by Mia Ford
The idea of my friend being ready to get married is almost too much to handle. But I suppose this is the age that a lot of people think about settling down to start a family. I mean, not everyone. Some guys are age are still really into the bar scene. I don’t know about me, I’m not sure where I am anymore. I’m not exactly wifed up but I don’t want to hook up with every random skank the comes my way either. I have no interest.
“Oh well, that’s something,” I reply with a long nod. “I’m glad that he’s in a good place.”
“You’ll see for yourself when he gets here. Although I don’t know if Jenny will be with him or not.”
We stare at each other for a few more moments, neither of us quite knowing what to say. Even though I tried, there are still a whole load of things hanging in the air, left completely unsaid, and that shows. I wish I could bring them up, but it’s too awkward. It’s too quick, I don’t want to push things. I don’t want to freak her out. Plus, Brandon is on the way. There’s no way in hell that I can start a serious conversation between us when it’ll be interrupted at any moment. Much as I don’t think I will, I hope I get another chance to say it all.
“Oh, I think that might be him.” Leah glances towards the door as we hear noise. “Yeah, it sounds like it.”
We move apart rapidly as if we’ve been set on fire, I get the impression that Leah thinks we’ve done something wrong which is crazy because we haven’t. We’re just sitting here talking.
Leah moves to the other side of the kitchen and she busies herself. I straighten my back and wait impatiently for Brandon to finally get in here. I’m nervous about Leah but also happy to see my friend again. As I hear his footsteps, I smile to myself. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a real genuine friend.
“Oh my God!” Brandon exclaims loudly as he spots me. “Zane, is that really you?”
I jump up and extend my arms, welcoming him in for an embrace. “It’s really me, buddy, how is it?”
He wraps his arms around me and we pat each other’s back in a friendly manner. It’s almost as if the last five years haven’t happened and I’ve just been gone for one night. It’s like this is the morning after the party and we’re meeting up to discuss all the gossip from the night before. Strange, how that’s happened.
“It’s good,” Brandon replies smilingly. “Really good. Better now that you’re here. Honestly, I didn’t ever think that I would see you in this place again. I thought you were gone for good, off to be some doctor.”
“Doctor?” Leah pipes up inquisitively. “Really? You trained to be a doctor?”
I can’t believe that we’ve been sitting in the same room for ages and that hasn’t come up yet. I’m surprised that she didn’t already know. Maybe she really didn’t ask me after I left. That hurts me a little, but I suppose I have to think that perhaps I left her in such a cruel way she had to protect herself from her feelings.
“Erm, I did a lot of medical qualifications yes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”
“You’re going to be a doctor, I’m going to be a lawyer, we really have it made.”
I smile thinly, unable to burst Brandon’s bubble. I’ll tell him later on the news that I’m going to disappoint him and my father by opening a custom bike shop. That’s my dream, I won’t let anyone take it from me.
“Oh.” He pats my shoulders hard. “And Jenny will be here soon. Jenny is…”
“Your girlfriend, yeah I know that.” I nod and smirk. “Leah’s been filling me in.”
Brandon flicks his eyes between us for a couple of seconds, but he doesn’t seem to pick up on anything. Either he doesn’t want to see the sizzling chemistry between us, or he doesn’t think that I’m competition to this boring sounding Patrick. Urgh, Patrick. I haven’t ever met the guy and already hate his guts. I want to wring my arms around his neck and warn him away from the woman that I want. In a way, she’s mine.
“Oh great, so you’ll be able to meet her soon. I think that you’ll really love Jenny. And we should go out tonight, just the three of us. Unless you want to come, Leah?”
We both look her way, but I’m pretty sure I’m the only one with a desperate hope in my eyes. If Leah comes, the night will be worth it. And if she brings her boyfriend, even better, I can scare him off,
“Oh, no, I have plans with Mandi actually. I can’t.” She gives us both a bland look, disguising all of her feelings. “Maybe next time though, it sounds like a lot of fun.”
“So, it’ll be just us three, but that’s alright, isn’t it?” Brandon doesn’t care about the rejection, but why would he? He has his girl, he doesn’t need his sister trailing along after him. Even if they’re adults now, I’m sure that he still view her as an inconvenience.
“Sure, I love being the gooseberry.” But I give Brandon a smile so he knows that I’m joking. Of course, I would prefer it to just be the two of us, but what can I do? “Nah, that sounds fun. Where shall we go?”
“All the people that have stuck around in town always hang out at Kings. We should go there.”
Okay, so it’ll be like a high school reunion, I suppose that could be fun. It’ll introduce me back into this life much easier, which is just what I need now. I’ve gone from being right in the center of things to the outskirts, looking in. I don’t like that place, I want to be back where I belong.
“Sounds awesome. I would like to see everyone again.”
Just as a pretty brunette walks in and throws her arms around Brandon’s neck, Jenny, I presume, Leah walks out. She barely looks at anyone as she goes, but she does take one spilt second to dart a glance at me. That makes my heart skip in my chest and I can’t drag the smile off my face. She wants me. She still wants me after all this time and I definitely want her too. I can’t resist her, I can already feel that cheeky sensation building in my chest. Leah is mine, I’m pretty sure that she’s always been mine, and now I just need to remind her of that. I need to stake my claim in her and take her for my own.
This time, I won’t let anything or anyone stand in my way.
Chapter Fifteen – Leah
Oh my God. My heart pounds as I race from the house and into the car. I need to get away, this is too much.
It’s almost like a dream, or a nightmare I can’t quite tell. Zane is back and within about thirty seconds he’s turned my world upside down. Everything that’s been steady and just fine for far too long feels all weird.
I don’t know where I am as I bring the car to life and I drive down the road. I’m definitely going on autopilot while I move. My brain isn’t on the driving but it’s on him. On the man I thought I’d left behind five years ago.
It isn’t until I get to Mandi’s house that I even move again. I dive out the car and head to the front door, secretly praying that it’s just her inside. Much as I like Jon and I know that he’s good for her, this is one of those times that I really just need to speak to her alone. I need her wise advice. She knows the history that I share with Zane, all of it, and she’s the only one who really knows the ins and outs of me and Patrick. She understands.
I hammer on the door much too frantically, my anxiety bursting through with each and every pound.
“Hold on,” I hear her call impatiently. “I’ll be there in a moment. Oh…” As she spots it’s me her face lights up. “I thought it was a cold caller the way you banged. What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
I shake my head, feeling myself go pale as I do. “No,” I whisper. “I’m not, I need your help.”
She invites me inside, not needing any more information than that. I’m so glad that she’s still here. There was a short period when we finished high school when I thought that she was going to move away and leave me forever. I was outwardly happy for her, but inside I was gutted. In the end, she landed a job that kept her here, thank goodness. At times like this, I don’t know what I would do without her.
“Right, I’m going to get us some drinks and chocolate. You start telling me what’
s happened.”
Since there aren’t any obvious signs that Jon is here, I feel comfortable to start. “You will never guess who’s turned up at the door today. Never in a million years. I can hardly believe it myself…”
“Who?” Mandi’s eyes widen in surprise. She can probably see from my face that it’s serious. “I don’t know.”
“Z… Zane.” I can’t stop myself from stammering as I say it. “Zane Morris.”
She slumps down in the chair in front of me, forgetting about all her offers of food and drinks as these words wash over her. She looks about as pale and green as I feel as she considers what this means. Thank God I don’t have to explain how much this turns my world upside down. Mandi just knows.
“Oh my God,” she gushes. “Are you serious? What the hell is he doing back here?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug helplessly. “I just know that he’s back. Probably for good.”
“Wow.” Mandi gives me a look out the corner of her eyes. “And… what does that mean?”
“Huh? What does that mean? I don’t know what it means. It’s just really weird, isn’t it?”
“I guess what I’m asking is what it means for you, Leah. Did you feel anything when you saw him?”
“I…” I wish that I could deny it but I know I can’t. it’s obvious, Mandi can probably see it. “I don’t know.”
“Did he give you the same shivers that he used to? Did he make you feel all sexy?”
I remember that lustful look in his gaze. He wanted to devour me, I could almost see him wanting to sink his teeth into me as he stared at me, and I’m pretty sure that if he tried anything I wouldn’t have been able to resist. I know that makes me a terrible person, but he has that magnetic pull over me. I guess it’s because I liked him when I was a teenager, and he was my first everything. There’s a connection there that I can’t get rid of. But that doesn’t make it right, that doesn’t mean I need to actually think of him in that way again. I can’t.
“He just made me feel strange.” At least that’s honest. “I didn’t know what to do with myself.”
“I see.” Mandi nods along for a few seconds. “So, it was different to how you feel when you’re around Patrick.”
I sigh loudly, not wanting to think too much about this. But I suppose that’s why I’m here, to listen to what Mandi has to say. Maybe I don’t always want to hear it and I won’t always listen, but still. I need to know.
“It’s different with Patrick, isn’t it? You know that. I don’t ever have to worry when I’m with Patrick, he doesn’t make me nervous or uneasy. I don’t ever feel like I’m on a roller coaster while I’m with him. But that’s better, isn’t it? Chasing danger, thinking about boys that are wild, that’s all just childish now.”
Mandi doesn’t speak for a while and I can feel a tight knot of tension forming in my chest while I wait for her to answer. I need her to say that I’m right, that I’m making the adult decision for a smart future. I can see where me and Patrick would lead, and it isn’t the worst picture in the world. We will slowly fall into a dependable love, then we’ll move in together. One day, he’ll take me out for a nice dinner and propose, so we’ll have a small wedding. After that, we will move into a sensible property so we can eventually fall pregnant and have our children; a girl and a boy called predictable names like Laura and Luke. An easy, carefree life without the ups and downs that come with intense excitement and danger. The highs might be fun, but the lows are so bad that they overshadow everything. I don’t know if I have the emotional ability to go through that.
“I am going to be brutally honest with you,” Mandi declares. “Just like I have been in the past, but this time I want you to really listen to me.” I nod so that she knows I understand her. “You and Patrick are the most incompatible people that I’ve ever met in my life. You don’t have anything in common at all.”
Woah… now I find that shocking. I haven’t ever thought about our relationship in those terms, I just think about how good he is for me, how dependable and reliable he is. That’s all I care about.
“Just because we’re a little bit different, doesn’t mean we’re incompatible,” I huff.
“I don’t think you see it because you want it to work so badly, but you don’t. You have always been studious, but you like having fun as well. I don’t ever see you laugh with Patrick.” I shift uncomfortably in my seat as I rack my brains trying to think of an example to prove her wrong. “He’s always trying to make you go to the gym, and that isn’t ever going to be you.” She holds up her hands to stop me from protesting. “And I know that you have a membership and that you ‘just haven’t found the time yet’ but what that really means is you don’t want to go. “Also, Patrick doesn’t push you. He never makes demands of you which I don’t think is a good thing.” She smiles to herself. “Jon is always challenging me, making me see things differently. He’s always pushing me to be better. Even when it annoys me, I want to be pushed. I want to feel like there’s more I can do.”
I do not like the picture she’s painting one bit. In temper, I cross my arms over my chest and pout like a child. “Maybe I’m not like you,” I shoot back. “Maybe I prefer things to be easy and simple.”
“You might for now,” she reminds me. “But that will bore you soon enough, and I haven’t even brought up sexual chemistry yet because the pair of you do not have a scrap of it between you.”
This brings a heat up to my chest. One drunken night I might have confessed that Patrick doesn’t really know how to work my body and that even when I explain things to him, he doesn’t quite get it. I don’t think he wants to hear it to be honest. I wasn’t trying to bad mouth him when I said those things, but I suppose in light of the chemistry that me and Zane shared on that fateful night it might now seem like another point against him.
“So, you’re saying that I should get rid of my perfectly nice boyfriend to chase after some tattooed biker bad boy who screwed me over the first time around and who doesn’t seem to ever want anything serious? That seems like terrible advice to me. Talk about not having anything in common. We share nothing.”
Mandi looks nonplussed at my outburst. “You might have more in common than you think, and actually at least you have the intense sexual chemistry. That’s a good place to start. The rest will follow.”
I can’t believe it, for a second, I actually soak in her words and I consider them. We’re older now, both me and Zane. He’s definitely ‘the one who got away’. Maybe this isn’t a chance meeting but a second opportunity to make things work. Maybe, I should take a step back and just give him a try to find out for sure…
“No.” I shake my head determinedly. “You’re getting into my head, but I can’t. I have Patrick, we’re committed to one another. Just because our level of commitment might not be the same as other people doesn’t make us wrong. We’re happy, we’re content. I don’t intend to shake that up just because Zane is back. He screwed me over once, he’s more than capable of doing it again. Even if he did say sorry…”
“He said sorry?” Oh God, I should have known that Mandi would leap on that. “Oh wow, that’s huge. For a guy like that to apologize for his behavior, that’s massive. That must mean…” She spots the daggers that I’m shooting her way. “But it doesn’t matter what it means because you are already very happy. Sorry. I know that you just told me that, I should be a bit more respectful, I don’t mean to look like I don’t understand your choices, I’m just trying to let you know that you aren’t stuck. There are other options out there…”
I breathe out a sigh, one that should be of relief but I don’t know really. I feel deflated, like a balloon that’s been let down. I was all fired up because of Zane and now I’m just back to feeling a little empty over him. In a weird way, it’s always just been terrible timing between us. Maybe if things had been different, we could actually try and now see. But they aren’t and I need to accept that.
“Urgh, Mandi, just get me some chocolate
, will you? I’m dying over here.” I decide to turn things around to something a little jokier instead. That’s easier than delving head first back into the days of being a teenager when I was obsessed with the guy that I couldn’t have. “And something to drink. A coffee, if you don’t mind.”
As she leaps up to get me what I want, I smile thinly at Mandi. I bet inside she’s being driven crazy. After five years, the name ‘Zane’ shouldn’t even be crossing my lips again, but I have a feeling that I’m not going to be able to stop talking about him again for a very long time. Not until I escape him completely, whenever that might be, however I can make that happen…
Chapter Sixteen – Zane
Walking through the door into Kings does give me that feeling of coming home that I hadn’t had before. The smell of the place, the buzzing atmosphere, the familiar faces all gives me a warm sensation in my chest. It’s good. I start to regain that part of me that I let go some time in the last five years. I’m back, baby, truly.
“I’ll get the drinks in,” I tell Brandon and Jenny with a smirk. “You go and take a seat.”
They do, with their arms sickeningly wrapped around one another. I thought that it wouldn’t bother me to come out with the pair of them together as the third wheel, but to be honest the more that time goes by, the harder it is. I’m not used to Brandon being with anyone, back in high school no girls got close enough to actually be his girlfriend because he was more concerned with taking care of his family, so this loving side of him is too much. I just need a break, a moment to see what other people I can spend some time talking to.
Maybe I’m jealous because I don’t have that, I think, trying to be honest with myself. Maybe I want to be in a relationship myself. Or maybe it’s just because I want to hang out with Brandon alone…