by J. Benson
I yanked on my shirt and jumped into my jeans with lightning speed. I sloppily hung the dresses back on their hangers and brought them out of the dressing room with me.
"Wow, bookstores, huh? The fastest way to a girl's heart, huh?" Taylor smirked teasingly.
I shifted the dresses in my arms and slung my purse over my shoulder. "It's the fastest way to this girl's heart." I informed him with a smirk.
Taylor surrendered my cup of coffee and I placed the dresses on a rack overflowing with other unwanted dresses.
Taylor and I stayed at the mall until late. They were making the announcement that the mall would soon be closing when we left. We stopped for dinner before driving out of the city and down a long highway bordered on each side by farmers’ fields. The sun setting over the fields was actually quite pretty. The car ride seemed to be much shorter as we drove back to Tulsa. Taylor sang along loudly with every single song that came on the radio--he knew every single one off the top of his head.
It wasn't long before he was pulling into my grandmother's driveway. He turned off the car and we sat together in the still warm vehicle.
I smiled. "Thank you for taking me today... You being there actually made dress shopping much less... awful." I mused.
Taylor laughed softly. "I'm sorry that you didn't find a dress."
I shrugged. "I'm sure I'll find a dress. I'll just keep looking until I find something. But I had a good time today, even though I didn't get a dress."
"I'm glad. I had a good time too." He shrugged. "I don't really mind being in dressing rooms." He chuckled.
I stared straight ahead out the windshield, and noticed the curtains twitching. Grandma had seen us pull in and had peeked out the window at us. I smiled to myself. "I should probably go. Grandma must be getting worried if she's looking out the window." I mused.
"Oh, right. I guess it is getting kind of late, and I've kind of had you all day." He smirked.
I laughed softly. "I don't think that's it. I think she's mostly interested in details. She'll want to know everything we did today."
Taylor chuckled. "Well, that's kind of nice. At least she's not entirely checking up on us." He mused.
"Not yet, but if we sit out here in the car any longer I'm sure she'll be out on the porch before long." I mused.
"Right." He replied. "So I should let you get in there. Just make sure you tell your grandma what an awesome person that I am and how sweet, romantic and otherwise perfect I am." He grinned.
I laughed. "Well, I really hate to lie to my grandmother..." I teased.
"Hey!" He laughed. "That was mean."
"Sorry." I mused. "Let me make it up to you." I leaned across the center console and lightly kissed him.
"Well, that doesn't quite make up for that insult, but it's a start." He smirked, leaning toward me for another kiss.
My grandmother met me at the door when I walked in. I was still in a dizzily happy stupor from my day out and from Taylor's farewell kiss. As I closed the front door behind me, my grandmother sprang from where she had been sitting on the stairs, as if she had been waiting up for me.
I half expected her to grill me on my day, but instead, she scrutinized the shopping bags in my hand.
"Did you get a dress?" She demanded.
I shook my head. "No. There was nothing I liked. I just bought books instead." I set the bags down, realizing suddenly they were heavy.
I was kicking off my boots when Grandma was at my side. "Good!" She cried excitedly.
"How is that good?" I asked. "I've got less than a week to find something, or I'll be going in old sweats." I sighed.
"Come here, I have something to show you." She grabbed my hand and was already towing me toward the stairs.
"Whoa! One second, grandma!" I protested, shrugging out of my coat, and dropping it on the stairs—I had no other choice. She was dragging me with the energy of someone half her age.
She stopped outside of the spare bedroom. I would have chosen that particular bedroom for myself if it hadn't already been crammed full of sewing material.
"Now, don't hate me for this, and if you don't like it, that's fine... I will understand." Grandma was saying. The light in her eyes reminded me of a child in a candy store.
I wondered what she could possibly have for me. I wondered if I deserved it.
"Well, I was at Wal-Mart today, picking up a few things, and I went past the craft section, and I started looking at the fabrics... you know I used to design dresses... If you remember, I owned a dress shop until I retired..."
I nodded absently. I was distracted by the prospect of a Wal-Mart. I had never been to one. I imagined a big store that carried every possible thing you could imagine.
Grandma opened the door, and pulled me inside before she turned on the light.
My eyes focused on a dress form, which was sheathed in a silky navy blue fabric.
"I know you needed a dress for the upcoming dance, and I was doodling this afternoon and came up with this." She turned the dress around, and I noticed the shape.
"Grandma, it's beautiful." I breathed. I reached out to touch the fabric, which looked like pure silk, but before I could, Grandma rushed me.
"Come on, I want you to try it on before you decide if you like it." She insisted.
"I... okay." I said, but before I could even think straight, I was being stripped of my clothes.
I quickly slipped out of my jeans and let her tug the dress over my head.
Before I could even look down, I was pushed in front of a mirror. The reflection didn't even look like me, and I couldn't take my eyes off the dress; it was breath-taking. The navy blue silk brought out my light blue eyes and made them sparkle brightly. The V-neck made it look like I actually had a bust line, even with my bra poking out unfashionably.
Grandma stepped back and grinned, proud of her creation. "You'll have to go without a bra, though. I doubt you'll find anything that will work with this cut."
"That's okay; I don't really have boobs anyway." I admitted my flaws.
I turned to the side to see the back of the dress, and my jaw nearly hit the ground. The back was a deep V that reached all the way down to my butt. It was a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen.
"Grandma-" I began. But she was there immediately, locating two long sash looking things at my shoulders and tying them into a pretty bow at my back. It was the perfect accessory, and downplayed the open back.
"It's beautiful, I love it! Thank you so much!" I hugged my grandmother tightly, feeling lucky and finally happy with something I had tried on.
She hugged me for a brief moment before spinning me around to face the mirror again. She scrutinized my appearance over my shoulder. "I'll have to bring it in a bit at the hips." She mused, cinching the material at my hips to make a point. "You have narrow hips and this dress will give you an hour-glass shape."
I nodded, trying to follow what she was saying. But the reflection in the mirror distracted me, putting a smile on my face.
I was going to have the most beautiful and original dress at the dance.
Chapter 36:
Unexpected E-mail
When Monday morning arrived, Taylor met me at my car. Seeing him smiling at me and patiently waiting as I pulled into the empty space next to his car should have made me feel better, but all it did was lighten my mood slightly. I shut my car off and climbed out of the driver's seat. I was sure that by the way I slammed the car door with a huff, Taylor knew instantly I was not in the best of moods.
Instead of greeting me with a kiss, he simply picked up my hand and offered it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "Emma, do you want to talk about it?"
"No.... Yes." I sighed irritably. "No."
"Okay..." He mused, slowly. "Are you sure?"
I pursed my lips tightly, but couldn't hold back the flood of anger that was welling up in my throat. "My mother emailed me this morning, she wants me to fly out there and visit her. Like suddenly she wants to be a proper parent now
? Suddenly she wants to see me? I was there and she wanted nothing to do with me, she just wanted to drink herself into oblivion." I paused, wondering if I was giving away too much. But my anger got the best of me. "I can't believe her! And I could just tell by her email that she was already shit-faced. I mean, she's a dean! That many spelling and grammatical errors in one short email has to mean she's been drinking."
Taylor listened sympathetically and nodded. His hand still held mine reassuringly.
I sighed. "I'm sorry. It just really bothers me. And no matter how hard I try to not let it get to me, it just... it gets to me. I mean, how dare she? How dare she try to be a proper parent now?"
He was silent for a good two minutes, holding the door open for me and leading me into the school. "She is still your mom, Emma. If she wants to see you..."
"I know she's my mother, but she just... she hasn't been acting like a mother. When I needed her, when my dad needed her... she turned her back on us. She chose a bottle over us. And I'm just... I am not going to pick her drunken ass up anymore, okay? If she really wants to see me, she can sober up first. I can't be the adult any more. I have to be me, and have a chance at being a normal, well-adjusted teenager."
Taylor nodded slowly, understandingly.
"I'm sorry. You probably really don't want to hear any of this..." I murmured, touching his arm gently. "It just really gets under my skin."
"No, I don't mind. I like hearing what's going on in your head." The one corner of his mouth twitched into a smile. "Besides, if you're anything like me, getting it out of your head helps a little. It's good to vent."
I smiled slightly. "Thank you. I'll stop now, I swear. I won't bore you anymore, and I'll stop talking about my weird, messed up family." I insisted.
Taylor shrugged. "It doesn't bore me. I honestly don't mind. This is what relationships are for. And besides, everyone's family is messed up. Just in different ways."
I wanted to point out that his family was perfect. He had siblings that he loved, and who loved him. He had two parents who were sweet and genuinely cared about him. I had one parent that ever truly loved me, and I didn't even have that anymore.
We stopped at my locker first as it was on the way.
He leaned against the lockers next to mine as I started shoving books into my messenger bag. I could feel his eyes on me; studying me carefully. I knew there was a burning philosophical and insightful question coming my way and I was dreading it.
"Emma... don't you miss your mother at all?" He asked softly.
I considered this question for probably longer than I should have. Finally, I shook my head no and replied "No, I don't miss her. Not when she's drinking."
"But aside from the whole drinking thing... You don't miss your mom at all?" He questioned. "Not even a little bit?"
I chewed my bottom lip. "If I do miss her, and that's a pretty big if... it’s only that I miss the way she used to be. Before she started drinking."
Taylor eyed me suspiciously again, which I tried desperately to try to avoid.
"I think you should see your mother, Emma. She probably misses you." He said finally.
"Doubtful. She probably hasn't even realized I'm gone." I grumbled.
He sighed. "Maybe she's trying to change, and maybe she wants to make peace with you as a part of that change. She might be trying really hard to put her life in order, and she wants you to see that. Maybe she needs your help to change. She needs to know what she's changing for."
"That's an awful lot of maybes." I pointed out unnecessarily. "Flying back to New York is a long way to go to be disappointed." I sighed heavily.
"Okay, then maybe it might be easier if you took someone with you."
"I really don't think my gran would want to travel that far... It's expensive and travel is exhausting. Besides, her schedule is pretty full as it is..." I closed my locker, ready to walk with him to his locker. I was a few steps ahead before I stopped.
Taylor didn't make any effort to move from where he was leaning against the lockers. "I meant... maybe I could go with you." He shrugged, avoiding eye contact by looking at his feet.
I was almost completely sure that my mouth hit the floor at that exact moment. I quickly shut it. "No.... No." I paused. "Absolutely not. Under no circumstances!" I walked past him, determined to go to his locker whether he was with me or not.
"Why not?" He asked, quickly meeting my stride. "You've met my family."
"Your family is normal!" I pointed out. I continued walking.
"Seven kids and two adults sharing three bathrooms is not normal." He scoffed.
"But you're still... You... You're normal and well adjusted, and your family loves you." I stumbled over my words.
"Your family loves you too, Emma. I mean your grandmother adores you, and I'm sure your father loved you. From the little bit you've told me about him, he was a smart and loving man... and I'm sure your mother loves you, she's just going through a tough time right now. People deal with grief in different ways, Emma."
He didn't need to say it. He was trying to point out that my mother dealt with my father's death by drinking, in much the same way that I fled the state and tried to start over in order to deal with my father's death. I didn't need to point out that my way of dealing with grief was much healthier and slightly more normal than hers was.
Finally, I sighed. "You know what I mean, Taylor."
He nodded, his eyes focused on the floor. "So it has nothing to do with the fact that you don't want me to meet your family?"
"Please don't make this personal." I begged.
"Isn't it?" He asked. "I mean, I'm only trying to be supportive. I know if you visit your mother it's going to be difficult for you... I want to do whatever I can to help. A little moral support may be just what you need."
"Taylor, please." I begged. "I don't want to fight. Please let this go."
He nodded slowly. "Okay, I won't push it anymore."
"Thank you." I said.
As we stopped at his locker, I took advantage of the verbal impasse we'd reached and changed the subject. "You'll never guess what happened when I got home on Saturday." I forced a smile. "My grandmother made me a dress for the winter formal. It's absolutely the most perfect thing I've ever seen. It's absolutely the right dress for Friday night."
A small smile played on his lips. "Yeah? Are you going to model it for me?"
I pursed my lips. "I think I would like it to be a surprise. It's absolutely beautiful."
"What does it look like?" He opened his locker and removed a binder and his copy of the novel from our English class. He dropped his car keys inside his locker, leaving them on the shelf.
I smiled, "It's the most beautiful shade of navy blue. It's classic but modern at the same time. It's gorgeous."
He raised his eyebrows. "That doesn't help... I think I should get to see it first."
I laughed. "I think you might have to wait and be surprised."
He sighed, the smile leaving his face. "I think you're doing a really good job of distracting me."
I knew exactly what he was referring to. I chewed my lower lip, "If I promise to think about it, will you let it go?"
"Okay." His free arm moved around me and his hand pressed flat against the small of my back in a tight embrace.
He released me slowly, and together we made our way up the stairs toward the second floor. "I just think you should try and work things out with your mother, while she's willing to make things work..."
I hesitated, not entirely sure of what to say.
Once we reached the second floor hall, he pulled me aside, out of the flow of student traffic. "I think it would be appropriate for me to meet your mother... I've got some money saved, and we could go on the weekend; we wouldn't have to miss any school."
I chewed my lower lip, studying his sincere expression. "I'll think about it, okay?"
He nodded.
"Let's get this dance over with first, okay?" I asked with a playful smile. I st
ood on my toes, throwing my arms around his neck.
He sighed against my shoulder. "Okay, you're right. I won't push you into anything; I'll let you decide for yourself... I just thought that if you wanted some support, I would go with you." He offered. "But it's entirely up to you."
Chapter 37:
Just a Little Excited
I was almost dreading lunch, for fear I couldn't keep my mouth shut. The email I had received that morning from my mother was still getting under my skin. But part of what bothered me so much was Taylor's reaction. I knew he was being supportive, but the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me. I wasn't used to having people who supported my decisions and tried to help. At least not since before my dad had fallen ill.
The more I thought about it, I did actually miss my mother. It had been two months since I had even so much as spoken to her. I had my doubts that things had changed, but if there was a chance... after all we had gone through, I thought I owed her enough to at least see if my presence made a difference.
I sighed as I opened my locker. I was starting to consider the very thing I had promised myself I wouldn't do. I was caving to my mother's whim. And I knew I was going to get physically and emotionally crushed for it.
A pair of arms slipped around my waist, and I jumped. "Oh!"
"It's okay." Taylor chuckled, resting his chin on my shoulder. "It's just me. Unless you have other handsome burly men wrapping their arms around you."
"You scared me." I murmured, my hands falling onto his arms, lightly.
"Sorry. You looked like you were contemplating the meaning of life there. I didn't want to interrupt you." He smiled.
"Are you ready for lunch? Are we eating in the cafeteria today?" I asked eager to change the subject.
"We can eat wherever you like." He replied.
"But don't you need to buy your lunch?" I turned to look at him, reluctantly moving out of his arms.
"Yeah, I do." He smiled. "I just thought that if you wanted to eat here, we could." He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear.
I smiled. "Let’s go to the cafeteria, then." I started to close my locker, but he stopped me.