by Ann Major
The first hint that something was wrong had been when she’d awakened at Belle Rose and reached for him and found she was alone in their bed. She’d dressed and run downstairs, only to discover him finishing breakfast with Cici and Logan. As soon as she’d entered the dining room, he’d announced they would leave as soon as she ate breakfast.
“I asked what you are doing,” Alicia repeated from his New Orleans doorway as he grabbed a tackle box.
Without so much as a glance her way, he slung a pair of jeans and a frayed plaid shirt into his backpack. “I would think it’s pretty obvious. I’m packing.”
Gus lay in the middle of his bed, watching them both as he thumped his tail and purred. Alicia resented his simple happiness.
“Why? Are you moving out?”
“No.” He didn’t look up. “I’ll be gone a week at most.”
“Going where for a week? I don’t understand.”
“I need solitude. Why did you go see your father when he called? Because you’re made that way. Because you had to. I need to get away.”
“Can’t we just talk about last night?”
“We can talk when I get back. Maybe then I’ll have something to say.”
“You’re making me crazy.”
“I’m sorry. That’s not my intention.”
“What about your work?”
“Things are slow.”
He didn’t have to explain that. She knew he and his staff believed she or her father were to blame for most of his firm’s business problems. “Okay,” she said. “Go. Just tell me where you’re going.”
“To my cabin in Alaska probably.” His voice was harsh and loud.
Alaska? As far as possible, in other words.
She hated herself, because if she’d thought it would do any good she would have gotten on her knees and begged him to stay. She wanted to know what he was thinking and feeling. If she’d thought it would do any good, she would have yelled at him until he told her.
For her, the sex last night had been more than wonderful. She’d felt as if her soul had been welded to his, as if it still was—but he was shutting her out, going to Alaska of all places.
“Okay,” she said. “Alaska. I’ll let you concentrate on your packing.”
As she walked slowly out of his room and then downstairs, her heart constricted.
Alaska. She couldn’t believe this. Not after last night.
Sucking in a breath, she decided to brew herself a cup of tea. Fifteen minutes later Alicia was sitting quietly in her rocker on the back porch, sipping from her mug, when she heard him in the kitchen.
He’d married her only because of the baby. He’d wanted sex, but obviously he hadn’t wanted her saying she loved him. Well, she had a right to her feelings and a right to express them. And she wasn’t going to take any of it back. She would just have to deal with this, and so would he.
Not that it was fun. No—she was utterly miserable at the thought of him leaving.
She heard the screen door open. Then his footsteps sounded as he approached her. She notched her chin up and met his gaze.
“I don’t want to quarrel,” he said. “I’m going—so I can figure myself out. Vanessa will call later to check on you.”
“I’ll be okay.”
A muscle pulled in his jaw as he nodded. “Good.”
Her stomach tightened. Her mouth felt too dry to speak, but someone she managed to whisper, “Goodbye.”
“Goodbye.” Slinging his backpack over his shoulder, he walked across the backyard to the garage.
When the garage door went up and his SUV backed out, she stood and walked to the edge of the porch with her hand on her heart.
He stopped, rolled his window down and waved to her.
She took a deep breath and waved back. Then she held up her hand a blew him a kiss.
He nodded mutely. Then his tinted window went up.
When the gate closed behind him and she finally went back inside, the stillness within the house seemed deafening.
Fourteen
Alicia couldn’t bear Jake’s big, quiet house after he’d left, so she called Carol.
“Why don’t you come to London?” Carol said as soon as Alicia had told her everything.
Why couldn’t she go somewhere? Who said she was stuck here just because he’d left?
“You’re right. I could take a little trip of my own.”
Suddenly there was a loud knock at her front door.
“Somebody’s outside,” Alicia said.
“Maybe it’s him—come to his senses.”
“He has a key. No, it’s either Vanesa or our landlady.”
Curious, Alicia told Carol she’d call her back after she saw who it was, then she hung up.
When she crept to the front of the house and lifted the shade, Vanessa waved at her.
Disappointment swamped Alicia as she cracked the door. “Okay, you did your job,” she said. “I’m fine, so you can go home to your sons.”
“They’re not there right now. So—are you going to invite me in to your pity party or not?”
“Am I that obvious?”
“Who wouldn’t be in your shoes? You’re a beautiful bride, and your big dope of a husband runs off to Alaska.”
Alicia didn’t know what to say, so she stood aside and let Vanessa sweep boldly across her threshold.
“I know Jake asked you to check on me, but it’s not necessary. I’m fine.”
“I tried to call, but your line was busy. I thought if you were free, maybe we could go out to dinner.”
“Like I said, it’s not necessary.”
“If I’m going to remain Jake’s secretary, allow me to disagree. Besides, I’d get brownie points from Jake if you’d say yes.”
“He doesn’t really care about me.”
“Then why did he run all the way to Alaska?”
“He runs as far as he can—and this is proof he cares?”
“I’d put money on it. What did you do to scare the socks off him?”
“Scare him?”
“Don’t look so wide-eyed and innocent. I know scared when I see scared. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s in love. He just doesn’t know it yet.”
Was that true? The image of Jake’s large body on top of hers flashed in her mind. He’d felt so wonderful. So right. Everything had been perfect until she’d told him she loved him. Not that she could tell his nosy secretary about their great sex.
“Look…er…” Alicia began.
“Okay, I get it. What if I promise to quit prying into my boss’s love life, not to mention yours? Will you say yes to dinner then?”
Vanessa probably knew Jake better than anybody else. If she thought he was scared, maybe Alicia could learn more about what scared him if she spent time with this woman. Besides, she was friendly and seemed like fun.
“It’s not like I have anything better to do,” Alicia said.
“What do you say we exact revenge on your honey and go somewhere really, really expensive? I mean somewhere I could never afford on what he pays me?”
Alicia laughed. “I’ll get dressed.” A wild idea had begun to germinate in the back of her mind.
“Do you know where exactly he is in Alaska?” Alicia asked.
“Who do you think made arrangements for his favorite bush pilot to drop him and a week’s worth of supplies up at his cabin south of Denali National Park? He goes there every year around this time in the summer. He says the place clears his mind.”
“What does he do there?”
“It’s wild country. He hunts and fishes. Not my thing, but he always returns tanned and happier. Some summers I can actually stand him for a whole month. The year he broke a bone in his knee when he fell running from a grizzly he was happy for three months. You know what I heard him say? ‘I had fun. I nearly died.’ Men!”
“What if I wanted to join him for a…er…a belated honeymoon? Could you make the same arrangements for me?”
The ide
a that had begun to germinate as Alicia was getting dressed blossomed. Suddenly she knew exactly where she wanted to spend the next week and what she wanted to do.
“His cabin doesn’t have electricity or running water. You have to carry water from the river to bathe. And like I said, it’s grizzly bear country.”
“I really want to understand him, I need to make this trip.”
“You know what they say—if you love him let him go. If he doesn’t come back, hunt him down and kill him.”
“Next time. I’d prefer to surprise him.”
“You’re one gutsy girl.”
“So will you help me?” Alicia asked.
“Can I finish my margarita first? When we’re done here, we’ll go back to the office, where I have all the phone numbers. Oh…and before we leave, don’t let me forget to snap a picture of you and the delectable Javier.”
“Who’s Javier?”
“Honey, he’s the yummy bartender who’s been giving me the eye all night.”
“Jake said you don’t like men.”
“Wrong. I’ve got three children, haven’t I?”
Jake was looking forward to a meal of mild-flavored grayling as he laid his heavy stringer of fish on the rocky ground and stared at the cloud-shrouded peaks of the wild range extending east and west as far as he could see. He’d build a fire, sit out in the open and enjoy the view. He was tired after having spent fourteen hours hip-deep in icy rapids fishing.
Sucking in a long breath, he wished Alicia was standing here beside him. He wanted to share with her the extraordinary sensation of freedom and release this big land gave him. Then he frowned as he realized he was thinking of her again.
What was wrong with him? He’d come here to get some distance from his feelings for her, to enjoy the land that had always been such a comfort. So, why couldn’t he shake her hold even here? He liked being on his own.
Usually there was nothing like a couple of days in the wild to change his view of the world and make him realize that what had been bothering him back home wasn’t really much of a problem.
Twice already he’d let his thoughts of her distract him to the point of endangering himself. He’d gotten too close to a blond grizzly with black legs and a moose intent on gobbling river vegetation right where he wanted to fish. Even though he’d had a gun, he’d let the moose and grizzly have his fishing hole.
Suddenly he heard the thin drone of a single-engine plane flying low, which was odd because few people came up here. His heart leapt. Hill wasn’t due back to pick him up for four days, but if he was here dropping another hunter, and if he could wave him down, there was no reason he couldn’t return early to his bride.
Scanning the sky, he tried to locate the plane. But no matter how hard he squinted and strained, he never saw the plane. The noise grew fainter and Jake cursed in frustration. When all was silent again, he dropped to his knees. The wilderness felt alien and lonely. He’d had enough of it, and he knew it was because he needed Alicia too much.
She’d said she loved him. His feelings for her were so powerful he was afraid to analyze them. So, he wouldn’t. He’d just live with them and try to get used to them before he put a name on them.
Slowly he picked up his stringer and resumed trudging the last three miles to his cabin that stood on top of the ridge. He was a mile out when he saw wisps of dark smoke curling into the air. Somebody was at his cabin. That somebody had built a fire.
Hugging herself, Alicia stood on the porch of Jake’s one-room log cabin. She’d been so sure coming here was the right thing to do.
So sure—until she’d gotten here and Hill had flown away and left her with only the whispery stillness of the trees for company. Without Jake she felt too alone.
Was it only an hour ago that she’d fibbed bravely to Hill that Jake was expecting her, and, no, Hill didn’t have to wait and make sure she was all right, that he could take off?
“He didn’t say nothin’ about you coming,” Hill had insisted, repeating that he’d be glad to wait. “He always comes by hisself.”
Her heart had quickened but she’d said, “Our plans were tentative, like I told you.”
He’d cocked a bushy eyebrow and had eyed her suspiciously. “I’ll even stay the night if you like. I can sleep in my plane. You wouldn’t even know I was here. Unless there was trouble.”
“He’ll be here.”
“All right, then. If you’re sure… Tell you what—I’ll do a flyby tomorrow just to make sure you’re all right.” He’d instructed her as to what hand signals to use to wave him down or send him on his way. “Don’t want to land unnecessarily,” he’d said gruffly. “Waste of fuel.”
Without further ado he’d taken off for Fairbanks. She’d toted the single bag Hill had allowed her to fly with to the cabin and had busied herself gathering wood and building a fire, all the while keeping an eye out for any kind of bear. Not just a grizzly.
“There’s no such thing as a good bear in Alaska,” Hill had warned her. “They’re all wild and unpredictable, especially this time of year. And don’t leave any food out.”
She felt sick to her stomach with worry. What if Jake was furious? What if he hated her for following him?
So what? He was her husband. She had to know what he felt. That’s why she’d come here. She had to know if they had a chance. Every day she was investing more of herself into this marriage.
Suddenly she glimpsed movement against the horizon—a tiny figure was heading purposefully for the cabin. Maybe a lone moose or caribou, she told herself, trying not to get her hopes up that it was Jake, even as she hoped that it was.
Finally she made out a tall man with long legs and a familiar gait. Jake. He had something heavy slung over a broad shoulder that caused him to lean to one side as he strode toward her.
“Jake? Jake!” She tore down the steps and ran toward him. “Jake!”
He must have heard her. After a pause, he started running, too. She was breathless when they both stopped a few yards from each other.
Without taking his eyes off her, he knelt and carefully laid his fat stringer of heavy fish on the ground.
“Nice fish,” she whispered, feeling uncertain suddenly.
He stood again and contemplated the fish and then the scuffed toes of his boots for a long moment.
“I got lucky. Real lucky.” His gaze climbed her slowly, lingering on her mouth, and she didn’t think he was talking about his catch.
She hissed in a breath. Was he really as glad to see her as she was to see him? His handsome face was flushed. His chocolate-brown hair fell across his brow. She swallowed, waited.
A sheepish grin crept across his features as he reached for her. The fierce emotion that tore through him, causing him to shudder as he pulled her to him, shredded her, too.
Giving a little cry, she smothered her lips in his thick hair, which smelled of wood smoke and damp forest.
“So what are you doing way up here?” he whispered huskily in an odd voice he’d never used before. When she didn’t answer at first, his grip around her body tightened.
She was thrilled that he kept holding her, but still afraid that once he got over the shock that she was here, he might be angry.
“Are you all right?” he demanded. “Is the baby all right?”
“Yes! I had to come. I had to know what you felt. I couldn’t go on loving you, wondering if you hate me, or if I’m too clingy and not what you want. I know I shouldn’t have chased you, and I’ll stay out of your way while I’m here.”
“Shut up.” His voice was suddenly so harsh and cold, she was terrified that as soon as he was sure the baby was okay, he was going to send her away. She felt his arms knot with tension. For a long moment he said nothing else.
“What am I going to do about you?” His arms tightened around her shoulders and he pulled her closer.
“I know I probably shouldn’t have come,” she whispered. “I should have never have suggested marriage…and made you f
eel so trapped that you had to run all the way up here.”
“What?” Suddenly he burst out laughing.
“Don’t laugh at me,” she begged. “Whatever you do, don’t laugh.”
“I’m not laughing at you. I’m glad you’re here, you little fool. I missed you hellishly. I admire your honesty. I was an ass. It took a lot of guts on your part to come here. But I’m glad you did.”
“You are?”
“Very glad. I kept saying I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I guess I got my wish. And for the record, I’m not talking just about sex.”
As Alicia clung to him, her eyes filled with tears of joy.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered.
“It’s just that I’m so happy.”
Leaning down, he cupped her chin. Gently he brushed her trembling lips with his own, and a wild piercing joy such as she had never known filled her. When he deepened the kiss, Alicia’s knees went limp.
A long time later he said, “Let’s go inside. Unless you want me looking over your shoulder for a grizzly the whole time we’re making love.”
She laughed and he let go of the long dark strands of her hair that had become tangled in his fist at her nape.
“I was wishing that I’d brought you with me,” he said. “I wanted to share all this with you so much.”
I love you, she thought, but this time she knew better than to say it aloud.
He didn’t say it either, and he probably wasn’t close to thinking it, but the light in his eyes every time he looked at her coupled with the thrilled grin that dazzled her was enough.
At least for now.
Fifteen
Jake brought the fish inside and set them in his ice cooler.
“I’ll clean them later.” He turned to her. “You can’t leave anything edible outside here—including your delectable self.”
“Hill told me that.”
“That old rascal…flying you here and leaving you all alone…. What if I’d been camping out?”