by J M Wolf
“Nickname?”
Jace nodded. “Yeah. My nickname is Bluejay.” Jace’s smile was like a breath of fresh air, and I couldn’t help but return it with a smile of my own.
“Bluejay, huh? It suits you.”
He was about to say more, but then Desiree rested a hand on Jace’s shoulder and said, “Jace, this is Gerard Ramhart. Your father’s boyfriend.”
Once my name came out of Desiree’s mouth, Jace looked to her in confusion then back at me. With him being mere inches from me, I was able to get a good look at his eyes and noticed what Desiree was talking about. His eyes were cold and glassy. No spark of life in them at all.
Jace
To say I was surprised would’ve been an understatement. I was at a complete loss for words. I couldn’t believe I was meeting my father’s mysterious boyfriend in person for the first time. My dad used to tell me about Gerard, but I never got the chance to officially meet him. Now that I thought about it, Dad did show me a picture of Gerard once, so I should’ve been able to recognize him. I guess I was too distracted by the man’s sexy appearance to think about it.
When I came down the steps to head to the farmers’ market, and I caught sight of Desiree talking to a strange man I’d never seen before, I was vaguely curious about who he could be. Once I got closer to him, my pulse started racing. How could it not? The man was fucking sex on legs.
He appeared to be around my dad’s age, so maybe late thirties early forties. His strong build gave me the impression that he was in the military. His dark hair was buzzed short, and his beard was neatly trimmed. He was wearing a navy blue long-sleeved shirt, dark jeans, and black military boots like the ones I wore. His jaw was squared with high cheekbones, a straight nose, and full lips that I was willing to bet were softer than at first glance.
I stepped closer to him because I wanted to get a better view of what I knew would be my newest wet dream. When I stood inches from him and said hi, I found myself lost in the man’s warm brown eyes. The moment he said hi back, my cock instantly became interested. I hadn’t been this aroused by a man in over a year. I couldn’t blame it for coming alive. I desperately wanted to adjust myself for fear that the Adonis in front of me would notice, but I couldn’t force my body to move.
Then there was that electrical surge that passed through us the moment we shook hands. That current made my skin tingle with energy. I didn’t know what it was, so I shook it off thinking it was nothing, that it was just in my head; but the man looked at me in confusion, and I knew he felt it too. It wasn’t in my head.
But as soon as Desiree introduced the man as my dad’s boyfriend, my sexual fantasies all burst into flames. Gerard Ramhart. The man my father was in a relationship with for months when he was still alive, but had yet to ever bring him home to meet me or Desiree. I’d thought I would have the chance to meet him when we held the funeral, but he never showed up. Desiree told me it was because Gerard was overseas and couldn’t get the leave of absence to attend. Now here he was in the flesh.
“You’re Gerard Ramhart? You’re the one my father was involved with?” I said in a low tone.
Gerard looked conflicted; like he was afraid to tell me yes. Trying to see it from his point of view, I could understand the nervousness he must’ve felt. This was our introduction, and not under the best circumstances.
“I am,” he finally said. “I’m sorry for not introducing myself right away, it’s just…I mean…”
“Awkward?” I suggested with what I hoped was a reassuring smile.
Gerard seemed to soften up. “Yeah, a little bit. But it’s nice to finally meet the young man I’ve heard so much about. Your father was very proud of you.”
The mention of my father threatened to bring forth the cloud of despair that always hung above my head. A year later and I still couldn’t handle the mention of my dad. I’d walk away as soon as his name escaped someone’s lips. Even at that moment, the desire to bolt caused my body to shiver, but I willed myself to resist because there was something about the older man in front of me that made me want to stick around a bit longer.
“I appreciate that, Mr. Ramhart,” I said unable to mask the weakness of my voice.
“Please, Jace, call me Gerard. Mr. Ramhart is my father and it makes me sound like a stiff old man,” Gerard retorted with a grin.
I chuckled. “Sure, Gerard.”
It was then that I realized that I was still holding hands with Gerard. I was so drawn to him that I barely even noticed. If Gerard noticed, he hadn’t said a word. Still, I yanked my hand away feeling my face flush with embarrassment. My cheeks burned bright red as I dared to look up in the man’s eyes.
“Sorry,” I muttered.
“Nothing to be sorry about, Bluejay.”
My name and nickname coming out of this man’s mouth should not have been as hot as it was, yet my jeans were beginning to feel a bit too tight in the groin area.
Luckily, Desiree came to stand by me and saved me from an uncomfortable situation.
“Jace, Gerard will be staying with us for two weeks. He finally managed to come down to say goodbye to your father,” she told me.
“Wait, seriously?”
“Um, yes. Unless it’s you have a problem with it. I completely understand if it would make you feel uncomfortable,” Gerard said cautiously.
If I were honest with myself, having my father’s boyfriend at the house after just meeting him, and not even having my father around period, would be a tough pill to swallow. I didn’t really know Gerard, and to be honest seeing him without my dad would be like seeing another sign that would remind me that Dad was dead. Then there was the brief connection we shared and my sudden attraction toward the older man. So many complications at once. But Gerard did come all the way to pay his respects and it’d be rude of me not to consider his feelings; especially since he was obviously taking mine into consideration.
“Nonsense, it’s no trouble at all. We’d be happy to have you here,” I said with what I hoped was an assuring smile before checking the time on my cell. “I have to get going.”
I gave Desiree a quick kiss on her cheek and quickly made my way toward the front door. I quickly turned back to give Gerard another glance before stepping outside and closing the door behind me. Pulling out the keys I made my way to my dad’s old pickup truck that was left to me. Once settled inside, I started the truck and made my way to the farmers’ market.
The drive was brief, considering how small a town Abingdon was. There was only a little over a thousand residents living here, and everybody knew everybody. My dad was also well-liked in town, and when word got out about his death, it not only hurt my aunt and me, it affected the townspeople too. We all felt the absence of Riley Garrison.
I parked my truck outside of the farmers’ market and got out, making my way toward the booth I knew would be Patricia’s. Her smile lit up as soon as she spotted me coming toward her. She’d been a friend of the family since before I was born. She and my dad were friends in high school, and when I was born, she became my godmother. Since my birth mother abandoned me and my dad when I was a kid, Patricia became the only mother figure I really knew.
Patricia Walker was in her late forties, but she looked much younger considering how well she took care of herself. She was around five-foot-six with shoulder-length, curly red hair and dark eyes. She had on a white blouse with a long purple skirt, and an array of bangles on both her wrists. When I was a kid, I used to tell her that she looked like a Gypsy. She replied by saying that her ancestors were in fact Gypsies. I always loved how spirited and carefree she seemed to be.
Before I started offering my help, Patricia used to have her son Adam assist her. Adam and I grew up together, and we were as close as brothers. When I was sixteen he and I even tried dating, but it only lasted a year.
Three years ago, Adam and I left for Juilliard in New York to pursue our music dreams. While Adam and I were both singers, I also had a passion for being a lyricist. Adam wa
s made to be in front of the audience, and I enjoyed it too, but I also found the beauty in telling a story through my music. My lyrics were like a diary, telling the world what I was afraid to admit out loud. These days, Adam was busy with the start of his new career as a recording artist, which meant he was hardly at home. So, when I chose to come back home, I took over with helping his mom.
“Jace, glad you could make it. I was starting to worry,” Patricia said as I stepped around the booth to greet her with a hug.
“Sorry it took so long. I had an interesting guest at the house.”
“Oh?” Patricia held me at arm's length with a puzzled look. “What kind of guest?”
My thoughts instantly went back to Gerard. I couldn’t wrap my head around the sudden hold he had on me the moment I saw him sitting at the table. Maybe I was feeling the arousal because despite him being the man who my father had a romantic relationship with, he was still the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen. At least my dad had great taste, unlike me.
My taste in men was best described as detestable. The last time I dated was back when I was in New York for college, and I was living with my then partner Brett. Brett was…a few years older than me. Okay, he was one of my college professors, and our relationship was basically on the down low. Not even Desiree knew about Brett.
I knew that dating a teacher was a recipe for disaster, but I was young and stupid, and I thought I was in love. I’d always been a firm believer that love would conquer all. Unfortunately, Brett’s love, if you could even call it that, was repeatedly trying to conquer me; and I had the bruises and bloodstains to prove it. I was lucky to escape from him, and even more lucky that my dad and Desiree didn’t ask too many questions about why I chose to come home, or why I dropped out of school. So, yeah, my taste in men wasn’t the best.
Since that day, I’d barely even looked at another man. I’d had guys show interest in me, and some asked me on dates, but I always politely turned them down. I didn’t feel the need to date. I wasn’t lonely by any standards since I had my dad, Desiree, and hell the entire fucking town. I was fine. Then, Adam left to begin his new fame, and soon after that, my dad passed away. Everyone I loved was leaving me in one way or another. They were like a flock of birds flying away for the winter, and I was left in the cold because my wings were clipped. I started to feel lonely, but instead of connecting with anybody else, I closed myself off from the world. I chose to focus on working instead, so I wouldn’t have to think about my problems.
It wasn’t an ideal life, working myself to the bone until I could barely do anything else, but it was all I could do. I didn’t want to depend on Aunt Desiree helping me take care of the house. It was left to me after all. With Dad gone, it was my responsibility now. I also took care of all the funeral arrangements. I had enough money saved up from music competitions and part-time jobs I’d held during my time in New York to handle it on my own. Physically I was on autopilot, but mentally it was draining.
“Gerard Ramhart. My dad’s boyfriend,” I said.
Mrs. Walker’s eyes bulged. “Oh, my. So, you got to meet him?”
I nodded.
“Well I’ll be. What is he like?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, I barely had the chance to talk to him. He seems like an okay guy.”
“What about how he looks? Is he as handsome as your father used to describe?”
Oh, if only she knew, but I was sure she would eventually. Handsome didn’t even begin to describe Gerard Ramhart. His tightly-cropped dark hair, the thick beard, his chiseled body that was perfectly molded through the thin material of his long sleeve shirt. Those fucking pythons for arms that left me wanting to be manhandled by him. Those lips that I desperately wanted to know if they were as kissable as I thought they’d be.
The only flaw that I could spot right away, was that he wasn’t mine to have. He was my dad’s. Even if he wasn’t, I was pretty sure Gerard would never be interested in someone who was barely an adult. Most older men would barely give me a second glance unless they were only interested in a quick fuck. People would see my age and consider me too young to want to settle down with, or assume that I wouldn’t take a real relationship seriously.
I’d always known I had an attraction to older men since coming out of the closet, but I never really thought much of it. I was still getting used to the idea of liking men, so the age thing was the furthest thing from my mind. When I realized that I barely liked any guys around my age, I knew there had to have been a reason. I mean, why was it when a fellow junior in the same high school as me, hit on me, I couldn’t feel a thing, yet when I snuck into a night club in another town in Virginia and a man in his late thirties came onto me, I wanted to go home with him? I didn’t leave with the guy, but I sure jacked off to the thought of him when I was alone in my bedroom.
But even that guy didn’t set off my insides like a livewire the way Gerard had just by looking into his warm brown eyes. It was like, from the moment his face was in my line of sight, everything else vanished leaving us both in darkness. When his eyes met mine, my heart thudded in response and I desperately wanted to know who he was and why was he affecting me so much.
“He’s…decent, I guess,” I said nonchalantly.
Patricia chuckled. “It must come as a surprise to you, doesn’t it? Having Gerard suddenly show up out of the blue.”
“You’ve no idea,” I replied. “I’ve only ever heard about the guy, so meeting him is something different. It’s strange really.”
“I’m sure it is strange. Are you okay with meeting your father’s boyfriend?”
“I’m not entirely sure,” I said furrowing my brow. “It’s one thing to meet him if…” I trailed off because I couldn’t say the words.
“If your father was still around?” Patricia finished for me.
I nodded feeling my throat tighten.
“So, meeting him without your father to properly introduce him to you feels like a reminder, doesn’t it?”
Again, I nodded.
“Oh, my sweet boy. I know this must be hard on you, but maybe this will be a good thing. I imagine that this might be hard on Gerard as well, so maybe you can use this as a chance to get to know one another. Gerard probably doesn’t have anybody to talk to about losing your father as a partner, and you’ve been very guarded about talking about your own grief. Maybe this could be the chance for you to open up.”
“I don’t talk about it because there’s nothing to talk about, Patricia. People die all the time. We all learn to live with it,” I retorted.
In truth, Patricia was right. I hadn’t been able to grieve over my father, and I’d always avoided talking about it. It was just easier that way. Why bother dwelling over something that couldn’t be changed? My dad’s been dead for a year, and my life couldn’t stop because of it. I had to keep going. I was sure the sexy man who’d be under the same roof as me for the next two weeks had moved on as well, or had he? What if Gerard was still hurting inside?
“Honey, you are right that people die all the time and it doesn’t stop us from going on with life, but it’s always important to talk about these things in our life. I know his passing has affected you more than you’ve let on and it concerns me.”
“You worry too much, Patricia. I’m fine.” I tried to give my godmother my best sincere smile and hoped it was enough to convince her.
“Oh really?” Patricia challenged and returned my smile with a no nonsense look. “When was the last time you worked on your music?”
Oh, Patricia brought out the big guns. Music was the epitome of who I was as a person, and a piece of me I lost the night Desiree and I received the news about my dad. A week after his passing I realized that my muse for singing and writing music was gone, so I packed everything up and haven’t messed with it since. Everyone who knew me knew that me and my music were a package deal. You couldn’t have one without the other. But lately they had me with only half of my soul.
“That’s what I thought,
” said softly taking my silence as confirmation that I wasn’t completely sane. “Look honey, I know it hurts not having him around, but you know he will always be with you in spirit. He’ll always be watching over you and wanting you to be happy and healthy.”
I nodded. As much as I hated not having him around anymore, my dad was in a better place.
“You always know what to say, don’t you, Patricia?” I asked, knowing full well she did.
Patricia beamed with pride. “Of course! I may not have grey hairs yet, but I have been around long enough to know what I’m talking about. And I know what it’s like to lose someone you love. And one day, Jace, you will find the inspiration to create music again.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because God gave you a special gift, and one that deserves to be shared with the world. You may have lost it now, but I know when the time comes you will find it again.”
It was moments like that when I didn’t regret not having my mom around when I was growing up, because the only woman I felt worthy of that title was Patricia Walker. When we were kids, I used to be jealous of Adam for having a mom when I didn’t, but then his father passed leaving us both with single parents. It was a moment that brought us closer together as best friends and brothers. I sure missed him at that moment.
I didn’t have time to dwell over the complications of my life because we started getting customers who were interested in buying Patricia’s assortment of homemade fruit jam and flavored syrups. The fruits she used were ones she grew in her garden.
For the rest of the day, we had customers stop by to taste samples and even make a few purchases. The day progressed smoothly and it was late in the evening when Patricia decided to call it quits. After we finished cleaning up, I was getting ready to head to my truck when Mrs. Walker stopped me by grabbing my shoulder.
“So, what are you going to do about Gerard?” she asked when I turned to face her.