by Jenika Snow
“You don’t have to be afraid of me.”
“Telling me a horror story isn’t going to help.”
“Didn’t you enjoy my little tale?”
“No.” Hannah couldn’t help but smile. She hadn’t liked his tale, but she was holding his hand. It was another obstacle that she’d passed.
“What’s that little smile for?” he asked.
“I’m holding your hand. It means a great deal to me.”
“Good, get used to it.” He squeezed her fingers. “Come on, I’ll take you to my spot.”
He led her to a secluded part of the lake that had a large patch of grass. Across the lake there was an array of trees and shrubs, but the break in the foliage meant the sun cast on that one spot. The grass had grown and flourished because of it.
Nerd removed his jacket, placing it on the ground. Taking a seat, she waited for him to sit back down before snuggling against his side. “I really enjoyed tonight.”
“You and me both, princess.”
“Our first date. I think it was a success, what about you?”
“You’re the first woman I’ve been with that I’ve not wanted it to end. That for me was entirely surreal.” He kissed the top of her head.
The action seemed so natural that Hannah looked up at him. They stared at each other for a few seconds, the pressure and heat surrounding them increasing.
“I want to kiss you,” he said softly. “Will that be okay? I don’t want to rush or push you into something.”
She shook her head. “I want you to kiss me, Nerd,” she whispered.
He leaned in close, and she stared at his lips. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and when his lips touched hers, it was like millions of electric shocks going off along her mouth.
The touch was light, not too much pressure.
Nerd pulled away. “Too much?”
Opening her eyes, she stared up at him, licking her lips. “It wasn’t nearly enough.”
Chapter Twelve
The kiss was explosive, electrifying, and all Hannah wanted to do was forget about everything and anything except for this one moment. He pulled away, the kiss breaking, but the force of his breathing brushing across her face. The tendrils of her hair moved along her cheek, and she felt her heart beat a little faster. They were so close, but Hannah could still see his chest rising and falling quick and hard from his breathing. Was her need just as evident as his? Although she didn’t think she could have sex with him just yet, her own issues still fresh in her mind, Hannah wanted to be with Nerd so badly she could feel it in every part of her.
I want to feel Nerd on top of me, to feel his strength and power, to know he desires me as much as I desire him.
Her hands shook, and she was afraid of her own arousal, but Hannah didn’t want this to stop.
“Touch me, Hannah,” Nerd said in a deep, soft voice.
She lifted her hands and placed them on his hard chest, feeling the strength come from him. The hard muscles clenched under her palm, and she slid her hands down the rolling, defined hills of his abdomen and rested them on each of his pecs. The beat of his heart was strong and heady, so unlike her rapidly pounding one.
“Hannah,” he said her name on a whisper. If she derailed from what she wanted to do, she wouldn’t be able to regain her strength. And she wanted to be strong for Nerd, for herself. She wanted to get through this turn in her life.
She leaned into him, felt the heat from his body seep into hers, and closed her eyes. It felt good to feel warmth, to feel him and not be afraid. For a long time, all she knew was a coldness that stole her breath and left her numb. Nerd made her feel cozy ... alive.
When she opened her eyes and looked into his face, the fierce look of desire reflected back at her increased her pulse. Very gently she curled her fingers into the hard yet pliant flesh at his chest.
“You make me feel good, Nerd. I don’t want to lose that, or ignore it. I don’t want to give up everything that has grown between us because I can’t get through my past.” She moved an inch closer until her chest pressed against his. “Will you help me heal?” She was asking him for so much, but a part of her knew only Nerd could be the one to help her. She could be strong in her own right, but she wanted Nerd to be that rock she could lean on. She rested her forehead on his chest and closed her eyes, just inhaling the strong, masculine scent that was all Nerd.
His big, strong arms wrapped around her and tightened. Hannah tilted her head back. Thank God Nerd saw how much she needed this and brought his mouth to hers. The kiss started slow and passionate, filled with so much yearning from both of them that Hannah thought she would die from sensory overload.
“Touch me, Nerd.”
The feel of his hands coasting down her back sent a thrill of wet arousal through her. Hannah wasn’t embarrassed to admit her panties were slick. She deepened the kiss and moved her tongue faster and harder against his. His answering groan came from deep within his chest and sent vibrations throughout her. Her mind and body screamed for more, yet she didn’t feel like she could get close enough to him. With a strength that rivaled the wilderness surrounding them, Nerd lifted her so she was now the one on top of him, her legs on either side of his waist. The hard length of his erection prodded between her legs, and a spark of lust slammed into her.
With their mouths still fused, and her pressed against Nerd, she opened her mouth and tilted her head to accept more of him.
“Hannah, baby.” He flipped them around so she was now the one on her back with him above her. “Is this okay?”
She licked her lips and nodded. He pulled back slightly and Hannah reached for him, but he stopped her with a gentle hand to the center of her chest. She rested against his leather jacket and watched him, wondering what he had in mind. Nerd lifted his hands and smoothed them down her arms. Hannah wanted to feel his bare flesh touching hers. When his hands skimmed the hem of her shirt, he flicked his gaze to hers, as if silently asking for permission.
She nodded again.
The sound and sight of him swallowing seemed to fill every part of her. For a suspended moment he did nothing but stare at her. A tightening started within her that she knew was excitement and need.
“Please, Nerd,” she whispered into the darkness. Nerd swallowed again but then pushed her top up, exposing her slightly rounded belly. Her heart was beating so fast it felt as if it would burst right through her ribs. Humiliation slammed into her at the knowledge that Nerd knew all about her past, about what she’d been through. But there was also a part of her that felt free that he knew, that he didn’t judge. She tried to cover herself on instinct, but Nerd smoothed his hands over the bare flesh of her belly.
“Look at me, Hannah.” His voice was soft, but there was a distinct note of command laced in the words. But his dominating persona didn’t frighten her, because she knew deep down in her very soul this man would never hurt her. “You’re so damn beautiful.”
She hadn’t realized she’d closed her eyes until she opened them and stared into Nerd’s face. The shadows from the darkness around them, but also because the moonlight filtered above them, cast harsh lines across his face. For several long seconds he didn’t speak, just stared at her. Slowly he removed his hands from her, but she didn’t try to cover herself again, not when he watched her so intently, and not when the heat moving through her could have burned her alive.
With her heart in her throat, Hannah stared with what she knew were wide eyes, when Nerd gripped her shirt again and lifted it. He stopped right below her breasts.
“Is this okay?” he asked genuinely, sincerely.
She didn’t speak for several seconds, but even though she was afraid of screwing things up because of her past, right here, right now, she didn’t want this to end.
Chapter Thirteen
Nerd couldn’t believe that this beautiful, precious woman trusted him with her healing, with her body. This date had gone from good, to better, to amazing. Hannah was such a strong femal
e, and Nerd didn’t want to do anything to hurt her, or to make her feel uncomfortable.
“You set the pace here, beautiful. I’ll never do anything to hurt you. Not now, not ever.”
She nodded. “Yes, I want to.”
“You’re afraid?”
“Yeah. A little.”
“Talk to me, Hannah. Don’t keep me in the dark. I can fix whatever I’m doing wrong.”
“I don’t want it to stop.”
“But?”
“If I say no, will you stop?” she asked.
In that moment she looked so insecure that he could kick himself. “Baby, I’m not in a rush. You don’t want me to go further, then we don’t. Simple.” He kept her shirt below her breasts and instead touched the exposed skin of her stomach. “I don’t want you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with doing.”
“I don’t want it to stop.” She repeated her words from earlier. “I’m afraid to go too far, that I’ll ruin this because of my past.”
“Then, why don’t I touch you like this and if you want more, then you lift your shirt up or tell me what to do.”
“I tell you?” she asked.
“Yeah. This is all about you tonight.”
“But ... what about you?”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m not some preteen boy who has just seen his first pair of tits, I mean breasts.” Get your shit together.
He didn’t want her running away from him.
She chuckled. “I’ve heard a lot worse at the clubhouse.”
“You’re still getting used to men.”
“I like your hands on me,” she said, getting back on topic.
“You did.” He spanned her stomach and moved his hand to her waist. “Like this?”
“Yes.”
“And I liked your lips. They were like magic.”
If she wanted his lips, he was more than happy to oblige. Closing the small distance, he covered her mouth, not using his tongue, and keeping a pretty safe distance between them. “Like this?” he asked.
“No, a little more.”
He pressed firmly against her lips and couldn’t help sneaking a little tongue inside. She gasped, opening up, and Nerd used the tip of his fingers on her waist to stroke her body. Sex was about a hell of a lot more than cock and cunt. There was so much more to enjoy. She’d feel pleasure before Nerd.
Before Hannah it had just been about raw fucking with no feelings attached to it. Hannah meant so much more to him. The need within him was so much stronger. He had to have her, and yet, he couldn’t just take.
Nerd cared about her more than anything.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
“Kiss me, Nerd.”
She reached for his hand and glided it up her body, missing her breasts. Her tits were off-limits still. Hannah placed his hand against her cheek and then tucked it back. “Hold me close as you kiss me.”
Sinking his fingers into her hair, Nerd claimed her lips once again, holding her close as he did. Their bodies were touching, closer than ever before. Her hand went to his waist, and she held onto him tightly. Through the shirt he felt the rough pinch of her nails as she held on. Caressing her lips with his tongue, Nerd waited for her to accept him. She opened her mouth and he plunged inside, touching her.
They both moaned at that first exquisite taste. Nothing could take this away from him. Hannah was the woman he wanted and the woman he’d wait for a lifetime and beyond for.
He didn’t know how long they lay there on the dirt kissing.
Hannah pulled away and sat up.
“Baby? What’s wrong?”
“I hate this,” she said softly.
“I’m sorry.” Nerd made to stand up, not wanting to push her. He should have gone slower. Had he gone too far, pressed too much?
“It’s not you.” She grabbed his arm, stopping him from going anywhere. Although Nerd had wanted to give her space, he had no intentions of leaving her.
“I don’t want to pressure you—”
“You’re not pressuring me. This wasn’t what I meant. I love you kissing me, and touching me, and being with me. It’s me I hate. I just want to tear my clothes off and be with you, not all the way but I’m afraid.”
“You don’t have to be afraid of me, baby girl,” he said softly.
“What if you can’t accept no? They didn’t accept no.”
Taking hold of her hands, Nerd pressed a kiss to each side of her hands. “I will always accept the word no. I’m not about force. I’ll never make you do what you don’t want.” He pressed another kiss to her lips. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
He stood up, and held out his hand for her take but she shook her head. “No, I don’t want to go. I’m not ready to go.” She went back to the ground and stared up at him. And then, shocking the hell out of him, Hannah grabbed her shirt and lifted it up and over her head. Everything stilled in him as he looked down at her. She sat in a red lacy bra with her chest heaving from her indrawn breaths. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”
Nerd licked his lips. “You don’t have to do this. I’m a patient man, and I care about you so fucking much, Hannah.”
“Don’t you get it? I want to do this. I need to push past all the shit clouding my mind.
I want a future, and I want that with you.”
His chest clenched something painful at her words. He went to her knees in front of her, and suddenly, she removed her bra and was now bare to her jeans.
“This is what I want with you.” She pressed her hand to her heart. “My heart is beating rapidly, and yes, I’m afraid but I’m also excited. I want to know what it’s like to be touched by a man I actually want.” She took his open palm.
Now his heart was beating rapidly. His dick pressed against the front of his pants, hard, insistent. All thought left him as she placed his hand against her tit. She took a deep breath.
“Your hands on me feel amazing, Nerd.”
“Baby?” He stared into her eyes; never feeling so damn on edge before. “Hannah, don’t be pressured—” She placed a finger against his lips, silencing him.
“I think I’m the one doing all the pressuring here.” Slowly, she let her finger fall. “Tell me you feel something?”
Hell, he felt more than a little something. “You know I do.” He inhaled deeply, taking her scent into his lungs. “I’m nervous as fuck.”
She smiled, and he knew knowing that about him calmed her. “Why?” she asked.
“You mean so much to me, and I don’t want to hurt or scare you. To be honest, I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’d rather cut my own dick off than ever hurt you.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she cupped his cheek. “I’m so sorry for making you feel that way. I’m going to be stronger for you.”
“Hannah, you’re already fucking strong to me. I want you to be strong for yourself, baby.” Pressing his forehead against his, Nerd closed his eyes. He had no idea how to tell her how much he admired and loved her. Yeah, that feeling twisting in his gut that felt like butterflies, it was love. He couldn’t run from it, nor deny it anymore. He was well and truly fucked when it came to Hannah.
Chapter Fourteen
Hannah was breathing so hard she felt as if she’d pass out. She stared into Nerd’s eyes, seeing so much emotion that it had her heart beating faster.
“I cared about you so much, Hannah,” he said and leaned in again, kissing her softly. He ran his tongue over her top and then bottom swell, and she couldn’t help but moan. “Just think about me, how good I’ll make you feel.” He had his hands on either side of her head, cupping her face softly. He’d pulled back only an inch, their gazes locked. “I’ll never let anyone come between us. I’ll never let anyone hurt you.”
His lips were so close to hers that if he just leaned forward an inch, he could kiss her again. And God did she want that. Hannah was so desperate for him, so desperate with her arousal and love for this man.
Yes, she loved him, and
she knew nothing would ever compare to that. Maybe it was fast, sudden, but ever since he’d rescued her from that hellhole he’d been in her life, giving her strength even if he didn’t know it.
“I care about you too, Nerd.” She stared right in his eyes. Hannah wanted to be honest, but she was afraid of saying the words on the tip of her tongue.
You need to be honest, to not hide things. It’ll help you move forward.
“I’m in love with you, Nerd.” The silence stretched on after that, and she swore she could hear every little thing around them. And then she heard Nerd swallow, lowered her gaze, and saw his throat work from the act. Had she just ruined everything?
“God, baby,” he said on a groan and kissed her, slow, steady, passionately. “No one will ever compare to you, Hannah.” He tilted his head and kissed her harder. “I fucking love you. I’m so fucking in love with you.”
She closed her eyes and breathed out this stuttering gust of air. God, she’d never thought this day would come, that she could find love, find a man that made her feel like she didn’t have to be anyone else to make him happy.
Hannah was filled with lust, need, and desperation for Nerd. Despite all of her baggage, despite her fear of screwing things up she knew she had strength in her, knew she could overcome anything if she really set her mind to it. Nerd made her feel all of that and more. She’d never been this aroused for someone before, never wanted a guy this much.
I’ve never loved anyone in my life, but I love Nerd.
Her heart was thundering, and she felt her wetness soak clean through her panties.
Nerd pulled back, and she let herself look her fill of his body still covered in leather and denim. He was so much bigger than her, but it wasn’t just his physical strength that drew her in, but his emotional power, as well.