“Why did he do it?” Clem had once asked.
“Softhearted,” Pop had answered in accusation. He had added details later. “The ole feller took a new rope he’d bought a couple days before to tie up a calf with. He hed some kinda crazy notion if good men could git into the gov’ment they could straighten things out. He didn’t want the sheriff’s job, though—wanted to give it up right away, but the party boss told him he had to keep it for the sake of the party, like. First thing ole man had to do was close the mortgage on that there farm, yander.” Pop Berger’s thick forefinger pointed next door. “He wuz softhearted, like I said. He said he’d ruther die. Nobody took him serious, like. Doggone if the old man didn’t mean it. Next day somebuddy found him hangin’ dead.”
Clem never answered. Pop Berger could not comprehend the only answer that he could have made. Of course his grandfather would rather die. It had been his way of escape from an intolerable duty. He thought a great deal about his grandfather, searching out about the barn, the house, the farm, the small signs of a conscientious, careful, good old man. The cow stalls, for example, were larger than most. There was room for a cow to lie full length in a stall. Pop fretted at the waste of room. There was a trough outside big enough for all the horses to drink at once. The water ran into it through an iron pipe from the well so that it was always fresh. In the house the step between kitchen and living room had been taken away and made into a gentle slope. His grandmother had gone blind in her old age, Pop told him.
Heir of the conscience of his fathers, Clem could not be hardened by the miseries of his present life. Instead he felt a constant soreness in his breast, an ache of remorse for sins of which he was not guilty. This discomfort he now tried to heal superficially by helping the children to get more food to eat. It was not easy, and after some struggle within himself he decided, remembering the dog’s dish, upon simple theft.
After the Aid woman had gone, not to return he knew for many months, even perhaps a year, he was angered to see how instantly the man and woman fell back into their careless cruelty. The meat was put away and the milk was watered. Yet he dared not complain. He, too, was now in the power of these two, and if they saw his courage they could prevent the escape he planned. His Chinese childhood had taught him never to be reckless even in anger, for anger is no weapon. Anger can give energy to the mind but only if it is harnessed and held in control. Therefore he locked his anger behind his teeth and, having decided upon theft, he used a deep cunning. He stole food so cleverly that the man thought the woman had eaten some leftover, and she thought the man had taken it. Neither believed the other and they snarled at each other, while the blank faces of the children told nothing. It comforted Clem to know meanwhile that inside Tim’s slack stomach there was a piece of boiled beef or a slice of home-cured ham, and that Jen had a lump of butter on a piece of bread. He was just in giving out his booty, saving nothing for himself. At the table he had courage enough to eat more than the younger ones, and since he worked well and was seemingly obedient, Pop gave him more than he might have given. Milk Clem stole without heed. In the pasture, hidden behind the brow of a hill, the children learned to come to him between meals, and he took a tin can from under a rock and milked a can full from one cow and another, never too much from one. Each child had a can full at least twice a day of the pure milk, warm from the cow’s body. When they were strong enough, Clem told himself, they would run away together. It must be before the winter fell again.
When autumn came, he had supposed they would all go to school. Tim had told him that the law said they had to go to free school and even Pop had to obey the law. That would make it easy, Clem planned, for them to run away. They could be a day upon their way before night came and before Pop, finding that they did not come home, could report their escape.
But he had not counted on Pop’s cleverness. Pop said one day in the barn, “They ain’t no call for you to go to school, Clem. You’re too big.”
Clem looked up from the hay chopper. “I want to go to school.”
Pop chuckled. “Yeah? Ain’t nobody knows you’re even here.” Clem stared in silence, waiting. A frightful comprehension was stealing into his brain.
“See?” Pop said. He was picking his teeth after the noon meal and he leaned against a cow stall. “You jest come here, didn’t you? You don’t belong nowheres, as I see it. School board don’t even know you’re alive.”
“I could tell them,” Clem said in a tight voice.
“Just you try,” Pop said.
Clem did not answer. He went on chopping the hay while his mind worked fast. This was the final reason why he had to go at once. He would wait no longer. To grow up in ignorance and loneliness was more than he could do. He had dreamed vaguely of finding people to help him, school teachers whom he could tell of the misery of the children. Perhaps Pop had thought of that, too.
“We dassent tell the teacher anything,” Mamie had said once. “Pop says he’d kill us if we told, and he would, too.”
“Yeah, he would,” Tim agreed.
“Well, ain’t you goin’ to say nothin’?” Pop inquired now.
“No,” Clem said. “I’ve never been to school anyway.” He kept his face averted and Pop saw only his bent, subdued body working at the hay chopper, and he sauntered away.
But Clem, whose patience was the long endurance of those who have never known better, had suddenly reached the moment of decision. He would run away on Saturday when the man and woman went to the town to do their marketing. He must leave this desecrated house of his forefathers and he must take the children with him, for his own peace, for without him they would starve. Sooner or later they would sicken one by one, and then they would die because they were already half starved, their frail bodies struggling and scarcely able to live even when they were not ill. Where he would go he did not know, nor what he would do with them. Even though he found work, how could he earn enough to feed them?
He looked back on the days in Peking as sweetness he had not known enough to taste while it was in his mouth. He remembered the pleasantness of Mr. Fong’s shop, the coziness of the inner rooms where he had sat at the square table teaching Yusan. It had been a home rich in kindness and his eyelids smarted now when he thought of it. Of his own parents he would not think. He remembered them no more as they had been when they were living but only as he had seen them dead, and this memory he could not endure and he put it from him so far that it had become blankness. He could not remember even their faces. Mr. Fong’s he saw clearly, and Mrs. Fong’s face he saw always wreathed in smiles as it was when she brought in the cakes and meat rolls. He dreamed of that food.
Slowly, while his conscience burned, Clem made his plans. On Saturday, early, as soon as the man and woman had left the house, he would tell the children. He did not dare to prepare them earlier for they were too childish to be trusted. He would help them to gather their clothes together and tie them in bundles. They would take whatever food was left in the house.
Saturday morning dawned clear and cool. Hateful as his life was to him, Clem had fallen in love with the land. He woke early as usual, even before the heavy footsteps of the man shook the narrow stairs, and he put on his clothes and let himself out from the window upon the roof of a shed below and thence he dropped to the ground. At the stream he washed himself in a small pool below a shallow falls. The stream bed was of rock, slanted in layers so precise that when the falls rose after a rain, slabs came off like great Chinese tiles. He had taken a score or so of them and had laid them neatly at the bottom of the pool and when the sun shone through the water, as it did this morning, the stones shone in hues of wet amber and chestnut and gold.
The stream was out of sight of the house, hidden by a spinney of young sycamore trees, the children of a mighty old sycamore whose roots drove through the hillside to the sources of water. Behind this wall of tender green, Clem stripped himself and plunged into the water, this morning almost winter cold. Above him the hills rose gently, the woo
ds green but flecked with the occasional gold of autumn. The sky was beautiful, a softer blue than Chinese skies and more often various with white and moving clouds.
Yet where, Clem often asked himself, were the people upon this land, and how could it be that a house full of children at the mercy of a man and woman, ignorant and brutish, remained unknown and unsought? In China it would not have been possible for an old man’s house to have been unvisited, or to have been sold after his death in so summary a fashion. He had asked Pop Berger once who had sold the house and had been told that it went for unpaid taxes. But why were the taxes not paid by some kinsman? How had it come to pass that his old grandfather had been so solitary, even though his son had gone so far? And why, and why, and this was the supreme question, never to be answered, had his father left his home and the aging man to go across the sea to a country he had never seen, where the people spoke a tongue strange to him, and there try to tell of a god unwanted and unknown? None of these questions could be answered. What Pop had said was true. There was no one who knew of his existence.
Clem stepped out of the small cold pool and dried himself by stripping the water from his body with his hands and then by waving his arms and jumping up and down. In spite of poor food he was healthy and his blood rushed to his skin with heat and soon he put on his clothes and climbed the hill to the house. Pop Berger was already out at the barn, and Clem went in; without greeting he took a small stool and a pail and began to milk a brindled cow.
At first, accustomed by the Chinese to greeting anyone he met, he had tried to greet the man and the woman and the children when he first saw them in the morning. Then he perceived that this only surprised them and that it roused their contempt because they thought he was acting with some sort of pretense. He learned to keep his peace and to proceed in silence to work for food.
This morning there was none of the usual dawdling and shouting. Pop Berger harnessed the wagon early and began piling into it the few bags of grain he wanted to sell, and some baskets of apples. He left all the milking to Clem, and stamped away into the kitchen to eat and to dress himself. There the woman, too, made haste, eating and dressing, and within the hour the pair were ready to be gone, leaving the dishes and the house to the two girls.
“You, Clem!” Pop Berger shouted from the wagon seat. “You can git the manure cleaned out today. Don’t forget the chickens. Tim can do whatever you tell him. I told him a’ready to lissen to what you sayed.”
“And I’ve left the food you’re to eat in the pantry, and that’s all anybody is to have. Don’t open no jars or nothin’!” Mom shouted.
Clem had come out of the barn and he nodded, standing very straight, his arms folded as he watched them drive off. He wondered that he did not hate them and yet he did not. They were what they were through no fault of their own, their ignorance was bestial but innocent and their cruelty was the fruit of ignorance. He had seen degenerate cruelty sometimes in the streets of Peking. There the people knew, there they had been taught what humanity was, and when they violated what they knew, the evil was immense. But these two, this man and this woman, had never been taught anything. They functioned as crudely as animals. Where had they come from, he often wondered, and were the others all like them? There were no neighbors near, and he had no one with whom to compare them.
He finished milking the cows and carried the milk into the springhouse, where it would be cool. Then he went into the kitchen to find food. There, as usual when the man and woman were gone, nothing was being done. The bare table was littered with dirty dishes. Mamie and Jen sat beside it, silent and motionless in dreadful weariness. Tim slumped in Pop Berger’s ragged easy chair. Bump was still eating, walking softly about the table, picking crumbs.
“Got breakfast for me, Mamie?” Clem asked.
She nodded toward the stove and he opened the oven door, took out a bowl of hominy, and sat down at the end of the table.
He looked at them, one and the other. Tim’s lack luster eyes, agate brown, held less expression than a dog’s and his mouth, always open, showed a strange big tongue bulging against his teeth. His body, long and thin, a collection of ill-assorted bones, folded itself into ungainly shapes. Mamie was small, a colorless creature not to be remembered for anything. Jen might die. The springs of life were already dead in her. She did not grow.
“Come here,” he said to Bump. “I don’t want all this. Finish it, if you like.”
He held out his bowl and Bump snatched it, went behind the stove on the woodpile, and sat down in his hiding place. Often the woman lifted the poker and drove him out of it, but today he could enjoy it.
“Listen to me, all of you,” Clem said, leaning on the table.
They turned their faces toward him.
“How would you like to go away from here?” He spoke clearly and definitely, for he had learned that only so did they heed him. Accustomed to the loud voices of the man and woman they seemed to hear nothing else.
“Where?” Tim asked after a pause.
“I don’t know—run away, find something better.”
“Where would we sleep?” Mamie asked.
“We’d take a blanket apiece, sleep by a haystack somewhere until we got ourselves a house, or some rooms.”
“What would we eat?” she asked again.
“I’d work and get money and buy something. Tim could work, too. Maybe you could find a job helping in a house.”
He had expected some sort of excitement, even a little joy, but there was neither. They continued to stare at him, their eyes still dull. Jen said nothing, as though she had not heard. She seemed half asleep, or perhaps even ill.
“Jen, are you sick?” Clem asked.
She lifted her large, pale blue eyes to his face, looking not quite at his eyes, but perhaps at his mouth. She shook her head. “Awful tired,” she whispered.
“Too tired to come with us—out into the sunshine, Jen? We could stop and rest after we had got a few miles away.”
She shook her head again.
“If Jen don’t go, I won’t neither,” Mamie said.
“I ain’t goin’,” Tim said.
Clem started at them. “But you don’t like it here,” he urged. “They’re mean to you. You don’t get enough to eat.”
“We’re only Aid children,” Tim said. “If we went somewheres else it would be just like it is here.”
“You wouldn’t be Aid children,” Clem declared. “I’d fix things.”
“We’ll always be Aid children,” Tim repeated. “Once you’re Aid you can’t do nothin’ about it.”
Clem was suddenly angry. “Then I’ll leave you here. I’ve made up my mind to go and go I shall. You can tell them when they get home tonight. Say I’ve gone and I’m not coming back ever. They needn’t look for me.”
They stared at him, Jen’s eyes spilling with tears. “Where you goin’?” Tim asked in a weak voice.
“Back where I came from,” Clem said recklessly. He longed unutterably to get back somehow to Mr. Fong’s house in the familiar streets of Peking, which he had not known he loved. That was impossible, but to leave this house was possible. For the moment anger quenched his conscience. He had given them their chance and they would not take it. He had said he would take the burden of them on his own back, though he was no kin of theirs, and they had refused him even this hard way to his own freedom. Now he would think only of himself.
He leaped up the crooked stairs and took his suitcase and crammed his clothes into it. He had a little money left from the store the sailors had given him and he had kept it with him always in the small leather bag one of the sailors had made. This bag he had kept tied about his waist, night and day, lest the woman or the man discover it and take it from him. He paused for a moment to decide the matter of a blanket and then revolted at the thought of taking anything from this house. He would not even take bread with him. Alone he would be free to starve if he must.
Down the stairs he went again, carrying his suitcase. They
were still in the kitchen as he had left them. None of them had moved. Their eyes met him as he came in, faintly aghast, and yet unspeaking.
“Good-by, all of you,” he said bravely. “Don’t forget I wanted you to come with me.”
He drew his folded cap out of his pocket and put it on his head.
“Good-by,” he said again.
They stared at him, still unanswering, and upon the strength of his continuing anger he strode out of the room and across the weedy yard to the gate which hung crooked upon its hinges. He leaped over it and marched down the road, his head high, to meet a world he did not know.
Despair drove him and lent him courage, and then the beauty of the land lifted his heart. Surely somewhere there were kind people, someone like Mr. Fong, who would recognize him and give him shelter for a while. He would work and repay all that he received and some day he would, after all, come back and see the wretched children he had left in that kitchen.
He had gone perhaps a mile when he heard the sound of feet padding in the dusty road. He stopped and turning his head he saw Bump running doggedly along, and he waited.
“What do you want, Bump?” he asked the sandy-faced, sandy-haired child who blinked at him, panting. The signs of hominy were still about his mouth.
“I’m comin’ with you,” he gasped.
Clem glared at him, for a moment resentful of the least of burdens. Then his conscience leaped into life again. Surely he could take this small creature with him, wherever he went, a younger brother.
“All right,” he said shortly. “Come along.”
3
IN MID-AUGUST THE NEWSPAPER headlines had announced the end of the siege in Peking, and a cablegram from Dr. Lane brought the news that he intended to stay. The Imperial Court had fled, and the Old Empress had wailed aloud her hardships. She had not even been given time to comb her hair, and her breakfast on the day of the flight had been only a hard-boiled egg.
“Serves her right,” Mrs. Lane said briskly. “Well, William, it looks as though I’d have to go back to your father. But you’ll be able to manage by yourself if I get your clothes ready before I go.”
Gods Men Page 13