by Rose Pearson
Pondering this for a moment, Jessica nodded slowly. “That is true, I suppose. I have no thought of marriage or the like yet, especially since I am not the oldest sister.” She lifted an eyebrow and shot Amelia a teasing look, grinning as her sister coloured. “Yet something about the military captures my imagination,” she continued, almost to herself. “They are free, are they not? They are able to travel the world and leave England’s shores behind them. Their lives are filled with adventure and excitement and they are not bound by propriety or rules in the same way we are.”
The smile on Amelia’s face was a sympathetic one. “You have always dreamt of such things, have you not?” she replied, softly. “You are the one who goes off into the fields, exploring the area around father’s estate entirely on your own whilst the rest of us seem content to stay within the confines of the grounds.”
“That is not entirely true,” Jessica replied, with a shrug. “Jacintha comes with me sometimes.”
Amelia laughed, looping her arm through Jessica’s. “Yes but that is because you are both very close and she enjoys spending time with you. If you did not want to go off into the wilderness then I do not think that Jacintha would have any inclination to do so.”
“And, do you think such desires are a bad thing?” Jessica asked, biting her lip in concern. “I would not have you think badly of me, Amelia.” Ever since their mother had died, all three of the younger sisters had looked to Amelia as their mother-figure and Jessica did not want Amelia to have a bad opinion of her.
Amelia shook her head, pressing Jessica’s arm for a moment. “No, not in the least,” she replied with a smile. “We are not all the same, therefore none of our dreams and ambitions are the same. You have your own hopes for the future and I have mine. They need not match up.”
Jessica nodded and walked in silence for a few minutes, her thoughts filled with what Amelia had said. Her sister was quite right to state that Jessica’s days were filled with nothing but exploring and enjoying the freedom that the outdoors had to offer her. Their father was always quick to remind Jessica to take care but, for the most part, he allowed her to roam as she wished. Nothing ever happened to her and Jessica had found a great many wonderful places within five miles of her father’s estate.
The truth was, the military did hold that promise of freedom and adventure that she found herself longing for. She sometimes wondered what it would be like to marry a military man and follow the beat of the drum, tramping through the undergrowth and living on the very basics of life. It was a life far removed from her own.
However, were she to seriously consider the future, Jessica knew that she would have very little choice but to resign herself to a life of responsibilities and duty. As the daughter of a Duke, she would be expected to marry well and produce the heir and the spare for her husband. She would not be able to marry a military man, for they would not have the required title and a pauper was not the right choice for the daughter of a Duke! Her expected husband would be a gentleman of high title, decent fortune, and good breeding. That was all that she could truly expect. A Duke’s daughter did not throw off the reins of society and rush, headlong, into wherever the wind took her. It simply was not done. What was the use of dreams if it was never a true possibility?
Sighing heavily, Jessica tried to throw off the sudden sense of melancholy that filled her. Would she ever be able to find a man who would be willing to step away from society’s expectations and take her to explore distant lands? A man who would want to help fulfil her dreams instead of pushing them aside in favour of nothing other than societal duty?
“I highly doubt it,” Jessica said to herself, ignoring Amelia’s startled look.
Coming to the main road through the village, Jessica stood with the rest of the gathered crowd, her sisters by her sides. The sounds of the marching army had her spirits lifting, her fingers twining together as she leaned forward to get her first glance at the army.
How wonderful they looked! Their uniforms were pristine, the red and white declaring their loyalty to the King. Weapons glistened in the sunshine, the swords catching the light.
Jessica’s breath caught in her chest as they passed. They were marching as one, their steps in time with the beat of the drum. Their handsome faces did not turn to the right or left, simply facing forward as they walked. Jessica could not help but dream of where they might be headed, wondering when they would next step onto England’s fair lands.
“You are quite taken with them,” Amelia murmured, leaning towards Jessica. “What is it about them that attracts you so?”
Shrugging, Jessica frowned, trying to work out in her own mind what it was. “I am not sure whether it is the men themselves or what they represent,” she said, honestly. “I think I wish I could be like them. That I could have the freedom they have.”
Amelia did not laugh, as Jessica had thought. Instead, she smiled and nodded, her eyes studying Jessica’s expression. “Mayhap one day you will marry a man from the military,” she said, quietly. “Although it would have to be a titled gentleman, so someone with a high rank.”
Shaking her head, Jessica gave Amelia rueful smile. “I doubt that will ever come to pass, Amelia,” she replied, softly. “I think I value my freedom more than marriage.”
“But what if your husband could offer you both?” Amelia asked, with a quick smile. “What if you could still have your freedom yet have a man who loves you by your side? Would that not be the best of both worlds?”
Considering this for a moment, Jessica had to admit that her sister was right. “Yes, it would be,” she agreed. “But you know that it is not likely to happen. In time, I will have no other choice but to marry a titled gentleman of good breeding. It is what is expected of us all.”
Amelia pressed her hand but Jessica turned her gaze back to the military men walking past her, the ache in her heart growing steadily.
“Do not give up all hope,” Amelia said in her ear, speaking quietly so that none of her other sisters could hear. “Perhaps there is a military gentleman in your future, Jessica, one who will be able to give you all that your heart desires.”
A small hope began to burn in Jessica’s heart and, as she smiled, the ache in her heart lessened. “Perhaps,” she said, softly. “Perhaps one day I shall marry a gentleman from the army, who will take me places I have only ever dreamed of.”
Chapter One
Six years later
“Amelia!”
Jessica laughed wildly as Amelia threw her arms around her, clearly delighted to see her.
“I am so glad you came,” Amelia exclaimed, releasing her and grasping Jessica’s shoulders. “I have missed you.”
“Missed me?” Jessica replied, quirking one eyebrow. “And I always thought you found my antics more than a little frustrating!”
Amelia laughed and looped one arm around her sister’s waist. “I will admit that yes. But now that I am wed and expecting a child of my own, I confess that I miss your carefree nature and constant smiles.” Her smile dimmed a little. “I have always been the serious one, have I not?”
“And I have loved you for it,” Jessica replied, softly. “Come now, I know Harmonia and Jacintha are desperate to see you.”
Amelia pulled off her gloves and handed them – and the rest of her ensemble – to the waiting butler. “And papa?” she asked, softly. “How is he?”
Jessica smiled, wanting to assuage her sister’s obvious anxiety. “He is quite well, do not worry. He rests most afternoons, but I am quite sure he will see you at dinner.”
The relief on Amelia’s face was immediate. “Good, I am glad. That is one of the worst things about living so far away – I have a constant worry about father’s health.”
Patting Amelia’s arm, Jessica walked with her up the staircase, making sure to move a little more slowly than usual given Amelia’s condition. The thought of becoming an aunt in a few short months was both exciting and terrifying in equal measure.
“And ha
s papa been pushing you to wed?” Amelia asked, her breath coming a little more quickly as they reached the top of the staircase. “I had thought he might continue to try and get Harmonia and Luke to marry but from what Harmonia has written to me of late, I considered that it was no longer a foregone conclusion.”
Sighing heavily, Jessica shook her head. “Father is as eager as ever for the rest of his daughters to wed, even though you are happily settled and could easily care for the rest of us should something happen to papa – but you are right to think that he is no longer as eager for Harmonia and Luke to wed. The possibility is still there, of course, but Harmonia herself seems a little more set against it.”
Amelia let out a long breath, her eyes brightening. “I am glad to hear it. I have spent a long while praying that she would let that idea go entirely. Harmonia is young and can do a great deal better than cousin Luke. I am quite sure they would not suit and then Harmonia would be quite miserable.”
Jessica could not help but agree. “Indeed, although I am sorry that I did not take as much of an interest in Harmonia and Luke’s connection. I might have been able to talk to her a little more at the time, instead of leaving it all to you.”
Amelia shook her head, letting her sister’s arm fall as they made their way to the drawing room. “Think nothing of it, Jessica. I know that you and Jacintha are close and I was more than happy to talk to Harmonia about our cousin. I am just glad that it appears not to be going ahead.”
There was no more to be said on the subject, for the moment Amelia stepped inside, Jacintha and Harmonia hurried towards her, exclaiming over her and delighting in seeing her again. Jessica quietly rang for tea, smiling to herself as she saw the happiness on each of her sister’s faces.
The truth was, Jessica had never truly considered marriage to be something she would be forced to take up any time soon. She had hoped that once Amelia had wed and become quite settled, then her father might relent and allow her a little more freedom. Freedom to socialize, to dance and to meet all kinds of gentlemen – never taking the matter too seriously. Of course, in time, Jessica knew she would have to marry but she was desperate to enjoy herself a little first. They had not been in town for the Season for some years and, whilst the focus had been on Amelia, it now appeared that their father intended to remain in London until the little Season, reminding Jessica that it was now her duty to find herself a suitable husband. The freedom that she had once experienced back at her father’s country estate seemed all but gone, now that she was required to think carefully about her future. At times, Jessica wished that she could disappear into another world, another life, where she was not expected to think only about her duty as the daughter of a Duke.
“Come, now!” Harmonia exclaimed, ushering Amelia to a soft cushioned chair. “Sit, Amelia, we must know all of your news.”
Jessica went to join them, glad when the maid appeared with the tea trays. Amelia told them a great many stories and Jessica smiled delightedly at them all, thinking that Amelia deserved such happiness.
“It is quite clear your husband adores you!” she exclaimed, seeing pink rise in Amelia’s cheeks. “I am glad for you, of course.”
“Love is a very great blessing,” Amelia agreed, quietly. “One I did not earn but one I am most glad for.” She looked around each of her sisters in turn, her expression serious. “I would wish that for you all, truly. Take time to find a gentleman who will honor and cherish you, who will love you just as you are and in spite of your faults.” A small smile lifted the corner of her lips. “I know papa is determined that you are all to be married and settled and I can well understand the pressure that brings to bear.”
Amelia’s gaze landed on Jessica, who gave her a small smile, knowing that Amelia truly did know what it felt like to be in her situation.
“We are to stay for the little Season,” she murmured, wondering if Amelia already knew of their father’s plans.
“Although what we are to do in the meantime I have very little idea!” Jacintha piped up, looking a little sorry for herself. “There are fewer and fewer balls and very little company to speak of.”
Much to Jessica’s surprise, Amelia grinned, her eyes twinkling.
“I believe I may have a solution for that,” Amelia said, her smile broadening. “I have yet to speak to papa to ensure he is still quite content for this to go forward, but I was hoping that you might be willing to join me at my estate for a prolonged holiday.”
Jessica blinked, a warm glow of happiness slowly beginning to mount in her chest. To stay with Amelia for a time would mean a relaxing of her responsibility to find a husband, an easing of the pressure brought to bear by her well-meaning papa.
“Do you think papa will agree?” she asked, a little breathlessly, clasping her hands in her lap as she leaned forward.
Amelia chuckled. “I have already asked him, my dear sister, and yes, he is quite happy to allow you all to stay as far as I know. I just must confirm a few details with him, but he will be vastly delighted to have you taken off his hands for a short while!” Her eyes sparkled with mirth as Jessica, Jacintha and Harmonia each exclaimed wildly with delight, wide smiles stretching across each of their faces.
“And,” Amelia continued, once the hubbub had died down a little, “I must also inform you that some military men are to come to the town of Kilgar which borders our estate.” She turned knowing eyes onto Jessica, who was instantly reminded of the time Amelia had suggested that Jessica might, one day, wed an army man, albeit one of good breeding and high title. Flushing to the roots of her hair, Jessica gave a half smile and tried not to respond to the questioning looks of her other two sisters.
There was a brief pause, broken only by Jacintha clapping her hands together and launching into a thousand questions about when they might leave, what they should bring and how often there would be balls or the like. Amelia just laughed, teasing Jacintha about the great many gentlemen she would leave in her wake, whilst Harmonia poured more tea.
Jessica sat quietly and allowed this news to wash over her. It would be wonderful to leave town for a time, especially when the season was all but finished, and to spend time with Amelia and Northfell in their new home was sure to be a delight, but still the burden of marrying soon – and marrying well – remained when, only a moment ago, she had thought it lifted. Papa was sure to remind her that there would be titled men amongst the military, mostly those involved in training the new recruits of course, but Jessica was not altogether sure that she wanted to wed any such man – or any gentleman at all, for that matter! How she wished she could simply enjoy her first proper Season without any particular expectation!
“If you will excuse me,” she said, rising to her feet as she was filled with a sudden urge to be in her own company. “I think I shall take a brief walk.”
Three faces looked back at her, each filled with concern.
“Are you quite all right?” Harmonia asked, her eyebrows furrowing. “Do you want someone to come with you?”
“No, no, I assure you I am quite well,” Jessica replied, with a small smile. “I just want a little bit of time alone, that is all.” She saw the understanding in Amelia’s expression, seeing that she knew exactly how she felt.
“Take your time,” Amelia replied, softly. “And know that I am always here for you to talk to.”
Jessica said nothing, simply nodded and turned to leave the room. The conversation only picked up again once she had reached the door and, shutting it quickly, Jessica leaned back against it and let out a long breath.
“I do not want to marry,” she whispered to herself, finally admitting what was going on in her heart. “At least, not like this. Not when I am being pushed to do so.” The burden of responsibility sat as heavily on her shoulders as it ever had, and Jessica sighed, pressing one hand to her heart. She had enjoyed the attentions of various gentlemen before now, of course, for what young lady would not enjoy dancing and good conversation? But that had been when Amelia had be
en the focus, the one who would have to make a match first – and Jessica had not expected her sister to marry so quickly. She had thought there would be a great many months of freedom for herself and her sisters, never once taking the matter with any level of seriousness.
But now, when it came to it, Jessica had to admit that matrimony was not what she wanted but, as she had to admit, there was very little she could do about the matter. To refuse to marry would mean that her father would be upset, and her younger sisters might continue to wait for her to change her mind, spending years entirely unattached. Jessica knew she could not do such a thing to Harmonia and Jacintha. She loved them too dearly to allow them to live a life of solitude simply because she did not wish to marry.
“What is to be done?” she whispered to herself, walking away from the drawing room and making her way down the stairs, suddenly desperate to be out in the gardens, entirely alone.
Chapter Two
“Are you not excited, Jessica?”
Jessica looked over at Jacintha, whose eyes were practically glowing with happiness.
“I suppose I am a little,” she replied, somewhat disinterestedly. “It is just that we will not know a great many people here.”
Harmonia laughed, pulling on her gloves. “But Amelia and Northfell will introduce us! You need not worry on that regard.” Glancing at Jessica in the mirror, Harmonia’s expression grew a little sympathetic. “Are you still concerned about what papa said to us?”
Jessica winced, recalling the way her father had pressed on her to return to London an engaged woman. “A little,” she mumbled, turning away from Harmonia.
“He was not being altogether serious,” Harmonia replied, softly, coming towards Jessica and putting one hand on her arm. “You know papa just wants our best, dear Jessica. That is all.”