arms, mimicking his stance. We’d played this game before, and I was growing tired of him. Still, I couldn’t win, and he knew it.
“You can’t fight this,” Michael said. “The original agreement is null and void. It was made when Grace was on the right side.”
“She’s still on the right side.” I took a step forward. “After everything she’s been through, why can’t you leave us alone?”
Michael pushed off the tree and stepped towards me as well. We were close enough to take a swing at each other, but I waited to see what else he had to say.
“The Council won’t let me leave her alone. I’m not the one calling the shots anymore,” Michael said. “They want her back.”
“Well, they should have thought about the consequences when they asked her to kill someone she cared about.”
All the thoughts I’d had about hitting Michael expanded ten-fold when his fist connected with my face. I stumbled backwards, the tree breaking my fall. My hands exploded with heat, and I threw two fireballs at Michael. He orbed and they passed through his lingering spheres, landing on the ground, where they set the undergrowth on fire.
Michael reappeared on the other side of the clearing. “For once, this is not about you!”
“If it’s about Grace, then it’s about me,” I said. �
��What makes you think she’ll want to go back?”
“She won’t,” Michael said. “That’s where you come in.”
I flexed my fingers at my sides, the heat in them making my palms glow red, but the fire stayed beneath my skin.
The undergrowth crackled as the fire spread. Michael opened his hand and threw light from his palm. It landed over the flames in a thin blanket, putting them out. Tendrils of smoke drifted into the air, rising from the mass of charred leaves.
“I’m not going to force her to do anything,” I said.
“Then you’ll end up in the In-Between, and I’ll be a very happy arch.”
“Why don’t you ask her to come back? She listens to you. I’m sure you can convince her.”
“I have other matters to attend to, and it isn’t as simple as asking her to return.”
“Nothing is ever simple,” I said.
I regarded Michael for a few moments, probing the walls inside his mind to try and get a glimpse at what this was all about. If I knew him as well as I thought I did, anything I agreed to would come with conditions. And everything I didn’t agree to would also come with conditions.
“You want what’s best for Grace, don’t you?” Michael asked.
“I’m pretty sure Grace can make her own decisions.”
“By now I’m sure you’ve noticed that both of you are pretty bad at decision-making.”
“Screw you,” I said. “The moment she tells me she loves me, everything will change. And you’d better not be anywhere near me.”
Michael’s shoulders shook, and he pressed his lips together into a thin smile. “This was never about her telling you she loved you. Any idiot can see that she does. It’s about you realising the difference between right and wrong, and how things are supposed to be.”
“And how’s that? How you say?” I ran at Michael and shoved him as hard as I could. It didn’t do much.
Michael shoved me back, only he put an orb of light behind his push, and it sent me reeling backwards. I wanted to lash out again, but it would get me nowhere with him. He was too strong. I also didn’t want more cuts on my face. Grace would ask questions about the one that was already there. It seemed that every time Michael hit me, my wounds didn’t heal as quickly.