by Jaci Burton
Maybe the wine tonight and the back rub would relax her. Though if she continued to wiggle against his crotch, he was going to get a hard-on. She might be all "let's be BFFs" about him, but ever since that one night in college, Nathan wanted Mia and that hadn't changed.
He'd sucked it up and toed the line on the friendship side because he cared about her happiness and that's what it was going to take to stay in her life, but if it was up to him she'd be in his bed.
Unfortunately, it wasn't up to him, and he respected her wishes. Though right now what she wanted was making it damned uncomfortable for his dick. With her moaning about the back rub and wriggling her butt between his legs, it was all he could do not to join in on the moaning. Instead, he gritted his teeth and did his best to make her feel good.
"You know what you really need?" he asked as he slid his fingers into her hair.
"Mmm. What's that?"
"A good screaming orgasm."
She stilled. "Isn't that a cocktail?"
He laughed. "No. Well, it might be. But that's not the orgasm I'm talking about."
"Oh. Yeah, you're right about that. I do need an orgasm. Or five. Or ten. It's been a long dry spell for me."
Great. He could already envision making her come--with his hands, his mouth and his cock. Why had he even brought it up?
Because you enjoy self-torture, Nathan?
"So why don't you have one? You can do it yourself, right?"
"I can. And I do. But you know it's not the same as having someone do it for you--or with you."
He slid back on the sofa so Mia couldn't feel his boner. This was a really idiotic topic of conversation and he had no one to blame for it but himself.
But now a thought entered his head. A really great one, too. "I have an idea."
She half turned. "You do?"
"Yeah. Let's have sex."
She laughed. "Nathan. No."
He turned her so she sat on one of his thighs. "No, listen, Mia. This is a really great idea. You and I are friends, right?"
"Yes."
"Neither one of us is looking for a relationship right now. At least I'm not."
"You know I'm not, either."
"So it's perfect. We both have high-pressure jobs, and what's a better pressure reliever than sex?"
"Okay, that's true, but, Nathan, we're friends."
"Exactly. We know each other. We trust each other. And we're not looking for anything permanent. So let's have sex. A friends with benefits thing. No strings."
She opened her mouth and he knew she was going to object. But then she paused. "Okay, say we have sex."
He grinned. "Yeah, say we do."
"And say one of us gets . . . emotionally involved."
"That won't be me."
"It won't be me, either, Nathan. Honestly, I just have too many other things going on in my life."
"Then what's the problem?"
"What happens when one of us wants to have a relationship with someone else?"
He shrugged. "Then we're done. We'll still be friends, just not sex friends."
She frowned. "You make it sound so simple and I don't think it is."
"Why isn't it that easy? We've been friends for years, Mia. I don't plan on changing that. Do you?"
"Of course not. I trust you."
"Same. But you obviously need to get off. So do I. And the dating thing right now is full of complications that I don't need or want."
"And what if tomorrow you meet the woman of your dreams and fall madly in love?"
His lips curved. "Not gonna happen. I don't have time for the woman of my dreams."
Her lips flattened and she gave him that look she always gave him when bullshit fell out of his mouth. "Say all the guys who will fall in love tomorrow."
"Fine. But I'm not one of those guys. And if you meet the man of your dreams tomorrow, then you and I go back to being best friends who don't have sex with each other."
She sighed. "It kind of sounds too good to be true. And I don't believe in too good to be true. I value our friendship and I don't want to lose it."
"If we do this the right way, and keep emotions out of it, we'll stay friends. I can handle it. Can you?"
"Of course I can."
He knew Mia was competitive. And even though this wasn't a contest, he knew if he'd told her he could keep emotion out of this and handle their relationship, she'd step up and say she could, too.
He could handle it. He liked Mia. He wanted to keep her in his life. And there was no way in hell he was going to get emotionally attached to her. He wasn't going to fall in love with any woman.
This was going to be easy for him. And he knew Mia was in love with her company, so despite her reservations, he knew she could handle this, too.
"You wanna think about it?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No. What I want is some relief from this constant stress."
He swept his hand over her thigh. "Then let me take care of it for you. In a purely clinical, non-emotional way."
She laughed. "Sounds so romantic."
"That's the key, isn't it? To keep the romance out of it?"
She looked at him for the longest time. But that's what Mia did. She considered things before jumping in.
Finally, she nodded. "You're right. Let's do this. Let's fuck."
His lips curved. Music to his ears.
He moved and lifted her off his lap, then stood and held out his hand.
"Okay, Miss Cassidy. Let's get you off."
FIVE
MIA LED NATHAN UPSTAIRS TO HER BEDROOM. SHE flipped on the light, then turned to face him.
"Now I feel weird."
He smiled at her. "Change your mind?"
"No. I just feel weird. Like this isn't spontaneous, you know?"
He stepped up to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Want me to take you back downstairs and ply you with more wine?"
Her lips curved. "No. I want to be mostly sober for this. I'm just . . . tense, I guess."
"Yeah, I know. That's your whole problem. And don't feel weird. It's me, Mia. I'm not some stranger that you picked up in a bar and brought home to get naked with."
"I realize that. Still, this wasn't something that was on my To-Do list for tonight."
"What? You didn't put 'Have Sex with Nathan' in your planner?"
"Shockingly, no. I'll have to add it in retroactively."
"With stickers? And what do those look like? Are there planner stickers for sex? With penises and vaginas?"
"You are not funny."
"Yes, I am. That's why you like me. I lighten your mood and make you laugh."
"Right now you need to make me come. So drop your pants."
He arched a brow. "Oh, so it's going to be like that, huh?"
"It is."
He stepped toward her. "You know what your problem is, Mia?"
She frowned. "No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."
"You're tense. And when you're tense, you're cranky. I can fix that. But we're not going to make sex all clinical."
"We're not?"
He swept his hand from her shoulder down her arm, feeling that slight shudder as her body responded. "No. We're going to make it sexy and fun. But with no emotion, of course."
"Of course."
He reached for the button on her cardigan, popped the button open and slid it off her shoulders. "Let's make you comfortable. Relax you."
Mia was anything but relaxed. She couldn't believe she'd even agreed to this. That after all these years, she and Nathan were going to do this again.
Back in college, it had been a wild, drunken tumble. Now she was sober and going into this wide-eyed and with all her faculties intact. Tomorrow there'd be no taking it back, no making a pact to be just friends.
Was she making an incredible mistake? She and Nathan had developed an amazing friendship over the past few years. Was she sacrificing that in the name of sex? Was losing their friendship worth it?
She
lost sight of all those questions when Nathan smoothed his hands over her body, rubbing her back in that oh-so-familiar way that was suddenly something way more sensual. She melted into his touch, into the way he seemed to know her body with such ease, such familiarity.
"That's it," he said, turning her so her back was to him. "I like touching you, Mia. I like putting my hands on you. Even when it isn't sexual between us, there's something about the softness of your skin that just gets to me. You feel like melted butter against my fingers."
She sighed at his words, got lost in the deep, husky sound of his voice. She leaned back against him and he brought his arms around to pull her closer. She felt his erection and it made her damp with desire. This was what she needed, what she wanted, but she couldn't turn off that warning bell that told her if she took this step with him, it would irrevocably change their friendship forever.
She pivoted to face him. "I can't do this."
He took a step back immediately. "Okay."
"I'm sorry."
"You don't need to be sorry. If you're not into this I totally get it."
"Oh, my God, Nathan. It's not that. I'm into it. Like, way into it. I want you. I just . . . We're friends. And that means more to me than anything. More than sex."
He nodded. "I get it. I really do."
"Do you? I don't want to hurt you."
He cracked a smile, that easy smile of his that always made her feel good. "You couldn't hurt me if you tried, Mia."
"So we're good?"
"We're good. Though I think I need a cold shower."
She looked down at his jeans, at his, oh, God, mouthwatering erection that she so wanted to get her hands and her mouth on. But she knew she couldn't do it. "I'm so sorry."
He laughed. "Don't be sorry. I'll take care of it when I get home."
"Oh, no, don't give me mental visuals of you whacking off. That is not making me feel better."
He slung his arm around her shoulder. "Really? Aww, too bad."
"Jerk."
They went downstairs and Nathan stopped at the door. "I'm heading out."
"Are you sure we're okay?"
"You know what I think?"
"What?"
"I think you worry too much. We're fine. I'll call you tomorrow."
"All right."
He leaned over and brushed his lips against her cheek. She couldn't resist shuddering at the contact. When he pulled back, she saw nothing on his face other than his signature friendly smile. No disappointment, no anger, just . . . Nathan. Her friend, Nathan.
"Night, Mia."
"Night, Nathan."
He walked out and she closed the door, feeling a mixture of relief and utter disappointment. She locked the door and went into the kitchen, contemplating pouring herself another glass of wine. Second-guessing that idea, she made herself a cup of tea instead and grabbed a book to read.
After an hour of reading, she realized she had no idea what the book was about.
She knew what she needed. She grabbed her phone and texted Monique.
U available?
Monique texted her right away.
Yeah. What's up?
She paused, almost pulling back from telling Monique what happened. But she trusted her as much as she trusted Nathan. And she had to talk to someone about this.
I almost had sex with Nathan tonight.
Just as she suspected, her phone rang right away. She pushed the answer button.
"What do you mean, you almost had sex with Nathan?"
"We went out to dinner. We talked. A lot. About tension and sex. He offered up his services."
"You mean as sex stud?"
"Something like that. More like a friends with bennies arrangement."
"And you turned him down?"
"Not at first."
"Okay. Hang on, I need to refill my wineglass for this."
She waited for Monique, trying to get tonight's events straight in her own head. She knew she'd made the right decision, but it didn't hurt to get her best friend's agreement on it.
"Okay I'm back. Now tell me everything."
She took a deep breath. "We had dinner. It was fun. Then we walked back to my place for some drinks. Nathan knows me so well and he picked up on my tension, so he gave me a shoulder rub. We talked and he suggested I needed sex."
"Which you do."
"Yes, I do. Then he came up with this wild idea that we should go down the friends with benefits rabbit hole."
"And you said no."
"Not at first. Well, actually, we discussed it at length."
"Of course you did."
She could picture Monique rolling her eyes. "You're rolling your eyes at me, aren't you?"
"You know it. Why not just get him naked, hop on his amazing magic penis and get yourself off, then throw him out the door?"
Theoretically, that sounded like exactly what she needed. It was exactly what Nathan had suggested. But this was the reality of her friendship with Nathan, and that made it a lot less than simply sex.
"That was the plan, but then I got scared."
"Scared of Nathan? Why? What did he do?"
"Not scared of Nathan. I was afraid of screwing up our friendship."
"Oh, honey. I totally understand. That was your freak-out in college after that night you two had together. But you're not the same people you were back then. You're adults now."
"I know, Monique. But we're even closer now than we were all those years ago. I don't want to do anything to mess that up. Is no-strings sex really worth it?"
"I can't answer that. Only you can."
"I don't know, Monique. I keep coming back to friendship being more important than sex."
"That's true. It is. But don't discount the fact you still need to get laid. And if Nathan is offering that to you, do you really want to turn him down?"
She sighed. "I don't know. I'm conflicted."
"I can tell. You're also under a huge amount of pressure with the business. A little release wouldn't be a bad thing."
"Says the woman who can get it anytime she wants."
Monique laughed. "I can and I do. Not that I'm not picky with the men I choose, because I am. That's why I'm giving you advice. You don't want to date right now, you don't want a relationship of any kind, so you might want to give some serious consideration to the benefits of having a good friend who's offering you exactly what you need. Sex with someone you know and trust. Without all those dating distractions and the emotional nonsense."
Monique had a point. She knew Nathan better than any guy. She trusted him. "I have some thinking to do. Thanks for letting me vent, and as always for your invaluable advice."
"That's what I'm here for, honey."
"Oh, how did it go with elevator guy?"
"All looks, no substance. Sadly, there won't be a second date."
Mia wrinkled her nose. "That's disappointing."
"Tell me about it. I had high hopes for that stud. I thought about having steamy sex with him anyway, but since he works in the building I tossed that idea since I'd have to see his face in the elevator every day."
"Good call. Okay, thanks for the talk."
"Anytime, honey."
"Good night, Monique."
"Night, Mia."
She clicked off and tossed her phone on the table next to the sofa. She thought about doing some work, then decided maybe some relaxing yoga would be more beneficial to a good night's sleep. She went upstairs, changed out of her clothes and pulled up one of her favorite calming yoga workouts on her netbook. The thirty minutes of breathing and stretching put her in a relaxed state, and when she was finished she felt immensely more at ease.
It might not be as good as a couple of screaming orgasms, but after she washed her face and brushed her teeth, she climbed into bed and turned off the light, keeping her breathing as normal as possible.
She stared out the window, trying to clear her head of the day's events. But Nathan kept popping in there and she couldn't
shake loose of the feel of his hands on her body.
She flopped over onto her back in disgust, feeling the tension return to her shoulders. What she really needed was those great hands of Nathan to give her a back massage.
While she was naked. She could already imagine him sliding his hands over her body, starting with her back and then roaming ever lower. She loved his hands, the way he moved his fingers slowly over her skin, as if he wanted to take his time getting to know every inch of her. Then his mouth would replace his fingers and he'd--
She rolled over onto her stomach and pulled the pillow over her head, willing the images to go away.
The thirty minutes of yoga had been totally wasted.
Giving up, she threw the pillow off her head, got out of bed and went downstairs to do some work.
SIX
AFTER LAST NIGHT, WHEN HE GOT ZERO SLEEP BECAUSE he tossed and turned with a hard-on thinking about what might have happened with Mia but didn't, Nathan got up early and hit the gym, hoping to relieve some frustration with a pounding workout.
Unfortunately, he used the same gym as Mia's big brother Flynn, who he ran into in the parking lot.
"Good to see our new quarterback at it early," Flynn said as they walked to the front door together.
"Yeah. I've got big shoes to fill."
"You'll do it. But if you need me to push you around some and toughen you up, feel free to ask."
Nathan laughed. As a defensive lineman for the Sabers, Flynn was as hard-hitting as they came. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."
They went inside and stored their bags. Flynn grabbed his phone and his earbuds. "Going for a run. Wanna join me?"
Since the track was exactly where Nathan was headed, he nodded. "Sure."
Nathan followed Flynn onto the track and shoved his earbuds in, flipped on his running music and started his pace. He tuned in to the music, paying no attention to Flynn, who ran ahead of him. Nathan stayed in his own head, marking his mileage, checking his heart rate and counting his steps as he ran. He dove into the beat of the tunes, picking up the pace as the music revved up along with his heart rate, pushing it like he always did right at the high point of the music tracks, then taking it down slow at the end, walking off the last two laps during the cooldown.
"Get a few miles in?" Flynn asked, walking up beside him.
Nathan's lips curved. "Yeah. How about you? Manage a mile?"
Flynn laughed. "Something like that. Ready to pound some weights?"
"Ready."
They walked off the track and stopped at the juice bar. Nathan grabbed an energy drink and Flynn went for water.
"You seen Mia lately?" Flynn asked.