A couple hours later, Pia and Ms. Davis were about to drive back to Jackson, leaving Pia’s mom at the rehab center. Before they walked out the door, Pia’s mom had grabbed her and said, “I love you, mi hija. Now I’m gonna get better for you. Don’t give up on me.”
Pia looked her mom in the eye and said, “Never, nunca.”
When Pia walked out of the rehab center and got into the car, she was smiling on the inside. She’d just put her mom in a rehab center, but she didn’t feel down. She felt full of hope. Her mom wanted to get better instead of letting her life continue to spiral out of control. Pia felt that was a step in the right direction. Pia was happy that they both were getting tougher.
CHAPTER SIX
User (Sanaa’s Middle)
“So I finally get time to take you out, and all you gon’ do is think about a girl on the swoop list?” Miles said to Sanaa with an attitude as they pulled up to the movie theater. He opened the car door to get out.
She just sat there with her arms folded, looking at him like he was crazy. “I don’t wanna go to the movies anymore.”
“Oh, so now you mad ’cuz I’m telling the truth?”
Rolling her eyes his way, she said, “I mean, you say ‘swoop list’ like it’s some bad, negative, horrible thing.”
“It’s like you care about those daggone girls more than you care about us.”
“Listen, you made me choose once, and you weren’t on the winning end of that deal. Do you really wanna go there with me, Miles? Quit being jealous of my friends.”
“Are you gonna get out of the car, or what?”
“I told you, I don’t wanna go to the movies anymore. You killed my mood. Let’s just go.”
“Fine!” he said in a frustrated tone.
Deep down inside, Sanaa knew she needed to soften to Miles. He had been patient and had put up with a lot. But there was a lot going on in her world too, and she really needed him to be understanding. After seeing Octavia get pushed by Shawn, Sanaa made up her mind that in no way, shape, or form was she going to let Miles push her around.
“I’m sorry, baby,” Miles said a few minutes later as they drove into an isolated parking lot near a park.
Squinting and frowning, Sanaa asked, “Where are we going?”
“We just need to talk. You say I’m not understanding you. I want to understand. Is that cool?”
She nodded. He smiled and then parked. When he turned off the car, he leaned over to her and placed a kiss on her cheek and then on her forehead.
She squirmed in her seat a little when he planted a kiss on her lips. “We gotta stop. I’m not trying to go there with you.”
“What do you mean, you not tryna go there with me? Come on, baby. It’s been a minute.”
“I know, but that part of our relationship is done. I don’t want that anymore.”
“So what? You get with your little girls and you gon’ decide you gon’ cut me off in that area? I mean, I’m puttin’ up with a lot. I hardly get any time with you. I think they’re a bad influence in the first place, and now you gon’ let them get all in your mind? Come on, Sanaa. You know you want this, girl,” Miles insisted as his hands roamed places that made her body respond in ways she enjoyed.
But her mind was strong, and finally she stopped the passion and screamed, “I said no!” She opened up the car door and ran through the dimly lit park.
“You need to wait up. You don’t know who else is out here.”
But Sanaa didn’t care. She just wanted the breeze to calm her down. Sanaa found a swing, and though she was way too big for it, she sat down and started swinging anyway, hoping that, with each lift, her problems would get lighter.
Miles called out, “How much further are you trying to push me away, Sanaa? I give you my heart. I give you my time. I’m tryna give you all of me. You don’t want that. What’s a brotha supposed to think?”
Sanaa ignored him and started swinging higher and higher. She was angry he was pressuring her. She needed a plan to settle him.
Finally tired of her paying him no attention, Miles yelled, “Can you get off the daggone swing?”
When she wouldn’t stop, he yanked one side of the rope. The swing became unstable, and she fell off of it. With her face in the dirt, she punched the ground really hard with her fist.
Miles rushed to her side, “I’m so sorry!”
“I am too,” she said in despair. “It’s just not connecting. I don’t know. I know you say you want to be with me, but it’s on your terms, Miles. Nobody’s controlling my mind but me. You talk about my friends on the swoop list like they’re so horrible, but what makes me any better?”
“We used to have sex any and every which way you wanted to do it. Why you stopping?”
“’Cause those days are over. Answer me. What makes me any different from the other swoop list girls who seem to offend you so?” Sanaa questioned. Miles looked away. “Right, I’m no different. Actually if you add up all the times we were together, I probably had more than any of them, but yet you’re telling me that I’m the good one? Please. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore. And if you can’t be with me, just us having fun, in a platonic relationship, then I’m not the girl for you.”
Miles looked back at Sanaa. She was eyeing him something fierce. Sanaa could read the anger all over his face, but she couldn’t worry about pleasing him. In her mind, those days were over.
She stepped closer to him and said, “I’m sorry. Obviously this isn’t what you wanna hear. This isn’t where you want our relationship to go, but for us to be together, these are the parameters.”
Miles squinted his eyes, curled up his lips in a mean way, and said, “Toni called me. I guess she wants me to get with her. As much as she wants me, she’ll probably be way better than you anyway.”
Sanaa slapped him across the face. “How dare you! You know what? Just take me home.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Miles said after he realized calling her bluff was stupid.
“You gon’ try to threaten me about Toni, who’s not my friend anymore because of you? You think that’s supposed to make me soften? Get with anybody you want. Toni, the sky, the dirt, whatever. I know my worth, and if you love me like you say you do, you’ll go through some things. You gon’ just kick me to the curb when I say one part of our relationship is over? That’s not love!” Sanaa shouted, and tears started falling. “Love is commitment, and you haven’t gone through enough hell to have this heaven. All you wanna do is take. Quit being a user.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Madder (Willow’s Middle)
An hour later, across the peaceful, rural town of Jackson, Willow was out with Dawson. They were exiting the movie theater that Sanaa and Miles were at earlier. As others came out, Willow looked around.
Not seeing the person she was looking for, Dawson asked, “What’s wrong?”
She replied, “I don’t know where Sanaa went. She and Miles were supposed to hang out here. I know I saw them pull up when we headed inside. She’s not answering my texts. I hope she’s alright.”
“My company is boring you, huh?” Dawson said to her in a teasing way. “Don’t worry about Sanaa. As long as she hasn’t called you, I’m sure she’s alright. It’s time for you and me to have fun.”
“I’m not worried,” Willow said as she stroked Dawson’s cheek. “And you’re right. It’s our time. I got big plans for us.”
“Well, I’m taking you out on a date. I got some plans too. Slow your roll. Let’s go eat.”
“Eat? That’s just what I had in mind. I want you to devour me. And I can take a nice healthy bite into your neck, but that’s about all the eating I wanna do. The kind of food that has something to do with you and me. You know what I’m saying?” Willow said seductively.
“You wanna add a little chocolate, whipped cream, strawberries, or somethin’ somethin’ to the mix?” He grabbed her hand and spun her around.
“Oh yes, I’m definitely down wit
h that. You get me, Dawson.” Willow went to kiss him.
Dawson gently pushed her away. “No. I was messing with you. We don’t need to do all that. We can have fun without it.”
“What? You don’t like me being forceful? I’m a dream to most guys. I don’t wanna pretend anymore. You like me. You’ve given me more attention than I have ever gotten from a guy. I wanna show you how much I appreciate it,” Willow said. She stepped a little closer to him, put her hands on the back pockets of his jeans, and squeezed really tight. “I’ma be honest with you, Dawson. There’s lot going on with my family right now. You know that. My dad ain’t been there. I haven’t even heard from him, unless you consider a wimpy little one-letter text he sent me back as communication. I was like, ‘I miss you, dad. Hope you’re okay. I want you to come back home soon,’ and he sent back ‘K’. Not ‘O-K-A-Y,’ no ‘O-K,’ just ‘K.’”
“You never sent your parents the one-word text? Come on,” Dawson said as he tickled her.
“Stop. I ain’t tryna laugh. Yeah, I sent ‘K’ before, but I’m a teenager. Now I can honestly see why they don’t like it. Anyway, my mom always has her nose in her Bible.”
“Isn’t she a pastor and all?” Dawson asked, being sarcastic.
“Ha, ha, ha. Yes, she’s supposed to study the Word to get ready for her messages, and yes, she should believe and read for strength. I get all that, but she also is a mom who needs to raise kids going through a crisis because their parents are separated. When I need her, the only thing she can do is pray. It ain’t changing nothing. I’m just sayin’, if I could be with you...,” she said as she moved even closer to him.
People were walking to their cars and staring at them like they needed a room. Dawson felt uncomfortable. Willow turned his head back to hers and stuck her tongue in his mouth to irritate the onlookers more.
Willow said, “Forget them! I need you to take me away, and I think you wanna go to the place I want to take you.”
Willow tried to kiss his ear, but Dawson jerked back, extremely irritated. “What the heck is wrong with you?”
“What is wrong with you? I know you’re a virgin. No sweat, though. I can be a great teacher.”
“It’s not that!” he said as he pushed her hands from the front of his jeans.
“Well, what is it? Are you gay? I mean, if you are, that’s fine, but don’t be tryna get with me like you want me, giving me mixed signals and all. What the heck is it?”
“No, I’m not gay, and you ain’t gotta try to figure it out. I’m keeping nothing from you. It’s like I said. We can have a lot of fun without going all the way. Aren’t you still reeling from this whole swoop list thing?”
“Yeah. I was with a bunch of jerks who never even meant anything to me. Me and you...we got something different, and I want us to increase that passion.”
“I thought you said you were slowing your roll? You and your girls talked about it, and you were backing off of that.”
“Yeah, I mean, it was all good for a minute. But it ain’t cool when I’m alone in my bed, dreaming about you, and I’m squirming. I don’t have to dream anymore. You’re here with me. And trust me, if you give me a chance, you won’t be fighting it. If you’ve got the feelings for me that I think you have, it’s gonna be magical.”
“Well, it is not just going to be your way. I want to be in a two-way relationship. I’m not trying to control you. I don’t want you to try to control me, and I’m not ready for all that.”
“You sound like a wimpy girl.”
“And you sound like a spoiled brat. If you think being with a real man, or a good man, or this kind of man is only somebody who’s gonna have his way with you, think again. The jerks you been with ain’t showing you a gentleman. And honestly, I’m getting real sick and tired of you selling yourself short. I ain’t no punk, but I ain’t tryna pimp you out, either. It’s good that you want me, but don’t just want my body. Baby, want my mind,” Dawson told her with boldness. And that realness made Willow cringe.
“Whatever. Just take me home,” she uttered as she got into his car and slammed the door, showing that she was even madder.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Stalker (Olive’s Middle)
The last week had been a pretty rough one for Olive. Shawn hadn’t said a word to her in the house. Even though everyone else tried to talk to her—Ms. B, the little kids who lived there, and her social worker—she didn’t want to talk to anyone there.
What joy she did have came from her swoop list sisters. They texted her, even when she didn’t text back. Their messages made her smile. They walked with her in the hallway, even though she didn’t respond. They didn’t leave her side. She appreciated that. She had thought Octavia would keep her distance. Olive had heard that Shawn ended their relationship because of Octavia’s friendship with her. And although Olive knew Shawn meant a lot to Octavia, she was thankful Octavia didn’t put her completely down. Inwardly, Olive just hated that she had nothing to give in return to these girls who cared. The first spark she’d had in a long time came when she saw Charles sitting in the school office.
“Hey!” she said to him in a real loud tone as she opened up the office door.
The secretary immediately told her to keep quiet. Olive motioned for Charles to come out into the hallway. She could tell by his demeanor he didn’t want to, but he did. She threw her arms around him. He didn’t hug her back. If her heart had any more pieces to be broken, they broke at that moment. His distance was shattering.
“I miss you. You haven’t been in school. Where’ve you been staying?” she asked with deep and transparent concern.
“I don’t want you to worry about me. I always knew you were too good for me, anyway. I wanted to try to finish my education so I could make something of myself and give you the world. But now I need you to go on and graduate and forget about me.”
In a solemn tone, Olive said, “But how can I go on, knowing that you’re suffering and it’s my fault?”
“It’s not your fault. If Tiger wouldn’t have touched you, and you and I were connected before that, I still probably would’ve done something illegal to be able to provide a date for you. You’ve been in my heart for a while. But that’s over, and I need you to go on.”
“Why are you in the office? What do you need? How can I help you?” she questioned, trying to reach for his hand.
Charles stepped back and blurted out, “I’m withdrawing, Olive.”
She froze like a block of ice. Trying to thaw herself out, hoping she didn’t hear what she thought she heard, she squinted and asked him, “What did you say?”
“I’m quitting school. I gotta get a job now.”
Almost pleading, she said, “No, you can’t.”
Charles turned away. “I need to pay my own way.”
Olive walked around to face him again. “I’m sure they found some alternative housing for you.”
“If you wanna call it that. One thing that desiring to take care of you showed me is that I also must have a desire to take care of myself. And I might not be able to do both, but I can do one of them. If giving up a degree right now is what I gotta do because of some bad choices I made, fine. I’ll be okay. And so will you, if you just forget about me.”
“But there’s gotta be another way. We just got a couple months left of school.”
“I don’t have time to play around. If I work for a year, maybe I’ll be able to get my GED and then go on to a two-year school and eventually go where I wanna go in this state. My dreams aren’t over. Just right now, they’re put on hold. Hear me, girl...I need you to forget me. Make me proud, and finish for both of us.”
She could tell in his tone that he was struggling. He fully believed everything he said, but at the same time, there was still a level of care and concern he had for her.
“I can’t just forget about you,” she said.
He cupped her face and forced himself to say, “You’re gonna have to. I’m done with you.”
When Charles walked back into the office, Olive’s yellow face was red. She knew she had to find the strength to be okay. She couldn’t keep worrying about Charles. She couldn’t ditch class and stay there to follow him once he left the building. Now she knew deep inside that she had to do something to help him. But, for right now, she had to keep going on.
As soon as she walked around the corner, Tiger stepped into view and startled her.
“You know, you need to heed his words,” Tiger said. “He’s doing the right thing. Leave him alone. Come back to me. Don’t look like you’ve had any new clothes in a while.”
“Yeah, you bought me nice things, but he didn’t have to buy my love.”
“Don’t piss me off, Olive. I’m tryna give you ahand. You better take it, baby. I can make all his problems go away. If you come back to me, I will. You need to close your curtains at night, too. And quit taking them long baths. Don’t let so much of your cleavage show in gym. I hate other guys staring at my girl. Smile, I watch you everywhere.”
A chill of fear ran down Olive’s spine. Olive looked at him like, Are you always watching me?
Tiger looked dead back at her and said, “What? Don’t get it twisted. I know everything about you. Come back to me, so I can quit being a stalker.”
CHAPTER NINE
Forever (Octavia’s Middle)
Octavia was heading to the ladies’ room. She hadn’t been able to pay attention in class. It was hard to stay awake when she wasn’t sleeping at night, so she thought she’d walk around, use the restroom, splash some water on her face, and be revived.
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