“I miss him so much, and I miss her, God, I miss her, Desh,” I let slip with some agony and pain I really didn’t want to share.
“I miss her too,” he said to the wall.
“I don’t just miss her, Desh. I’m dying without her,” I whispered.
He let out an exasperated sigh. “It might feel like that, Joe, but you’re not. You’ll go on. Eventually for yourself, but for now, keep living for Orry and for her, for what she did for you.”
I knew he was right but it was hard to do when all I wished, all the time, was that she hadn’t done it.
Putting a hand on my shoulder, he patted it once. He gave me back the handheld, rested his elbows on his knees, and stared at the cave wall with me.
ROSA
Sometimes a moment can steel you. It needs to be strong, something memorable. This moment I would catch and hold to sustain me. Keep it protected in my locked up palms.
The feel, the taste, the touch. It was like fresh air. Delicious.
Harry’s hand on my shoulder guided me down the hallway like a blind person. It was a strong, yet gentle touch. I got the sense that Harry wasn’t really a bad man… just a man forced to do bad things. He wouldn’t hurt me unless I gave him reason to.
My eyes rolled to the bright, ceiling-high windows, the frost gathering in the corners of the glass like frozen breaths. Outside, the snow fought with the trees and plants, and was losing, with the sun as their back up. Thin sprinklings clung to the edges but slipped like melted icing. I tried to stop and look closer, but Harry steered me away. My hand crept up, trying to snatch a piece of the view and hold it. The air looked fresh, and I licked my lips at the imagined taste of it.
“Come on, Miss Rosa,” Harry urged quietly. “We have to keep moving.”
I sighed and shifted in my pajama pants and cardigan, my bare feet completely covered by the wide legs.
“Forgive me if I’m not in a rush to return to the torture room, Harry.” I said his name warmly, like I’d laid it out on the table and smoothed its wrinkles lovingly. It was accidental.
His eyes were regretful as he turned me away from him and continued to march me forward. I walked as slowly as he would allow.
Wheels tearing up carpet didn’t make much noise, but the huffing and puffing of the person pushing did.
“Move!” Grant barked as he stubbornly pushed his wheels while a soldier dressed in the black and gold uniform jogged next to him. Harry put out his arm and slammed me against the wall before Grant ran me over. I clamped my teeth together before I laughed. They looked like they were racing. I had the insane urge to declare a winner when they got to the end of the hall and had to stop to wait for the lift.
“Where?” Grant roared at the soldier, who jumped back a little. Grant’s face was crimson, sweaty, and his hair flopped over his brow. I enjoyed seeing him rattled more than I could have imagined. A little smile started to tug and encourage my mouth.
“Birchton, Sir,” the soldier replied, standing to attention.
“What?” His voice was a swinging trumpet that rose to a crescendo in disbelief. “Are you sure you’re information is correct?” Grant’s control slipped from him like rain over plastic. He was shining with beads of rage that sprayed from him as he screamed.
“Over three hundred escapees and at least twenty buildings destroyed, so far, sir.” The poor soldier looked like he might wet himself.
My mouth danced happily. Who cared if he saw it? A smile spread across my face so wide that it was tipping off my head and flying into the air. Harry’s arm still lay across my chest like a restraining bar and he turned his head towards me, warning me with his eyes.
“Stop smiling, Miss,” he said through large, gritted teeth.
Harry’s whispering caught Grant’s attention. He turned his upper body to us and glared. It was too late to suppress. My smile wafted over to Grant and slapped him squarely in the face so hard I could almost see his head whip back.
He would have loved to have stormed over here and slapped me back, but he couldn’t. My grin spread wider.
“So far?” His voice dropped low, but we could still hear him. “Close your stupid mouth, soldier. Do you want the whole compound to hear your lies?”
Too late.
The lift opened, and they entered. Grant turned to face us, his expression muddled. Smiling one second, menace the next. His world was changing without his authority, and it had unearthed him, roots bare and begging for water.
My face stayed the same, a grin slung ear to ear.
It was working. My idea, my plan, was working.
And even if I couldn’t see it, I could feel its effect rolling over us like a wave, flooding the Superiors’ compound and bringing their worst fears to the surface like lost treasures.
JOSEPH
The problem is, I can’t die. I can’t let my feelings win. I have my son to get back to. I have to make sure Rosa’s plans go ahead. I have to rise above the bodies. There are no choices that are my own now.
My dressings peeled back to reveal a scarred, scabby chest. But I was whole. I would heal. Physically anyway. There was no infection, just a lot of deep scratches. They would still hurt but getting up and moving was the best thing for my body. And my mind. Now I could get away.
“Looks good, Joe,” Elise said, shaking her pixie hair. “You’ve healed surprisingly well.”
“I always was a high achiever,” I quipped. She laughed. She seemed nice enough, and I thought maybe I should give her a chance.
Rash sniggered near the cave opening. “Yeah, a high-achieving asshole.”
I ignored him because I was in a better mood today. I stood up and rotated my torso, stretching.
“What’s his problem?” Elise asked, narrowing her eyes in his direction.
I lied. “He’s not a morning person.”
Rash snorted and spat on the ground by his feet.
Gus gathered the group in the entrance and said, “We need to vote on Elise’s suggestion. Who is in favor of detonating the bomb first, then playing the video near the outer wall of the compound?”
Almost every hand shot up except Gus’s. He shook his head. “I think it’s unwise but majority rules.”
Matt and a Spider would head down to Radiata soon. It would be a slow, steep descent over loose gravel. They donned grey camouflage over their jackets.
I stood and tugged the grey plastic over Matt’s pack to cover it properly. “Be careful,” I said, not that it meant anything really. Everything we did was pretty far onto the opposite side of careful.
They left us mid-morning. We packed our gear, ready to run if we needed, and waited in the cave entrance for the explosion.
I couldn’t see them, which was a good sign. The clouds were forming a gang over Radiata and the mountain. It had started to rain icy sleet that forced you to be alert.
After a lunch of more straggly birds Gus caught, we all went to our respective corners. I slammed a few things into a pack. I wanted to find a good spot to watch the show where I could be alone.
“I’m just heading up behind the cave, Gus.” I waved as I stepped out of the entrance. Gus acknowledged me with a nod and a spit on the ground as he picked a feather from between his teeth. I laughed inside—that would have made Rosa giggle.
Desh’s head poked up. “You want company?”
I smiled at him. “No thanks.” The anger was easing now. I could see him for the friend and father he was. None of this was his fault. But I needed to be alone with her.
I stepped out, and the cold hit me with a blast. It felt good on my sore, itchy chest. Behind the cave were the remnants of a large landslide. Giant boulders leaned against each other, wedged in and hopefully stable. I pushed on them. Solid. So I started climbing.
My muscles were remembering what they were for. They flexed and burned as I heaved myself up, as I skidded on the loose stones and caught myself.
What are you doing now? Are you thinking of me?
I pull
ed myself to the crest of a large boulder that was split in half with one part lower than the other, making a perfect seat. The rain had eased but the clouds hung around, which was perfect. It would make her image clearer.
I sat back with my knees up and rested my arms across, hanging my head between my legs. I listened to my breathing. Fog poured from my mouth and joined the air.
Somewhere, Orry was probably being laid down to sleep. He would fight it. Like his mother. I reassured myself Alexei would be watchful over both the boys. Pietre and Careen would be doing their best. But it should have been us, Rosa and me.
I sighed and my back fell deeper against the rock. I wanted to blame her for our distance, but we made the decision together this time.
The sun was sinking below the level of the mountain now. Sunset lit up the clouds in a brilliant, bursting way. Violent strokes of red slashed through the purples, like internal bleeding under a bruise.
The sun fell and the lights flickered on.
I searched for movement, but I could see none. My eyes squinted and strained, staring at the side of the concrete wall. Smooth, dull, and perfectly curved.
A puff of dust pushed out from the wall like a hard cough. A few moments later, a small, popping sound followed.
Then sirens wailed thinly as if mildly displeased. The only indication of how serious the situation was seemed to be the way all the lights swung around to focus on the explosion site.
The screen opened in the sky minutes later like daylight had cut through the night accidentally. The clouds were the perfect backdrop for the show. I waited, barely breathing, as the video began.
I didn’t notice Elise until she sat down with a thump next to me. “Great view,” she said breathlessly, pulling her sleeves over her hands.
I wondered why she’d followed me up here, but I tried to hide my annoyance.
“Yes, it is,” I replied absently. We were silent as the video played through.
She started talking just as Rosa appeared in the lines of pregnant girls. “How are you feeling? Should I check…?”
“Sh…” I said, putting my hand up to her face.
She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted like a child. “That was really rude,” she muttered.
I groaned, pulling my hair back with my hands and froze, my hands fixed over my head. There she was. I stared into the clouds, trying to will them closer.
“Rosa,” I whispered before I could stop myself. She blinked back at me, sad, disappointed. How could you leave me? she seemed to say.
“I’m sorry,” I told the clouds and the image of her from two years ago. That Rosa loved a different Joseph. I tried not to think about the Rosa of now and what was happening to her at this exact moment, because my mind conjured horrible things.
Elise played with her fingers. “It’s ok… you’re obviously stressed about something.”
“What? No.” I wasn’t talking to her.
God, she sounded like a doctor when she talked.
“Wow, look at that girl with heterochromia. Amazing eyes. She’s beautiful.” Elise said, pointing in the sky.
You don’t even know.
I should have told her, that’s Rosa, but I didn’t. I was hoarding her memory. I didn’t want to share it with anyone.
The image faded.
She was gone.
This was torture.
ROSA
Dry, crinkly hands like jerky. They were so much stronger than I would have thought. So much stronger than me.
A tub of water full of floating ice cubes shone in the bluish light. Blue like a gas flame but cold and harsh. The ice cubes rattled when a guard stood too close and nudged the tub with his leg. Tiny cute clinks, like glasses punched together in celebration. I’m trying so hard to remember a good time, a better place than this. The guard looked uncomfortable, scratching his stubble anxiously, which made me seriously afraid.
“Tell me about Joseph Sulle,” Mr. Hun asked, his face close to mine, his breath smelling of rotten vegetables.
“No.” He was light, he was hope, and he was waiting for me. Some things I had to keep for myself.
My hands were wrenched behind my back and tied at the wrists. I fought it, thrashing my head around until I could no longer see anything but my hideous hair slapping back and forth in front of my eyes. I breathed in. Panic stabbed me, in, out, in, out. My eyes went to the tub, just a plain plastic tub balancing on one, two, three bricks under each end. It was leaking, cold water seeping into the clay bricks. They were crying, or bleeding, weeping for me.
“Where is he?” A voice that warm shouldn’t belong to someone who was so cold, flat, and without a soul.
“No.” My teeth chattered and then clamped down. I wouldn’t answer any questions today.
The two guards on either side of me tried to push me to my knees. I resisted. One of them stamped into the back of my legs and I collapsed forward, my hair dipping into the water.
“Take a deep breath, Miss,” Harry whispered. I didn’t know why he was in here with me. Usually, he just walked me to the door…
“Tell me about Mister Sulle,” Hun asked calmly, softly, like he cared. A master of falseness.
I remained silent. Hun kneeled down next to me and grabbed my head, his palms cupping my ears. He tucked my hair behind them with his cruel fingers and shook his head at me.
Sadistic bastard.
“It doesn’t have to be this hard. Stop fighting. Tell us what we need to know and it will end.”
Yeah, you’ll kill me.
It’s coming, breathe. It’s coming… breathe, breathe, breathe.
Soon, you won’t be able to breathe.
I clamped my lips together and stared past Mr. Hun. The walls were covered in plump, dark blue quilted material.
Soundproof.
There was no count. Mr. Hun clawed the back of my neck, dug in, and plunged my head into the water so forcefully that my face hit the bottom.
Panic, panic, panic. I didn’t breathe. I forgot to take a breath.
The shock was hard, like a baton to the face. One where you wanted to gasp, but you couldn’t. I opened my eyes to bubbles in almost blackness.
I needed air. There was no air.
The cold crept up my nose, sucked into my ears. A dull thrumming, my heartbeat, surrounded by water, reminded me I was still alive. I bucked my head, but his grasp was like steel.
Bubbles. My voice. My head thrashing like a fish out of water.
Stop.
Please.
It was so cold. My head felt separate to my body. My lungs burning, scrabbling for air.
So cold.
My eyes closed. My mouth desperate to open, to draw in the liquid like it was air. I couldn’t hold on any longer.
Mr. Hun’s fingers pressed into my neck and drew me back. I surfaced and dragged in a breath, like a vacuum. Oxygen revived and hurt like hell.
I sat back on my heels and coughed out the water. The ice cubes danced on the surface. Battling, huddling on a sea.
He still held my neck and turned it so I was facing him. I watched his cracked lips move, his neck wobble as he talked.
“Tell me about Joseph Sulle.”
A hot tear warmed a line down my cheek as I shook my head. I won’t let you take him from me.
Mr. Hun sighed in disappointment.
One, two, three… Take a deep breath.
I am stronger than you think.
My hair clung to my face and neck in wet clumps. The top of my shirt was soaked. Mr. Hun cut my hands free and threw me a towel. Hands shaking, I dried myself as he studied me. His eyes narrowed to slits.
“Stay here,” he said, pointing to the chair in the middle of the room.
I balled the towel around my hands and grinned at him. “Aw… d-don’t go. Are the games over already?” My mouth quivered with cold. And fear.
Mr. Hun drew his shoulders up, and then released them in frustration. He shuffled out of the room, locking the door behind him.
As soon as he was gone, I collapsed in the chair, drew my legs up under me, and forced myself into a tiny ball. I curled into darkness.
How much more?
I leaned into comfort. Orry’s arms wrapped around my leg, supporting me. I leaned back into the chair that had become Joseph’s warm chest. His heart beat steady. You can do this, I told myself.
Feelings rose and fell, panic then strength, panic then strength. My heart either way.
The door opened.
Mr. Hun waddled in. I looked down at his feet and noticed his pants hung, crumpled, far over his shoes. He was a small, cruel man. Insignificant.
Harry rolled in a table and set it in front of me, his eyes more sorry than I could take. I searched for instruments, but it was empty.
Mr. Hun placed his hand on my head and forced it against the back of chair, wrapping a band around my forehead and tying it behind the chair. He did the same around my chest and neck. The towel slipped from my lap and onto the floor.
“What are you doing?” I asked, my voice drained of any impertinence.
He tied my wrists to the arms of the chair and placed both his sickening hands over my own. He looked like a cooked turkey a week old, dried-up.
“Giving you some time to think,” he said with a hacking smile.
Harry placed a screen on the table and loaded a video. He measured the distance between my chair and the table, and then chose to pull the table back a little further so it was just out of kicking reach.
He hit play, and then they quickly left the room.
My eyes darted from side to side, wondering what the next trick would be when I heard Este’s voice, high and shrill, squawking from the screen, her thin frame teetering in those red heels. “I d-don’t want b-b-blood on the carpets.”
It seemed so slow at the time, as if I could catch every second and examine it before the next one came along. This was just ugly and violent and blade smashingly fast. The guard lunged at Joseph, and I stepped in front of him. Just like that.
I wanted to hold my stomach, but I couldn’t. I wanted to look away. But all I could do was watch as the knife plunged into my stomach, the way it crippled me immediately. The disgusting gurgle and aha sound I made. My eyes wet as I stumbled forward, folded over, my hands fluttering over a wound that was just pouring blood like a faucet. I grabbed the knife and pulled it out with a sad grunt. Then I fell to the ground ungracefully like a pile of dirty laundry. My eyes still open. But dead. Dead.
The Wanted (The Woodlands Series Book 4) Page 10