by Julie Kriss
Because I didn’t have an address at the moment. And I wanted to talk to her. “Thanks,” I said, taking the check and putting it in my bag.
“This wasn’t just about the check, was it?” Samantha asked. “You asked me to bring it to you in person, alone, in Central Park. I’m wondering if I’m in the middle of a spy operation.”
I picked up the fat-free, decaf latte I’d put on the bench next to me and took a sip. It was too early in the day to be without caffeine. In the four days since I’d gotten back from Chicago I’d been dead sober, and now I was drinking too much decaf. It was the only vice I could think of until it was time to take a pregnancy test. “Here’s the thing,” I said. “I’m going out of town. Today. Right after I leave here.”
Samantha’s eyebrows went up. “Okay.”
“I’m going for a while. A few weeks, maybe. Or a month or two. I haven’t decided.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m staying at a friend’s place. When I got home from Chicago I found out my roommate had given my half of the apartment to her boyfriend, so I had to move out anyway. I’m going to stay at this… friend’s place and figure out where I’m going next.”
Samantha was quiet for a second, taking this in. “Ava, why are you telling me this?”
I took another desperate sip of the latte, wishing to God there was caffeine in it. Or tequila. “I don’t want Aidan to worry about me. I want him to know I’m fine. I haven’t cracked up or had a nervous breakdown, at least any more than I do on a normal day. And I’m not mad at him. I just don’t want to talk to him right now. I can’t.”
The entire thing sounded insane coming out of my mouth, and any rational person would ask me what the fuck I was talking about, but Samantha said, “Does this have something to do with Chicago?”
I felt jittery, keyed up, even though my drink had no caffeine in it. I’d been bottled up since I came back to New York, sleeping on the sofa in my old apartment and taking apart the pathetic pieces of my New York life. All I wanted right now was to get out of this city and not look back, at least for a little while.
Oh, and I wanted someone to talk to.
And I wanted Dane.
I was off of anything bad for me, but what I craved the most, day and night, was Dane. I’d gotten too used to him, too fast. Too accustomed to seeing his gorgeous, grumpy face and his newly hot body. Too used to bantering with him, insulting him about his man-bun, and feeling the warm feeling he always gave me because he noticed things about me without me saying anything. He’d always done that, but now I was used to it and I wanted it back. I wanted Dane to take over and tell me everything was okay, which was exactly why I shouldn’t see him right now. It was like an addict thinking they could do just one hit of their favorite drug.
But I had someone to talk to right now who wasn’t Dane and wasn’t my brother, so I talked. “I saw my mother while I was in Chicago,” I said. “It wrecked me. I thought it would give me some sort of closure, but instead it ripped all of my old wounds open. So that was fun. And I spent the week with Dane, and I think I’m in love with him—but he’s wonderful and brilliant and he’s going to change the world while I’m a hot mess. So I left him because I need to figure myself out, but I got home and I found out I’m kicked out of my own apartment. The hot mess thing. And I might… I might be pregnant, which was something Dane and I pretty much agreed on, because we lost a baby a long time ago and it still hurts.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “Are you following any of this?”
“I think so,” Samantha said, and I knew I’d chosen the right person. She was so calm, so sane, and she wasn’t emotionally invested in our history the way Aidan and I were. “You and Dane have a history from years ago when the partners all lived in that apartment together. Am I right?”
“Yes.”
“And since Aidan has never mentioned this to me, and Aidan tells me everything, I have to assume he has no idea of this history.”
I sniffed. “No, ma’am.”
That made her smile, but she also reached out and put her hand over mine. “You’ve been through a lot,” she said. “Be kind to yourself, Ava.”
My throat closed because that was the nicest thing I’d ever heard. Be kind to yourself. No one had ever told me that. Not even the therapists I’d tried going to whenever I had a little money. “That’s what I’m doing, I think,” I said. “I’m leaving New York and I’m going to rethink everything. Rethink myself and try to get it right this time. Because if I’m pregnant, it’s important I get it right.”
Samantha’s hand touched mine again. “And if you’re not pregnant,” she said gently, “then it’s still important.”
I sniffed again. “Oh my God, you’re nice. If Aidan hadn’t married you, I’d ask you myself.”
“I’m pretty wise,” she agreed. “I can also see why you haven’t told Aidan all of this, because he’d go all big-brother on you and try to take over. And you need to handle this on your own.”
“Yes.” I felt my shoulders sag with relief. “You get it. Thank you.”
“I do get it, but you’re asking me to keep this from my husband. Which puts me in a tough spot. I’m a big girl and I can deal, but if push comes to shove, I’m going to tell him about this. I’m not going to lie to him, Ava. That’s all I can promise.”
“I get it. I have to talk to him, and I will. Just give me a few days.” In a few days, I’d take my first pregnancy test and I’d know which way my life was going.
“A few days,” Samantha agreed. “Are you going to tell me where you’re going?”
I shook my head, thinking of the address sitting in the text messages on my phone. Dane’s beach house, the gift he was giving me. He’d said the partners didn’t know about it, so no one but him would find me there. If I wanted him to find me there.
“I’ll tell you in a few days,” I said.
She nodded.
“What are you going to tell Aidan?” I asked her.
Samantha tucked a lock of loose hair behind her ear. “That you’re leaving town and you’re fine. That you’ll talk to him when you’re ready. That you’re stronger and more clear than I’ve ever seen you.”
I blinked. “I am?”
“Yes. But I want to know one thing. You say you think you’re in love with Dane. Are you or aren’t you? It’s a simple thing to know.”
I thought of Dane, of the night when I’d had margaritas and he’d kissed me, pushing down onto the bed with me, his weight on top of me as my blood pounded with happiness and excitement. He’d said You’re drunk, and I’d said Don’t go. I’d never meant two words more than I meant those two in that moment. Don’t go. I wondered if, given the chance, he’d have said them to me before I walked out the door of his penthouse.
“Yes, I’m in love with him,” I said to Samantha. “He’s the other half of me. Baby or not. He just is.”
“I know that feeling,” Samantha said. “Go do what you need to do. But if you want him, Ava, find a way to get him. Don’t live half a life.”
Twenty-Two
Dane
* * *
I hadn’t planned to leave Chicago and follow Ava to New York, but here I was, getting out of a cab in front of Tower VC’s SoHo office building. Kaito Okada had given me a week to make a decision, and as he’d predicted, I’d spent some time thinking. It was time to meet with the partners and discuss it.
Noah was flying in from L.A. and Alex was flying in from Dallas. None of them knew why I had called this meeting, and I knew they were all curious. But in the history of Tower, I had never called a meeting like this, so they knew it was something important. Noah had flown in late last night, Alex at some ungodly hour this morning. In half an hour, we’d all be here.
I nodded at the security guard at the front desk as I walked through the lobby. Tower only had a small number of employees, so we rented the top floor of this small-but-expensive building in Soho, away from the big egos of Madison Avenue or Wall Street. Aidan,
our real estate expert, had tried more than once to buy the entire building from the owner, but he’d failed every time, something that pissed him off whenever anyone mentioned it. If Aidan had his way, we’d own every building in New York. He was working on it.
The receptionist looked briefly surprised when she saw me—she didn’t know who I was at first—but she quickly collected herself. “Mr. Scotland,” she said. “Would you like to meet in the boardroom or in Mr. Winters’ office?”
“The office,” I said, walking toward Aidan’s office, the largest and most private in the trendy, open workspace. This conversation was too confidential to hold in the glass-walled boardroom. “And when the others get here, don’t let us be disturbed.”
Aidan must have heard my voice, because he came to his office door when I approached. He was wearing his customary black suit, black shirt, and black tie—the outfit that had gained him the nickname of the Man in Black. He claimed the sinister look helped him gain the edge in real estate deals. He looked surprised when he saw me, too—shocked, actually.
“Who the hell are you, and what have you done with Dane Scotland?” he asked when I got close enough.
“Go fuck yourself,” I replied. “I thought you wanted me to dress better.”
“I did.” He looked up and down my outfit of dark gray dress pants and white shirt, unbuttoned at the throat. He took in my expensive watch, belt, and shoes. “Jesus. I knew Ava would do a good job, but I didn’t think it would actually take.”
I shrugged. “You told me to wear whatever she buys. So I am. It isn’t so bad once you get used to it.”
“And the hair?” His gaze moved up to the top of my head. “The last time I talked to her, she couldn’t convince you to get rid of the man bun.”
“She convinced me.” I didn’t look in the mirror very often, so I sometimes forgot about the haircut. I was getting used to that, too.
What I wasn’t used to was Ava being gone. It weighed on me day and night. I missed her—and yet, on some strange level, I didn’t feel parted from her. Not completely, at least. Just a few hours ago, as I’d boarded the plane, my phone had given me an alert that someone had disarmed the security system at my beach house. I’d pulled up the live video and watched, unnoticed, as Ava opened the front door and came inside, dragging a suitcase behind her. Standing on the breezeway on the way to board my flight, I’d drunk in the sight of her: pale face, no makeup, hair piled roughly on top of her head. She looked tired, a little bedraggled, but she was in one piece and she was okay. I’d taken another long second to memorize every line of her, and then I’d shut the video feed off, unwilling to spy on her.
She needed time, she’d said. She was taking that time at my beach house, and I knew where she was, knew that she was okay. The question was, would I join her? Did she even want me to? Or would I take the opportunity with Okada and get on his expensive private jet to Japan?
I had no fucking idea about any of it.
“Sit down,” Aidan said, leading me into his office. I sat in one of the chairs and he rounded behind his desk. “Any news?”
I blinked, caught in a moment of panic that he knew about Ava and me, about the potential baby. “News?”
“About the Okada deal.” Aidan sank into his chair, frowning. “Kaito Okada and his team left after one night. That wasn’t how this was supposed to go.”
“Kaito and I talked,” I said. “We didn’t need four days. He gave me his offer. Now we have to discuss it.”
Aidan frowned harder, his dark and handsome features severe. “I hope that means there’s a deal.”
“What deal?” Noah came through the door—tall, his hair dark blond and mussed, his skin lightly tan. His entire being shouted California, even though he was a Chicago native like the rest of us. “Jesus, it reeks in New York when the weather is warm. I’ll take L.A. any day, even with the exhaust fumes. Scotland, it looks like Ava finally cleaned you up.”
I grunted in response.
“Let’s do this.” Noah dropped into one of the other chairs. He was wearing a dress shirt and dress pants, like me, but his were cut differently—slimmer around his waist and skimming his torso, the better to show off his shoulders and biceps. All of Ava’s talk about fashion must be rubbing off if I was noticing these things. I should probably go punch someone or shoot something to get my testosterone back.
“Alex will be here in a second,” Aidan said. He had barely glanced at Noah before looking back at me, his gazed fixed as if he was trying to figure something out.
“What?” I said.
His voice was unreadable. “How did it go with Ava?”
“It was fine. You’re looking at the results.”
“Not the clothes,” Aidan said. “I mean, how did it go with her? Tell me the truth. Because Samantha told me this morning that Ava left town. She told Samantha about it because she didn’t want to talk to me. In fact, I haven’t talked to Ava at all, and I have the feeling it has something to do with you.”
He’d always been smart, my best friend Aidan. Perceptive and ice-cold. It was why he was so good at real estate deals, but right now it was starting to annoy me. “Ava is fine,” I said. “If she doesn’t feel like talking to you, then I guess you have to wait until she changes her mind.”
“Or I could ask you what’s going on.”
“What’s going on?” This was Alex, coming through the office door. He was tall and lean, dark-haired, wearing tan dress pants and a blue shirt that made his eyes look more blue-green than usual. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to the elbow, showing the tattoos on his forearms. “What the fuck did you drag me from Dallas for, Dane? Hey, your hair is gone.”
“Not all of his hair,” Noah said. “Just the pretentious man bun.”
“It wasn’t pretentious,” I argued.
Alex shrugged. “Whatever you say.” He closed the door and sat in the last unoccupied chair. “How was the meeting with Okada?”
I looked around the room at them, these three friends I had known forever. I had wrestled with Okada’s offer for days, and in the end I’d realized I couldn’t make this decision alone. I was part of Tower, and this decision was as much theirs as mine.
“Kaito Okada is working on advanced cancer treatment,” I said. “It’s top secret and he’s putting all of his resources into it. But he doesn’t want our money.”
“Then what does he want?” Noah asked. “Money is kind of our thing.”
“He wants me.” I leaned back in my chair, suddenly tired at the sound of those words. “He wants me to leave Tower and go work for him in Japan.”
“No,” Aidan said. “Absolutely fucking not.”
Alex and Noah exchanged a glance. “Okay, wait,” Alex said reasonably. “That’s it? That’s the entire offer?”
“I get to work on the cancer project,” I said.
“He’s got to be fucking kidding with an offer like that,” Aidan said. His voice was cold, which meant he was pissed off. “We’re not doing it.”
“I’m not sure it’s up to us,” Noah said, his gaze fixed on me, thoughtful. “It sounds like it’s up to Dane.”
“We’re partners,” I said. “We’ve been partners since we were twenty-one. So, yes, you all get a say.”
Aidan made an angry noise, and Alex said, “You’re asking us to tell you whether we want you to quit?”
“I don’t know what I want.” I rubbed my forehead. “I’ve been going over this for days. You know I don’t contribute to Tower the way the rest of you do. I don’t travel and I suck at sales. No one wants me to go to a meeting if they can help it. Aidan sent Ava to make sure I didn’t fuck this entire meeting up, and Kaito still flew home the next day.” I dropped my hand. “I don’t have a driving desire to go to Japan, but it’s a big opportunity. And I’ve never really been a venture capital guy.”
Alex laughed at that. “And the rest of us are?” He looked around. “None of us knew what we were doing when we started this. Half the time I’m m
aking things up.”
“So am I,” Aidan said.
Noah shrugged. “I go to a lot of parties, where I smile and nod. That’s pretty much my entire strategy. I don’t have any others.”
“I’m the only guy in the Texas oil business who doesn’t wear Wranglers,” Alex said, “and I have tattoos. Most of the time they don’t know what to make of me, so I get my way.”
“But you actually do all of those things,” I said. “I don’t. I’ve spent the past two years writing a program that uses AI to teach without a human teacher. I haven’t been doing deals like I’m supposed to.”
“I didn’t know you were making an AI program,” Aidan said. “I knew you were working on something, but you were secretive about it.”
He was right, and that was part of the problem. “Okada has promised to assign staff to help me finish it,” I said. “As much staff as I want.”
“Well,” Noah said, running a hand through his scruff of dark blond hair. “It sounds like a great deal for you, Dane. And it sounds like a great deal for Kaito Okada. Sorry if I’m being calculating here, but there’s nothing in this for the rest of us.”
“I agree,” Alex said. “We lose one of our partners, who is working on something that could be worth a lot of money, and we don’t get anything in return.”
“What do you want, then?” I asked, exasperated. “Do you want Okada to pay Tower? Buy me off you? Is that what you’re looking for?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Aidan said. “We don’t put a price on one of our partners. That said, we also don’t give our partners away for free, which is what Okada is asking for.” He swiveled back and forth in his chair, his only sign that this had gotten under his skin. Then he stilled himself. “Dane, you’d have to leave Chicago and move to Japan, at least for a few years. Leave everything. Is that something you want to do?”
“I want to do more than what I’m doing,” I said. “It’s time I stopped pretending I’m a venture capital guy like the rest of you. I’m just a programmer who wants to come up with cool shit on the computer. As for moving to Japan…” I scrubbed a hand over my short hair. “I can’t answer that, because it isn’t up to me. It’s up to Ava.”