by Jaci Burton
She tilted her head to the side. "They could still be lurking."
"In the parking lot?" He looked around. "I don't think so."
"You have a lot to learn about the media, Nathan."
He laughed. "Whatever you say. I'll see you in a few."
They made their way over to Tara and Mick's house. On the way there, Mia couldn't empty her head of all those reporters. Of their whispers and all the cameras focusing on the two of them.
Why did it have to be such a big deal who Nathan dated? Or if he dated anyone? And why did the thought of the reporters and what they were going to write consume her with dread?
She pulled up in front of the house and pulled up social media.
And she had her answer.
Some of the sports feeds had already picked up the story--with pictures.
Is Nathan Riley dating Mia Cassidy?
Riley + Cassidy. A New Dynasty in the Making?
How Will Nathan's Love Life Affect His Game Play?
As if those weren't bad enough, there were worse ones. Is Mia Cassidy Courting Nathan Riley for Her New Sports Management Company? And Mia Cassidy Building Her Sports Management Brand by Getting Close to Nathan Cassidy.
Shit.
Mia gripped the steering wheel. Shit, shit, shit. One innocuous photo of Nathan with his arm around her and suddenly there were multiple headlines about his love life. And even worse, accusations of her getting close to Nathan in order to build her business. Nothing on his stats, or how well he was playing for the Sabers, but on his love life. And on her using Nathan.
Goddammit.
She could handle herself just fine, could diffuse talk about her using him for her company. But she couldn't let the focus shift from Nathan's play onto the two of them. Publicity of any kind that wasn't game related, especially now, was not good for Nathan's career. Nothing should pull focus from football.
She looked over at the house. Everyone was there.
If Nathan had been one of her clients, she'd tell him to take a step back from the relationship, to focus on football.
The season was about to start and that's where his head had to be--where all his attention needed to be.
She knew what she had to do.
She pulled out her phone and sent him a text message.
Have a headache. Going home. Tell everyone I'm sorry I can't make it.
She put her car in gear and started for home.
Her phone pinged on the way but of course she couldn't answer when she was driving.
She didn't answer her phone after she got home, either, not even when it rang. Instead, she changed into shorts and a T-shirt, poured herself a glass of cabernet and settled in on the sofa with her planner and her laptop, working out her plan for next week.
It was time she focus on work, too. She had to put her attention on her job and not on the man she . . .
Well, it was time to concentrate on other things.
She was deeply into planning the week when her doorbell rang. She sighed, knowing who it was.
Dammit, Nathan.
She got up and opened the door. He didn't even wait for an invite, just walked inside.
"You don't have a headache."
She closed the door. "How do you know I don't have a headache?"
He turned to her. "First, you look amazing. Second, you squint when you have a headache and you're not squinting. Third, you have red wine on the table over there and you always drink white when you have a headache."
Damn the man for knowing her so well. "Fine, I don't have a headache."
She went over to the sofa and sat down. He followed, sitting next to her on the sofa. Or as close to her as he could since she had her paperwork spread out everywhere.
And she wasn't going to move it, because she needed the barrier.
"So why did you blow off the party?"
She shrugged. "I had work to do."
"You could have said that. But I still don't think that's the reason. Something's bothering you."
"I just needed to be alone."
"Why?"
Break it off, Mia. Be quick and brutal about it and break it off.
Just the thought of it cut her sharply. But she knew she had to do it. "I don't know, Nathan. I've been doing a lot of thinking. You're busy, I'm busy. You're about to start your season and I have so much going on. I just don't think this is working between us."
The shock and hurt on his face was evident. And she hated it. She wanted to take it all back, but she wouldn't.
"Wait? What? What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about us. I need a break."
No, no. Not a break. She needed to make it more final. A break indicated that they might get back together. She needed to remember the press. She didn't want any more of that. It wasn't good for Nathan's career. "I mean, not a break. I just need . . . I'm sorry. I need to not see you anymore."
He just stared at her as if she were some alien that had crawled out of a human body. Which was exactly what she felt like.
Because she was lying. To him and to herself. And the hurt look on Nathan's face made her want to crawl onto his lap and cry and tell him she was lying, that she didn't mean any of what she'd just said. She wanted to tell him she loved him. Instead, she was breaking up with him.
"You are so full of shit," he said.
"Excuse me?"
"What's really going on, Mia?"
"I just told you."
"No, you didn't. You made up some bullshit story about work."
"It is not bullshit."
"When did you stop trusting me, Mia?"
His words shocked her. "I've never stopped trusting you."
"Haven't you? Because it seems to me the closer we get, the further you pull away from me. You used to tell me everything. Every thought you had, every feeling you felt. Hell, even shit I didn't want to hear sometimes. And now you're feeling a lot of things but you're telling me nothing. You're holding back. So why don't you trust me anymore?"
His words hurt like a knife going through her heart. Because he was right. She had always told him how she felt. And now, when she really needed to tell him everything, she couldn't. Because in order to protect him she had to lie to him.
"I do trust you. And I am telling you the truth, Nathan. I need you to take a step away. This is all too much for me. Being with you is pulling my focus away from my work and I just can't do it. I mean, look at all of this."
She waved her hands over her file folders and her planner and her laptop. "I have so much work and I'm neglecting it because I'm spending all of my time with you. And I just can't do that. I have to put all my attention on my company. I'm afraid I'll fail because I'm not giving it the focus that it needs. I just don't have the time for a relationship right now. I'm sorry."
Again he gave her that look of disbelief. For a few seconds she thought he was going to push at her again, to tell her she was lying to him.
She'd continue to fight him, because even though he didn't know it, she was fighting for him. For his career and for his future.
And for her own.
"Tell me the damn truth, Mia. What's going on?"
She knew he wouldn't walk away from her so easily. She decided to use what the media said about them to get him to leave her.
She stood. "Fine. You want the truth? I warned you about the reporters. But you refused to listen. And now they're targeting me, saying that I'm using you to benefit my business. I can't have that, Nathan."
He frowned. "What?"
"I can't be seen with you anymore. It's hurting my company."
She showed him social media, but only pulled up the ones that mentioned her using Nathan to grow MHC.
"Well, that's a load of shit."
"You know that and I know that, but optics is everything. And I can't have anything negative affect MHC."
"I can deny it."
She rolled her eyes. "Like that will do any good. I can't afford negative press right now.
My company is more important to me than anything. Even you."
She saw the hurt on his face and it nearly buckled her legs. It took everything in her to stand firm and stare him down.
"Really," he said.
"Yes, really. I'm sorry, Nathan, but I can't do this with you anymore. It could spell disaster for me."
"This is really what you want. You're not willing to fight for us."
She gave him a curt nod. "No. I can't. Maybe sometime down the road things will be different."
She wanted to cry because the pain on his face destroyed her. But she held her chin up and met his gaze.
"Sometime down the road? Do you even hear yourself, Mia? This doesn't even sound like you. I've never known you to be so fucking cold."
She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling as cold as the words she spit at him. "I'm sorry. I really am. This hurts me, too, Nathan."
"Does it? Because it's like I don't even know the woman standing in front of me."
She shrugged, afraid if she said anything more the tears would fall and she'd end up blurting out that everything she'd said was a lie.
"Okay. If that's the way you want it, fine. We're done."
He turned around and walked out the door, shutting it behind him.
She waited a full fifteen minutes, making sure he didn't come back--part of her hoping he would. But when she was sure he was gone for good, she set her laptop aside, placed her folders and planner into a neat pile on top of it, then brought her knees up to her chest and let the tears come.
THIRTY-FOUR
THEY'D LOST THEIR LAST PRESEASON GAME BY ONLY four points. It was only a preseason game, but Nathan hadn't felt like himself. He'd been off. Coach had told him they'd all been off their game that day and for him to shake it off.
Whatever. He knew the loss of that game was on him. He'd lost his focus and he hadn't been able to rally his team to victory.
Jamal had told him to shake off whatever it was because the regular season was starting and he needed to look forward, not back.
Jamal was so right about that, in so many ways.
Today was the first official game of the season and he had to get his head right. He'd worked hard this week to put his mind-set where it belonged--on football. They'd finalized the roster, the rookies all looked ready and the offensive line was mean. His receivers were sharp and Nathan knew the playbook like his own personal bible. He should be charged up and ready for this.
Except he wasn't. His gut was tight and it felt like rocks sat in his stomach.
He missed Mia, and no amount of attempting to push her out of his head the past two weeks had helped get her out of his system. Or his heart.
He'd replayed their conversation over and over and it still made no sense. He knew the media thing had been worrying her, but they'd always worked things out together. Plus, she was a shrewd businesswoman with a great PR team. His team had one as well and they could have figured out a way to spin this in their favor.
She'd never even given them a chance. It was like she'd turned into someone he didn't even know. So what the hell was it that had flipped her switch so suddenly, that made her push him away?
"You ready, kid?"
He jerked his head up to see his coach standing over him, which meant his thoughts about Mia were going to have to be pushed away until after the game.
Nathan stood. "Hell yes I'm ready."
Coach grinned and slapped him on the shoulder pad. "Let's go."
The team waited in the tunnel and, when it was time, came running out to the earsplitting sounds of the sold-out stadium. Nathan felt fortunate to have a home game to start the season. They'd follow up this one with two road games, but at least he'd have the home crowd support on his side to start things off.
He'd like to say he was confident as fuck, but that would be a lie. He was as nervous as he'd been at the start of his first preseason game. But he hid that from his teammates because they needed to be able to rely on him.
This was the real deal. This game counted. And he wasn't going to let them down. So he sucked up all that nervous energy, determined to use it to his benefit.
And hopefully, he wouldn't screw up. Because he wasn't going to get a second chance at this.
He had to wait it out a bit because the Sabers won the toss and deferred, so Arizona had the ball first. He went over the offensive game plan with his coach and tried to keep his nerves in check. Fortunately, and thanks to Flynn and the defense, Arizona went three and out and offense was up.
Jamal came over to him and shoved into his shoulder. "You got this."
Nathan gave him a quick nod. "I know."
He'd gotten nothing but positive remarks and vibes from his offense all week. They believed in him.
Now he just had to believe in himself.
MIA HADN'T WANTED TO MISS OPENING DAY. SHE'D wanted to be there, at the stadium, but for now it was best if she stayed out of the spotlight. Once things died down and the media found something else to talk about, she could go to the games again.
There had been a few more articles about Nathan and her, but there had been no facts, only supposition based on a few photos of the two of them together. They'd even interviewed Mick Riley, who'd told them how Nathan and Mia had been friends since college. He'd left it at that, so there'd been nothing for the press to chew on.
For the past two weeks there'd been nothing but football for Nathan, and for her, work. And those two had been separate. Which was a very good thing for both of them.
Except her heart hurt so badly she could barely draw a breath.
She knew she'd hurt Flynn's feelings when he'd asked her if she was going to be there today and she'd told him no. And he hadn't believed her when she'd told him she had work to do. But there was nothing she could do about that. He'd just have to deal with it.
She was hurt, too. For so many reasons. She wanted to be at the game, cheering on her brother.
Cheering for Nathan.
Instead, she was in her raggedy old shorts from college, her favorite Sabers T-shirt, sitting with her feet cross-legged on the couch watching the game on TV while eating cheese and drinking wine.
She was so miserable and lonely she wanted to cry. Instead, she ate more cheese, then got up and poured herself another glass of wine, determined to suck it up for Nathan's sake.
God, she was so pathetic.
The first series went amazing. Nathan didn't look at all nervous as he threw the ball to his receivers. A couple of dropped passes and missed connections, but that was to be expected in his first game of the season. Once he settled into the pocket, she could see his confidence grow and he connected solidly with Jamal on a twenty-three yard pass.
She pumped her fist in the air, trying to feel as if she was part of the stadium crowd.
Another pass in the next series of downs for twelve yards. Then another for sixteen.
Now they were rolling. The running game looked solid as well, and when Nathan skirted around a defensive lineman and threw a pass to the tight end for a touchdown, she nearly spilled her wine when she leaped off the couch and cheered. She had to set her wineglass down to do her own touchdown dance. Her heart was racing and she wanted to hug and high-five someone.
Only she was alone. She didn't have Amelia or the other players' wives or Tara or anyone with her.
This sucked.
She shook her head. "No, this is fine. I'm doing the right thing."
She sat and picked up her planner, making some notes for next week's meetings while she watched the game. It was time to calm down.
The game progressed well. The opposing team didn't score on them until well into the second quarter, and then, only a field goal.
Mia grinned. That would make Flynn happy. And the Sabers had scored another touchdown, which was even better.
By halftime they were up fourteen to three. Mia got up to stretch and make herself a salad. She decided before she ate she'd head upstairs to do some yoga, which might
help alleviate some of her tension. She did a few light stretches, working on her breathing and clearing her head. She felt much better after and settled in with her salad to watch the second half of the game.
She picked up her phone to see a text message from Amelia.
Miss you. Wish you were here at the game.
And another one from Wendy.
Girl. Why aren't you here? Work can wait!
She sighed.
She texted them both that she missed them, and that she'd be there next time.
Maybe. Maybe not. It would all depend on how the media handled Nathan after the game. Nathan might not realize why she'd broken up with him, but when he did his presser after the game and they focused only on the game and not on the chick in the stands who'd been rooting for him, he'd thank her.
Nathan was a superstar in the making, and that's where all the attention should be. If he had a good management company supporting him, that's exactly what they'd tell him. No girlfriends, no PR about girlfriends, nothing to take the focus away from his career.
This just wasn't the right time for them. She knew that, and he'd come to realize it as well.
Even if she didn't sleep well at night anymore. Even if her heart hurt every day. Even if she did still love him, and probably always would.
She was tough. She'd get over it.
THIRTY-FIVE
THEY'D WON. BY THE TIME HE'D FINISHED THE FIRST series with a touchdown, Nathan had known they were going to win this game. He'd felt the confidence rushing through him. His team had felt solid on both sides of the ball.
He felt great. Now he just had to get through media interviews, which so far were going well.
"How did you feel going into your first regular game of the season?"
"Confident. Coach has put together a talented team on offense. Defense held Arizona to two field goals, making it easier for us to do our jobs. All in all, I thought it was a great start to the season for the Sabers."
"Any concerns about the team at any level?"
"None at all. Everyone's healthy and as you could see from the game play today, everyone's pulling their weight at every position. I'd say we're in fine shape for the start of the season."
"So you feel focused and ready to roll?"
Nathan smiled. "Yup."
"What about your personal life? Are you still seeing Mia Cassidy?"
He'd expected the question. "My personal life isn't up for discussion. Let's stick to football."
"Was she at the game today?"