by Les Broad
CHAPTER 15
The next few weeks were not only extremely busy, but also threw up the odd unanticipated minor problem. The first of these was in Nikki's own family and arose within a few of days of the commitment that created the family. The three women were at home, Bryn being still at work solving a problem that had cropped up with the river dock. Alison was wondering who would be the first to become pregnant when she became aware that Patlu was suddenly very quiet. Nikki hadn't noticed, and it was unusual for Alison to be quite so aware of shifts in other people's moods.
She sat down next to Patlu, but before she could say anything Patlu started to laugh. Alison looked more than a little confused, as indeed did Nikki.
"I am sorry," said Patlu, "but you talk of mating and babies. On Aupes all young are produced in the Silomiala, but you know this. Neither the Vixtamol nor the Roxtamol are used for breeding. I am Vixtamol and have no knowledge at all of how mating is done."
"Ah," said Alison as she suddenly grasped the significance of Patlu's position, "I think we might be able to help you there."
Nikki and Alison spent the next hour or so explaining the mechanics of the operation, and the various ways it could be achieved. They tried to demonstrate the method by role-playing on the floor, becoming increasingly helpless as Patlu's incredulity mounted at the ridiculous positions Nikki and Alison were getting themselves into. Eventually all three were more or less totally incapacitated with laughter, which was, of course, the point at which Bryn returned home. He was greeted by the sight of three women, helpless with laughter, in a tangled heap on the floor. It took some time to convince him that this had been a serious attempt to initiate Patlu into the mysteries of human mating but he was eventually convinced, promising to do what he could to complete Patlu's education.
The day of the first meeting of the joint committee meeting arrived, Nikki having drawn up an agenda which she hoped would help them to move forward. Masyayi, naturally, did not attend so only Fejoq and Plisfou flew down to Gifford. They were joined by Louise and Fiona, but there was something just a little different about Louise. It was nothing that Nikki could define, and probably wouldn't have been noticed by anyone who knew Louise less well. Nikki took a chance that presented itself to have a quiet word with Fiona and asked her if she'd noticed anything.
"Just a sort of mild distractedness, if there is such a word. It wasn't there yesterday, but a couple of times today she seemed not to be listening to what I've said to her."
"Perhaps she's simply got something on her mind. If we get a chance we'll ask her." Fiona nodded her agreement.
Once Nikki had everyone seated in her office, with the exception of Bryn who had yet to arrive, the time had finally come when she needed to begin her job as the single leader of two communities. It seemed that everyone was waiting for her to speak. Right, she thought, let's get on with it.
"I think we'll dispense with too much formality, but I think we should arrange for some sort of record to be kept of this and future meetings. This," she said by way of explanation for the benefit of Fejoq and Plisfou, "is the way we made sure that things we decided to do actually did get done back on Earth. Now, who's going to volunteer for the job?"
There was a brief silence before Fejoq spoke. "It is a task that I can do, but with a little help."
"I'll help you - I'll do it this time then when you're ready you can take over, OK?" Fiona's offer was taken up, the two of them moving closer together so that Fejoq could learn the art of minute taking.
"Good," said Nikki, "that's one point cleared. I had a brief agenda worked out in my head, but there are a couple of points that I want to deal with before we get into the main purpose of this meeting. Firstly, I think we should note the record that Masyayi, as we expected, is not here and nor is Bryn, although he may still turn up. Secondly, Patlu pointed out to us in her family that she is, or was, unaware of the processes of reproduction. We have, I think, given her a rather frightening idea of what actually happens when a man and a woman are together, but I'm sure we can do better for other Aupesians joining families. Fiona, I'd like you to brief them as to what they can expect in the way of mating, as it were, if you would."
"Well, if I can do it with the animals I'm sure I can do it with the higher species. You can rely on my help."
"OK. Next, there was a suggestion quite some time ago - I forget exactly when - that a meeting of the Jukkakiquen of all the Aupesian cities was due to take place, and I was invited to attend. I heard nothing more about it and wondered what had happened. Do we know?"
"Yes, Nikki," Plisfou replied, "Masaya suggested that it should not take place at its normal time. It is to be arranged now that you have become Jukkakique in her place. I think she made this decision as she knew she was by choice near death."
"I see. How do we arrange such a meeting?"
"There is no way other than to visit each city in turn. It is dangerous to fly to Sarrijjo, but it must be done if the meeting of the Jukkakiquen is to happen."
"Right. Perhaps then, Plisfou, you and I should plan the meeting separately and report back to this committee at its next meeting." Plisfou sagely nodded, appreciating rather more than Nikki the dangers involved.
"Plisfou has mentioned the dangers of journeying to Sarrijjo, across a large ocean. We have successfully built sailing vessels, although these are very small. I wonder if any of you think it would be worthwhile to look into the problems of building a much larger vessel capable of an ocean crossing?"
There was a brief silence, broken first by Plisfou.
"We have never used boats, as you know, but I believe that it could be done. We have adequate materials to build a strong vessel, but the knowledge must come from Gifford."
"Gordon is really the only one here who knows anything about the sea," Louise said, "and I could sound him out. Ussida has learned a lot from him and knows, I assume, something about working with Aupesian materials."
"There is something else I must tell you," said Plisfou in a serious tone, "about Sarrijjo. The cities there are not close to the sea. Travelling from the sea to the cities may be dangerous because of the Paxavorra. We know they have grown in numbers on Sarrijjo but have had no recent contact with the cities there."
"Thank you, Plisfou, for the warning. Because we don't see these Paxavorra it is easy to forget them. Perhaps flying is the safer option, but I still think it worthwhile to investigate building a larger vessel. Are we agreed that we should see what Gordon thinks he can do?"
There was a murmur of agreement, although Nikki felt that it was unenthusiastic, perhaps because the others could see no great point in an ocean-going vessel. Still, the agreement was there and it needn't be a priority.
"My next point concerns moving around this continent, although, as Plisfou has reminded me, I had rather discounted the Paxavorra threat. We have only two aircraft, but when we first arrived here we built some small transports. I think it would be useful if, as a long term project and assuming the other Botijjo cities agree, we construct a road network for the transport of agricultural produce, animals and so on. It won't be easy but once it's done it is a permanent benefit. Any thoughts?"
"Good idea," Fiona said, "but as our transports don't have the range to reach Botijjo #2, never mind anywhere else, is there any point?"
"I think so," Nikki replied, "because we couldn't use solar power when those transports were built but now we have the means of constructing the panels and can recharge batteries on the move. I don't pretend to understand the engineering, but once Bryn did tell me it could be done. Bear in mind that all the produce that goes to Botijjo #2 has to be flown up there, so we can't take any live animals. If we wanted to establish any farms up there we'd have to move animals somehow."
"You are saying that we at Botijjo #2 could have some of your animals?" Fejoq seemed incredulous. "We have no knowledge of animals."
"It is not something that will happen straightaway, Fejoq," Nikki replied, "and when it does t
here will be plenty of time for your people to learn what they need to know. Have there ever been roads on Aupes?"
"Yes, I think so," Plisfou replied, "but it was long ago. We may be able to find where they were now that our computers are working again."
"Right, so our first step is to see if we can find anything on the Aupesian computers. I'll get some people working on that, which brings me neatly to another point I wanted to discuss. The computers contain, I'm sure, a huge amount of information that will be useful to us. I would like to set up a team to classify and translate as much as we can extract, and either to reprogram the computers to work in English or to create a program to convert English into acceptable commands that the computers will understand. Are there any objections, and how do we disseminate the information that is released?"
Clearly there were going to be no objections, but equally clearly no-one seemed to have anything to say on the question of getting the information to those who could use it. Nikki, having given the others a few moments to think, decided she must carry on.
"For what it's worth without Bryn being here," she said, "we could, for instance have remote access to the computers. I'm sure that could be done in time, but it isn't really practical yet. Would it be possible to produce, say, written copies of whatever we get out of the machines to start a sort of reference library? We could set one up here and another at Botijjo #2, then later extend the facility to the other cities."
"I agree that the remote access is probably a long way off," Louise said, but as if her mind was really somewhere else, "and in the meantime a reference library is as good an idea as any. That way all the information gradually becomes available to everyone."
"OK, Louise likes that idea. Any other comments?"
"This library," Fejoq asked, "it will contain papers?"
"Yes,” Nikki said.
"Instead of holding information in the computers?"
"As well as in the computers. It is just a means of getting all the information out in a form that everyone can use whenever they need it."
"Good," Fejoq said with a smile, "now I understand, I think. Yes, it is good."
"OK, that's what we'll do. I'll see to setting up the team, as I've said. Now, that leads me on to another point that I think is vitally important. We are producing children, and those children are being born into a community of both humans and Aupesians. I believe that each child should have as complete an education as we can give, and that education must include both the history of this planet and the history of Earth. I hope we will find that the Aupesian computer data banks will give us as much as we need to teach our children, but we will need to teach Earth history, geography and culture. None of this is written down, but of the people who came from Earth there are many who have knowledge that can be written down for the benefit of our children. We should also have written records of what we've done here. Unfortunately someone has to accept overall responsibility for educating the children, and needs to be open-minded enough to give equal status to both Earth and Aupes. I don't think anyone in this room has the time to do the job, but I'd like to think that between us we can suggest someone, or a couple of people, who can take on this massive but essential task. My thinking leads me to suggest that they be in charge of the libraries, as well, as they will be the repository of our knowledge. I'm open to suggestions."
"I can't suggest any individuals," Fiona said, "but I do think that we should have one person from each community doing this. It is, as you say, important, but perhaps we should know how the Aupesians educate their children before we make any hard and fast decisions."
"It has always been the responsibility of the Omiakique," Fejoq said in reply, "and we are taught the history of our people as well as what it is necessary to know to undertake our duties to the city. Only those who are to be Vixtamol or Roxtamol are educated beyond the history. Those who are to work in the Silomiala do not need so much. It is perhaps difficult for you to accept that some children may be destined for the Silomiala?"
“To be honest, Fejoq, yes, it is difficult," Nikki said with feeling, "but I promised Masaya that we would not judge your way of life. It is not a matter that needs to be discussed now, although it will need to be thought about. I think it would be sensible to agree now that sub-committees should be created, of myself and the three Aupesian members of this committee to deal with purely Aupesian matters and myself and the human members to deal with matters affecting only the human community. The decisions taken by these sub-committees should, I think, be ratified by the full committee. The question of preparing children to work in the Silomiala will not arise for some time, but will be a sub-committee matter when it finally arises. Fiona, you've heard Fejoq, so does what she said prompt any further comment?"
"Not really, no. I still think that preparation for the education of our children must go ahead, and to do so a member of each community needs to be involved. As to who those people should be, well, I don't know."
"Perhaps we should leave that point open, then, and if anyone has any ideas about who should be asked to take the job on they'd let me know before we all meet again. Are there any other matters that any of you would like to raise?"
There were none, apart from Fiona noting that Bryn's input would have been useful. The two Aupesians were invited to stay for a meal and the meeting slowly broke up. Nikki made sure she caught Louise and held her back until all the others had left.
"Well," Nikki said, "that wasn't as difficult as it might have been."
"No, but then you're a natural leader and there's a great deal of respect for you, both from us and from the Aupesians. You're trusted, you know."
"That's nice to know. Look, Louise, is something troubling you? You don't seem to be yourself."
"I hoped it wasn't obvious, but I wouldn't say anything's troubling me. It's just that my mind is going down paths that it's never been down before."
"You're going to have to clarify that tantalising comment, I’m afraid."
"Well, now you've taken up with Bryn - we all knew you would, sooner or later - and the others, Pete's taken it as a green light to go ahead with his own family plans. Of course Zeftio is included, as we expected, and Kirsten has also agreed. She seemed to be very impressed with him once she had seen him working with Jodie's team. But then, as soon as he got his hands on a communicator he called me from Botijjo #2 and asked me to go in with them!"
"And you don't want to?"
"Well, that's just it. I do want to. I've had a lot of respect for Pete for a long time, Kirsten is as industrious as they come and Zeftio is really frighteningly clever. I want to say yes, but, well - I don't want to admit this and wouldn't to anyone else - I'm very, very nervous. No, I've got to be honest, I'm scared."
"Difficult. Is it the commitment that scares you? It is a big step."
"No, I'm happy with the people in the family, that's not it."
"OK, so if it's not the commitment what is worrying you? There's nothing, on a personal level, more major than making that commitment." Nikki was starting to feel concerned for her friend, wondering how she could help her, when the real problem was blurted out.
"It's the sex. Never done it, you see."
"Yes, right." Nikki did her best to conceal her surprise. "Does Pete know?”
"I doubt it. I like to think I project a fairly confident image, and if I'm doing that at all well he probably thinks I know what it's all about."
"Maybe the thing to do is to talk to him, face to face. It's hardly an insurmountable difficulty and he's probably the best person to help you - he is a doctor, after all. I'd understand, though, if you didn't want to raise it with him and if it would help I'd talk to him for you."
"Would you? I want to do it, to commit, but he needs to know what he's getting."
"OK, next time I see him I'll have a word. He'll call you again, probably even before I get to see him, and when he does tell him you'll do it when he gets back here, OK?"
<
br /> "Thanks, Nikki. You won't tell anyone else, will you?"
"Of course not. Now let's get out of here and get on with some work!"
Over the next day or two Nikki gave a lot of thought to the make-up of a team to pull information off the Aupesian computers. Kirsten was already at Botijjo #2, of course, and as a decent analytical chemist her skills would be invaluable. Zeftio had already done some valuable work and would be an obvious second member. It meant that three of the members of Pete's family would be based at Botijjo #2, whereas Louise was needed at Gifford. There would have to be a way to overcome that problem, surely?
A long period spent thinking about how to tackle the problem produced what might be an acceptable answer, with significant other benefits. She could ask Plisfou and Louise to exchange jobs for a little while, which would give each of them a tremendous opportunity to find out how each community worked. In the long term that would be good for both. Problem solved, apparently! It wouldn't be permanent, but for the time being that didn't matter.
She checked first with Louise - life with the communicators was so much easier - who was happy to go along with the idea whenever Plisfou was ready. Next she called Plisfou. It appeared that Plisfou had been intending to call Nikki anyway about the arrangements for the meeting of Jukkakiquen.
"We can reach all of the other cities on Botijjo in one day. Then we go to Sarrijjo the next day. Is this acceptable to you?"
"Yes, I think so," Nikki said, "when shall we go?"
"Tomorrow?"
"OK, tomorrow. If only you and I are going will you fly down here for me? I want to see Pete before we go."
"Yes. Early tomorrow.”
Nikki decided against raising the exchange with her just then, but warned Louise to stay by her communicator as she outlined to her what she was going to do.
Nikki and Plisfou were airborne as the sun rose the next morning; earlier Nikki had been able to see Pete before he started work. She explained that she had a delicate matter to talk to him about, Pete jumping to the entirely wrong conclusion that Nikki was ill again.
"No," she laughed, "I'm fine. It's about Louise. She told me about your plans and she's keen to join with you, apart from one thing." Pete looked a trifle concerned but said nothing.
"She's got it into her head that you might think she's more, well, experienced than she is. She told me in the strictest confidence that you'll be the first man she's ever had, but was unwilling to tell you herself. She asked me to tell you."
"I see," he said with a smile, "I suppose I am surprised, but it doesn't matter. I think I know enough of the basics for us all to muddle through somehow! We want her to join us because of the person she is, not as a teacher or anything. Can you reassure her?"
"No. I've told her you'll call her today. What you have to say to her is between the two of you, OK?"
"Right, I will."
"She might mention to you a plan I have in mind. I'm going to ask Plisfou if she thinks it worthwhile for her and Louise to swap jobs for a little while. It'll give each of them a valuable insight into how the other community works on a day-to-day basis, and it also means that all your family, at least for a short period, will be up here."
Pete thanked Nikki for her efforts and seemed to have a noticeable spring in his step as he set off for work. Nikki smiled to herself as she went back to Plisfou and the aircraft for their long trip.
"I think," Plisfou said as Nikki settled herself in the remaining front seat, "we will leave Botijjo #1 until last. It is South. Botijjo #3 and #4 are North. We will go to Botijjo #4 first."
Nikki gave her agreement and the aircraft lifted off into the clear sky, disappearing rapidly northwards. They turned east when they had cleared the northern end of the mountain range that could be seen to the east from Gifford before flying steadily northeast for a couple of hours. Eventually the city came into view, looking very similar to Botijjo #2 but having very noticeable workings outside the city that appeared to be a large quarry. Plisfou confirmed that most of the tapijjux used on Aupes now came from this source, but the amounts used were tiny now. Conversation on the flight had been very general, mostly about landmarks they flew over. Now they were about to land and Nikki still hadn't raised the subject of the exchange with Plisfou.
Their stay at Botijjo #4 was very brief. They had been met and escorted to the Jukkakique's office, where Plisfou introduced Jukkakique Darzzu. The date for the meeting of Jukkakiquen was given and Darzzu said she would attend. She also took a few minutes to explain, in response to Nikki's questions, that they had lost their last male a year before. This information was given cheerfully, as Plisfou had told the other Botijjo cities about the arrival of the settlers from Earth even before those settlers knew of the existence of the Aupesians. It was a piece of information that surprised Nikki since it showed quite clearly that right from the beginning there was confidence that the humans would rally to the aid of the stricken Aupesians.
Plisfou urged Nikki to leave as they still had a great deal of travelling to do. Farewells were said, Nikki departing with the impression that, if all the Jukkakiquen were like Darzzu, it should not be difficult to have everyone pulling in the same direction. She had been greatly impressed by Darzzu's enthusiasm and open-mindedness, and said as much to Plisfou when they were again airborne.
"We at Botijjo #2 have, I think, the same qualities." She sounded a little put out.
"Indeed you have, but I had thought it too much to hope that the other cities would be the same. It seems, though, that the readiness to embrace new ideas is a typical Aupesian trait." The reply had the desired effect, and the smile returned to Plisfou's face as she flew on to Botijjo #3
It was a much shorter flight this time, and they had landed again in less than an hour. Botijjo #3 looked much worse than Botijjo #2 or #4 with many buildings in an advanced state of collapse. There seemed to be nobody about as Plisfou disembarked, followed by Nikki. There seemed to be absolute silence as they walked towards the few apparently useable buildings.
"This silence," Nikki said quietly, "it's eerie. There must be some people here, surely?"
"Yes, but I have not been here for a long time. This is the main building of the city."
Plisfou indicated a still intact two storey building, but there were no signs of life at all. It was only when they were inside and listening carefully that a voice was heard. Immediately Plisfou set off in the direction she thought the voice had come from, trying various doors as she went. Nikki had almost to run to keep up. Suddenly Plisfou stopped and listened again, the sound of voices now seeming to be close. She opened a door to the right a little way ahead and went inside with Nikki in pursuit. A stream of incomprehensible Aupesian left Nikki floundering as Plisfou seemed to be berating the two people she had found. Their answers seemed to appease Plisfou and eventually she sat down and turned to Nikki.
"I am sorry to have used my own language, I did not think. These two and three more are the only five Roxtamol left in the city. The Vixtamol, the Silomiala, are all gone. There is no Jukkakique here. I have been told that the Paxavorra realised that this city was weak and have killed all but these five."
"I thought these Paxavorra stayed in the forests?"
"Usually they do, but now they have attacked a weak city. It is very rare, but not unknown."
"In that case they're likely to come back. If there are only five of you left obviously you can't stay here. It seems to me that you must abandon Botijjo #3, at least for the time being. Plisfou, do you agree?"
"Yes." She turned to the two women who had listened intently to Nikki's words. "You have heard Nikki, who is Jukkakique of Botijjo #2. We will take you there and return here only when it is safe. Come, let us leave quickly." Leaving seemed to be a very popular idea and within minutes the last five residents of Botijjo #3 had gathered the few personal possessions they had together and were heading quickly towards the aircraft. Once settled on board Plisfou took off without s
peaking. She seemed to relax once they were in the air.
"It is bad. But Botijjo #2 is strong and the Paxavorra will not come near. You must tell the other Jukkakiquen what has happened so that they can prepare to defend their cities if it is necessary."
"And we must look to the defence of Gifford too. I was going to ask you something, and I think it's more relevant now. Louise has a job similar to yours, and I wondered if the two of you could exchange for a little while - she can try to do your job at Botijjo #2 and you can do hers at Gifford. It will let both of you see how the other community works and that can only be good. At the same time you can give Gifford the benefit of any knowledge you have on dealing with the Paxavorra threat."
"Yes, I think that is worth doing. We each need to learn as much as we can about each other and work together to become stronger. That way we will all survive."
It seemed to be settled, then. Nikki eventually reached Louise once they flew into communicator range, the exchange being due to begin after the meeting of the Jukkakiquen. Louise told Nikki that she had spoken to Pete and that all was now settled. At least, thought Nikki as she finished the call, someone is happy.
The five refugees from Botijjo #3 were landed at Botijjo #2, Fejoq getting the job of settling them in. Immediately, Nikki and Plisfou set off again for Botijjo #1, a long way to the South, arriving there in the late afternoon. The Jukkakique there, called Ostu, had been looking forward to an opportunity to meet the humans and was delighted to be told that the meeting was to be at Gifford. Her city seemed to be well organised and busy, although she confirmed that the few males who had not already died were not able to perform their duties in the Silomiala, which now stayed operational only to look after a few older children who were almost ready to take up their adult duties. Nikki felt strangely encouraged by her visit, but couldn't identify clearly why she felt that way. The city was really just as badly off as Botijjo #2 and would eventually die if nothing was done, but still Nikki felt optimistic as they left.
Plisfou spent that night with Nikki and her family, allowing her a brief glimpse of family life. It also gave her a chance to talk to Louise about their forthcoming exchange, while Nikki took the opportunity to discuss the make-up of the computer analysis team. By the time Plisfou returned from her talk with Louise Nikki had made her decision. She would leave Pete with Jodie, to continue their work on genetic alteration, but would simply switch Nina to the new team. That would be led by Nina, with Zeftio leading the Aupesian side, and each could enlist whoever they felt they needed to move the task ahead at an acceptable rate.
Plisfou was happy enough with the exchange now, and confirmed that she, or Louise, and Fejoq would allow Zeftio to take anyone she needed into her team. As they all relaxed, Alison asked Plisfou about Sarrijjo.
"We've seen it from space, of course, when we photographed landing sites, but none of us knows anything about it." Even Patlu looked eager to hear about Sarrijjo - she had never been there either.
"It is similar to Botijjo, but larger. There are fewer mountains and it is covered in trees except where our cities have been built. Our journeys away from Aupes all began at Sarrijjo #1, which is the largest city on Aupes. It has our system for detecting space vehicles entering the star system and it was there that your own approach was first seen. Any vessel entering the system causes an alarm which is repeated in each city on both continents. The Jukkakique of each city sees all the information and must decide whether to permit the vessel to proceed or to destroy it. We are all pleased that we decided to allow you to land." Plisfou smiled widely as she said this, reflected by her audience. Bryn particularly was aware of how close they had been to destruction, firstly from the Aupesian planetary defence system and secondly from pilot error, and smiled back with well-remembered relief.
"Because Sarrijjo is so much covered in trees," Plisfou continued, "the Paxavorra are much more numerous there and we must be vigilant always. It is not just the crossing of the sea that is dangerous."
"I've been wondering about that," queried Alison, "since the aircraft seem to be totally reliable and mechanically very simple. I don't see why an ocean crossing in a solar powered aircraft should be dangerous."
Bryn glanced at Plisfou, who seemed happy for him, rather than her to explain.
"Well," he said, "the aircraft are reliable as long as they can be exposed to sufficient light. Even if they're not, they will be safe enough because, although the on board power storage capacity isn't that great, the pilot could lose all power and glide easily to a landing. Of course, it's one thing gliding back to solid ground but quite another if all you've got underneath you is a deep ocean.
"Now think about a flight to Sarrijjo. It's a good three thousand miles, probably more, which these aircraft will just about do in the hours of daylight. Because you're flying from East to West there's no problem, but coming back there's a few hours less daylight, so the flight is that much more hazardous. You see?"
"Yes, I do now. And we're letting Nikki and Plisfou take this risk?"
"There's no other way," Nikki chimed in before the objections to her trip could be raised, "and I can't ask someone to do something that I'm not prepared to do myself. Tomorrow we're going. Plisfou knows what she's doing and we'll be back in three days, maybe even two."
Nikki would not let the discussion of the dangers inherent in an ocean crossing by air go any further. She had made up her mind, although when she had done so she hadn't been aware of the risks, and that was that.
She woke before dawn the next morning, Bryn still sleeping deeply beside her. She climbed out of bed to find Plisfou already up and about. Once they had eaten the sky was beginning to lighten, so Nikki woke Bryn to tell him she and Plisfou were leaving. Settled in the aircraft, Plisfou lifted it gently into the air and Nikki spotted Bryn, Alison and Patlu watching them ascend. The thought crossed Nikki's mind that they looked as if they didn't expect ever to see her again - she pushed that out of her head and tried to concentrate on the long flight ahead.