by J. Benson
There were large, bulging animals dotting the plains, spotted with black and white--even some brown colored ones. I had honestly never seen a cow before that wasn't on television or in a book. They didn't seem to have much use either. They simply stood there with dead eyes and their mouths constantly moving in a slow circle as they chewed.
This strange new world was far too bright, I had to squint and blink for my eyes to adjust. The grass was too green, the grains were too yellow and the sky was so blue it practically blinded me. This couldn't be real; it seemed like something out of a movie or a painting hanging in the Guggenheim.
I was convinced that the wonderful, peaceful utopia my father often spoke of wasn't this retched place. Surely I had entered some strange, parallel universe. I had dozed off briefly on the bus, had I woken in some odd alien planet?
The bus driver announced that we had reached the Tulsa bus terminal, and that this was the last stop for the bus. There were connections possible for the rest of the state and others, but this was my stop.
The only luggage I carried was a small purse with only the necessities. I didn't need any more memories from my previous life in New York.
This place seemed almost as good as any for a new, fresh start.
After what seemed like ages, I stepped off what I hoped would be the very last bus I would ever be on. I stood inside the bus terminal staring at the sign in disbelief. I had made it this far. Tulsa Oklahoma: population of a whopping 393,987.
Even the air in Oklahoma was far too pure. Even with the bus exhaust clouding my lungs the air was too clean. I felt like I could hardly breathe. I felt like the weight of the world was sitting on my chest, and I had to fight to draw in a breath.
But in retrospect, that might not have been just the smog-free air. It might have actually been the fact that for a seventeen year old, it felt like the world was on my chest.
I found a hard, metal bench and plopped down on it. I was absolutely exhausted. Every muscle in my body ached; my throat and eyes were dry. I wondered if I was coming down with the flu. I raked my hands through my hair, feeling absolutely disgusting and almost greasy. I felt like my skin and hair were covered in layers of grime that I would have to sandblast off. I needed a shower, desperately. I also was in desperate need of a coffee. I had bought a muffin and a terrible cup of coffee-flavored sludge in a little town outside of the Oklahoma state border, and this was all I'd eaten in days.
Chapter 2:
Unexpected arrival
I pushed myself up from the bench and crossed the bus station. There were in town busses and out of town busses all around the building, picking up and dropping off passengers. I had absolutely no idea where I was going. I could remember the name of the street my grandmother lived on, but I couldn't remember the nearest cross streets. And if Tulsa was anything like New York, I was about to be very, very lost.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a white and navy blue uniform. I spun around on my heel. "Excuse me! Excuse me, sir?" I said suddenly, catching the attention of the security guard. He was a large, bulging man with a pot-belly and a bald, shiny head.
"Can I help you, miss?" He asked, with a thick southern drawl.
I nodded. "Yes... Yes, please. Can you tell me where I can catch a taxi?"
"Of course. If you just go out the front doors there." He pointed to a set of large green doors. "Go down the front steps and you should be able to hail a cab from there."
"Thank you," I replied, hurrying past him. I rushed out the front doors and down the cement steps. There were taxis in every shape and color. My sleep-deprived brain took a few extra seconds to interpret the information in front of me. I stuck my right arm straight out and hailed a cab with the expertise of a complete professional. A bright yellow cab screeched to a halt in front of me.
I opened the back door and slid inside, promptly giving the cab driver my grandmother's address.
The cab sped off down the street and I opened my wallet, I counted the loose change and the wadded up bills inside, searching my purse for anything that may have fallen inside. I had less than thirty dollars on me. I shut my eyes tightly and hoped I had enough money. The last thing I wanted to do was show up at my grandmother's house uninvited and have to borrow money from her before I could even properly say hello.
"So where you coming from?" The driver asked, in a thick country accent.
"Very far away." I answered, with my eyes still shut.
"Are you visiting or running away from something?" He asked intuitively.
I opened my eyes and glared at him, an expression he caught in the rear-view mirror. "Ahh, I see." He replied with a chuckle.
"Can we skip the conversation please?" I demanded. "I've been on busses and trains for days, I'm exhausted and I'm... dirty, and I just don't want to talk." I insisted.
The driver nodded, slowly.
It seemed to take ages. I watched the meter on the dashboard continually climb. Eventually, I started recognizing street names and shops as they passed by my window. At last, the cab turned down my grandmother's familiar tree-lined streets; the ancient oaks towering over the streets and the old Victorian style homes.
My grandmother's house was the last house on the street, a large corner lot. The lawn was perfectly manicured; not a single blade of grass out of place. The flower gardens surrounding the front porch were perfect, each colored flower blending into the next with the perfect precision of a well-seasoned gardener. The house was a large yellow Victorian, which had been standing for over a hundred years. But it looked brand new. The crisp white trim stood out perfectly against the warm yellow.
The front porch wrapped around the font of the house, bowing out around the turret that sloped out from the house in a series of diagonal lines. I remembered when I was a kid thinking that this house had been a castle at one point because of the turret. When I was a kid, I remembered dressing up in my grandmother's clothes and we would play princesses together. I smiled to myself at the memory. Even when I was feeling like a complete and total outcast, this house felt like home.
"We're here." The driver announced, pulling into the driveway. He pressed a button on the meter. "Thirty-five dollars, please."
I chewed my lip. "I'm sorry. I only have thirty.... Let me run inside and get the rest of the money." I offered.
The driver drew in a deep breath. "You know what? The meter is broken anyway... don't worry about it. Thirty is fine."
I frowned. "Are you sure?" I asked. "It's no problem, I'm sure I can borrow-"
"No, no. You look like .you've been through hell and back... five dollars is nothing." The driver smirked.
I nodded slowly. "Thank you." I said in complete shock. The cabbies back home would have never been so helpful.
I pushed open the door and stepped out of the taxi. I swung the door shut behind me and took a handful of steps up the driveway. I stopped and stared at my grandmother's house. I had fond memories of this place. We'd spent Christmases here when I was little. We'd visited here when I was growing up. I remembered baking cookies in the kitchen and helping make lasagna.
My eyes welled up with tears. I could see my father and me playing in the snow in the front lawn when I was a child. I'd never seen snowbanks so high. I felt the tears fall, hot and wet as they made trails down my face.
The front door slid open and grandma emerged. "Emma? Emma is that you?" She demanded, squinting against the sunlight.
I sniffled, raising the back of my hand to my face to hold in a sob.
Grandma came jogging down the front steps, across the perfect grass and gathered me in her arms. "Oh, Emma! We were so worried about you!" She said, lightly stroking my hair.
I sobbed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go." I choked. "I couldn't stay there anymore."
"That's okay, honey. That's perfectly okay." She said gently, exuding all of the warmth and comfort of a fairy-tale grandmother. "We all miss your father, but you took it harder than all of us... I knew just by wat
ching you at the funeral that you needed more support than any of us."
I choked softly, struggling to keep my voice even. "Mom is drinking again." I said.
"I know." Grandma said softly. "I smelled it on her at the service... But I'm glad you came here. I'm so glad that out of anywhere in the world you could have gone, you came here..." Grandma's voice cracked. "We'll help each other through this, okay?"
I nodded slowly.
"Come on, let's go inside. Let me feed you." She wrapped me tightly in her arms and ushered me toward the house. She glided me up the stairs and into the kitchen. I plopped down on one of the chairs at the kitchen table. The house hadn't changed at all since I'd been there last.
Grandma grabbed a box of tissues from the counter and placed it on the table, wiping at her eyes. "Are you hungry, Emma? When was the last time you ate?"
"It was a long time ago." I answered. "I'm starving."
"Okay. I have some leftover chicken and rice in the fridge that I can warm up, or there's lasagna in the freezer."
"Whatever is easiest for you." I replied. I was so hungry I could have eaten anything.
Grandma hurried herself in making up a plate for me, and within minutes had a steaming plate of food in front of me.
I started began devouring the food, even though it was hot and burned on the way down. The food tasted delicious.
"Did you bring any bags with you?" Grandma asked. "Did you bring anything?"
I shook my head. "It was a snap decision... I didn't really know where I was going, I pawned the most valuable thing I had and got on the first train out of New York. I didn't decide I was coming here until I was almost here."
Grandma nodded. "Okay. Are you going to stay here?"
"Will you have me? I don't want to be in the way or be a bother." I insisted.
"It's no trouble at all, Emma. I'm happy to have you. And it might be good for you to get away from New York for a little while. Especially while your mother has her own issues to contend with right now. We can get you enrolled in the school here, and we'll go shopping to get you new clothes... We can even paint the room upstairs--any color you want. The one room has my sewing in it, but the other room can be yours..."
I drew in a deep breath. "Actually, I was thinking I might get a job... you know, pay my own way. And once I get money saved up, I could get my high school diploma and then maybe college..."
Grandma looked appalled. "Absolutely not. You should get your high school diploma first. Then you can get a job and go to college if you wish. Your father would be furious if you dropped out of school. Besides, he started an education fund for you before you were born. It should pay for any degree at any college or university you choose."
I pursed my lips. "Okay." I realized suddenly my plate was empty.
"Are you still hungry? Would you like anything more to eat?" Grandma offered.
I shook my head. "No, thank you. It was delicious; I just don't think I can eat anymore."
"Okay... how about a shower?" She offered.
"That would be amazing." I replied. I knew there was only one bathroom in this old house, but it had a hot shower, which made me quite content. I was dying for a hot, steamy shower.
"Okay. I'll clean up; you go on and jump in the shower." Grandma offered.
"Are you sure?" I asked. "I can clean up..."
"No, no. Get in the shower." She insisted, hugging me tightly again.
I nodded. "Okay, thank you again... for everything. And for letting me stay here." I said softly.
"Of course, we're family. And I'm happy to have you." Grandma smiled warmly.
I hugged her again and trudged up the stairs to the shower. I removed my clothes and climbed under the steaming hot water, letting the water run over my skin, and wash away the stress and grime of the last few days. I washed my hair and scrubbed at my scalp until I felt sufficiently clean. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself tightly.
I opened a few drawers on in the bathroom vanity, searching for an extra hair brush. I couldn't find one, so I opened the bathroom door and stepped out into the significantly cooler hallway. I started down the stairs, hearing my grandmother's voice. She was talking on the phone.
"It's alright. She's here... she's fine... but she's going to stay here for a little while... just until things calm down a little bit... She'll be fine.... Yes, she's going to enroll in high school here..." Grandma listened for a moment. "No, I think it's a perfectly good idea. It might help her a lot.... She'll be fine."
I knew immediately that Grandma was talking to my mother. She had phoned to tell her that I had shown up on her doorstep. I was just glad that I wasn't the person who had to call and talk to my mother.
I descended the stairs slowly, staying out of sight.
"Okay, I'll let you go.... Thank you, that's very generous of you.... I'll discuss it with Emma and get back to you... I'll keep you informed... Yes, I will... Goodbye."
I waited until I heard my grandmother hang up the phone before I walked into the doorway between the hall and the kitchen, clutching the towel tightly to my chest.
"Oh, hi Emma... how was your shower?"
"Great, actually.... Umm... do you have an extra hair brush I can borrow?" I asked.
"Of course... I'll have a look..." She led the way up the stairs. "I just spoke to your mother... she's happy to hear you're okay."
I nodded. "Really? She actually noticed that I was gone? I thought she only noticed when her bottles were empty." I mused darkly.
Grandma pursed her lips, deciding to let that jab slide. "Your mother was worried about you. But she's happy to hear you're safe and that you're going to enroll in school here.... And she's going to set up an allowance for you. Something she can directly deposit into your bank account from your father's estate... and she's going to give you some money to buy some school supplies. She mentioned that you'll need a computer."
I nodded. A part of me was looking forward to spending her money. I looked forward to buying the most expensive computer I could find. But another part of me didn't want to spend her money. I didn't want to depend on her for anything. I didn't want to owe her anything.
Grandma opened one of the cupboards in the bathroom and immediately found a hair brush. "Here you go... Are you okay to put your other clothes back on for now? We can head out as soon as you’re ready and pick up some clothes for you. School starts on Monday, so I'll need to call and register you for your classes. I can do that right now."
I pursed my lips and nodded. "Thank you. Thanks for everything. I honestly couldn't do all of this without you."
Grandma smiled. "That's perfectly alright. I'll leave you to get ready. Call me if you need anything."
I nodded. "Thank you."
Grandma pulled the bathroom door closed behind her and I stood in front of the mirror. I wanted to take my time before I put my funeral clothes back on, savoring the clean feeling before re-dressing in dirty clothes.
Enough of the steam had cleared on the mirror that I could see my reflection. I looked pale; a sickly shade of white. My eyes were bloodshot from exhaustion. There were light gray crescents under each of my light blue eyes. I was a lot more exhausted than I had originally thought. My dark brown curls were dripping onto my pale shoulders, and my collar bones were extended more than usual. I had lost some weight in the last few days.
I yanked the brush through my snarled curls and fastened my hair into a sloppy bun. Unfortunately the bags under my eyes and my chapped lips were not quite so easy to fix.
I shrugged back into my dress, this time forgoing my stockings. There was a tear just above the left knee. It was hidden beneath the hem of my dress, but I didn't think I would need the stockings as it was. I smoothed the dress down over my hips, my mind racing with unwanted memories. I vividly remembered buying the dress specifically to wear at the funeral. I remembered putting the dress on knowing that I was about to see my father's lifeless face for the last time.
; I swallowed thickly, shaking my head clear of all the thoughts and memories associated with just simply getting dressed. I left the bathroom and started down the stairs.
I found my grandmother pacing the living room and talking on the telephone. I went into the kitchen and helped myself to a glass of water. I chugged it down quickly, and poured myself a second glass. I hadn't realized how thirsty I was. I wondered what the symptoms for dehydration were. Once I had some fluid in my body, I started to feel exhausted again.
Sleeping on the bus had been nearly impossible. The longest sleep I had managed to accumulate on the bus was about an hour, and even still it was a light, dream filled sleep. Even with intermittent sleeping, I still felt exhausted.
Grandma came into the kitchen with a smile, hanging up the phone. "Good news. You're officially enrolled in your senior year." She chirped happily. "We should be able to pick up your schedule for your first semester tomorrow."
"Okay, great." I replied.
"And for now we can go and buy you some school clothes and supplies. You're going to need everything, right? There's a great mall in downtown Tulsa. We can drive past the school so you know how to get there."
I nodded. "Okay... so... will I be taking the city bus? I should probably get a bus pass or something, right?"
"Actually... your grandfather's car is in the garage. It isn't a fancy car, but it runs and I just had it looked at a few weeks ago... I was thinking of selling it, but now that you're here, you might as well use it if you wish."
"Really?" I asked in disbelief.
"Of course. Someone might as well use it." Grandma smiled.
"Wow, thank you. Thank you so much." I beamed. I felt like after all I'd done, I didn't deserve all of this special treatment. I felt like I didn't deserve even a touch of happiness.