I won’t be able to cope. Surely it can’t be that hard just standing there and encouraging Alison to do her best? In the end they bought us dinner from the Chinese and then went home.
I’m still a little miffed at Alison’s mum. I didn’t tell Alison, even when she asked what was up with me later. There’s no point rocking the boat.
Tuesday September 4th 2012
One week to go. Alison went to the midwife’s yesterday who said the head looked like it was engaged (pointing down) so there is some sign of movement, but not twinges or anything. Alison has taken to lying in bed almost all day. The only time she moves is to get food or to go to the bathroom. Her bladder is like that of an old woman. I think this upsets her more than anything else, it takes her a while to find a way to lie comfortably, then once she’s done that she’s got about five or ten minutes before she needs to get up and empty her squashed bladder.
Work is getting worse. There’s nothing Jane won’t do or say if she thinks it’ll make me feel bad. Today she was talking about how bad the local hospital is. She wasn’t talking to me, she was talking to Boris, although Boris wasn’t really involved in the conversation. It was for my benefit. She was telling him at high volume about her friend who had just given birth and how they left her for hours in pain. It was clearly a pathetic attempt to upset me. She was trying to do it directly yesterday, but I put on my best, ‘I’m not taking your shit on’ face, so today she thought she’d have another go at bringing me down. The more I learn about Jane, the more I think she must have some serious problems. The only way she can feel good about herself is to make others feel bad. I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone as sad as her, she must be genuinely damaged. I’m not going to allow myself to get angry about it. That’s what she wants. She wants others to feel as bad as her. I’m going to focus on the prospects I have, I’ve got college coming up, I’ve got a family I didn’t have this time last year. If I take an honest stock take of my life, it’s actually pretty good. If I was to focus on the negative, I’d have to be stupid.
One week from now, I’m due to be a father, I’m going to have all the responsibility on me that I’ve placed on my own father. All the trips, the holidays, the sports that I’ve been into over the years, my parents have had to take a certain amount of responsibility. I’ve got to focus on that.
I can feel in my bones a couple of really good things coming up. I’m not sure, but I just feel like I’m the crest of something really good. This is what I’ll be thinking about as I go to sleep tonight. Not how much of a twat Jane is.
Friday September 7th 2012
No sign of the baby; Alison is getting really fed up now.
Saturday September 8th 2012
Alison sent me to my mum’s today. She wanted some time on her own with her own mum. I was glad to get out the house, it’s hard work looking after someone who can’t move very much.
Mum and Dad took me for lunch. They’re both over-excited about this coming week. All I can think about is how much it could be a terrifying experience, which is harder to deal with when you’ve got two excitable people who just aren’t focusing on that side of things.
Sunday September 9th 2012
No sign of the baby or of any movement. Every sign of a stressed expectant mother and father.
Monday September 10th 2012
No movement.
Jane was slamming about the kitchen today. I’ve spoken to HR about the dates I’ll be off and they’re OK with me going when I need to and taking two weeks off after that. Jane is not so happy about it because ‘she needs to plan’. Although what she’s really unhappy about is that I won’t be there to pick up on all the work that Boris doesn’t do. She’s ridiculous.
Tuesday September 11th 2012
The Diary Of An Expectant Father (The Diary Of A Father Book 1) Page 15