If I let Breeze slip through my fingers…
I banished the thought when Sweetpea stretched, his little legs using my skin as a yoga mat.
“Good morning.” I tickled the pup behind his ears. Wrong move. The little jerk jumped to his feet, bared his teeth, and growled menacingly at me.
Damn this dog had some real issues. I mean, come on. What trials could a pampered dog, raised in a luxurious mansion, have endured to turn him into such an utter asshole?
Feeling secure enough in our relationship to get to the bottom of the mystery, I asked, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
I thought we were getting somewhere when he tilted his head as if pondering. But then Little Dick dropped the pretense and attacked, snapping and snarling and going for my moneymaker.
“Dude! Not the face. Never the face!”
I pushed him back behind enemy lines, but the cocksure Chihuahua kept advancing, chomping those pint-sized teeth at me. A full-on civil war in a nice warm bed was not the way I wanted to start my morning. Luckily, I had what my nemesis didn’t—the gift of size. Scooping him up in one hand, I swiftly dropped him onto the floor. “Now try to disfigure me, shithead.”
It was then I noticed Breeze leaning against the door frame, with her arms folded lazily over her chest. That sleepy smile of hers grabbed hold and shook me awake. Disheveled hair sat atop her head in a messy bun and just the slightest hint of bare skin peaked over the waistband of her flowered sleep shorts. And just like that—I was hers.
“Dude,” she said, amused. “If I were trying to disfigure you, I wouldn’t do it wearing moose head slippers.”
She lifted one leg to reveal her footwear.
“I was talking to Sweetpea but damn, girl, horns and everything?”
“Of course. Would you expect any less of me?”
I thought about it for a moment, finding it telling of the relationship we were building. No, I didn’t expect anything less from her. Ever. In fact, it was Breeze’s unpredictable nature that had me groveling at her feet.
Maybe it was a side effect of growing up in a cynical environment, but I never thought people had the capacity to surprise me. Then Breeze came along with her fake medical conditions and horny moose slippers and slapped me upside the head with her quirkiness. Every so often a person dropped into our lives, changing our path. But I had a strong suspicion Breeze was altering my course for good.
“You like what you see?” she asked, performing a little hip swivel that was fully appreciated by my ever-expanding woody.
I removed the sheets to reveal just how much I liked what I was seeing.
“Oh crap, Bodhi, you really like moose.”
“Uh-huh. Are you coming over here or what? Because I’ve got a half-torqued chub that’s not going to beat itself.”
She flicked her gaze over me, tongue sweeping seductively along her lower lip. “What’s in it for me, hotstuff?”
“You will be fully compensated, I promise.”
It was a meeting of the minds. Moose slippers and parental proximity weren’t enough to dampen our spirits. If anything, last night had proven even vigorously performed fake sex did nothing to rattle those people. If we wanted to have a little fun in Breeze’s childhood bedroom, there was absolutely no one offended enough to stop us.
Breeze grabbed Sweetpea and ushered him out the door before flicking off her snazzy slippers and starting my day off with a bang.
* * *
“Good morning,” Betsy said, greeting us each with a kiss on the cheek. “Sit. I’m making omelets.”
“Oh, yum,” I replied, plopping myself down in the chair and rubbing my hands together in anticipation. There was nothing like banging her daughter down the hall to work up an appetite. I kept that tidbit to myself although, honestly, the extra information probably would have earned me a high-five.
“Did you sleep well?” she asked, the hint of a smile playing out over her lips.
“Oh yeah, I was exhausted.”
“Yes,” Betsy giggled. “I’m sure you were.”
Breeze grabbed a piece of toast, ripping small pieces off the corner instead of taking a bite. “Mother, you’re goading. Bodhi has no filter and I’d rather not start a discussion about your and Terrance’s rather unorthodox bedroom practices.”
“Us?” Terrance wandered in still wearing his rubber ducky shorts. Breeze and I exchanged a knowing glance. “Airports are quieter than you two.”
* * *
“So, you are… I am… it’s… I’m so nervous… sorry.”
My mother’s stammered apologies raced down the line. Maybe ringing her up out of the blue wasn’t the smartest choice. She was so flustered she had trouble stringing words together into legitimate sentences.
“How about we meet somewhere?” I asked.
But it wasn’t a question. More like a gift. And one I hoped I wouldn’t regret giving.
“Okay.” She sounded more hesitant than excited, which surprised me given that she’d been the one to reach out to me in the first place. Regardless, I quickly gave her an out. “Unless you don’t want to. That’s fine too.”
“No, it’s not that, I just don’t have a car that can make it to Los Angeles, but I can try and borrow one.”
Once I understood it wasn’t about our meeting, I let go of the breath I’d been holding. “I’m in the Bay Area.”
“You are? Why?”
To find out who the fuck I am, that’s why?
“To see you.”
The truth spilled out, thick enough to coat the silence that swelled between us. It was so quiet, I thought she might have hung up.
“Hello?”
I hated the fear edging my tone. We were strangers. It didn’t matter if…
“Oh, Alex, I’m sorry. I…”
Too stunned by the name she’d used, the rest of her sentence was lost on me.
“Don’t call me that,” I snapped. “My name is Bodhi.”
To my surprise, she was quick to reply, and rather forcefully, “No, your name is Alex.”
A duel of wills played out in the silence that ensued. I wanted to counter her argument but didn’t have enough background information to make a draw.
“I don’t mean to be harsh. Of course, I’ll call you Bodhi.”
Her concession confused me, but a win was a win.
“Um, okay, when can you meet?”
“Can we meet tomorrow morning? Or if that doesn’t work, I can try to rearrange a few things today.”
Rearrange? She hadn’t seen me in over twenty years. You’d think she’d clear her calendar. But then, what did I know about her life? Maybe she had a big deadline looming or a pressing nail appointment.
“Tomorrow morning’s fine.”
After firming up the arrangements, we said an awkward goodbye and I sat back, staring at the screen with my stomach coiled into knots. Was I making the right choice by going into this blind? Maybe I should read the report provided by my investigator with the background information he’d gathered on her. I’d specifically chosen not to look at it after he’d pasted a post-a-note on the report.
Remember what I said about expectation.
Talk about a disclaimer. Whatever truth lay within those papers, he felt the need to warn me. But I didn’t want her misdeeds smashed into my face before I’d had a chance to form my own opinion.
Or did I?
* * *
Sidestepping the conversation in the kitchen, I headed straight to the bedroom. It only took a minute before a light rap on the door forced me to shake off the haze. Since my back was pressed against the wood, I was face to face with Breeze in under five seconds.
She blinked at me. “Whoa, that was fast.”
“I used to be a doorman.”
Confused, she wrinkled her nose. “Really?”
“No.” Chuckling, I gathered her in my arms.
“Ah. Sarcasm. Got it. You okay?”
“I think so. Second guessing myself.”
“Well, why didn’t you say so? Second guessing is my specialty.”
“Really? I didn’t realize. In that case, I had an investigator look into my mother and he found stuff on her. But I chose not to read the report because I don’t want my opinion of her tainted before we meet.”
Breeze didn’t have to say a word. Her very visible cringe was proof she thought I was crazy.
“You think I’m making a mistake?” I asked.
“Um, well, how thick was the report?”
“Pretty fucking thick!”
More cringing.
“Stop.” I laughed. “You’re not helping.”
“Sorry. Look, I don’t think it’s wrong to give her a chance to explain herself. If you know her background going in, you’ll be biased. At the same time, knowing will keep you from getting duped.”
“What would you do?”
“I’d find out everything I could about her, right down to her favorite Disney villain—but that’s just me. I like to be thorough.”
* * *
Since the reunion with my mother would be taking place the following day, it ruined Breeze’s plan for not only a surprise camping trip, but also ‘Bucket List Wednesday.’ However, it proved not to be a problem because Breeze knew how to roll with the punches. Scraping the camping fun altogether, she effortlessly retitled the day ‘Bucket List Tuesday’ and within an hour of my phone conversation, we were pulling up to a park.
A very public park. Sweat broke out on my brow as I took in the scene. For all her good intentions, Breeze hadn’t experienced AnyDayNow pandemonium levels yet and just because the last couple of outings had been a success didn’t mean we should push our luck. I should say something, warn her. But that happy smile on her face, one that was full of promise for the great day she had planned, kept me silent.
“You all right?” she asked, a little of the light fading from her eyes. “What’s with the pouty face?”
“There’s no pouty face. It’s just my regular one.”
“Not when you’re with me, it’s not. Now, turn that frown upside down and let’s go roll down that hill.”
She jumped out of the car before I could protest. Hill rolling hadn’t been on my list of things to do. But, as with everything since meeting this girl, I couldn’t bring myself to say no. So once again, I let her take the lead.
Grabbing ahold of my hand, Breeze sprinted up the hill, dragging me after her. Once at the top, she planted her hands on either side of my face and said, “Now, this isn’t usually part of the childhood experience, but I can’t help myself.”
The kiss that followed made the trip up worth it. I smiled against her lips, allowing the anxiety to melt away as I lifted Breeze off her feet. Her legs wrapped around my waist and we kissed, lost in our own little world. There were no demands on my time, no screaming fans, and no hiding behind a wall of fame.
“Are you ready?” she asked, breathless.
No. But did it matter? Whatever made her happy, that’s what I’d do. Heart pounding, I eased us onto the lush grass and let gravity propel us down the hill.
* * *
Medieval paper kite flying was next on our list, but getting lift off was near impossible, even after Breeze added her own puffs of air to the rickety contraption. She assured me that failing to fly a kite was a common childhood experience, so we crossed that particular activity off my list as well.
The park proved an effective location for a myriad of childhood activities. After catching a bug, splashing in a puddle, and jumping in the world’s smallest leaf pile, I felt lighter, happier, than I had in years. Breeze and I had earned this day. No rules, no expectations, no worries. We were safe, unharmed, and free from the smoke and ash cloud now large enough to be seen from space.
Best of all, there were no curious onlookers lurking in the bushes. The park Breeze had chosen was nestled against the hills in an affluent area where the only people wandering around were a few retired dog walkers and a group of moms with babies in strollers, their preschool age kids climbing all over the playground equipment. No one was expecting to find the wayward member of AnyDayNow swinging from the jungle gym.
That’s not to say my presence didn’t attract some attention. Eager four and five-year-old kids flocked to Breeze and I the minute we took over the equipment. The munchkins followed us around like we were the most fun they’d had since birth. With our band of merry mini-men sticking to us like glue, Breeze and I climbed the jungle gyms, tumbled down the slides, and scaled the monkey bars.
“Okay, we’re going to jump now,” Breeze instructed as we soared through the air on a pair of side-by-side swings. “Hands on the other side of the chain. Now jump!”
Following her example, I let go of the chain a good five feet in the air. While Breeze got a nice arch and landed gracefully on her feet, I became tangled in the chain and face planted in the soft sand.
“You were supposed to land on your feet.” Breeze snorted a laugh.
“See, you could have made that clear.”
The Lego gang sprang forward, dog piling on top of me as if I’d orchestrated the entire belly flop for their pleasure. Mothers descended from every direction, peeling their unruly charges off my back. As I pushed to my feet, flashes of recognition shot through the eyes of the mommy brigade.
“You know who you look like, right?” one woman asked, her eyes rounded balls of wonder. No matter how I answered the awkward query, I always sounded like a douche. But I couldn’t ignore her.
“Um… I have a pretty good idea.”
“So you are…” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “Him?”
I nodded, adding a grin. Cue the douchebag.
Several other mommies squealed their delight and chattered amongst themselves. But there was one outlier—there was always one—who felt the need to question.
“Wait, who is he?” she asked, rubbing her belly. She was the type of pregnant that created shade for those below.
“Bodhi Beckett,” came the resounding response from her friends.
The expectant mom glanced me over critically. “No, I don’t think so. Bodhi’s got long hair. You got ID on you?”
I shook my head. Even if I had an ID, I wouldn’t show her. It wasn’t up to me to prove my identity. Running my fingers through the locks in question, I watched as the two moms traded barbs over who had a better eye for pop stars.
While I waited for the verdict, I took the opportunity to glance over at Breeze, who’d been especially quiet during the exchange. We locked eyes and hers were doused in guilt. I grabbed her hand in a silent bid to reassure her. She wasn’t responsible for this, I was. I could have kept our day low-key. But it was a trade-off I was willing to give. Besides, this was an everyday occurrence. And let me tell you, lactating mommies were the least of my problems. In the white water rapids of fame, this was just a dribble.
But being that this was Breeze’s first experience with my lifestyle, I wanted to make it a positive one. Maybe if she saw that having an enthusiastic fan base could still be worked into the fabric of her life, she might be willing to take a chance on me. Draping my arm over Breeze’s shoulder, I nuzzled her hair. There was no mistaking her importance and the other women took notice, awarding her the respect she deserved.
* * *
After our brush with the fans, Breeze and I decided to bypass the picnic in the park and opted for dive-bombing seagulls on the beach where the asshole birds forcibly removed food from our hands. Because of the chilly temperatures, we didn’t linger for long. A hastily built sand castle, a toe-dip in the frigid Northern California surf, and half a sand dollar plucked from the sand concluded our beach adventures.
Safely tucked inside our stolen vehicle, I made one last request of my companion.
“Please don’t make me have any more fun today.”
Although ‘Bucket List Tuesday’ was arguably a rousing success, after taste testing being a kid, I could objectively say that shit was exhausting. I now understood why na
ps were built into the ecosystem of childhood and why tantrums were a real and constant threat to public safety. Hell, I was one Nerf gun war away from a full-on nuclear meltdown.
* * *
With Breeze, it was easy to forget the world I came from. As we went about our day in near obscurity, I could have been anyone— a college student on winter break, a soldier on leave, a young lover spending quality time with his girl. Of course, I knew it was all a mirage, and that life would return to normal in a few short days, but that didn’t dim the light flickering inside me. After today, I was convinced there was more to my story than a teen idol shuttled from one venue to the next under the protection of burly security guards. I wanted a life away from the crowds, the screaming, and the cameras. I wanted to live in this parallel universe where people were fully in control of their senses and went about their daily lives with nary a passing interest in those around them. I could see myself here blending into life as an equal… with Breeze by my side.
But as the old saying goes, all good things must come to an end… and it did… in crushing fashion. Item number twenty-eight on my bucket list. It hadn’t been there at the start of the day, but I’d added it on our way back to Breeze’s house, having a sudden hankering for an ice cream cone. Of course, she’d wanted to take me to her favorite local place, but what we hadn’t factored in was the ice cream parlor was near a high school, which had just been let out for the day.
It started innocently enough with a group of three, a boy and two girls, spotting me despite the dark glasses and baseball cap. It was that inevitable moment of contact, eyes meeting mine, yet still I thought I could handle the situation. But kids with cell phones were a far cry from moms with breast pumps and, before I knew it, they’d called in reinforcements.
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