by J. Benson
"Uh-oh." He mumbled. I pretended not to hear him. He could sense the incoming rejection.
"Matt, it's really sweet of you to ask me, and I'm flattered, I really am. But I don't date, I'm not interested in any of these lame high school functions like dances and stuff... they're just not me. I'm sorry, but I'm sure you can find someone much nicer and more attractive than me to go with you, okay? Trust me, you can find someone way better than me to ask to the dance. I'm not very fun, and I am a terrible dancer. I mean it, ask someone else and you'll have a much better time." I insisted, lightly laying my hand on his upper arm, consolingly.
I hated the words coming out of my mouth, but at least I was trying to let him down easy. I didn't wait for a response to continue walking toward my locker to retrieve my things.
"Yeah, you're right," Matt said behind me, "Taylor said you were off limits anyway."
I stopped abruptly in my tracks, nearly dropping my bag to the ground. I spun on my heels and in a few quick strides; I was at his side again.
"What? What the hell does that mean 'off limits'?" I demanded in irritation.
Matt shrugged. "I don't know, it was just something he said earlier, when I told him I was going to ask you..."
I shook my head. "What? Back up, and tell me the whole story from the beginning." I said sternly.
Matt blinked at me for a moment, but based on the expression on my face, he must have known I wasn't kidding. I wanted every detail.
Matt drew in a deep breath. "Well, I asked Taylor because I saw him talking to you, and he told me that you two were doing a project together in English. I asked him if he knew anything about you, because I was kind of thinking of asking you to the dance. I was wondering if you had a boyfriend or if you would be interested in going with me... but he said not to bother asking you, because you would say no. And when I pressed him a little more, because I thought you might say yes if someone actually asked you, and he kind of got mad... he said you were off limits and to stop asking him questions." Matt shrugged awkwardly.
I sighed and dropped my head into my hands. "Okay, I..." I was dumbstruck. I wasn't sure what to say.
I looked up into Matt's green eyes and felt almost pity for him. I placed a hand gently on his shoulder. "Listen, I really mean it. I'm such a bitch, and I'm not fun at all. You really should go with someone else; you would have a much better time. There are hundreds of girls at this school who are prettier and more fun than I am. Please, ask one of them. Because if you go with someone like me you won't have any fun at all. I mean it, find a pretty girl and ask her. You'll appreciate the dance so much more." I smiled warmly.
He seemed to take this easier and nodded slowly. "Okay."
I smiled briefly at him before hurrying off toward my locker. I shoved my books inside and rushed out of the school to my car. My face was red, and I was so angry and embarrassed I thought I was going to cry on the spot. I wanted nothing more than to yell at Taylor, but the last thing I wanted was for him or anyone else at the school to see me cry.
I decided the best thing to do would be to go home and sleep on it. And in the morning if I was still angry, I would kill Taylor.
Chapter 11:
I Don't Need You
The next day of school was one I should have skipped. I knew from the minute my alarm went off and I stepped out of the shower that I should have just stayed in bed for the day.
I was incredibly late to school. My car wouldn't start, and when I finally got it going, I had to drop in on my grandmother's senior's club function to ask for a note to excuse me for being late to my first class.
I was rushing through the quiet halls carrying an arm load of the library books I'd checked out for the English project. I had copied out all of the information that I could for the project and needed to return the books. I hoped I had time to return them between classes before I got slapped with an overdue fine.
I was halfway to my English class when I noticed a familiar person standing at their locker casually rearranging their books. Even though his back was to me, I recognized the shaggy blond hair and the long, lean frame. His arrogance and cockiness was evident even with his back to me.
"Taylor," I said quickly, unable to hide the anger that was quickly resurfacing from the day before. I gritted my teeth irritably. I stomped down the hall toward him, reaching him in several long strides.
He heard me say his name and turned around. He smiled his usual confident smile. "Hey, Emma. You're late too, huh? Wow, if we show up to class together, people are really going to start talking. We don't want to spread any rumors, right?" He teased.
I lunged toward him and pushed him as hard as I could. It barely seemed to faze him, though I was using all my strength.
"Where the hell do you get off?" I demanded.
"What?" He asked in confusion, his eyebrows drawing together.
"You told your friends I was off limits?" I demanded. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Oh, that..." He sighed, dragging his hand across the back of his neck awkwardly. "Matt has a big mouth, doesn't he?" Taylor placed a hand on my shoulder and continued. "You are off-limits, aren't you? I mean, you told me you didn't want to go to the dance... You even told me that you didn't want anyone to ask you out..."
"I... you... that's beside the point!" I stumbled over my words. "I don't want you talking about me with your friends, Taylor! God, this is why I hate high school, you know? Everyone talks about everyone else behind their backs. I can't stand this immature crap." I pushed his hand from my shoulder, suddenly not wanting him to touch me.
"Look," He began, awkwardly. "There was another reason I told the guys to back off, you know?" His usual cocky demeanor was suddenly crumbling. He seemed nervous and unsure of himself for the first time in the week I had known him.
"To make me even more miserable than I already am?" I demanded, sarcasm dripping into my voice.
"Is that even possible?" He asked.
I narrowed my eyes at him, "You're an ass, do you know that?" I demanded. "A complete and total ass."
"No, I'm not, actually." He admitted, and for the first time I noticed a slight blush rise in his pale cheeks. "I'm exactly in the same boat as you are. I'm putting up a tough exterior just like you are. I'm trying to keep people from getting to know me just the same way you are. You and I have that in common. We're both pretending to be someone we aren't... I act like an ass, but I'm really not. I pretend to be this cocky jerk, but I'm not. It's all an act."
I gaped at him in disbelief. Of all the things he could have said to me at that exact moment, the words coming out of his mouth were the last thing I was expecting. I felt a giant crack start to form in my anger, and it started to crumble.
He paused and swallowed thickly. I saw his Adam's apple bob up and down in his throat. "And besides... I... I... I was sort of... planning on asking you myself..." He admitted sheepishly.
My jaw nearly hit the floor. I simply couldn't believe that someone so popular, handsome and downright perfect had just professed his desire to take me to a dance; even a lame high school dance. I tried to find something to say in response, but my mind went completely blank and I couldn't find the words to say anything in return. My breath caught in my throat, and I could hardly breathe.
I felt embarrassment rise hotly in my cheeks. Clutching my books to my chest, I turned to walk around him. I was trying to make a quick exit, but my terrible luck kicked in. I lost control of the books in my arms and they dropped to the floor, scattering at my feet.
I sighed, pushed my dark hair out of my eyes, and dropped to my knees to retrieve my books.
Within a second, Taylor was crouched next to me, helping me gather my books.
"Don't." I said quickly. "I don't want you to help me."
"Why not?" He asked in confusion, his hands hovering over the books.
"Because I don't need it!" I snapped. "I don't need your help! I don't need anyone's help! I don't need anyone! I can do this on my own!"
> Taylor looked at me with his eyes wide in shock. "God, what happened to you, Emma?" He whispered. His crystal blue eyes were soft with concern. He studied my face carefully, looking for reasons that I hoped weren't written plainly on my face.
He gently reached out to touch my cheek, but I shoved his hand away.
"Nothing. It's none of your business..." I did my best to gather my books in my arms and hurried off toward class. I made it to the second floor and stopped dead in my tacks in the English hallway. I ducked into the washroom, relieved to find it empty. The women's washroom seemed like a logical choice. There was no possible way I could run into Taylor here, and an even greater chance I could avoid running into his moron friends.
Once I was successfully out of sight, I sighed heavily and dropped against a cool concrete wall. I felt like I was about to burst into tears. I couldn't risk going to class and seeing him again. I felt like my life was flashing before my eyes. I was trying so hard to stay under the radar, and to just get through the year so I could get on with my life. I finally felt like my life was returning to some sort of normal and I could slowly move on from all of the pain and heartache I'd been through. And everything was crashing down around me.
I waited in the women's washroom until the bell rang. I debated on going to gym class at all, but I had nowhere else to go. I really wanted to just go back to my grandmother's house and crawl into bed, but there was no way I could do that without my grandmother noticing. She would ask questions and worry about me, which would make me feel guilty.
I decided that as much as I dreaded it, I was going to have to go to my gym class and put on a brave face. I'd been putting on a brave face every day since I'd started at this school, one more day couldn't hurt. After all, I couldn't keep hiding in bathrooms or at my grandmother's house forever.
I closed my locker door at the end of the day with a sigh. I had successfully managed to avoid Taylor for the whole day, not even bothering to steal glances at him during my afternoon classes. I had to forcibly remove any and all thoughts of him from my mind. It was hard, but I managed to do it. And I managed to make it through the day.
My fantastic luck struck again when he appeared beside me before I could even get my locker shut. "Shit!" I cursed loudly.
"Emma, listen. I know you have a lot going on, but I just want you to know... I'm not going to let up on this dance thing. I'll ask you every day if I have to... Sooner or later you're going to give in." With that said, he turned and walked away, rejoining a group of his friends who were waiting further down the hall.
I stood in the same spot, gaping in disbelief. I couldn't believe my own rotten luck that this was happening to me. What had I ever done to deserve this humiliation? I closed my eyes tightly, and wished that I could crawl into my locker and die.
I hoisted my messenger bag up and over my shoulder, and walked quickly toward my car, shoving my way through fellow students. I didn't care that they were glaring at me in disgust. Once safely inside my car, I clutched the steering wheel tightly in my hands and dropped my forehead onto the cold plastic of the wheel.
I was trying so hard to fade into the background. I was trying so hard to make it so that no one would want to be within a ten mile radius of me, and it was backfiring. Why was Taylor the only one who could see through the front I was putting up? Why was it that the only person in the world willing to take me to a stupid high school dance was the one with the potential to break what was left of the fragile pieces of my broken heart?
I miserably turned the key in the ignition and glanced in the rear view mirror.
I spotted Taylor backing from a parking space behind me in a shiny black car which looked like it cost about a dozen times more than mine.
I sighed. In a way, he reminded me of everything I had left behind in Manhattan. Spoiled rich kids who had everything they could ever want or need. At one time, I had been one of them, but things had changed. My privileged lifestyle was done and over with. I wasn't that person any more. I had to remain independent, there was a part of me that needed to prove to myself I could get by without others. I needed to prove to myself that I could get by without my parents money, and without the lifestyle I was accustomed to.
I waited until the string of cars behind me had left the parking lot before slowly backing out of my parking spot and pulling out onto the street.
The drive back to my grandmother's house seemed much shorter than usual in the peacefully silent car.
When I pulled up in front of my grandmother's house, I honked the horn when I saw her on her knees at her front garden. She was already clearing out fallen leaves to make way for the final buds of the season. Even in a pair of old denim overalls and a button down shirt which must have at one point belonged to my grandfather, my grandma somehow managed to look perfectly put together.
I parked my car next to hers in the driveway and trudged up the concrete walk to the front step. There, I dropped my book-bag with a sigh and plopped down next to it. I dropped my chin into my hands.
My grandmother looked up at me and studied my expression. "Uh-oh. I know that face...." Grandma mused, "What's wrong, Emma? Bad day at school?" Her tone was sympathetic, and I couldn't hide the truth from her, even if I wanted to.
"Awful. Today was the worst day ever!" I sighed again. "There's a dance at school."
"And you don't have a date? No one has asked you yet?" She guessed. "I'm sure someone will ask you. You're a pretty girl, Emma. Any boy would be lucky to take someone as pretty as you." She insisted.
"No, actually. It's quite the opposite. Two people have asked me." I grumbled.
"Is that bad? Are you having trouble deciding which one to go with?" Grandma asked, frowning. She abandoned her garden work and came to sit next to me on the steps.
I shook my head. "I don't particularly want to go with either of them." I replied.
"Okay," Grandma said slowly. "Then the boy you want to ask you out hasn't shown any interest in you?"
"It's not really that either. I don't want to go at all. School dances are lame, and they're really just this huge popularity contest where it's more about who is wearing what than having a good time. It's just like being back in New York. I guess I'm just mostly conflicted about..." I paused and chewed at my bottom lip. I chose my words carefully and finally admitted; "Taylor asked me if I would go with him..."
"That's fantastic!" My grandmother cheered, "He's such a handsome boy, very polite and sociable. He would be the perfect date! And I think he really likes you. I could tell by the way he was looking at you the other night..."
I felt myself blush.
I wanted to point out that there was absolutely no way Grandma could have possibly guessed that Taylor was going to ask me to the dance, even if they had known each other for years before I had come along. If I had been completely blindsided by Taylor's shocking confession, there was no way Grandma had prior knowledge of what was going on.
"Besides," Grandma continued. "I'm sure you'll have fun. It's all about who you go with. Never mind anyone else. They'll just be jealous of you and how amazing you're going to look." She smiled hugely.
I sucked in a deep breath. "Gran, I still don't want to go... school dances are just... not my thing."
She nodded, understanding. "But it might be nice for you to get out of the house for a bit, and have some fun. I worry about you being so stressed out with school and your parents... I would like to see you go out and do things that are normal for someone your age. You've been forced to grow up way too fast with your father being sick and your mother... dealing with... her issues." Grandma chose her words carefully.
The mere mention of my parents sent my stomach into turbulence.
"It would be nice for you to go out and do things with normal kids your age for once. You need to just forget about everything else, and go out, have a good time. You need to make mistakes, and make bad decisions and screw up like a normal teenager." Grandma laughed, looping her arm around me and hugging me tig
htly.
I nodded slowly. I wasn't going to argue with the only friend I had in the world. "Okay, I'll think about it... I'm going to go in and do some homework. I think I have like fifty math questions to answer for tomorrow. Do you want anything? A glass of water or something?" I asked standing.
"I think I have half a soda in the fridge." Grandma replied, wiping her arm across her forehead, trying to avoid the dirt on her gardening gloves. "But I think I'm going to come in anyway, and get cleaned up. It's about time I start dinner anyway." She smiled warmly.
"Okay... I'd like to finish before dinner, so I'll be in my room." I smiled and stood. I helped Grandma to her feet, even though she was probably more limber than I was and probably didn't need my help.
I walked into the house and kicked off my shoes wearily. I jogged up the stairs, taking them by twos, and once safely inside my room, I closed the door and flopped onto the bed, burying my eyes deeply in the bedspread.
Chapter 12:
Interesting Bookmark
For the second day in a row, I was nearly late for my first class. After a horrible night's sleep—which included several hours of tossing and turning—I could hardly get myself out of bed at the sound of my alarm clock. Grandma ended up coming into my room and asking if I was feeling okay. I couldn't possibly tell her I was still stewing over my interactions with Taylor the day before, so I got out of bed and dragged myself into the shower.
I hurried into the school, running through the rain to make it to my locker before the first bell. This stupid town seemed only to have two climates: rain and more rain. My ballet flats were sliding around on the vinyl floor, making it nearly impossible to rush without falling flat on my face. I didn't need the added humiliation of a face plant in the middle of one of the busiest hallways in the school.
When I reached my locker, I sighed and removed my grandmother's rain jacket. At the last minute, she forced me to take it with me. I had to admit, it came in handy and the hood kept my hair from getting soaked. Rainwater and any kind of dampness made my curls turn into a frizzy mess that I'd never be able to control. I didn't even mind that the coat seemed older than I was, I was grateful for the chance to keep dry.