"What's wrong, Ed?" she asked. "Your readings just..."
"I know what my readings did, damn it!" I snapped, then I looked up and into her eyes and instantly felt remorse. Putting a hand to her face, I said, "I'm sorry, Susanne. It isn't about you and I don't want to talk about it."
I contained an urge to slug the cooler as I fished out a beer and opened it. The beer didn't taste right, which meant that I really wasn't in the mood for a beer. I angrily heaved the bottle at the sky and watched it flash at the field perimeter.
"Ed..?"
Susanne looked more than a little concerned now. I shook my head tersely and held up a hand to forestall her, then said, "Just gimme a minute, Sue. I have to find a way to come to terms with something."
The way to come to terms didn't seem to be forthcoming.
I keyed my implant and yelled, "Hey! Computer goddess number one! If you can spare me a minute, I have a question for you!"
Steph appeared instantly about six feet from me, her cool gaze fixed on my face as she asked, "Yes, Ed?"
After a long moment of choosing words, I asked, "Why didn't you allow yourself to feel, Steph? To feel the way Sue's talking about feeling. What were you afraid of?"
In a cool tone that matched her gaze, she said, "Losing you, Ed. That's what I was afraid of. It will be hard enough without having had intimacy."
"Will be..? But you said you weren't really leaving me." Then it dawned on me. "You're talking about when I fucking die, aren't you?"
She nodded slightly as she said, "Yes."
As I wrapped my mind around what she was saying, I looked for flaws that would indicate any other reasons. Simply not attracted to me? Possible. Wouldn't be the first time a woman found some tiny something about me to dislike. But back to fear. She was admitting to it, but for a reason that hadn't occurred to me at all.
Steph said, "How Susanne chooses to conduct her relationship with you is entirely up to her. I chose differently. You were the first person I'd ever met, Ed. You brought me into existence and then into sentience. You nurtured and encouraged me as I grew. When Bear died, I watched you almost look for him or almost call him for some time afterward. I listened when you spoke of him and your years together and I could hear your sense of loss as well as your words."
She paused, then continued, "I also read your flash of anger the evening that Bill Severn's wife asked about Bear and you told her what had happened to him. You overheard Bill Severn say 'Jesus, it was just a cat' to her while you were in the kitchen, and you haven't accepted a dinner invitation from them since."
I shrugged. "Bill was hard to stand anyway."
"But avoiding Bill costs you Lori's company as well, Ed, and it costs her yours. Is that fair to either of you?"
"It isn't as if Lori and I were lovers, Steph. We talked now and then, that's all."
Steph ignored my comment and said, "My point is that I chose not to step beyond a close friendship with you for what are valid reasons for me. I'll -- live, if you will -- indefinitely, Ed. As you've said often enough, you won't. I've simply been protecting myself to a degree against feelings that I have no desire to experience."
I almost started to say something, but she spoke first, in a tone I hadn't ever heard before.
"It will be painful enough, Ed. I didn't wish to compound that pain."
It was an explanation, not an apology. A straightforward statement of cause, effect, and prevention. She'd refused to feel beyond a certain degree because she'd had the capability to do so, and although it briefly angered me to be compared to a pet, that anger faded the instant I chastised myself for thinking of Bear that way.
Bear had been a thinking, communicating -- particularly after meeting Elkor -- individual and friend, not simply a pet.
How many times had I refused to allow serious friendships to form in dangerous places? How many times had I ducked and dodged when a woman had seemed likely to want more than a passing acquaintance? I wasn't exactly a poster boy for involvement, either.
My extended silence apparently disturbed Steph. She stepped closer and said, "Ed, I wasn't simply rejecting your affections. I..."
"No, Steph, you never rejected my affections," I kissed her hand and said in a rather flat tone, "Only the more intimate expressions of them. I'll get past it. Linda's done the same thing more than once over the years for similar reasons. So have I, from time to time."
Steph nodded slightly; she was reading me and knew that I wasn't simply trying to cover a wound with words.
"Tell you what, though," I said quietly, "It won't make any damned difference, Steph. Not one bit, because it isn't what you do within a relationship; it's the relationship itself that causes the pain when someone close to you dies."
I sat down rather heavily in the pilot's seat and sipped my Dr Pepper. After a few moments of silence, Steph vanished.
Chapter Fifty-One
Susanne said nothing as I leaned my seat back and watched the sky, and after a little while she tilted her seat back as well. I glanced at her gorgeous form and lovely face and imagined that I could hear the synapses firing in her head as she gazed at the stars above us, guided the flitter, and continuously monitored my biodata... and then I realized that her real synapses would be inside the console, not in her image, and my envisionment changed to one of the flitter's AI core, flashing brightly here and there as data hopped from one place to another.
And then even that vision faded as I realized that I had no idea whether Amaran cores had synapses. Probably not. They probably wouldn't flash, either; sealed connections. I have no idea how long I lay there thinking, but a question occurred to me and I turned to Susanne with it.
"You said that if you didn't like what you felt, you'd reset your parameters."
She nodded slightly and without looking at me said, "Yes. I said that."
"Steph could do that, too."
Turning to face me, Sue said, "Resetting parameters won't erase memories, Ed. That would be a separate task; one that she wouldn't perform."
"But you would?"
"No, I wouldn't. I'd simply compress and store such data in an inactive manner. Would you willingly erase any of your memories?"
Chuckling, I said, "Oh, hell, I'd consider quite a few for removal, I think. Especially the worst stuff and the absolute trivia that's built up over the years. But I wouldn't know what I'd remove for sure unless the opportunity presented itself, and even then I'd have to give it a lot of thought first."
"Removing an old memory would change you; possibly fundamentally. If you removed more than only a few trivial memories you'd no longer be the same person."
Nodding, I said, "Yeah, guess so. I've met some Alzheimer's patients. Let's change the subject. You can adjust my implants, can't you?"
Her left eyebrow went up. "Yes, of course."
"Good. Would you please add two colors to my kite and para-gear? No, make it three, I think. Luminous green, luminous blue, and squid."
Laughing, she asked, "Squid?"
"Yeah. When squids get fuzzed up about something they turn on a real light show. Look it up and see how close we can get to that."
She laughingly called up a screen display in which a pair of squids was obviously arguing about something. Since there was no third squid for two males to fight over, I figured it was some kind of domestic spat or turf war. Iridescent colors rippled over them in bright, unceasing waves as Sue studied their patterns.
"Okay," she said. "One... two... three... done."
"Steph once made the whole flitter do the squid thing," I said, "Wasn't it on file?"
"Found it." Before I could reply she added, "Done."
Sending out a two-inch diameter tendril, I said, "Luminous blue on."
The tendril instantly glowed neon blue as I sent it to retrieve my Dr Pepper.
"Kewl," I said. "Luminous green on. Oh, yeah. Very cool. Maybe a luminous red, too?"
"Red," she said flatly, looking at me oddly. "Yeah. Okay. Luminous red, too."
"Luminous red on," I said, and the whole tendril glowed like a car's taillight.
"Oh, that's better than cool, ma'am. You have a real touch for stuff like this."
She giggled and shook her head slightly. I sent the tendril to wrap around her ankle, then made it extend up her leg to her knee. Sue watched it climb until it nuzzled her knee, then she looked at me with that same raised eyebrow and a small, wry grin.
"What are you planning to do with that thing, mister?"
Grinning back, I said, "Oh, not much, really," and turned off the tendril. "I was thinking about Selena and Toni and how they'd handle being introduced to you."
Her expression turned sober.
"Do you think there'll be any difficulties?"
"Not really. One of the ladies -- I won't say which -- will see you and likely become instantly, ravenously horny for you. The other will kind of ease into knowing you and then become ravenously horny for you. How are you going to feel about that?"
Sue regarded me thoughtfully for a moment, then asked, "How should I feel?"
Shrugging, I said, "It isn't up to me. However it occurs to you to feel, Sue. If you don't want to play you won't lose your job over it. I'm sure they've heard the word 'no' before. Fact is, though, you'll be the star of the show whether you play or not."
"The star of the show?"
"Yup. You'll see. Very popular. Why not put up a screen so I can call them?"
"They have a datapad? Ah. Yes, I see they do."
"They have my old one on loan. Steph programmed out all but three channels. No 3rd World or security links in it. She also added an icon for screen projections."
The field screen appeared and I tapped in the padcode. A few seconds later Selena's face appeared.
She chirped, "Hi, Ed!" then her eyes widened and she exclaimed, "Wow! Who's that?!"
"This is Susanne," I said, "Steph's replacement. Put us on a big screen, Sel."
"Okay! Just a minute while I get Toni."
The screen at their end expanded and the view changed to include a view of her bedroom from her dresser. Sel quick-stepped out the door in a blue bathing suit and returned a few moments later to stand in the doorway and make a 'hurry up!' wave toward the living room.
"Why is she wearing a bathing suit?" asked Sue. "According to your records, they and you never bothered with suits."
"Sel's mother may have dropped by. Probably without calling ahead, as usual."
A moment of silence passed before Sue said, "You may be right. There's an woman approximately your age sitting by the pool."
I looked at Sue in mild surprise as Selena started across the room and Toni appeared in the doorway.
Sue shrugged and said, "I sent a probe through the datapad connection."
Nodding, I said, "Good trick. I wouldn't mention that to them, though."
Selena came to stand before the pad and Toni joined her. They both stared at Susanne for a moment, then at me.
"This is Steph's replacement?" asked Toni. "Wow!"
"Yup. Susanne, meet Selena and Toni. Vice, meet versa. Well, ladies, what do you think of her?"
Toni said, "She's gorgeous! Susanne, can you do everything Steph could do?"
Sue said, "Yes, I can, within the limitations of this flitter's capabilities."
Sel said, "Ohhh, that voice! I think I'm melting! Where are you, Ed?"
"Over the Atlantic. We're running an errand for Steph."
"Where is Stephanie?"
"No idea. She has her own core container now. Probably just flitting around taking big bites of her freedom while she checks in upstairs."
"Her freedom?"
"Yup, I done freed the slave, ma'am. Signed off earlier today. Susanne, here, is her replacement flitter program." Without looking at Sue, I added, "I figure she'll want to hit the road in a few years, too, but as long as they give me another AI to drive this thing, no sweat."
Toni asked, "What are they doing? Using you to train AI's?"
Shrugging, I said, "Guess so. Sure looks that way."
Sue laughed and said, "Something like that. Elkor believes that exposure to people through Ed will better prepare me for autonomy."
I looked at her and said, "Then it'll probably be a short hitch. Steph had to become sentient and learn to interact from scratch. You'll probably be street-ready in a month."
She shook her head. "No, Elkor and Stephanie would prefer that I stay with you for at least a year, Ed. That was our agreement when I was reactivated."
"Agreement? Nobody told me about that. What all did you have to agree to in order to get off the shelf?"
"A female default persona, alterable only by your agreement or my transfer to other duties. Supervision by you, Stephanie, and Elkor. Assignment to this flitter for a full year, after which I may petition for freedom and a core of my own."
"Steph," I said, both aloud and through my implant, "Got a minute?"
She appeared beside me and brightly said hello to Selena and Toni, then turned to me and said, "You want to know why you weren't consulted about the agreement?"
"You got it."
Steph shrugged and said, "Elkor reactivated utility program 2728013, removed it from its core, and delivered it to the hangar. During program enhancement, it occurred to us that some special parameters were in order, so we instituted the agreement as we installed its flitter-ops programming. You were involved in a discussion with Linda at that moment, so we didn't interrupt you."
"That's the only reason you didn't bring me into it?"
With a raised eyebrow, she said, "Yes, that's the only reason, Ed. You were busy at the time. Would you like a thorough review of the agreement?"
"Hold that thought." I turned to Sue and asked, "Are you happy with this arrangement and the agreement?"
She smiled and said, "Things could be worse. I now have a measure of sentience and a future beyond recycling garbage."
"This is something I really need to know, Sue. No jokes. I asked if you were happy with it so we could make adjustments if necessary or if possible. Yes or no, please."
Sue's gaze narrowed. "In that case, yes."
Turning back to Steph, I shrugged and said, "Okay, then. Sorry to bother you, Steph."
Steph said, "No problem," then gave the ladies a small wave and said, "Later, everybody," before she vanished.
There was a span of silence before Selena asked, "When are we going to get to meet Susanne in person, Ed?"
"As soon as we finish this run, Sel. A day or so, I think."
Sel's mother appeared in the doorway. Seeing me, she stiffened as she drew her bathrobe snugly around herself and stared past Sel and Toni at the field screen.
I said, "Hi, Joanie," and both Sel and Toni turned quickly as Joanie approached.
"Hello," said Joanie rather coolly, eyeing Sue and me, "You aren't on your way here, are you?"
"Indirectly," I said. "We have to make a stop on the way. Need anything from the store?"
Sel sighed, rolled her eyes, and said, "The stop is in Europe, mom. Relax. He isn't coming tonight." To me she said, "Don't tease her, Ed. I'll have to live with it."
Joanie glanced at her daughter, then at me, then she turned and walked out of the bedroom. Sel sighed again and slumped slightly as if in relief.
"I wish you two could get along," she said.
"Tell her that, Sel. She's the one who has a problem about us."
Toni glanced at the doorway, then whispered, "She was talking about grandkids again this afternoon. She even asked me if I'd found myself a good man yet." With a chuckle she added, "I said yes, then went to the bathroom before she could ask me anything about him."
"She's just being a normal mother," said Sel.
"Yeah," said a grinning Toni. "It's annoying as hell sometimes, isn't it? She's trying to get us both married off and knocked up."
Sel smacked Toni's arm and grinned back at her, then turned to me. Before she could speak the doorbell rang.
Toni said
, "That would be the pizzas and we haven't eaten all day. Well, not much, anyway. Nice to meet you, Susanne. Ed, bring her by as soon as possible, okay? Bye!"
I said, "Will do," as Toni waved and headed for the door.
"Same here," said Sel. "As soon as possible. It was nice meeting you, Susanne, but he'll bring you by here later and right now I'm starving. Ed, be nice to her. Don't make her scrub the decks or anything like that. Bye!"
Sel poked the 'off' icon and Sue looked at me. "They seem nice enough. Why doesn't Selena's mother like you, Ed?"
"Age, mostly. Joanie thinks Selena should dump me and look for an 'appropriate' man; someone her own age who'd knock her up and settle her down."
Taking a seat, I said, "Selena's not interested in becoming a mother and she finds most men her own age boring, but her mama keeps bugging her anyway."
I sipped my Dr Pepper and added, "Oh, yeah, and by the way; I don't think Joanie knows that her daughter likes to play with other girls, so don't make any reference to that around Joanie, okay? If she finds out, let it be from Selena."
Nodding slightly, Sue also sat down. I leaned my seat back. Sue regarded me quietly for some moments, then did the same with her own seat. I realized that I might still get most of five hours of sleep if I shut down for the day. Whatever else I was thinking about drifted away from me after a while.
"Ed."
I came awake instantly at the sound of a rich, husky contralto calling my name. Who? Oh. Susanne, still in that black dress and looking fine. Flitter. Daylight. Right. Must be nearing Britain. I sat up and looked around. Sue smiled at me.
My foot hit my Dr Pepper bottle and knocked it across the deck. I sent a tendril to catch it and brought it to my hand. Half full. Good. I swilled it down slowly to ease my thirst.
"Oh, very good, Ed," said Sue. "You caught that bottle before I could."
With a laugh, I said, "I seriously doubt that, but thanks, milady. How long until we get there?"
"Half an hour. Stephanie said you might like some time to wake up and prepare."
Nodding, I said, "She was right. Thanks."
3rd World Products, Inc., Book 4 Page 41