by Cora Seton
She couldn’t do that to Tanner. Refused to put that on him.
That left her with one choice.
“What do you want me to do?”
Chapter Nine
‡
Tanner sat on a bench, staring out at the moonlit ocean, listening to waves hit the shore. The sound was a soothing form of medication and good for his soul. His great day had turned to crap in the blink of an eye.
Happened a lot lately with Barry.
He shoved a hand through his hair and blew out a breath. The man’s episodes were getting worse and more frequent. And the temperament change the doctors had warned him about was showing up more often, too.
Just when he thought he could handle it—bam—something happened to prove him wrong. Like this afternoon. He’d taken Barry to the party, and the man had been fine. Hell, they’d been there for several hours without incident. Then out of the blue…this stranger appeared.
Tanner knew his mentor hadn’t meant what he’d said. He knew it, and yet, he couldn’t stop the pain that gripped his gut and twisted tight.
Then there was Gwen.
The poor woman had gotten caught in the middle. She didn’t deserve that shit. The thing was, she didn’t seem to care, not about herself, anyway. Her gaze had been dark with worry for him. Something Tanner wasn’t used to. Something he’d never craved.
Until now.
Until Gwen.
The woman was special.
And finally arriving at her cottage.
She’d been texting him since she got to Barry’s. It had taken her a while to calm him down. Then she said he’d fallen asleep, but she was afraid to leave him. He’d texted her back and told her not to. That he was fine; they’d catch up later. So, he’d driven here and sat. For hours. Lost in thought, some good, some bad. But now, it was later, and she was finally arriving home.
A slice of guilt stabbed at his gut at the sight of the sheriff’s car pulling into Gwen’s driveway. She’d told him not to worry, she’d get a ride home, and he’d reluctantly agreed. He hadn’t wanted to take the chance his presence would disturb Barry again.
She got out of Jordan’s car, and as the sheriff pulled away, turned to walk toward him.
He headed to her, and even in the dimness of the streetlight, he could distinguish the concern in her eyes. She rushed to him, something he’d never seen her do before. Gwen Gable didn’t go to people; they came to her.
The uncharacteristic action made him feel special. She was good at that. Making him feel special. He hadn’t realized how much it meant to him. How much she meant to him, until today. Until she let Barry pull her away, when her gaze had clearly said she was sorry and wanted to stay and hold him tight.
As low as he’d felt from his mentor’s hateful words, he’d felt just as high from her deep concern. She meant the world to him. Not Gwen Gable the supermodel, but Gwen Gablonski, the beautiful, mistake-making, approachable human being.
“You okay?” She pulled him in for a hug. “Please don’t believe anything Barry said. It wasn’t him.”
He nodded and drew back. “I know, and I know things are going to get worse with him. Today was just the beginning.”
“Yeah. About that…we need to talk. Let’s sit.” She grabbed his hand and led him back to the bench, entwining their fingers as they sat, knees brushing.
Instinct told him this was bad. His heart rocked. Something was wrong.
“What is it?”
She sucked in a breath, then blew it out. “I think you should know that when Barry woke up tonight, he…begged me to drive him to a home so he could check himself in.”
Shit. He clenched his jaw to keep from cursing out load.
“He’s aware that he’s having episodes, Tanner,” she said quietly. “He doesn’t want to hurt you, and well, he’s scared.”
He released her hand and sat back. “He said that?”
She nodded again. “He told me he was scared. He’s afraid he’ll wander off and get lost, and that people might get hurt looking for him. He can’t do that in a home. They have alarms on their doors, and he said he wouldn’t be able to just open them and leave.”
That was one of the things Jace had told Tanner about the home he’d recommended. He had to admit, that was a good thing.
Still, he was conflicted.
She touched his arm. “I know you didn’t want to leave him with strangers, but you can still see him every day like you have been.”
Have been? What the hell did she mean…have been?
His heart rolled over. “Gwen…what’s going on?” He sat up straight. There was more. He knew it. He could sense it. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her face. “Please don’t hate me, but an hour ago, Barry signed himself into the hospital, so he can then be admitted into the home Doctor Turner had recommended.”
What the fuck?
He shot to his feet and stared down at her, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “Dammit, Gwen, what have you done? How’d he get there? Who took him?”
“I called an ambulance for him. But I didn’t have a choice, Tanner.” She jumped up and touched his arm. “I had to help him. He tried—”
“Bullshit, Gwen! You should’ve called me, not the damn ambulance.” He shook her off and began to pace. “You had no right. No damn right! You don’t even know him.”
And here he’d thought she was different. That she had his back. How the hell could he have been so wrong?
He’d never felt so damn betrayed.
“I can’t believe you’d do this to me. You knew how much I didn’t want strangers taking care of him. This was not your call, lady. Not your call.”
Tears continued to stream down her face. “I’m so sorry, Tanner. I didn’t have a choice.”
“Well, I do. You can save your apologies. I don’t need to stand here and waste my breath on you any longer.” He twisted around and strode to his truck, his chest squeezed so tight by the pain of her betrayal he could barely get air into his lungs.
Tonight, not only did he lose his mentor, he lost the woman he thought he’d loved.
Chapter Ten
‡
The next morning, Tanner sat in his truck outside the hospital, waiting for visiting hours to start. He’d tried to get in to see Barry last night, but was stopped by security. It was his damn friend in there. He should be able to see the man when he wanted.
He shouldn’t be here.
Barry shouldn’t be there.
This is fucking wrong.
His alarm went off. The one he set on his phone to go off at the start of visiting hours. He shut off the alarm, slid out of the truck, and headed for the building. This was bullshit. He didn’t know how he was going to talk Barry into checking out, but he wasn’t leaving there without the man.
He strode through the automatic doors and headed straight to the information desk.
“Can I help you?” The young nurse behind the counter smiled, her gaze warm and friendly, so he did his best to file away his bad mood for the first person who deserved it.
“Yes.” He nodded, and even remembered to smile back. “I’m looking for Barry Patterson?”
A blush rushed up her neck as she glanced down at the computer and typed a few keys before telling him the room number and how to find it.
As he rode the elevator and walked down the halls, turning where he’d been directed, he thought about what he’d say to Barry when he saw him. Demanding the chief come to his senses was a bad move. He needed a new tactic. Which he didn’t have. Lack of sleep had zapped his brain.
And he hadn’t slept a damn wink.
Every time he’d closed his eyes last night, he saw Gwen’s face. Twisted in anguish. Wet with tears. Then he’d remember her betrayal, and his stomach would clench. Yeah, sleep hadn’t been attainable.
He yawned as he approached the room number the nurse had given. Once he got Barry home, he could crash on the man�
��s couch.
“Tanner.” His mentor blinked at him from his chair by the window. “I didn’t think you’d want to see me. Especially after I tricked Gwen into bringing me here.”
Tricked?
“What do you mean, tricked?”
“Well, okay, maybe not tricked so much as coerced,” the chief corrected, guilt forcing his gaze away.
Shit.
Tanner’s heart squeezed again, and he had the sinking feeling he’d gotten more than a few things wrong. He walked over to the man, sat in a vacant chair, and held his gaze. “Why don’t you tell me exactly what happened.”
An hour and a half later, Tanner parked in front of Barry’s house—alone—and stared at the barn. He was still a little numb from the bomb the man had dropped about yesterday’s events. It didn’t compute. Had to be a mistake. That was the only explanation for the tale his mentor had told. It couldn’t really be true.
So, he’d driven over to see for himself. Not that he thought his mentor had lied, but well, considering his state, maybe Barry just didn’t remember it exactly correct.
Sliding out of the truck, Tanner set his shoulders, then strode to the barn. It needed to be done. He had to know.
He stopped outside the opening and stared at paint peeling on the weathered door. The whole barn could use a good coat of paint. Something he’d planned to tackle that summer. It wasn’t a priority right now, though. Neither were those thoughts.
He was stalling.
Because he was scared.
What if Barry had told him the truth? That meant Tanner had come real close to losing him…
And Gwen deserved a huge apology, and he had a shit-ton of groveling to do.
There was only one way to find out. Go inside.
Too bad his damn feet wouldn’t budge. This was stupid. He’d exchanged gunfire with the enemy overseas, rushed into burning buildings here in Harland County, and yet, he was too damn afraid to walk in the barn to face the truth about last night.
He owed it to himself. Owed it to Barry. And possibly Gwen.
Finding the nerve, he shoved the door open then stepped inside.
Son of a bitch.
In the center of the floor sat an upside down bucket, just like Barry had claimed. He glanced off to the right and his heart dropped. A rope. With a noose.
His stomach churned, and he had to fight to keep from being sick. Barry had actually intended to commit suicide yesterday.
Jesus.
If Gwen hadn’t…
Tanner slumped against the door and sucked in a breath. It was all his fault. He’d pushed the man too far. Trying to make sure the old chief got the best, loving care, he’d nearly failed to protect the man.
He would’ve had no one but himself to blame. Thank God Gwen had walked in.
Gwen.
The invisible bands squeezing his chest tightened, forcing the air from his lungs, flattening his heart. What had he done? Tanner rubbed at his chest, trying to dispel the tight ache.
He was an ass. The woman had been through hell, and he’d only added to her misery. All she’d been guilty of was saving Barry’s life, and he’d rewarded her with harsh words and turning his back. Why hadn’t he listened to her? She’d tried to tell him yesterday. But, no. He’d had to be a stubborn jerk, assuming she’d betrayed him like all the other women in his life that had mattered.
Gwen was different. And he knew this. He’d known, way back when he’d first laid eyes on the beautiful woman last September. She was more than just a beautiful face. There was something about her that had caught and held his attention. The combination of beauty, attitude, and vulnerability had hooked him from the start.
And underneath her tough exterior was a kind heart. One of the things he loved most about her.
Loved…
He straightened from the door. What the hell did he know about love? Not much, other than he ran from it like a baby his whole life.
The thing was, he didn’t want to run now. At least, not run away. He wanted to run to Gwen, like she had rushed to him last night.
“You okay?”
He turned to find the sheriff standing in the doorway, concern etched in her dark eyes.
“Not really.”
She nodded, cupping his shoulder as she glanced inside. “I take it you’ve seen Barry.”
He nodded, forcing air into his lungs. “About an hour ago. He told me how Gwen had called you, and the three of you had had a heart to heart before you called for the ambulance to take him to the hospital.”
“Under the circumstances, I think it was for the best.”
“Thanks for your help.” He nodded, even though his inner voice was screaming.
“I’m not the one you need to thank.”
Tanner shook his head and blew out a breath. “Screwed that up.”
“Nah.” She squeezed his shoulder before dropping her hand. “I’ll let you in on a secret. Gwen’s skin might be beautiful, but it’s also pretty thick. An apology will go far.”
He smiled, but in reality, he felt like hitting something. Mainly, himself. Hard. Several times. “She deserves a hell of a lot better than me.”
“What if she doesn’t want anyone but you?” Gwen asked, shocking him silent as she stepped around Jordan to face him.
Well…hell.
He glanced from one beauty to the next.
The sheriff smiled. “Did I forget to mention I brought Gwen with me?”
Yeah. The sneak.
She laughed. “My bad. If you’ll excuse me, I have some sheriffing to do.” And with a nod to them both, she walked outside, whistling a popular song from The Pretenders about love and support.
“Are you okay?” Gwen stared at him, standing rigid in the doorway, hands wrapped around her middle.
With her hair in a ponytail, and nothing but honest emotion on her face, she looked vulnerable and beautiful, and he ached to hold her.
Thanks to his stubborn ass, he’d forfeited that right last night.
Realizing she was waiting for an answer, he blew out a breath and shook his head. “No. I’m not. I’m having trouble dealing with this.” He waved a hand in the direction of the bucket, then turned to face her. “And the way I treated you last night. God, Gwen, I’m sorry. You tried to tell me, and I wouldn’t let you.”
He clenched his jaw as emotions overtook him. She’d saved Barry’s life, and he’d treated her like dirt. The woman deserved so much better.
“It’s okay, I understand,” she said quietly, compassion softening her gaze. “You thought I’d betrayed you, and in a way, I did. But, I just couldn’t bear the thought of you going through the stuff my friend went through with her mom.”
Sadness etched lines around her mouth and eyes, and the urge to go to her and pull her in to his arms was so strong he had to shove his hands in his pockets.
“Did your friend put her mother in a home?”
She slowly shook her head. “No. Her mother gave the same arguments as Barry, but Jane couldn’t bear to leave her with strangers. One day, we arrived to find her mom had taken a whole bottle of pills…and never woke up.”
He sucked in a breath, unable to contemplate dealing with the tragedy.
Gwen swiped at the lone tear that slipped down her cheek. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you yesterday, but I know you would’ve refused to let Barry go to the home. And that he would try to take his life again if you didn’t listen. I couldn’t bear for you to go through what my friend did, Tanner. The guilt has eaten her alive. She turned to alcohol and drugs. I tried to get her clean. To keep her clean, but if you don’t want help, you won’t get it. I’ve had to learn to accept that.”
A sudden realization shot through him. He stepped closer and held her gaze. “When did her mom die?”
“Two years ago.”
The same time Gwen had started to turn her life around. These events were the catalyst.
“I tried to tell Jane it wasn’t her fault. That she had good intentions.�
�
He nodded, his heart going out to the kindhearted woman before him. She must’ve been worried sick for her friend. “What did she say?”
“She flipped me the bird and told me to fuck off. Then went out and got stoned.”
His chest tightened at all she’d gone through alone. “I’m so sorry,” he said, lifting a hand to brush away another tear.
“Me, too.” She shook, drawing in a ragged breath. “I stuck around for a whole year. She was in and out of rehab. But I finally realized she was the only one who could help herself, so I had to walk away.”
And she hated herself for it, too. He could tell by her tone. “You did the right thing.”
“I can’t help but feel I failed her.” She reached up to cover the hand he held to her face. “But I’m not going to fail you, Tanner. That is…if you still want me around.”
Hell yeah.
“So much.” His heart pounded hard in his tight chest.
Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. “I’m glad.”
He cupped her face with both hands, marveling at the inner beauty shining out of her eyes. “Thank you for being there for Barry. I’m so damn sorry I was such an ass about it. I just didn’t realize…”
“It’s okay.”
“No.” He shook his head hard. “It’s not. What you did…it meant the world to me.”
The most radiant smile lit her face and stole his breath.
“I’d do anything for you, Tanner Hathaway.” She leaned in and kissed him.
Her lips were warm, and sweet, and so damn tender he shook from the force of emotion he felt flowing between them. When they drew apart, she had tears in her eyes again.
He brushed the wetness from her cheeks with his thumbs. “I know. I feel it too, Gwen,” he told her, afraid to blink in case he was imagining the whole thing.
Or worse. Dreaming.
“You love me? Because that’s what I’m feeling,” she confessed. “I love you, and I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never felt this way before. I’ll probably suck at it. And make a mess of it. I don’t have a great track record. I tend to hurt those who care about me. And I don’t want to hurt you, Tanner. I don’t ever want to see the hurt in your eyes again. I—”