The sliding screen door scraped behind her and a footstep landed near the swing.
“Hey, you okay?” Ryan asked, sitting down stiffly.
He had to be in pain after jumping into the canal and diving underwater looking for Drew. Hopefully, he hadn’t reinjured his spleen site or infected his wound.
“Are you okay?” She touched his arm. “Did you check your bandages?”
“Everything’s clean. No redness or swelling,” he said. “Why are you out here by yourself?”
She got up to go in. “Do the boys need anything?”
“No, sit, I read them their bedtime story together. It was about an old man and a fish, and a little boy who helped him catch it. After they fell asleep, I put Ben back in his bed, in case Drew woke in the middle of the night.”
“Right, Drew might freak if Ben was out of his usual location.”
“They’re both fine. Sit.” Ryan tugged her back onto the swing. “Now, tell me why you’re upset.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Jamie blinked, feeling like an eyelash had gotten caught in her eye. “Drew almost drowned.”
“But he didn’t, and we all learned something.”
“What? That he can tell a bass from a carp?” Jamie looked away from Ryan. “The fact is, I should have taken them both for swimming lessons long ago. Drowning is one of the leading causes of death for children on the autism spectrum. I knew that, but I took a risk in allowing them to go fishing.”
“Hey, we were both there,” Ryan said. “We both took a risk, and if anything, it was my fault for letting go of Drew.”
“You’re not his parent. I am, and I shouldn’t have allowed it.”
“Then your boys would have missed out. Look at it from Ben’s perspective. He’s a hero who caught a big fish. He got to brag about it to his girl, and he fed his family tonight.”
“It could have turned out really, really bad.”
“But it didn’t.” Ryan tipped her face to look at him. “You have to stop blaming yourself. I was there, so the risk wasn’t as big as if you’d gone by yourself or if I didn’t know how to swim.”
“Like me,” Jamie whispered.
“What was that?” Ryan cocked his head, his attention focused on her. “You can’t swim?”
“No. My mother’s little brother drowned when he was six.” Jamie bit her lip. “My mother’s afraid of water, so she told us to stay away from it. My father died in a jet ski accident on one of his outings with his buddies.”
“I’m so sorry.” Ryan’s strong arms wrapped around her. “I didn’t know you had a fear of water.”
“Not a fear, it’s just something unfamiliar,” Jamie said. “I know I should take them swimming, and I can sit on the sidelines and watch. It’s not hard, so I have no excuse.”
“You don’t need excuses. You’re doing a fantastic job with them.” Ryan rocked the swing back and forth, calming them both. “When I was growing up, I fell through thin ice.”
“You did? What happened?”
“My cousins and I went ice skating on a pond between our farms. My dad had checked the ice and said it was good and strong, but that was earlier in the morning. It was still pretty solid when we got there, but I saw these pretty lines and followed them. There was this loud ‘bong’ sound and the next thing I knew, I was in the pond.”
“How’d they get you out?” Jamie felt her eyes pop with horror. Obviously he’d survived, but what a close call.
“Human chain. They laid down on the ice and pulled me out. I was pretty small for my age, but I was so cold, I turned into an icicle by the time we got back to the farm. My mom just about had a heart attack.”
“I can imagine.” Jamie cuddled closer to Ryan’s body heat, dragging the blanket over the two of them. The thought of losing him, even in the past tense, flooded her with unbearable pain. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“Yeah, me too, because then, I would never have met you.”
“You’re the one who’s blessing me and my boys. You’ve become such a big part of their lives in such a short period of time.” The thought struck her as both fearful and amazing.
“They’re adorable, just like their mother.” Ryan brushed a kiss over her lips. “I feel like we’re meant to be together—like we know each other already.”
Well, actually, Jamie was going to ask Ryan to leave, at least not spend another night with her after this almost drowning disaster, but somehow, when he put it that way, that they were meant to be together—well, it had to be true, because if Ryan hadn’t been there, things would have turned out much, much worse.
“It was a good day, wasn’t it?” she admitted. “Ben caught his first fish. Drew looked me in the eye when I spoke to him. You saved a life.”
“And you became the woman I’m falling in love with.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Ryan couldn’t believe he’d spilled the ‘L’ word. He wasn’t the kind of guy who talked about feelings, mainly because he wasn’t sure if he even had normal feelings and emotions.
Sure, he knew what to do with his facial expressions, and he could pretty much read a person’s body language. He’d had plenty of practice growing up, where his mother would drill him on how certain gestures were connected to certain emotions, and the appropriate ways of reacting.
By the time he was in high school, he’d joined a community theater and worked on acting during the off-season. No one knew he had trouble communicating as a child and how much remedial education he’d needed growing up.
He wasn’t doing a good job communicating right now, because Jamie froze at his words. She held her breath and blinked, like she wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. Either that, or she was doing a realistic impression of the fish Ben had caught.
Talk about awkward. Not only was she not saying it back, she didn’t even seem happy about it.
“Did I say something wrong?” Ryan wiped a hand across his forehead.
“Actually, it was all kinds of right, but …”
“But I shouldn’t have said it?”
“Yes, I mean, no.” Her hand fluttered over her chest as she tried to explain. “Everything’s happening so fast, like a runaway train. I’m flattered, believe me, that someone of your caliber would say something so sweet to me.”
“Whoa there.” Ryan clasped her hand and held it close to his heart. “If you’re sitting there thinking about big leagues and minor leagues, then you’ve got it all wrong. There’s no such thing as ranking people and falling above or below. It’s not like the baseball standings or grabbing a playoff berth. People are a lot more complex.”
“I guess you’re right, but if you look at it from an accountant’s point of view, there are assets and liabilities, and I’m one big liability.”
Ryan narrowed his eyes and a dull anger crawled through his belly. “Is that how Andrew made you feel?”
“It’s the truth.”
Ryan let out a frustrated sigh. “You don’t even realize how wonderful you are. You invited me into your life and that of Ben and Drew’s and made me feel things I never dreamed I would ever experience. If I didn’t have you to look forward to after coming out of the hospital, I would probably be drinking or despondent for being out on disability. All my friends are on the team, and my entire life has been all about baseball. If I didn’t have you and the boys, I’d be climbing the walls.”
An amused smile sparkled over Jamie’s face. “Now, we can’t have you climbing the walls, can we?”
“No, definitely not the walls. Do you see what I’m saying? How much you mean to me?”
Great. He was digging himself deeper in the “making a woman uncomfortable” department. If he’d asked himself a mere two weeks ago whether he would be sitting on a porch swing romancing a woman, he would have called himself certifiable.
Meeting Jamie had changed him, one hundred percent, and it was the way she so confidently took charge of two very challenging little boys that had his admiration. It showed
strength and guts, and a whole lot of heart.
“You mean a lot to me and the boys, too.” She pecked a kiss on his cheek. “But I don’t know if this thing between us will last.”
“Why?” His heart dropped to his stomach and now, he really felt like a fool. The first woman he used the ‘L’ word on didn’t believe him.
Maybe she sensed this wasn’t true love, that it was something he thought was love. He needed a guidebook or at least a script, because right now, he was flying blind.
“Because once you’re back on the playing field, you won’t need me, Ben, and Drew anymore.”
“I will always want you, whether I play ball or not.”
She gave him a “that remains to be seen” face. “I don’t want to argue with you, Ryan, and truly, what you said means a lot to me. I’ll always remember today. It turned out not only to be a wonderful day, but one of my best days, ever.”
How could he not desire this considerate woman? She’d felt his awkwardness, perhaps even wondered if he wanted to take back his rash words, and she soothed him instead of throwing the words back in his face.
“How can I not fall in love with you?” The words kept spilling from his lips. Okay, so he’d been streaming romantic movies for the last two weeks, ever since meeting Jamie, and some of those sappy heroes must have rubbed off on him.
These feelings had to be real. He missed Jamie and the boys when they weren’t around, and all he wanted was to make them happy, to take care of them, to be a part of their lives. Wasn’t that the definition of being in love?
Ryan needed a playbook to map out what would happen next. He’d never been in love before, and usually, in the movies, women swooned when a man declared his love. He’d better figure out his next move before he blew it. Otherwise, he’d only be proving his mother right and spend the rest of his life alone—outwardly a glorified bachelor, but inwardly, a hermit in a shell.
Jamie appeared to be considering her next move as well. She licked her lips and all he could think of was licking and sucking them while she moaned in arousal, but he held back, waiting for her reaction.
“Let’s have our best night tonight.” She cupped his jaw and kissed him lightly. “I’ll put on some music. Brew us some sweet tea, and we’ll start from the beginning, like high school sweethearts.”
Jamie left Ryan on the backyard swing and sauntered into the kitchen as casually as she could. Her heart was melting and her legs felt like rubber, but she couldn’t afford to be swept away by the dreamy baseball hero.
She mentally pinched herself as she added ice to the pitcher. Ryan was beyond out of her league. He was out of her universe, and truly, she had no filter when it came to him. Heck, he’d spent the night in her bed already, and she fully intended to enjoy every last drop of the few weeks he had off on disability.
The only thing she’d leave locked and impenetrable was her heart and that of her boys. He could have everything else—her body, her soul, and her time.
If it entertained him to think he was in love with her, then she could play along, too. After all, he was bored, he’d lost his spleen, and he needed an interest to keep him going during his recovery period.
She gathered two glass mugs and sliced a lemon, then put everything on a tray and brought it to the backyard table.
“Let me get my boom box, and we can get this party started,” she said.
“A boom box?” Ryan’s mouth quirked to one side. “They still have these things around?”
“I don’t like to throw things away that are useful.”
“I haven’t seen one in ages,” Ryan said. “Where is it?”
“In my bedroom closet.”
Moments later, he hefted a huge CD player, radio, and cassette combo box. “I can’t believe you still have one of these. Is it from the nineteen-eighties?”
“It was my mother’s boom box.” She couldn’t keep the grin off her face. Ever since Jamie was a baby, she’d been fiddling with the many levers and dials on the boom box. It had something called an equalizer and everything was adjustable.
“You actually have cassettes to go with this?”
“Not anymore. It does have an auxiliary-in port, and I plug my iPod into it.” She laughed at his shocked expression as he played with the knobs, buttons, and levers.
She gave him her iPod and asked him to pick a playlist. He selected love songs, as she knew he would. After they drank the sweet tea, he took her hand and asked her to dance.
The evening had cooled, and crickets and toads chirped in the background, blending in with the soft music that definitely wasn’t booming. She had neighbors, after all, and two boys, one of whom was a light sleeper.
She let Ryan fold her body into his arms, and she rested her cheek against his chest, letting the steady beat of his big heart speak words of love and forever to her hungry heart. She was playing with fire, that much she knew, but oh, she could certainly enjoy a little heat to hold her for the long, lonely life ahead of her.
His warmth wrapped around her like a loving cocoon, and her body swayed with his in perfect harmony. Even though she hadn’t put it into words, because words were scary, she let herself flow with the feelings coursing between them. She’d give her all, as she always did. Closing her eyes, she almost believed the words of the song, “All of Me,” especially the part about the perfect imperfections. Maybe if she went all in, then she’d get all of it in return.
Like a fool, falling in love.
She shutdown the nagging voice in her head, the one which sounded like her mother after another man left her with a broken heart. She told herself Ryan was different.
Oh, really? How so? Isn’t he also a player like all those ballplayers are?
It shouldn’t matter, she argued with herself. If she went in knowing he’d leave her, then she couldn’t be hurt. It was only those who believed who got hurt, not those who were wary ahead of time.
Letting every precious second count. She allowed herself to meld with the thrumming of Ryan’s heart, and the way he held her close, knowing that even if she lost, she still won, because right now, dancing on a patio in the cool of the desert night, she had finally gotten everything she’d always wanted. At least for now.
But that naïve part of her, the little girl looking for her knight in shining armor, beckoned her to get lost in the words of the John Legend song.
All of Me.
Could she possibly have all of him? All of the time?
If the minutes turned into hours, and the hours turned into days, the days into years, why, maybe, just maybe the years could turn into forever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Ryan could stand forever on that patio in the desert night, with the bright pinpoints of stars piercing the black night, the light breeze whispering and the crickets chirping, forever, as long as he had Jamie in his arms.
He might have been crazy earlier in unleashing the “L” word, but now that she’d slowed things down, he didn’t feel as stupid. She was allowing him to start with high school, when the only thing that mattered was getting a girl in his arms and slow dancing.
Not that he’d ever danced with anyone back then. He was the guy holding up the wall. It had given him ample time to observe the couples clinging onto each other on the dance floor.
Some guys were nasty and used the opportunity to feel up a girl, while others were stiff and looked constipated.
Even though body language was foreign to him, he could tell which couples adored each other and enjoyed dancing together. They looked natural together, nothing awkward, as if they’d been made together—two parts of a single whole.
The way Jamie clung to him as they swayed to the medley of love songs told him she was made for him, even if she denied it or wasn’t sure.
It would be up to him to prove it to her—that he wouldn’t run at the first sign of trouble, and that he would stick to her no matter what.
He’d take his time and fall deeper and deeper in love with her. It was so
easy. They danced together, their bodies full of unspoken promises, until the playlist looped back to the first song, speaking all his heart.
Tipping her chin up, he locked his eyes on her. The song faded out and he melded his lips with hers, kissing her with a heart full of love and wanting, but not pushing or demanding. That had been his mistake, the full-court press. When he wanted something, it bordered on obsession—actually it was obsession, and normal people didn’t understand his single-mindedness.
He tasted and drank from her kisses, but before she could come up for breath, he pulled back and smiled. “Thank you for dancing with me tonight.”
“Thank you for coming to my dance party.”
“It’s getting late, and I had an unforgettable day. I’ll understand if you want to be alone tonight.” There, he’d done the needful of backing up from any pressure he’d put on her by declaring his love.
“Do you want to be alone? Go home?”
“I’ll do whatever you want. Help you clean up here, and then, if you want me out of your hair, so you can get some alone time, I’ll leave.”
“It’s up to you, Ryan,” she said, disengaging from his embrace, and he missed her right away.
“I don’t want to be invading your territory. Look at me, I invited myself to stay with you. Told you I loved you and if we don’t stop this madness, I’ll be on my knees putting the biggest diamond I can find on your finger.”
A smile twinkled in her eyes. “Nothing wrong with that—I mean, the diamond.”
“You’re kidding.” He scratched his head and helped her stack the pitcher and glasses onto the tray. Was she joking or did she really want a diamond from him? What about earlier when she’d accused him of loving and then leaving as soon as he was fit to play ball?
“No, Ryan, I would never kid you. Except I’m not sure how you’re going to put a baseball diamond on my finger.” She gave him a mischievous wink.
“That’s actually easy,” he said. “Don’t believe me? I’ll take you to the park one night and show you.”
Playing for the Save (Men of Spring Baseball Book 3) Page 14