by Lanie Jordan
“And now?” she asked.
“Now…things are a little different.”
“How so?”
I didn’t answer immediately and I wasn’t sure I should, but what was the point of being here if I wasn’t honest? “It’s similar to what Adam described. I heal faster and it’s harder for me to get hurt. I don’t get out of breath like I used to, even though it was never a lot. But until recently, I didn’t know that wasn’t normal.” Until it was nicely pointed out by Linc and Doc that I was pretty much lazy when it came to all things exercise. “I’m stronger and faster than I used to—” Breaking off as Rachel rolled her eyes, I sighed. “I’m not trying to sound like I’m bragging. She asked, so I’m just telling her the truth.”
“What about the demons?” a guy asked. He rested his arms on the table and leaned forward to look at me. “Doesn’t that worry you, having them come after you?”
“That’s not what we’re here about, Matt,” Peter said.
“No, I’ll answer. It’s a fair question.” I just hope I answer it right. “It does bother me, yeah, but demons go after people. That’s what they do. Some just…come after me more.” And a lot more aggressively. But I didn’t see a reason to mention that.
Matt shook his head. “What about the ones that like you?”
“That’s a little different, but it’s more weird than anything else. I mean, as long as they’re not trying to kill me, I can’t complain about it too much. I definitely prefer them to the aggressive ones.” I’d take a hundred Sercoons over one Sawthorn.
“You’re crazy, chica,” he said, laughing.
“Are you hearing her? She likes it.” Rachel shoved away from the table. “Is this what we can expect? To like demons? Because if it is, then—”
“Then what, Rachel?” Kristina and Peter both asked at the same time.
Kristina said nothing else, so Peter added, “What? You won’t get the treatments? That’s your choice, all the way. No one’s forcing you to get them. There’s a few months yet before you have a decide. But I’ll tell you now, if this is your attitude about it, take the time to consider it carefully.” Peter turned away from her and instead looked to everyone else. “That goes for everyone in this room. This is not something to take lightly. Yes, there are perks with it. Yes, there are also downsides. And unfortunately, sometimes weird side effects can belong in either of those groups.”
“I didn’t say—I just meant—” Rachel muttered. Then, deciding it was pointless, she shut up and crossed her arms over her chest like a sulking kid.
A few people glared at Rachel. It was super petty, but it made me feel better.
“Okay folks, that’s it for this meeting,” Peter said, eyes narrowed slightly.
“Already?” Tommy asked.
“Yes. I’m cutting it shorter than planned because we’ve gotten off track. Process what’s been discussed already and think of topics for next week. I want a minimum of five serious questions that have nothing to do with Jade or her abilities. Questions about her experiences may be acceptable, if she’s willing to answer.”
“Five questions each?” David, a light-haired guy, asked.
“For now, five total will be enough. You can each ask five if you want, though.” He paused. “I hope some of your attitudes are improved by our next meeting.” He gave the words a second to sink in, then smiled cheerfully. “We’ll see you next week. Same time, same place.”
Rachel stormed away first, before anyone else had moved from the table. She’d been out the door ten seconds before Peter shouted, “And I heard that!”
Half a minute passed and Rachel crept back in, eyes wide, mouth slack. “You heard me? From way out there?”
Peter simply raised an eyebrow. “Oh, now you’re actually interested?”
Eyes narrowing, she turned on the spot and stormed back out.
Kristina chuckled. “What’d she say?”
“Something I’d rather not repeat and better not hear again.”
“If I went out there now and said something, you’d be able to hear me?”
“Yes,” Peter said with a nod.
“Can you show us?”
The others—who’d been slowly inching away from the table—stopped and turned back, looking to Peter eagerly.
“Next week, maybe.”
Matt and Kristina both glanced at me as they walked by, but Kristina actually stopped beside me. “Thanks for answering questions, Jade.” She waved and left.
The rest of the P4s shuffled out. I was nearly to the exit when Peter called my name. “See you next week,” he said in a way too cheerful tone.
I didn’t respond. While things hadn’t gone as bad as I’d pictured them, I still wasn’t sure I’d be coming back for more.
*~*~*
That night, once I was back in my room (after getting my ID from Linc who, unfortunately, hadn’t been asleep), I read through my mom’s journal. I skipped to the last one—something I rarely did—and looked for any mention of the mentor program. I had no idea if there’d even been one during my mom’s time here, but I looked just in case. It took an hour of skimming the journal, but I found a small entry about it.
Dear Journal,
When Assistant Director Greene mentioned this mentor program we were supposed to go to, my first thought was: boring! Actually, that was pretty much my second and third thought... But it actually turned out to be good. Becca and Roger (who I still can’t believe are talking about getting married next year!) even said it was okay, and they hate anything that has to do with asking questions. Robert wasn’t as impressed with it as the rest of us, but he figures he knows everything already, so…
The agent we talked to—Kenneth Connor—seemed cool. He’s only a few years older than us and he only got the treatments the year before. We never really talked to him before, though I did see him around. P4s always seem to stick together. Then again, everyone tends to. Not many want to hang out with kids younger than them, which always frustrated me. But I guess that’s kind of hypocritical of me, since I don’t usually like to do the same. Maybe I should fix that…
Anyway, Kenneth was nice. He seemed nervous talking in front of us all, but he knew what he was talking about and didn’t mind answering our questions—and there were a ton. Actually, it was mostly the same questions just worded differently, which somehow ended up with different answers. Weird how that happens.
The point is, I’m more nervous about the genetic treatments now than I was before, but I’m also more…relaxed, too. Something else I find weird. I’m actually finding a lot weird these days. But that’s another entry for another day.
For now, time to go to New Orlando. Robert wants to go waste his money on some video game him and Roger have been drooling over for months. Video games…
“Well, that was helpful,” I muttered, closing the journal with a snap. Then again, what’d I honestly expected to find? At least she seemed to like the program, that was something, wasn’t it? And she’d liked their mentor, Kenneth Connor—
Connor.
Mr. Connor? As in my Combat teacher? Connor was probably a common name. But if it wasn’t…
I was out of bed and reaching for the door handle before I remembered a few things. A) it was Sunday, b) it was too late to go knocking on people’s doors, and c) I had no idea what door to even knock on. And that was assuming Mr. Connor even lived here. Some agents did, but they all couldn’t.
Muttering under my breath, I tucked the journals away and changed for bed. Maybe I could catch Mr. Connor before class and ask him about it. Though, even if it was him who’d mentored my mom, what were the odds he’d remember her from so long ago? Pretty slim, probably, but still. I’d take those odds.
*~*~*
The one night I go to bed early and hope to wake early was the one night I overslept. I never even heard Linc knock on my door. As it was, I was five minutes late for class, got dirty looks from nearly everyone, and had to force myself to focus through the entire clas
s. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve sworn someone was messing with time and making it crawl by, because it seemed like the longest class in history.
Linc, eyebrows drawn together, gave me a hard stare at the end of class. “What is with you? You’ve been weird all day.”
“I’ll explain later, I promise. I just need to talk to Mr. Connor real fast.”
He shook his head, then followed Chris and Tasha out (who were giving me the same weird look as Linc). Waiting for the rest of the class to leave tested my patience and proved I had little of it. I caught myself tapping my foot on the ground twice. Come on, people! Ask your questions later! Move it, move it! If I’d had telekinesis, I would’ve been shoving people out the door left and right.
Finally, when the last person left, I ran over to Mr. Connor. “Did you know my mom?” I asked, rushing the words together.
Mr. Connor turned around and looked down at me. “Was that English?”
“Sorry. Did you know my mom? Fiona Jo—”
“Yes.”
My jaw dropped. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Why didn’t you ever ask? You’ve got a mouth and are capable of using it, aren’t you?”
“Greene—Director Greene—mentioned there were people still around who knew my mom, but I didn’t think it’d be the teachers. And…I don’t know.” I tossed my hands up. “I figured someone would mention it to me. Tons of people work here. I can’t just go around asking everyone about her.” But I could have asked Greene, I realized. He would’ve known. Hadn’t he even mentioned it before?
“Fair point. But yes, I knew your mom. Did Director Greene tell you?”
“No. She mentioned a Kenneth Connor in one of her journals.”
“Did she now?”
I nodded. “Yeah. That he—you—were her mentor when she was a P4.”
Mr. Connor smiled. “Yeah, I remember that. Your mom was always quick with questions. Never stopped asking them.”
“Was she popular?” I hadn’t meant to ask that, but it came out before I could stop it.
“She was well liked, yes.”
“Oh. That’s good,” I said, fighting a frown. That didn’t surprise me, really. Or it shouldn’t have. She talked about her best friends the most, but she never talked about anyone disliking her. Well, not a lot. Everyone had enemies. They just weren’t all as crazy as mine seemed to be.
Mr. Connor laid a hand on my shoulder. “Why does that make you sad?”
I didn’t have an answer, so I only shrugged.
“Jade,” he said, his tone softer than I’d ever heard it before.
“Honestly, I don’t know,” I said with a laugh. “I guess I’d just hoped we’d have similar experiences here, and so far, we really haven’t. It just didn’t really hit me until now.”
From her first journal entry, it’d been clear we were different. She was more outgoing than me, more popular, and definitely well-liked. Where I’d loved the CGE from day one, she hadn’t. She’d grown to like it more, but she always talked about it like it was just another place. To her, it’d just been a place to stay before she could move out and be on her own. It’d been just a roof over her head.
“She was popular. You think you should have been, too?”
“In a way, I guess. In another way, it just…it doesn’t seem fair. To her, the CGE was never home. It was just where she went to school and happened to live.”
“But?”
“But it’s not that for me. For me…it’s home,” I said simply. “It’s the first place I’ve thought of as home in almost four years.”
“So you’re thinking that, because you hold it in a higher esteem, you should be the one having the easier time?”
“It sounds petty, especially since I’m talking about my mom, but yeah.”
Mr. Connor let out a loud sigh. “The problems you’re having here have very little to do with you, Jade. They’re not a failure on your part, if that’s what you’re thinking. Kids can be mean.” He smiled when I laughed. “Well, it’s true. They can be downright nasty. Considering why most of you are here, it can be even worse. Don’t see it as anything you’ve done wrong. The problem’s on their end, Jade.”
I made a face. “Because they’re jealous?”
He laughed, either at my tone or my I-hate-that-line look. “No, not quite, though I imagine that does play a part. This is where I tell you you’re a good student. Your mother might have been popular, and she ended up being a great agent, but she wasn’t as…dedicated as you are. As driven. You’re different people, Jade. That’s all. Do you really want to be the same?”
“No. I don’t know.” Did I want to be the same as her? I didn’t know my mom as a teen and all I had now were her journals. Until I joined, I didn’t even know as much about her as I thought I had. Before she died, she’d never once mentioned the CGE, made only vague hints about monsters. She kept her life from me. A huge, important piece of it. She spent ten years here, isn’t that what Greene said? Ten years of her life and she spent the next ten pretending they’d never existed. Like my dad’s time here never existed. “What else didn’t she tell me?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Sorry. Was just thinking out loud.”
“About?”
“What else my mom didn’t tell me. What else she decided her kids didn’t need to know,” I added, suddenly feeling very bitter again. I’d asked Greene the same thing and he’d tried answering it, but it still bugged me when I thought about it.
“What we do here is important, and sometimes, it means lying to the people you love or keeping secrets from them. That’s one of the downsides of being a hunter. If you’re in a relationship with someone outside the CGE, they can’t know what you do. Fiona was the first hunter I know who had kids. Hell, she might’ve been the only one, I don’t know. To be honest, I wasn’t sure it was even possible. There weren’t any medical preventions—well, you know what I mean.”
I frowned now. “What do you mean?”
Mr. Connor’s cheeks reddened. He cleared his throat. “Hunters weren’t exactly told they couldn’t have kids, but we were advised against it, because there were risks.” He gave me a stern look. “To be honest with you, I wouldn’t have told you either. Not about the CGE, and I definitely wouldn’t have told you about demons.”
“Why not?”
“Why would I? Would knowing about demons and demon hunters have made your life easier or harder?”
“Easier,” I said immediately.
“You’re thinking with your heart, not your head. You’re thinking like a child, not a hunter. You’re a smart girl. You know the answer you gave isn’t the right, or truthful, one.”
“Fine. But—”
“But what? If you had kids, would you tell them about demons? If you did, when would you? When they were five? Six? Seven? When do you break that news to your kids?”
“I don’t know. Wouldn’t they deserve the truth, before…before something bad happened?”
“What happened to you was awful—there’s no denying that.” He grasped my shoulder. “But do you honestly believe knowing about demons beforehand would have helped you any? Do you think you could’ve stopped one? Do you really think you would have believed her, even if she had told you the truth?” When I didn’t answer, he shook his head. “Maybe,” he said, his tone a little harsher now, “instead of thinking about what your mom didn’t tell you, you could think about why she didn’t tell you. There’s a reason, Jade, and I think I’ve given you plenty of them. Just because your mother chose to keep something from you, it doesn’t mean she did it to hurt you. I think you know that, too.”
Mr. Connor gave me a small salute, then turned away.
Still frowning, I left and went back to my room. I shut the door behind me and leaned against it. How was I supposed to feel? What was I supposed to feel? Because at the moment, I wasn’t sure. Better in one way, worse in another, and confused all around.
&nbs
p; I could see Mr. Connor’s point about why my mom hadn’t told us anything about this place. I didn’t like it, and I wasn’t sure I ever would, but I could see it. She couldn’t have known that she and my brother would have been killed by a demon. Not when, according to Greene, she’d been so…vigilant about keeping us away from them.
I still thought knowing about demons before their attack would have been better, though. If nothing else, it would have saved me almost two years of uncertainty. It wouldn’t have stopped the cops or the shrink from disbelieving me, but at least I would have known without any doubt, without any question, what I’d seen. I wouldn’t have had to wonder all that time. I wouldn’t have had to question what I’d seen with my own eyes.
I wouldn’t have doubted myself.
And that fact alone kept the bitter taste in the back of my mouth and a knot in my stomach.
CHAPTER 08
Outside of Weapons class the next morning, Linc grabbed my arm. “We’ll catch up with you guys in a minute,” he told Tasha and Chris. He waited until they nodded and went inside, then turned to face me. “What’s going on with you, Jade?”
I frowned. “Nothing. Just distracted.”
He rolled his eyes at me. “I can see that for myself. You’ve been in a zone since you talked to Mr. Connor yesterday.” He leaned close, touched my arm, and whispered, “You okay? Did something happen?”
After my talk with Mr. Connor, I hadn’t really been in the socializing mood, so I’d locked myself in my room for the night. I’d planned on telling Linc about the talk with Mr. Connor, but by the time my mood had improved, it’d been late. And this morning, we hadn’t had time to get into it before we were surrounded by dozens of Prospects.
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? Want to skip class and talk—” My eyes went wide at that and he laughed. “Okay, no skipping class. How’d I end up with a badass girlfriend who balks at doing anything bad?” he added quietly. He shook his head. “Never mind. Not an actual question.”
I fought a smile.
“You know I trust you with pointy objects, but if you’re distracted, maybe you should sit this one out. I’m partial to my body parts just how they are, without holes, slices, knots, or bruises.”