“Are you sure that’s not because he’s part of you or whatever it is you were telling me he was?”
“It is. That is how I can see his memories. It is almost like they are my own.” I wanted to drop his hand. I wanted to run as far away as possible. But what good would that do? He was in this mess because he wanted to save my life. I couldn’t just leave now and let him do whatever awful stuff his father had planned.
“Just tell me then. Before the memory. What does he want you to do?”
James let out a long, slow, breath. “Take over your world.”
I barely had a chance to process his words. My head swirled, and I felt faint. Then everything went black.
7
James
“That went well.” Gregor laughed.
“Do not speak.” I cradled Ainsley against me. Thankfully I had been able to catch her before she hit the ground. “This is all your fault.”
“Would it have been better to hide the truth from her longer? She needed to know.”
“It could have waited.”
“For what?” He shifted his weight from foot to foot. “For you to lay with her a few more times before she hated you?”
“She needs me.” I ignored his jest about sex. “And now she is never going to even want to speak to me.” I looked down at her. She was breathing so gently I could almost forget the stress that led to her passing out. I wanted to erase everything negative. I wanted to give her the life she deserved. But not one without me. That was an impossibility now.
“But she held your hand. After admitting you have the Cipher she still held your hand.” There was something close to wonder in his voice.
“That was before she knew what the plan was.” Still, it had amazed me. She may not have been completely willing to forgive, but she cared enough about me on some level to allow me her touch.
“Still, she understands why you did it.” Gregor shrugged. “Although I wonder if your story is true.”
“It is no story. Of course it is true.”
“You turned to him out of your love for her?” Gregor rolled his eyes. “Likely.”
“I did not want to become my father. I have spent my entire adult life trying to fight the assumption that I am. I only accepted his help out of desperation. Letting Ainsley die was not an option. She is my everything. I could not lose her.”
“You will not lose her. She will come around.” Gregor sounded far more confident than I felt.
“I fear she will not be able to accept it.”
“The lost world is not truly her home.” Gregor looked out toward the woods. “Maybe it will help when you tell her that part.”
“Because she is my kindred?” I tried to understand his logic.
“Wait.” He grinned. “You do not know.”
“Know what?”
“Who Ainsley really is.” He clapped his hands. “This is brilliant. Our father told me more than he told you.”
“You know nothing of Ainsley that I do not know myself.”
“Are you sure about that?” He pressed.
“Yes.”
“Then who is her father?” His eyes danced with amusement once again.
I said nothing, waiting for him to reveal more before I admitted anything.
“You do not know.” He smiled. “But I am sure you could figure it out if you tried.”
“Tell me what you are implying.”
“I am not implying anything.” He looked down at his boots. “I know exactly who her father is. Or should I say was.”
“Was? Is he dead?” The time for hiding my cards were over. I needed to know.
And I had a gnawing in my chest that told me I already knew the answer. My father had thought she was the right match for a reason. And she was my kindred. She had a connection to Belgard, and there was one man from Belgard that had spent a great deal of time in the lost world. Including in the city where Ainsley was born. She had been asked to housesit at Charlotte’s house. My father had known exactly who she was. “She has Winthrop blood.”
Gregor laughed. “Yes. Of course she does. Which is why the Cipher’s plan is perfect.”
“Ainsley is Monty’s daughter.” I tried to let that truth set in. I had known Charlotte’s Uncle Monty well. I had grieved after his death as though he had been my own family.
I looked down at Ainsley’s peaceful face.
“You had no idea of her true identity.”
“Of course not.” I reached for the door to the tower.
“What a wonderful surprise for you too then.” He grinned.
“If Ainsley still wants to be mine after all this I can worry about things being wonderful.”
“You act as though she has a choice.” Gregor kicked the dirt with his boot. “She really only has two.”
“Two?” I arched an eyebrow.
“She could of course choose me.”
Anger flooded me. “She will never be with you.”
“She is a beautiful girl but too difficult. I will not press her either way, but she has to be with one of us.” He looked down at her.
“My father never recognized you.” I finally admitted out loud what I had come to accept.
“Our father recognized me quietly.” Gregor gave me a sly smile. “You were too busy to listen.”
I still had not quite processed everything I had learned over the past few hours. I had a half-brother, and Ainsley was the daughter of a powerful man I had once counted as my ally. It could have been worse. At least Ainsley and I were unrelated. I would not have been able to handle such a revelation.
I reached again for the door, and this time Gregor made no move to stop me. I carried Ainsley up the spiral staircase to our room.
I carefully laid her down on the bed. If this had been the first time she had passed out I would have worried, but she had done it before and each time she had reawakened.
I watched her for a few moments before a thought entered my consciousness. Her memory seemed flawed so maybe she would not remember—even as I thought about it I knew it did not matter. I would have to tell her everything anyway.
I watched her again. I could stare at her for hours. Maybe it would seem creepy to an outsider, but there was nothing wrong with my attention. Watching her calmed me and reminded me that the real me was still inside. My heart was still pure; it would be as long as I had her.
I took her hand in mine. Her skin was so soft yet cold. I wanted her warmer. I lay down beside her and pulled her into my arms. I hoped she would not recoil from me when she woke up.
She stirred beside me, mumbling something incomprehensible as she snuggled into my chest. I soaked up the feel of her body pressed against mine now that I knew she might no longer want to be there.
I gently ran my hand down her back. I wanted to avoid waking her up, but I also wanted to touch her as much as I could. I would never get enough of my Ainsley, and all I could do was hope that eventually she would forgive me.
“James.”
My eyes flew open, and I looked at her. She was smiling, and for a second I thought I was asleep.
“Hello, my love.”
“I had the craziest dream.”
“Did you?” My stomach turned. I had a pretty good idea of what that dream was.
“Yes. You were saying all these strange things.”
“Was I?” I tried to keep my voice even when I felt anything but.
“But it was just a dream?” She put her hand on my chest. “Right?”
I swallowed hard. I had to do the right thing. “Maybe not.”
“James.” She pushed her hand into my chest. “Please tell me it was a dream.”
“How about I tell you about one other thing first?”
“Okay.” She shut her eyes. “But for now I am going to assume it was a dream.”
“Can you open your eyes for this?”
She nodded and opened her beautiful blue eyes. “Yes.”
“There was a man who fell in love with a wo
man. She was everything and anything he ever wanted. He hadn’t realized how much he needed her until she came into his life.”
She rested her head on my chest. “Is this about you or your father?”
“Me.” It was the one part of me that was still separate. “And this man was willing to do anything for this woman including sell his soul to the one person he hated more than any other.” I let the words flow out despite how much it hurt to voice them out loud.
“She wasn’t worth it.” Ainsley spoke in a barely a whisper.
“She was. This woman was worth all the worlds to him. And he knew as long as she stayed with him, he could fight the darkness.”
“So you’re not going to go along with your father’s plan?” She picked her head up.
“Not in the way he thinks I will.”
“What does that mean?” She’d given up on thinking it was a dream. No reason to back down now.
“It means I will give him what he wants.”
She pushed away. “James!”
I grabbed onto her hand. “No one will get hurt. I have a plan.”
“Then tell me the plan.”
“I will. But only if I know you are with me.”
“I am with you whether I want to be or not.” She sighed.
“And I promise when this is all over I will give you a choice. I will break that connection and let you free if it is what you desire.”
“I have no clue what I’m going to want. Right now my concern is getting you back and protecting my world. Is that really part of your father’s plan? I mean taking over my world?”
“It is,” I admitted.
“Ok. Then I’m on board with your plan.”
“I cannot let you go.” I ran my hands through her hair.
“I’ll die without you. I get that.”
“No.” I struggled to come up with the right words. “I can’t let you go, but I have to. I need help.”
“What does getting help have to do with me?”
“The darkness inside me is growing. Right now I can keep it at bay when you are near, but I am not sure how long that will last.”
“I still don’t quite understand how I fit into all of this.”
“I need you to run away from me.”
“What?” Ainsley’s hand flew to her chest.
“And you have to do it fast.” I closed my eyes. Almost every part of me fought against speaking the words, but one part agreed. My heart. I needed to do this.
“James, what are you talking about?
“I cannot let Gregor know the plan. He will take you from me, and then we are all done for.”
“Why is he here?”
“Because he is my father’s other son.”
“Uh, what?” Ainsley sat up. “Not that I should be remotely surprised. Nothing anyone has said or done in the last few days has been normal.”
“I did not know before. Although to be honest I am not surprised my father had another child. What surprised me was that my father hid his existence from me.” I had discovered he had been keeping countless secrets from me. Some were more surprising than others.
“Your father was only concerned with getting what he wanted from people. That knowledge might have changed how you dealt with him.” Ainsley wrapped the blankets around herself.
“It is not as though I were conceived out of a loving relationship.”
“Did you know your mom?” Ainsley rested her hands in her lap.
“No. She died in childbirth.” That was no secret. My father had reminded me of that reality again and again while I was growing up.
“I’m sorry.” Ainsley squeezed my hand.
“There is nothing to be sorry for. I only wish she would have been able to continue her life. I am sure she was a good woman, but how and why she became involved with my father I will never know.”
“I want to know more about her, but first I need to understand why you are telling me to run away.”
“I can keep my father at bay when we touch. I am strong enough to hold back the darkness when I have you.” But it was only temporary. There was a limit to my strength.
“Then how could you send me away? Wouldn’t that mean you lose control?” Ainsley inched closer to me.
“Even with you I cannot do this forever. I need help.” And I had to protect Ainsley. I finally understood my father’s plan, and I refused to use her in the way he intended.
“And how does my running away help you at all?” Ainsley sighed. “I am so confused, and I don’t know how much is from the haziness and how much comes from this situation being insane.”
“I need you to get Charlotte. We need her help.”
“But what happens when I’m gone?” Ainsley’s eyes were wide. “What if the darkness takes over?”
“It is one of the many reasons you need to hurry.”
“I’m not worried about myself.”
“You should be.” I buried my head in my hands. “I have no strength to beg you to leave when all I want is to keep you here.”
“How am I supposed to get back to Belgard by myself?” Ainsley pulled my hands from my face. “Have you thought about that?”
“I know you can do it.”
“Even though I have absolutely no sense of direction?”
“You do not have to get all the way to Belgard alone. I know of others who can help you.”
“And how do I get to them?” She sighed.
“That my love is going to require a little bit of work.”
8
Ainsley
I stared at James blankly. I wasn’t sure what to think or feel. I was terrified and confused, and all I wanted to do was curl up and go back to sleep. But that wasn’t an option.
“I would do anything to keep you here with me. It is nearly impossible to let you go, yet I have to. Neither of us will ever forgive me if I lose the battle I am facing inside. I cannot take that chance. I need you in my life, Ainsley. I need you to survive, and that means I have to send you away.”
“What about the poison? Are you forgetting how sick I got when we were apart?” My head was spinning a mile a minute. The one thing I knew for sure was that James wanted me to stay close. Now he was trying to get rid of me?
“I think we have been intimate enough to buy us some time, besides I am somehow also making you sick. Your exhaustion and memory problems. I am sure they are my fault.” He looked down.
“But what if you are wrong, and it kills me?” I voiced my fear out loud.
“My fear is you are more likely to face danger if you stay here.” James met my eyes. “Besides, maybe Charlotte was right after all.”
“What do you mean?’
“Maybe she could help you. I know more than I did when I left.”
“What does that mean?” I was getting more and more confused by the minute.
“I promise you will find out everything, but I cannot hold the darkness off much longer. Please.”
“Who is going to help me get back to Belgard?” Putting aside the fact that James was backtracking on the needing to stay with him or I die thing, I had no clue how in the world I was going to make it back to Belgard. For the moment, that was my top priority.
“You need to find Talen’s people, the Arcos, they will help you.”
“The arctic wolves?” I raised an eyebrow. That wasn’t the answer I’d been expecting.
“Yes.”
“And why are they going to help me?”
“Because they will understand.”
“That doesn’t exactly explain anything.” I tried to stay calm, but deep breathing wasn’t going to work this time.
“Ainsley, you have to go. Find the river in the woods and follow it. Eventually it will lead you toward Icentris, and the Arcos will get you to Belgard.”
“This is insane. I could get killed.”
“And you could get killed here. I wanted to believe I could protect you, but I cannot promise that anymore. “
“Come wit
h me. We can get help together.”
“I cannot.” James gave a pained stare. “You know I would if I could, but my father will not let me.”
“I can help you fight the darkness. You said so yourself.”
“That will only last so long. You can make it before then. Get there and listen to Charlotte.”
“You changed your mind so quickly.” That was the part I didn’t get. A few hours before he was making me promise to never leave.
“Because I thought I was stronger. I am not. I am weak. Ainsley, please.”
“Why the rush?”
“Because if you wait much longer I will never let you go.”
“I need you, James. I can’t do this alone.” He was the only reason I’d even made it through the craziness so far. But it was more than that. I loved him. I loved him more than I ever believed possible. My heart ached at the thought of leaving his side.
“You saw me with Gregor. I saw the fear in your eyes. I refuse to see that again.”
“You would never hurt me. You said so yourself.” I had to believe that was true. It was one of the few things I had left to hold onto.
“And I never intentionally would, but I am losing control.” He put his hands on either side of his head. “I am not fully myself anymore, even though I wish I were strong enough to be.”
“James?” I reached out and touched him.
“Go into the woods and find the river. It will lead you directly to Icentris. If Talen is there he will know what to do. If not, tell them you are a friend of Charlotte’s. They will get you there. If all else fails tell them you are a lost daughter of Belgard.”
“A what?”
“A lost daughter of Belgard.”
“Ummm..”
“That is who you are. It is not my secret to tell. Find the Arcos, and they will bring you to Charlotte.”
“I am not going anywhere until you explain what the hell that means.” I was getting angry. I was tired of the confusion and the haze.
“You need to go now, Ainsley, before I change my mind.” He clenched his eyes shut.
“What if I can’t do this?”
Forged in Fire (The Forged Chronicles Book 3) Page 5