by S. Moose
One of my favorite things to do during summer days with him was to come to the open field and sit underneath the oak tree. It was strange to us that there was one tree in the middle of the field. Since we played on this field when we were younger, we declared it our place.
This was the field where we started dating, where we admitted our feelings, and where I gave Whiskey my heart. One night, after an argument with my mama, we came here in his truck and lay in the bed, and he asked me what some of my dreams were. The first thing that came to my mind was having our home here, so we had our tree and our spot. I explained to him my vision.
I run my hand across the old tire, grip the rope, sway from side to side, and remember laughing with him.
He’d push me while I leaned back, my hair flowing in the wind, and watch the sky above me. Or I’d sit there and he’d lean against the tree while I read to him. We spent so many hours under this exact tree.
My fingers trace the initials.
LF + AM
“Forever,” I whisper, and wipe the tears from my cheeks.
I look up at the house and walk with determination to the front porch, raising my hand to knock three times. I’m here for one reason and one reason only.
To get my man back and make things right.
The door opens and his smile fades when he sees me. We’re staring at one another, neither of us saying anything, until he opens the screen door and steps out onto the porch. I take him in, drinking in the way he looks. His sweatpants hang low on his hips and his shirt is tight across his shoulders and chest.
My goodness, the years have been very good to him.
“Can I help you?”
“You look good, Whiskey,” I tell him before I realize what slipped out from my lips. Damn. “I was hoping we’d talk. I left you alone for seven years, and now I think it’s time we finally put it all out on the table. We’re older now and we used to always be able to talk about everything.”
He shrugs. “I already told you, Ashley. There’s nothing to talk about. Stop trying to bring back the past. Those ghosts need to stay there.”
“Why?” I step closer, his clean scent making me weak. “Are you going to believe the gossips of the news rather than me?” He doesn’t respond, so I know he’s doing just that. “The thing about Shawn was all for promotion. It was part of the business. I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement for two years. After I got your letter, it killed me, and I knew I couldn’t come back to Mason and face you. I hurt you so badly and that guilt festered deep inside me. It held me back and that was foolish of me.”
“I don’t know what to say. I’m glad you’re back and I’m glad you followed your dreams. The hurt’s still there, Ashley. That’s not going away. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, and I wouldn’t dare make you cry, but come on. You can’t expect me to welcome you back with open arms and then we’ll be together. As much as I want that, I don’t trust you. There are many levels of love and they all include a strong foundation. Our foundation isn’t there. It’s broken. Without that trust, we wouldn’t last a second chance.”
Being this close to him makes me remember how he’d love me. Cherish me. Whisper promises of forever. “I know and I understand what you’re saying but, baby, when life gives us a second chance, we need to take it and own it. Second chances aren’t given out to everyone. It’s given to those who show hope and have faith in their hearts.” When he doesn’t respond, I place my hand in his, entwining our fingers and squeeze it. “Whiskey.”
“You broke my heart, Ashley. You killed me.” He looks down into my eyes and I see his hurt. His green eyes don’t shimmer with joy. No. It’s hidden behind years of pain. Years of unanswered questions. “I waited for you. I dreamed of you. Wished that you’d come back to me. I built this house for you. For us. For the family we’d have one day.”
“And now I’m here.”
“Seven years,” he struggles to say, holding back his tears. “Seven years and my heart’s finally healing.”
“Have you moved on?”
“What?” he answers. “Moved on?”
“Yeah. You said your heart’s finally healing. Was there someone to help you do that? Are you in love with someone else?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but there isn’t anyone else in my life. Do you want to know who I’ve been sleeping with to try and forget about you?”
I cringe, thinking about the possible women he could’ve been with, but I don’t blame him. Landon’s gorgeous, and he has a heart of gold. He’s a true gentleman.
When we were together, he would walk me to school, carry my books, hold my hand, open doors, and always put me before him. Whenever I was upset or mad, he would be there to comfort me.
So why did I leave him?
“If you want to know, I’ll tell you.”
“Please don’t,” I mumble. “Please.”
“Why not? I had to see you and Shawn happily in love.”
“That was all for show!” I yell and hope it finally registers in his head. “For show. It was a deal between my agency and Shawn’s record label. We never did anything together. It’s only been you. Only you.”
The look of shock plays on his face. His eyes grow wide and I notice a slight twitch of his lip.
“Well, I can’t say it’s only been you, Ashley,” he tells me with a straight face, and I’m ready to crumble. “To make you feel better, those other women didn’t matter. You’re my home and you’ll always be my home.”
“I know,” I mutter and rest my forehead on his chest. “I understand that you sought other women. It kills me to think they got to touch you and feel you. Now that I’m back, you better believe no one will have the pleasure of you again.”
I hear the shuttering of his breaths and it’s breaking me in half. How am I supposed to convince him to trust me again? To let me back in?
“I love you. I love that you built this house. I love that you’ve done so well for yourself. During the time we were apart, I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped wondering how you were doing.”
“I wish you had come back sooner.”
I sigh and move my hand from his so I can wrap my arms around his waist. “I signed a contract that kept me from coming home. Once I was done with Shawn, I focused on modeling, and trying to make a difference to young girls around the world. After a little bit, I placed my focus on design.”
I pause for a few moments to recollect my thoughts. “I came back when I heard about your mama and daddy passing away. Kemper called me and told me to get down here as soon as I could, so I did. I stayed for the day and got on the next flight to New York as soon as the services were over.”
His body stills and I want so badly to comfort him, so I wrap my arms around him and hold tight. I need this and I know, deep down, he needs this too. I want to take away his pain and fill those holes with love again.
“I stayed in the back of the church and listened to your beautiful words. My heart broke for you. I wanted to comfort you the way you used to comfort me, but I was ashamed. I was there, babe.”
“Then why didn’t you come see me? Why, Ashley? You knew that without my parents, I had no one. I had to handle everything on my own, without anyone to support me. I had to pack up that house alone.”
“Because I was selfish. There was still so much for me to learn and accomplish. I wanted to find my place, and when I did, I realized it wasn’t what I wanted. Fame isn’t for me. But I had people who looked up to me and commitments to fulfill.” I lean back to look at him and am shocked that he’s staring back at me. “As soon as I could, I didn’t renew my lease, I packed my clothes, and came home. I was staying with Mama, until she told me it was time to leave.”
“Your mama kicked you out?”
I don’t answer and simply keep my gaze on him.
“Why?” he asks.
“She said if I want something, I have to go get it. She didn’t really kick me out, more like encouraged me to do what
I should’ve done, so I am.”
“What do you want to do?”
I hesitate before answering his question. We’ve been apart for too long for me to beat around the bush. Landon deserves my full honesty. “I want to live here. With you. And build our future together.”
Landon’s even sexier than before. He’s tall, fit, and keeps a slight scruff on his face. His dark hair’s a little shaggy, and immediately I wonder how soft it would be when I slide my fingers through it like I did before.
When I try to reach for his hair, Landon stops me, steps back, and shakes his head. “You want to live here?”
“Yes.”
Chapter 6
Landon
EVENING COMES AND I HEAR Ashley upstairs in the guest room, moving some things around, and the beat of her music playing. All her things are upstairs. Once I brought up her suitcases to her room and gave her a tour of the house, I left her alone.
As much as I don’t like having her here, I admit that a very large part of me wants her back. Plus, if I didn’t give her a place to stay, I’m pretty sure my mama would come back and slap me upside the head, then tell me she’d raised a better man.
And she did.
So, I’m doing the right thing and letting her stay. I know it isn’t going to be easy, and I know I should reconsider, but how can I let her go again?
If I tell her to leave my house, I’ll worry about where she’ll go and what she’ll do. My worries will consume me and I’ll go off looking for her. Even though I need my distance from her, I want to keep her close to me.
This is all too much, and I’m not sure how much of this I can handle. I inhale, let my breath out slowly, lean back on the couch, and bring my beer bottle to my lips.
I hear her walking down the stairs and keep my eyes on the TV. When she comes into the living room and sits down next to me, I make the mistake of looking at her from the corner of my eye.
Fuck. Me.
“Whatcha watching?”
“Just a show. Everything good upstairs?” I struggle to ask her, taking a pillow to cover my obvious attraction for her. I watch the way she moves, her chest rising and falling, and the way her shirt rides up, showing off her tan, flat stomach. I don’t miss the tiny black shorts she has on either.
It’s taking everything in me to keep my distance. I’m going to be alone with the only woman I’ve ever loved. The only one I want. The only one who has my heart. And the only one who scares the fuck out of me.
I’m not sure how much time passes, but when I look down, she’s laying her head on my lap and my fingers are running through her hair. Soft snores and little moans leave her tiny body. I rub my face with my free hand, carefully pick her up, and carry her up the stairs to her bedroom. She’s so light in my arms. I softly kick open the door and walk inside, toward the bed, I gently set her down and pull the covers over her body. The bed dips a little from my weight. I run my finger down her cheek, watching her smile, and let out a sigh.
“I don’t know what to do with you here,” I whisper, while running my finger down her arm and stopping at her wrist. I pull my hand away. “How can I trust you again?”
“I’ll show you,” she whispers, and sits up, throws her arms around my neck and pulls me close to her body. “I’ll show you and prove to you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. My love for you never left. It’s still here. Always has been. Always will be.”
“I don’t know if I can believe you.”
I release myself from her arms and leave the bedroom to go to mine. As soon as I’m in my room, I lean against the door, and let out the tears I’ve been holding in. I drop my hands to my knees, slightly hunch over, and drag in as many breaths as I can. My emotions are all over the place, and I can’t seem to capture one emotion and focus on that.
“Get it together, Fisher,” I mumble to myself.
***
The next morning, I meet Jeff at Gunner’s ranch, and we start working on the fence that needs attention. It’s nearing ten when we take our first break. I wipe the sweat off my forehead and grab the cold water bottle from the cooler Gunner and Jeff’s wives, Ellie and Ari, packed for us.
“Hell of a morning,” Gunner says, and tosses the empty bottle back in the cooler. “Looks like it’s going to be a hot day.”
“Don’t remind me,” Jeff answers.
All I do is nod. The only thing on my mind is Ashley and wondering what she’s doing. I left her a note on the kitchen table, letting her know where I’ll be and what my phone number is, just in case she needs me.
I check my phone and there’s nothing from her.
“So, you’ve been quiet about Ashley’s return. Ellie said she saw her a few days ago having lunch with her mama and she stopped to say hello.”
“Yeah,” I mutter. “Well, Mama Monroe kicked her out so she’s staying at my place in the guest room.” I look up to see both staring at me with their jaws slightly open. “What?”
“You’re telling me that your ex-girlfriend, the woman you’re still in love with and can’t get over, is living with you, and you’re fine about it?” Gunner explains.
“You’re fucked.” Jeff laughs.
“What the hell was I supposed to do? Ashley and her mama are fine. I guess she did it to push Ashley toward me. Even though I still love her, there’s no way I can take her back. We had our chance and that ship has sailed. We aren’t getting back together.”
“You sound like Taylor Swift.” Jeff laughs again, and I toss my empty water bottle at his head.
“All right, all right,” Gunner says, standing in between the two of us, “let’s get back to work.”
I’m lost in my work when my phone vibrates in my pocket, and I take it out to see an unknown number.
Unknown: I got your note. Do you need me to do anything?
Me: Nah. I got Scott to check on the horses.
Unknown: When you come back, you should take me out riding. I miss those days with you. We can ride and watch the sunset.
Memories of those times flood my thoughts, and I have to close my eyes and steady myself before getting my head together.
Me: I’m pretty beat and need to finalize my trip to Kentucky.
Unknown: I’ve never been to Kentucky. I remember all the times you’d go with your daddy and learn from him. I’m going to head to the cemetery and pay my respects.
A lump forms in my throat. It means the world to me she’s thinking of my parents. Before I can stop myself, I send her a text and then put my phone away.
Me: Thank you for doing that.
Chapter 7
Landon
I’M SITTING ACROSS FROM KEMPER Monroe, Ashley’s older brother, and I’m pretty sure this man wants to beat in my face from the look in his eyes and how he’s holding the knife.
“My baby sister is living with you?” he slowly says.
“Yes.”
“Why the hell is she doing that? Are you treating her good?”
“Yes,” I answer him. “She said your mama kicked her out.”
“Hmm.” He rubs his chin and leans back in his chair. It seems like the tension leaves him, and I let out a breath. Being on Kemper’s bad side is a place I don’t want to know. “How’s she doing, anyway?”
“Happy.”
“Happy? Huh.”
“Why the huh?”
He pauses for a beat before answering. “She hasn’t said too much, and whenever I ask her what’s going on and what she plans to do, she deflects the questions.”
With Ashley back in my life, and in my space, I’m thinking of things I can do to avoid her. An idea comes to me. She can stay at my parents’ house.
Then she’d be alone, and Kemper would most likely kick my ass. I shudder at that thought.
“What do you got going through your mind?”
I sigh and push back in my chair. “Your sister being back is messing with my head. She just moved in, and already I’m avoiding going home. I thought about putting her up at m
y parents’ old house. Why didn’t you tell me she was here for my parents’ funeral?”
“Because she asked me not to. You weren’t in the right frame of mind to see her. Plus, she knew you’d be upset, so she asked me and Mama to keep our lips shut.”
“Yeah. I get it. So, what do you think about her living at my parents’ old house?”
“You better not do that.” He stares me down with cold eyes. “I know there’s more to what’s going on.”
“How the hell am I supposed to forgive her, Kemp?” I ask him, taking a tentative bite of my burger.
Kemper doesn’t respond right away, so I continue eating until he looks back at me. “You’re given another chance. A chance I wish I could have with Jesslyn. I know she hurt you and you’re still licking your wounds. She’s back, and sure, it took her seven years, but you let her go so she could pursue her dreams, and now she’s back. That tells me something, like it should tell you, as well.”
“What it tells me is her plan in the big city didn’t work out and she came back, hoping I’d welcome her with open arms and forgive her for everything. I’m not wired that way.” I slam my balled up fist against my chest. “It hurts to breathe when she’s near me. It’s best we bury the past. She can go her way and I’ll go mine.”
“Christ.” Kemper rubs his hand across his face. “Mama told me that Ashley turned down a really good fucking deal and a chance to work with top designers in New York. She walked away from all of that so she could come back and be with you. Take it from a man who is also living with a broken heart. Let the demons go and try to remember why you held on for so long.”
I get back home from lunch with Kemper and close the door behind me; the scent of vanilla fills the room. I notice the subtle changes in my foyer. There’s a new rug in the front and the boots I had in the corner aren’t where I left them. I move farther into the house, into the kitchen, and my steps falter when my gaze latches onto all the new stainless steel appliances. Speechless, I head to the living room. My TV . . . it’s gone and has been replaced by a massive, big screen TV with mounted speakers.