He moved across the floor, his feet lightly scraping on the concrete, even his softer shoes echoed here, small scuffing noises coming back to him as he walked. He thought about sitting on the other couch, but sat near Abby instead, making sure he left a few feet between them for personal space. She didn’t seem to have paid him much attention, looking at the light-bulb above them with a perplexed sense of wonder.
“Just how long has it been since your world got like this?”
She glared at him, warning in her eyes, and then turned her face back toward the bulb. “Long enough to think that electricity was a part of our past.” Her eyes are turned up to show the whites under her irises, her mouth set in a firm dismay.
She doesn’t like that I caught her at something. This actually tells me a lot about the time that’s passed, but not quite how much. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I guess it’s still a part of my collection of habits. Something you do without having to really consider it where I come from.”
She looked at him again and the dismay went out of her face as she sighed. “Nothing’s safe here. There are too many chances to be taken, too many things that can go wrong. That’s what happened back there at Matt’s encampment, too many things gone wrong and not enough right.”
“Do you think he’ll really let her…?” It was a tough question and he knew it, but maybe talking about it would help her process so they didn’t have any more of those, what did Rachel’s doctor call them? Dissociative episodes, zoning out.
“I don’t know…but yes, I think he means it.” Tears welled in her eyes and she jabbed them out with the heel of one frustrated hand. “He’s a good man. We were all good people, it was just more than most of us could handle.” She looked at him again, meeting his gaze with her own. “You have no idea what kind of hell this is. I don’t want you to know how bad it can get. I have to get you home before you change too much to go back.”
“And how will you know if I have?” He watched her face, looking for changes in her expression. She’d already shared more than he’d ever thought she would.
“I just do.” Her eyes fell away from his face and he missed her gaze. There was something here, a subtle change in their interaction that made him restless. Her walls were still down, no matter how angry and bold she’d been after he’d let her down, she had yet to rebuild those walls between her and the world. She’s softer now, I can almost see her in there. The rain pounded against the roof above, clattering and loud, letting them know that the storm still raged on unabated.
“I wish I could take it all back, everything that happened to them, everything that went wrong. I wish I could do for them what I’m trying to do for you. I just can’t. There’s too many voices calling for my blood and too many more calling for my aid. It’s beyond my control, and I tried so hard to change that.” He could hear the pain in her voice, the thickness it gave to it.
“Maybe you’re not supposed to do all that.” It seemed like the right thing for him to say then, true or not.
She looked at him, her eyes narrowed and suspicious, but most of all looking for something for her to believe in. She was used to hearing this line of reasoning and pushing it all aside, but sometimes she wanted to believe it.
“I’m just saying that if everything seems beyond your control, maybe it is. Maybe there really isn’t a way for you to do what they want. You’re still a person, one person, not several, and not some sort of god who can save everyone. Maybe you need to consider what you want and need instead, start focusing on you.”
She sighed, long and hard. “Turn away.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m soaked, I want to change, and this conversation’s going nowhere I can go.” She stood and lifted her pack onto the couch, then pulled the zipper open and tugged out some dry clothes, another tank top and camo pants. She zipped it closed, setting the clothes down next to it, and darted her eyes at him in warning, waiting for him to turn to the side before she stood again.
He could still see her. From the corner of his eye he saw everything.
She lifted the edge of her top with her fingertips; the light above had outlined the jut of her breasts in the clinging fabric, her nipples hardened from the cold. Her arms crossed as she lifted it up over her shoulders, freeing her breasts as she raised it over her head and threw it to the side with a wet slap. Her bare skin was tan, her arms toned, and her belly taut. He watched her chest as she breathed; her firm breasts rose and fell softly, her areoles were brown circles around the small rise of her erect nipples. He could almost feel the weight of them against his hands as he grew hard, the sight of her arousing him. It was a very surreal place to be; memories of that other night warred with the feeling of now, in his head, his palms clammy while a live wire of nerves ran up his back as he sat there.
“Abby?” His breath was shallow, which made his voice sound soft and uncertain.
She jumped, her breasts shuddering lightly on her chest. “What?”
“Are you okay? You scared me a little back there on the road.” Her emotional state felt like safer ground, a place he could go that didn’t involve so much strangeness.
She sighed, then reached down to her belt, unfastened the buckle and tugged open the zipper of her pants before she tugged them open. She was nude beneath them; a v of soft black curls revealed as she slid the pants down over the curves of her hips. He can see her through the hair, her lips a dark shade of pink as she lifted first one leg and then the other to step out of the damp pants. It was a breathless moment, arousal and a certain shame coloring his cheeks as he watched everything unfold.
“I’ll be all right, Henry. Sometimes my mind wanders, that’s all.”
It’s more than that and you know it. There’s always been something more with you, and you always carry the weight of a thousand different things in your heart no matter how hard you try to make it to withstand the hurt. I see it, and I can’t be the only one. You shut everyone out and you hurt yourself doing it, practically bleed out trying to make it all on your own to try and avoid hurting people, but it doesn’t work and it all blows up in your face. It’s cost you a lot more than you want to admit, and it will keep on costing you until you finally stop or something makes you stop. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t know why my wife isn’t, I don’t even know why I feel so pulled to you, but it isn’t helping me to avoid it either.
He stood carefully, not wanting to startle her too much. His arousal was intense, the ache in his groin almost too painful.
She crossed her arms over her breasts, a look of dismay turning her features down and her eyes alight with something else. “You don’t want me, Henry. You have no idea how much you should want to run.”
He stood in front of her, his arms at his sides and a nervous quaver moving through him as he faced her. He watched her eyes, looked for the feral being he saw that night. It’s not here, only Abby, and though the look on her face was guarded he could see that there was something more there. It told him that he might be right.
“I’m not going to do anything you don’t want, Abby.” He moved closer to her, touched her side with his hand and rested it on her left hip. “I won’t take from you; I’m not that sort of person. If anything happens at all it’s because you and I both wanted it to.” His mouth was close to her ear, he spoke softly to her, waiting to see what would happen. “I won’t take advantage of you. If I do anything you don’t want me to, tell me to stop, push my hand away and it’s done.”
He stroked his hand up from her hip and along her side, his eyes on hers to gauge her response. She shivered pleasantly as his hand traced her flesh, and it deepened as the curve of his fingers glided lightly up to her breast and cupped it gently with his palm. A shudder passed through her, a sigh of arousal drifting out as he lightly caressed the nipple with the tops of his fingers. Very aware of her response, he raised his other hand slowly to the right breast and cupped it just as firmly as her left, flirting with this nipple as he had the other. Knea
ding them gently, he moved in closer, his arousal pressed against her buttocks and his chest to her back. Present but not demanding, his body was a gentle wall against her flesh.
“I’m going to take this slow. I want each step to be certain. I want to give you a chance to tell me if I’m wrong. I know it’s a dangerous game I play now; you taught me that during another storm. But I will always give you the chance to tell me that this isn’t what you want from me, Abby. I still want you. I still love the shape of your body. The strength of your being is something I’ve never seen before, and I understand it though it made me so angry when we first met. I can see your walls and how strongly they’re built, so strong that you don’t want to let anyone in, not even Alex. I don’t want to break those walls. That’s not what you or I want right now. This isn’t love, I know that, but it isn’t just lust either.”
His hands moved gently over her breasts, kneaded them, felt their shape, and then he began to roll his thumbs over her nipples, drawing them erect. Her breathing was slow and even, her chest and face flushed with arousal, little sighs of pleasure came from her mouth; all of it made him harder, his skin so tight he could barely stand it.
“I want to know you, I want to know why you’ve become this woman, closed yourself off from the world.” His voice was a slow quiet hum in her ear, gentle and clear.
“I can’t-” She started to say and he kissed her neck, nibbled the skin there with his teeth, his hands cupping her breasts harder, pinching her nipples between his thumb and index finger, not too hard and not too soft. She meant that she couldn’t let him know about her world, her ever present need for secrecy.
“Shh, I know, you’ve told me so many times I think it’s finally setting in.” He laughed softly at himself, husky and warm. He could smell her musk as it rose from her pubic mound, earthy and warm. His raised his right hand to her head, pulling the band from her hair, careful not to pull it. Her hair fell down in tendrils, wet from the rain; it smelled like ozone and the sweeter smell of her skin. He could feel the thunder as it rumbled in the ground outside, up through the cement, and into his legs.
He didn’t want to move away from her, the closeness of their bodies made him ache, the smell of her sex was heavy in his nose, all encompassing, but he managed to do so with a will. Henry walked slowly over toward the couch to sit where he’d been what seemed like hours before. Where is this coming from? I know it’s me, I could swear it’s everything I’ve ever thought or felt, but I never thought I could say it to her. Is there anything in my head?
No, no I feel fine. God, better than fine!
He reached down and pulled up his shirt. He kept his eyes on hers, the surprise on her face as clear as her arousal as she watched him. “I told you that this was for you to decide, Abby. I’ll sit here. I’ll take off my clothes. But if you want to be with me you have to come here. I want you to know what you want. To know that you chose this, whatever else happens. I want you, god, do I want you.” He lifted himself to pull the fabric of his pants from beneath him, his sex, hard and tight, fell from them and he sighed with relief. Kicking out of the legs, he raised a hand to her.
Her eyes were wet; arousal and uncertainty warred in her thoughts. He kept his eyes on hers, waited in anticipation.
After a moment she took first one step and then another toward him, standing over him with her brow creased in thought. He moved her bag from the couch and for a moment a suspicious look darkened her face, but it was gone when she saw that he was only clearing the space for her. He raised both hands to her this time; his eyes looked at her with understanding, patience in his gaze.
She reached her arm out, her fingers barely touching his palm before he tugged her down onto his lap and covered her mouth with his, stifling her sound of surprise. The kiss was deep and passionate, his hand kneaded her breast, pinched its nipple between his fingers as he cupped it. He moved his mouth to her neck, drew the flesh of her collarbone into his mouth as he nibbled at it. He had never had sex like this, powerful and tinged with bestial urges to bite and pull, to draw in her flesh for desire of it. She writhed beneath his hands, moaned softly, enjoying the rougher nature of his arousal.
He could feel himself against her buttocks, hard and ready, his lap damp with her wetness, but he wanted to be sure that she was ready for him. He opened her legs and ran two fingers over her opening, gently drew the folds of it open and caressed her. His fingers moved over her folds, reached toward her opening to test it with their thickness. In a moment he felt that she was ready, her body contracting and releasing around his fingers. Their breathing was jagged and he didn’t have to speak to see that she wanted him to continue.
He lifted her up, moving her until her back was against his chest and her buttocks rested just above his sex. Moving as carefully as he had before, he reached his hands beneath her thighs and parted her legs, resting them over his own. Her sex touched the tip of him and she wriggled with pleasure which made him throb in response beneath her. Raising himself he slipped into her slowly, savoring the tightness of her body on his; she gasped as he moved in and then out, slow gentle strokes that made both of them shudder with pleasure.
His hands roved over her back and shoulders, squeezed them as his thrusts began to move faster, her body moving to meet his rhythm as she began to make soft surprised sounds of pleasure. With her head thrown back and her back arched, he could reach her breasts and pushed them flat against her body, pinched her nipples between his fingers as he groaned, then physical exertion and coming climax took him over as he thrust beneath her.
He could feel her nails bite into his thighs, her mouth thrown wide by orgasms that made her clench her teeth and hiss. Her body tightened and softened, tightened and softened on top of him, her orgasms quick and forceful. He enjoyed them along with her, her sex gripping him as he moved inside her, pulling him toward climax. When he knew he was close, he gripped her hips high on her thighs and held her there as he tightened for one more deep thrust and shuddered, groaning as he came inside her.
When it was over they were drenched with sweat, the heat of the day trapped in the building with them and intensified by their exertion. They slumped in each other’s arms; half dazed and too tired to move. He listened to her breathe, slow even breaths that soon faded into the lighter breathing of sleep. The rain was slowing down, the patter soft and soothing on the roof as the thunder grew more distant. His own eyes had begun to close, their two bodies fused by moist flesh and fluids, and he relaxed against her reclined body, finding a space between her and the back of the couch to rest. Relaxed, his eyes fell closed, and Henry drifted into dream.
Chapter Thirteen:
Fade to Grey
Abby’s mind drifted between dream and thought, a drowsing sort of sleep that grew deeper over time, slow drifts of consciousness pulling her down.
What will happen now? What must I pay for letting it?
It’s just a fuck, Abby. No more and no less. The voice is Jared’s, laughing and cruel.
Get out of my head, you bastard!
He laughs. No, no I think I’ll have my say. You are mine, Abby, and you will always be mine to control. Even in your dreams.
What do you want now? I’m already so torn apart.
You know that it’s not enough. You know that it will never be enough to pay for your sins. You’ll always be so lost and lonely. Tell me, Abby, how long will it be until you rip him apart too?
I won’t. I’ll get him home and then it will only be us again, only my pain and the world that I made for myself. Have your will then, let him stay out of your plans. He was never meant to be here.
So we are suddenly the will of this world then? Suddenly you think you can ever change what happens! I am the will of this world, Abby! I am your master; the gift you spurn was a gift I meant for you! I gave everything to have you again and you ran from it all! You ran from me and then you tried to take everything that I earned from me as well! I will make you pay for that until the breathe leaves your b
ody and your corpse is nothing but ash! I will do what I want with this puppet. He is nothing but meat!
He’s a human being! He has nothing to do with our world!
None of that matters! He’s with you; he’s in your thoughts! I will destroy any man that dares to touch you! You are mine and I will never let that change! So long as you let anyone into your life, I will destroy them!
Consciousness faded, her mind drifting into dream.
***
Henry opened his eyes and at first he didn’t know where he was. The bright lights stung his eyes and he glanced around the garage, trying to identify the place he‘d woken up. It didn’t take long for it to all come back. She was still there next to him; her back pressed to his chest she slept on, breathing softly against the aged fabric of the couch. What are you waiting for? Now is the moment! Get it and you’ll know everything!
But he hesitated; looking at the bag over her shoulder, he could see that it wouldn’t take much to reach it. But do I still want it? He looked down at her, the shape of her face against the fabric of the couch, and he stopped just short of reaching over. Her mouth was slightly puckered and open, the lids of her eyes shifted and fluttered as she dreamed, and it felt like betrayal.
He’d told her that he wanted to know her, and that was true; despite her desire to keep her life private he sought the pieces out, thrived on the scraps of knowledge he attained in each effort. As he looked between the woman at his side and her bag on the floor he gauged the value of her mystery, what it would cost him should he choose to pursue it. He respected her, but was that enough to stop him from taking her secrets away? Was it even enough to keep him here next to her while she slept? None of it matters anyway, this world isn’t your own and soon you’ll be back home, far beyond her reach if she chose to hate you for it… If she ever even finds out.
Other Dangers: Slipped Through Page 13