Never Forget Us

by Tracy Lorraine

  He shrugs before saying, “I just always saw you as an Audi kind of girl. I was thinking this.” He points towards a sporty little white thing. “No?” he asks when he sees my reaction.

  “I’d like something bigger.” A small three-door is definitely not ideal with a young child in tow.

  “It comes in a five door, look.”

  I check the price tag. “How much?!”

  “I’m sure I can get you a good deal.”

  “I’m more than capable of doing this myself, you know. I’m not some pathetic little woman who needs a man to be able to live. I’m not that shy twenty year old you first met.”

  “Oh, Skittles. Trust me, I can see that.” His eyes run down over my body.

  With a little help from Frankie, I’ve completely overhauled my wardrobe since having Denny. The main issue to begin with was that nothing I owned fitted my new motherly curves, but I also found I was no longer comfortable in my old ratty jeans and jumpers. I glance down at my burgundy tailored trousers, white shirt, and black blazer. The second I knew I’d lost the argument about meeting him here, this was the only outfit I considered wearing. Not only is it my favourite, but it fits me perfectly. I shouldn’t be dressing up for him, but the excited twenty year old within me who remembers everything couldn’t help it.

  I open my mouth to put an end to his perusal of my body—just because his attention warms from the inside out and ignites tingles I haven’t felt in over five years, it doesn’t mean it’s right—when the salesman joins us.

  * * *

  As much as I insisted I could have done it myself, Jay got a much better deal than I think I would’ve been able to. He was playing the salesman at his own game; his balls were definitely bigger than mine would have been.

  Just over an hour later, I walk out of the dealership the proud owner of an almost brand new five-door Audi A1 with all the bells and whistles I really don’t need, but Jay insisted on. And the colour…white, of course. I didn’t even get the chance to argue. The look I got from Jay told me there was no space for discussion; I was having a white car. I don’t really care about the colour, other than the fact that for the past five years, every time I’ve seen a bloody white car of any kind I’ve had to do a double take at the driver, just in case.

  “Let me buy you lunch,” Jay offers as we come to a stop by the Porsche. He steps a little closer than usually deemed appropriate between two people. I try to step back but only manage to bump into the car.

  I keep my focus off into the distance. This close proximity already has my heart pounding and my temperature peaked. If I look at him, I know all those old feelings are going to come rushing back to me at full force. His smell is enough to put me back inside his old Peugeot as we travelled up north on our road trip to everywhere and nowhere.

  “Erin,” he whispers, as I feel the warmth of his fingertips connect with my chin.

  I’m powerless the second he touches me. It’s like no time has passed. He has the exact same effect on me now as he did that very first night in the club.

  He moves my face so I should be looking at him but I keep my eyes downcast. That is, until I feel him squeeze my chin. The shock has me looking directly into his stunning grey eyes. They’re not as bright and joyful as I remember, and it suddenly reminds me that I have no idea about what the last five years might have been like for him. I’m quick to remember the pain he caused me, but clearly there was a reason he made the decision not to meet me that day. The way he’s looking at me right now, the hunger, the lust, all point to the fact it wasn’t because he didn’t want me.

  I’m pulled from my thoughts as his fingers brush across my cheek before pushing a strand of my hair behind my ear. It burns as his touch slowly runs around the shell before he continues down my neck.

  I want to look unaffected, but the goosebumps pricking my skin and my panting breaths say otherwise.

  Jay leans in towards me, and I’m at the point where a serious decision needs to be made, when my phone rings.

  Reality instantly makes him jump back.

  “I’m sorry, I’ve got to get this,” I say in a rush when I see it’s Denny’s school.

  My hand shakes as I bring my phone to my ear.

  “Miss Roberts?”

  “Speaking.”

  “We’ve got Denny here in the nurse’s office. He’s been sick a couple of times. Would it be possible for you, or someone, to come and collect him, please?”

  “Of course. I’m on my way now.”

  I quickly hang up and turn to Jay. I can tell by the look on his face he knows I’m about to leave, but I need to get to my baby.

  “I’m sorry. As soon as my car’s delivered next week, I’ll return this one,” I promise, unlocking it and getting in.

  “Erin?” he asks, making me look up with the key halfway to the ignition. “Can I see you again?”

  I’m torn. Half of me is desperate to scream yes, to see if what we had is still there, but the other more rational and angry half wants to drive away from him and never see him again. He may have been the best thing that ever happened to me five years ago, but at the same time, he ruined me, and I can’t risk that happening again.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  I watch the light extinguish from his eyes and it almost makes me want to change my mind. But I can’t. This is the right thing to do.

  * * *

  It turns out there’s a sickness bug going around Denny’s school. The second I pull out onto the main road to get him home, he pukes all over himself and the Porsche.

  All us three of us end up confined to the house for the next four days as we pass it on to each other. It’s not ideal, but the enforced family time is exactly what I needed to remind me of what I have.

  Alex is incredible. He’s kind, caring, dependable, and nothing is ever too much to ask of him. I couldn’t imagine a better father figure for Denny.

  I sit and watch them both on the floor with Denny’s trains and I can help but smile. This is how my life is meant to be. Alex is my future. I need to get my head out of the past and focus on the here and now, and our future as a family.

  “Alex?”

  “Yeah,” he says, coming to sit next to me.

  “I think it’s time.”

  His face lights up, and I know I’m making the right decision. “Really?”

  “Really. I think you should live here, officially.”

  He’s on his feet in an instant. He pulls me up off the sofa, into his body, and spins me around while Denny watches and laughs at us from his seat on the floor.

  “We need to celebrate. I get off early Friday. Let’s go out.”

  “Okay,” I say excitedly. “I should have my new car by then; could we drop the Porsche off at the garage before we go out?” I ask. I need to get rid of that bloody thing as soon as possible.

  “Perfect.” Alex grabs my empty mug and disappears off to the kitchen, muttering about where we can go for our meal.

  * * *

  Deciding I’ve spent enough time inside the house this week, I booked myself a hair appointment for this afternoon to get myself glammed up, ready for our night out. It’s not often I go to so much trouble, but seeing as Alex has booked us a table in posh restaurant, I feel like I should push the boat out.

  “Mummy, you look so pretty,” Denny says when he comes running out of school.

  “Thank you, baby. Did you have a good day?”

  “Yes, Peter brought his new train in…” Denny excitedly tells me all about playing with his friend’s new toy the entire journey home. I hear nothing about how school went; apparently, it pales in comparison.

  “Is Frankie still coming over tonight?”

  “She is,” I confirm, and his little face lights up. From the day I found out I was pregnant, Frankie has been my rock in a way I never could have imagined. She’s an incredible aunt to Denny, even if she does fill his little body full of sugar every chance she gets.

  “Yessss,�
� he hisses, doing a little fist pump.

  As predicted, when Frankie arrives it’s with an arm full of chocolate.

  “What? Some of it’s for me,” she says with a wink to Denny, as I take in her stash.

  “Whatever,” I mutter. “Denny, why aren’t you in your pyjamas, little man?”

  “I’m going,” he says, before disappearing.

  “Whoa, looking hot, Momma!” Frankie says when she inspects me properly.

  “Thank you.”

  “It must be a big night—your favourite dress has come out for the occasion.”

  I look down at my most prized possession, a black Alexander McQueen dress I discovered in a charity shop a year or so ago. I couldn’t believe my luck when I saw it still had the tag hanging from it.

  “Any excuse to wear it.”

  “What time are you going?” Frankie asks as she starts unpacking like she’s staying all weekend. She puts her bottle of wine in the fridge and turns my oven on like she owns the place.

  “Alex said he’d be here by seven-thirty.”

  “It’s seven-thirty now, isn’t it?”

  I look over at the clock and see she’s right. “Any minute then.”

  Nervous butterflies flutter around my belly.

  It’s another ten minutes before my phone rings.

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m so sorry, baby. One of my night staff is running late. I’m gonna be about thirty minutes. Are you okay to wait?”

  I look out the window at my new Audi sat next to the old Porsche and let out a sigh.

  “Yeah, no problem. I promised I’d get this car back before eight. Could you pick me up from there?” That’s not true, of course. Jay didn’t give me a deadline for having the car back, but I need it gone, and dropping it off at night means there’s much less chance of bumping in to him. I can drop the keys through the letterbox and run.

  “Okay, that’s actually perfect,” he says, as it’s closer for him.

  “Well?” Frankie asks when I re-join her in the living room. I haven’t said anything to her about Jay. She’s convinced he’s dead, and that I was losing my mind when I said I thought I saw him that day in the coffee shop. To save myself the pain of talking about it, I’ve just ignored it.

  “I’m meeting him at the garage.”

  “At eight o’clock at night?”

  “I promised it would be back tonight.”

  “Okay,” she says, grabbing her wine and taking a sip. The way she’s looking at me over the rim makes me nervous. “If he abandons you at some garage, I’ll have his balls.”

  “He said he’ll be there, so he’ll be there.”

  “Have an amazing night,” she says as I go to leave the room. “Keep the noise down when you get in, please. I don’t want to be woken up by your celebratory fuck fest.”

  “We’ll do our best,” I say with a laugh as I pull my coat on and grab my bag.

  I jump in the Porsche and take a deep breath. I’ll just park this up, drop the keys through the letterbox, and that’ll be it. Alex can pick me up, and we can start celebrating him moving in. I’ll be able to put this whole thing back in the past where it belongs.

  Five years ago, I thought Jay was the one, but a lot has changed in that time—mostly me. I’m not the person I was back then. Jay isn’t the person he was back then. We probably wouldn’t even work now.

  The garage is in darkness when I pull up. I park the car in an empty space before double checking I have no personal possessions inside. The last thing I need is to leave something in it that has him hunting me down to return.

  Confident I’m leaving it just as I found it, I grab my bag and lock it up. The tarmac is full of potholes and lumps and bumps so takes me a while to navigate in my heels. I’m soon stood at the main door, about to mentally say goodbye to Jay. It’s the right thing to do.

  Unfortunately, I only get the letterbox open when there’s a bang from inside and the door is pulled open. My heart jumps into my chest as I look up to the person stood before me.

  My eyes widen and my mouth drops open. He looks pretty shocked too, if his expression is anything to go by. His gaze drops to take me in and I do the same.

  Jay’s white t-shirt and pale jeans are covered in grease and grime. His hands are almost black, and he has smears all over his face.

  When he looks back up at me from under his lashes, it’s like my world stops. His eyes are dark and he has this incredibly sexy smirk playing on his lips.

  My heart continues to race and a gentle throb starts between my legs. The memory of our last night together slams into me. How it felt to have his hands on my body, how he felt inside me.

  “H…How did you…”

  “The engine,” he answers.

  “Oh.”

  “Erin…” He blows out a breath as his eyes drop once again. “Fuck, Skittles…I…”

  I squeal when he grabs my wrist and tugs. I hear the door slam behind me as I come to a stop, chest to chest with him.

  “Fuck,” he mutters again before his fingers entwine in my hair and his lips slam down on mine.

  The second we connect, I totally lose myself. I’m taken back to when we were two lost people who found something they didn’t know they were looking for.

  I have no idea I’m moving until I feel my bum pressing against something behind me. It’s not until I feel Jay lift me from the floor and push me up that I realise I’m on the bonnet of a car.

  Our lips never stop moving, nor do I want them too. Kissing him was always incredible, but after waiting all these years to experience it again, I realise I never want it to stop.

  My fingers alternate between scratching at his head and pulling at the fabric covering his shoulders, and a loud groan rumbles up my throat. I can’t get enough of him.

  Somehow he gets me out of my coat before I feel his hands running up my thighs. Moans ring out around the garage but I’ve no idea who they’re coming from as he slips his dirty fingers inside my underwear, finding me wet and desperate for more.

  “Oh fuck,” I curse against his lips as his fingers plunge deep inside me.

  He continues to kiss me, fucking me senseless with his fingers until I’m right on the edge. Moments before I crash, he pulls out and steps away. It takes my body a second to adjust, and when I open my eyes, I’m greeted with the sight of Jay undoing his jeans.

  He fists his cock as he looks down at me with an intense expression on his gorgeous face.

  My chest heaves as he stares at me, spread out on the bonnet of his car waiting for him. He searches my face as if he’s looking for something, or committing me to memory.

  I’m not left waiting long. His fingers dig into my thighs as he slides me down to the correct position before I feel him tug my knickers to the side and press at my entrance.

  There’s none of the soft and gentle I remember from our first time, no waiting to allow me to adjust to his size. Instead, he slams into me. He hits so deep I almost want him to stop, but when he thrusts again and again I lose all train of thought as sensation crashes through my body and threatens to break me in two.

  Lifting up his t-shirt, I go to run my hands up his back, needing to feel him. His body stills as I touch him. Before continuing, he grabs my wrists and pins my hands above my head.

  I slide up and down on the car as he resumes, straining to keep my eyes open to watch but it gets harder and harder the closer my orgasm gets. Jay’s eyes are closed and his face and neck are straining. Sweat begins to dampen his hairline.

  I soon lose my fight and my eyes close as my release edges ever closer.

  Jay releases my hands and lifts my arse from the bonnet, the angle change ensures he gets even deeper. It’s only three thrusts before I scream out as pleasure races through my body. He follows with a roar of his own a few seconds later, before falling limply onto me.

  My body begins to cool and my heart rate returns to normal. The feel of him starting to soften inside me has reality slamming into
me.

  “Fuck,” I say in panic as I try to push him from me. “Get off.”

  “What?” When he pulls back, he looks like he’s in a daze.

  “Get off. That should never have happened.”

  I see an emotion I can’t quite read flit over his face.

  “You could have stopped me,” he snaps.

  He’s right. I could—should—have stopped him.

  “If that wasn’t want you wanted, why did you come here looking like that?” he barks over his shoulder as he begins to walk away.

  I suddenly feel very exposed. I quickly right my underwear before getting myself on my feet, the evidence of our actions immediately dripping out of me.

  “I didn’t come here for you,” I shout. “I came here to give you your fucking car back so I can get on with my life.”

  He spins back to me, looking like I just slapped him.

  “So you thought you’d do that wearing a dress like that. Just like the one…”

  I look down at my black prom dress and I suddenly feel stupid. It’s not all that different to the one I wore when we were away. The one he told me he loved so much.

  He must see my shame when I look back at him, but he doesn’t make it any easier.

  “AND YOU’RE WEARING MY FUCKING RING,” he bellows, the volume making me cower slightly, his words echoing around the open space.

  My fingertip runs over the ring, the one he gave me the day he left, as he promised me he’d be back.

  I’m just about to respond, although I have no idea what to say, when my phone rings.

  The second the sound hits my ears, my mouth waters like I’m about to throw up. It’s Alex, I know it is.

  “Shit,” I whisper as I pick up my bag from where I dropped it on the floor some time ago, and rummage through to find it.

  That sick feeling only increases. I stare at the photo of him on my screen until it rings off.

  What the fuck have I just done?

  It immediately starts ringing again, and after taking a deep breath, I answer and put it to my ear.

  “I’m outside the garage, baby. Where are you?”