by Karen Rock
Too anxious to sleep, she’d spent most of last night imagining how their lunch would go—what she would say, what he would do.... Would their old friendship rekindle or would they sit awkwardly like strangers? He’d always been her rock, strong and considerate when her world had fallen apart. Her mind flashed back to the summer she’d turned thirteen, when her parents had divorced.
“You’re taking me out of camp and making us move upstate on parents’ weekend?” she’d demanded when her mother had called the day before she and Kayleigh’s father were supposed to visit her at Otter Creek.
“Well...I...ah—” Her mother had cleared her throat, then seemed to take a long gulp of something before finally saying in a rush, “Your father and I are getting a divorce.”
“A what? Why? You and Daddy are happy.” Her heart had taken flight in her chest and beat against her ribs trying to escape. How could this be? They’d never fought like her friends’ parents. It didn’t make sense.
“We’re just not compatible,” her mother had said with a breathy sigh.
Kayleigh had turned her back on her inquisitive camp director and cupped her hand around the phone and her mouth. “What does that mean?”
“Your father and I don’t get along. I’m sorry, but we’re getting divorced.”
“And why didn’t you figure this out before you got married?” Her voice had risen, anger and fear lancing through her. Her artist mother and stockbroker father had always seemed like a mismatch, but they’d made it this far. Why break up? And why call now instead of waiting to tell her when camp ended? When Kayleigh was home, in familiar surroundings, better able to process the devastating news?
It had felt as though the world had reversed its spin, and everything she’d assumed about her life and family was wrong, her faith in both broken.
“We rushed into it. Please understand.” Her mother’s voice had turned pleading. “If we’d taken more time, maybe this could have been prevented.”
“What about Chris and me? Don’t you care about us? How we feel?”
“Of course we do. We’ve waited to tell you until now so that you’d enjoy the first part of the summer with your camp friends and have the second half to get used to your new home. It’s what’s best for you. You trust me, don’t you?”
Speechless, Kayleigh couldn’t imagine what to say. How could she trust her mother after this? Dropping the phone, she’d raced outside to discover Niall waiting beneath a pine tree. His eyes had searched hers, and he’d taken off after her as she’d dashed down to the beach, needing to be near water. Its undulating surface and calm blue depths had always soothed her restless spirit.
His shoulder had brushed hers as they’d sat on the dock, their feet swinging. Although he hadn’t spoken, his quiet, steady presence had reassured her in a disintegrating world.
“They’re divorcing, and they didn’t give us any warning. Not even a hint,” she’d said at last, her harsh voice startling a mallard that took flight, squawking.
“I’m sorry, Kay. That really sucks.” Niall had unclenched her hands and held one in his own. Despite her anguish, she’d felt a shimmer of pleasure at his touch.
“I hate them.” She’d chucked one of the rocks she’d scooped up on her run to the navy water, glad at the loud splash it’d made. “They only care about themselves. Not me and Chris. Mom’s moving us upstate tomorrow, and I don’t even get to say goodbye to my friends.” She looked into his large brown eyes. “Except you.”
“I don’t want to say goodbye,” he said, his voice cracking at the end.
Kayleigh chucked another rock, farther than the last. “We don’t have a choice, because my parents made it for us. According to them—” she’d made air quotes “—they ‘know best’ and need to separate because they don’t get along.”
He’d used the bottom of his shirt to wipe away the angry tears flowing down her face, his touch gentle, his soulful eyes full of concern.
“You said they didn’t spend a lot of time together.”
She’d swallowed hard, recalling that her mother had often disappeared into her studio behind their brownstone. “If they didn’t want to be together, then they shouldn’t have gotten married. I’m never going to be like them. Never getting divorced.”
He’d pulled her head to his shoulder and rested his cheek atop it. “Lots of people do.”
“Not me.” Determination had gripped her. “And I know how to make sure of it. Can I borrow your notepad and pen?”
Niall had reached into his shirt pocket and pulled them out. No matter how much he was teased, he’d always carried them around to jot down ideas.
“Are you writing them a letter?” he’d asked. The bright afternoon sun brought out the lighter brown strands in his dark hair and a fleck of gold in his eyes. Funny that she’d never noticed it before. A fluttery feeling took her by surprise. This was Niall, she’d reminded herself. A good friend. Practically a brother. Nothing more. Yet suddenly it’d been hard to look him in the eye.
She’d pulled the pen from between her teeth. “I’m making a list for myself. Traits for the perfect man. That way, if I follow the list, I’ll marry someone I’m compatible with. Guaranteed happiness. No surprises. You should make one, too.”
Niall’s eyes widened. “No. It’s not necessary. I—”
Her hand had fallen on his tensing biceps. “Please, Niall. I need to get my mind off my parents. Plus, you should find the right person someday, too. We can share our lists after, okay?”
Yet somehow they’d only gotten around to hearing her list—all fifty traits and her rationale for each. They’d talked until curfew, not wanting to waste a minute before her mother and brother, who’d been away at football camp, arrived the next day and separated them. It hadn’t been until he’d stood beside her car, her bags in the trunk, that a thought had struck her.
“You never shared what was on your list.” Her flip-flops had traced a figure eight in the sandy soil. For some reason, she’d felt self-conscious. When she’d peered up at him, his eyes had slid from hers.
“There wasn’t much to read.” He’d rubbed the back of his neck and shifted his weight from one foot to another.
“I’m going to miss you,” she’d blurted, then dropped her eyes when his startled gaze had met hers.
“Me, too. But we’ll call and see each other when you visit your dad in Brooklyn. I—” But whatever he’d been about to say had been lost when her mother had laid on the horn and Chris had given them a wolf whistle out the window, making her blush. They were just friends, yet somehow it’d felt as if they’d outgrown that term the night before, sitting by the lake.
“I’d better go. Goodbye.” Too embarrassed to hug him in front of her family, she’d simply waved and dashed to the car. As they’d backed out of the drive, she’d noticed Niall swiping his eye, as though he’d gotten something in it.
It was one of her most vivid memories, along with holding his hand during his father’s funeral the following year. They’d gone through so much together. Maybe now, at last, they’d talk about what’d happened in the war and comfort each other.
And that’d happen in minutes. Her nerves jittered. Would he be the way she remembered or different, the distant loner MaryAnne had described? It was hard to imagine.
She peered down the row of bagel shops, pizzerias and hair salons. Beyond them, she spotted Five Leaves’s glass-and-dark-wood exterior and blew out a nervous breath as she quickened her pace.
The old-fashioned gilt letters Oyster Bar caught the noonday sun, gleaming above Five Leaves’s oversize door. She stepped inside the air-conditioned space, the briny scent of seafood transporting her to Coney Island, where she and Niall had gone on so many adventures as kids. In a moment she’d see Niall again, and the thought made her shiver in nervous anticipation.
“May I help
you?” A young woman wearing all black, her hair in a slick ponytail, stepped from behind a small podium.
Kayleigh’s eyes followed the hostess’s down to the run in her nylon, and she tucked one leg behind the other. “I’m here to meet a man.”
The woman’s eyes widened, and her nose piercing twitched. “Anyone in particular? There are quite a few at the bar.”
Kayleigh felt her forehead bead and started again. “His name’s Niall Walsh. He’s got dark hair...” Her voice trailed off. Did he look the same after his time in the army? She imagined his tall, wiry form and boyish handsomeness.
“She’s with me,” a husky voice interrupted her. She whirled, shocked into silence at the powerfully built man looming beside her. He’d definitely filled out from his military days. Her eyes flicked to his left leg, but not so fast that he didn’t catch her glance, his lips firming in a straight line. Warmth crept into her cheeks. She hadn’t wanted to make him feel self-conscious, but she’d gone and done it anyway. Not the best start to their reunion.
“It’s good to see you, Niall.” She searched his eyes, a jolt of familiarity zipping through her veins. The deep brown depths held the gold flecks she could count by heart, his lashes so thick they’d look girlish if not for his angular, masculine features. He’d always had high cheekbones, but now there was sharpness in his face, as if someone had chiseled out his firm, square jaw and the prominent brow that gave proportion to his strong nose and full lips.
His chestnut-colored hair was no longer clipped short, but layered lightly across his forehead and ears. He’d transformed from the young, earnest man she’d known to a handsome stranger. She flushed despite the steady stream of cool air blowing from an overhead vent. MaryAnne should have warned her about this change. It was doing something funny to her stomach.
“Shall we?” He held out his arm, and she took it, feeling awkward. Once she would have flown into his arms, and he would have swung her, laughing. But those days seemed distant, out of reach. Hopefully, they’d loosen up over lunch. She’d lost so much since she’d last seen Niall—Chris, her job, Brett. She wondered about Niall’s losses and knew the past few years must have been very difficult for him.
They ambled through the nautically decorated restaurant, navigating a maze of dark wood tables. Kayleigh forced her racing thoughts from the man beside her and surveyed the scene. The room resembled the inside of a ship with a wood-slatted ceiling, a brass railing along the oak bar and fishing nets and lures dangling from the walls.
Locals dressed in shorts, tank tops and flip-flops jabbered around them, their voices competing with a Jimmy Buffet tune. She hoped they wouldn’t have to shout to hear each other. There was so much she wanted to say.
She peeked at Niall’s stern profile. He looked as uncomfortable as she felt. But this was Niall. The boy she’d beaten in a bubble-blowing contest when they were eleven, the teen who’d taught her how to parallel park, the high school senior who’d celebrated with her when they’d been admitted to the same college, the young man who’d promised to write her every day from Afghanistan and then had stopped communicating with her altogether.
In crisp khakis and a white polo shirt that showed off his coloring and broad shoulders, Niall looked great. He was pale, probably from staying indoors as MaryAnne mentioned, but handsome. It felt as though she looked at him through the shifting lenses at an eye doctor’s office. One minute she saw him as her old pal, and the next she glimpsed an unfamiliar man with experiences and secrets she no longer knew. How strange to feel as if she was meeting him for the first time.
He pulled out the curved wicker back of her chair before taking his seat across from her.
“It’s good to see you,” she began, her voice sounding strained. Niall’s steady gaze was making it hard to concentrate. She hadn’t expected to feel this nervous and tongue-tied around him. “I hope you’re not here because MaryAnne forced you—”
“Let’s order, shall we?” he cut in, and flipped open his menu, Kayleigh dismissed. He could have been a drill sergeant rebuking a private.
Her temperature rose, but she bit her tongue. Was it possible he was nervous, too?
“And how are you two today?” chirped a waitress with blond hair dyed blue at the ends. She filled their water glasses and smiled, bouncing on the balls of her sneakers.
“Fine.” Niall lowered his menu.
“Would you like a table away from the kitchen?” Her eyes dropped to Niall’s left leg, and her mouth turned down in a sympathetic shape. “I saw you come in, and I wouldn’t want the servers to accidentally knock into your prosthetic as they go in and out with food.”
Kayleigh winced. Her losses had shaken her view of herself and life. She could only imagine how losing a limb had impacted Niall.
“We’ll stay,” growled Niall, his expression ominous. “And when I need your concern, I’ll ask for it.”
The server paled beneath her heavy makeup. “Then, may I start you off with a couple of drinks?”
“I’ll have a diet soda, please.” The waitress returned Kayleigh’s smile, but her face fell when she glanced back at a grim Niall.
“And you, sir?”
“Water’s fine,” he bit out.
“Bottled—”
He held up his glass. “Any more questions?”
“Very good,” she quavered, and rushed away.
Kayleigh’s fingers tightened around her menu at his abruptness. With each passing moment, her memory erased a bit of the friend she knew and replaced it with this harsh stranger. She needed to get past his grim exterior and discover if the person he’d been still existed.
“Do you know what you want?”
You, she almost said out loud. What if he misconstrued it? Thought she insinuated something other than friendship? Before he would have known exactly what she meant, but now she wasn’t sure.
“Yes,” she said at last. “How about you?”
“Of course.” His dark eyes looked straight into hers. “I always know what I want.”
CHAPTER FOUR
RIGHT NOW, NIALL couldn’t deny that he wanted to be here, with Kayleigh. Since he’d last seen her four years ago, the sweet, funny girl he’d known had matured. Her luminous gray eyes held the silver flash he recalled, and her long black hair still curled around her face. Yet there was something different about her. Gone was the girl he’d gone to camp with, and in her place was a stunning woman. Her green sundress set off her gold-toned skin and showed off curves that made it hard to look away.
How long since he’d held a woman? He gave himself a mental shake as he caught himself staring at her mouth. This wasn’t a date. He’d come to advise and cheer up an old friend. Nothing more. And the sooner he ate and left, the better. So far, Kayleigh hadn’t treated him like a charity case, nor did she know his hand in her brother’s death, and he wanted to keep it that way. His strange reaction to her only complicated things further.
“Excuse me?” he asked when her soft lips moved.
“It’s been a while.” Kayleigh’s uptilted eyes searched his. “Too long.”
His fingers curled on his lap as he battled the urge to reach for her hand. “I’ve been busy.” The feeble excuse hung in the air between them, and he opened his mouth to clarify his meaning, then closed it. Better to let her think the worst of him. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be as bad as he deserved. He didn’t want her thinking they would go back to being friends.
“I’m sorry about your injury. Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“It’s in the past,” he said, then gritted his teeth against the truth that rushed to escape him. Instead, he swallowed it down and the familiar, hard weight settled in his stomach.
“Where were you stationed?” Her voice was almost too low to hear over the loud background music.
His g
ut twisted as he recalled the acrid smell of explosives around the besieged, remote outpost on his last day in Afghanistan. The slick sweat of his skin beneath his body armor. The staccato fire of bullets and flares of light where grenades hit. The screams of wounded soldiers and insurgents, along with his commander’s order to abandon the post. His hasty decision to double back and grab a hard drive containing classified information.
In the rush, he’d initially left it—a big mistake for a signal combat officer. It was his responsibility to maintain and protect communications. His eyes closed as he recalled the pain that’d ripped through his calf, how he’d been thrown several feet and grabbed by a Green Beret from the unit that’d been called in when the ambush began. When they’d staggered to the Humvees, they’d fallen by the wheels, the soldier’s limp body on top of him. Reaching around the man’s back, Niall’s fingers had come away sticky and red and he’d realized, with horror, that his rescuer was dead.
It wasn’t until Niall had regained consciousness, days later, to see his bandaged stump, that he’d learned a truth more painful than his injury. During his debriefing, his rescuer’s name had been shared. Chris Renshaw. Kayleigh’s brother.
His missing limb could never equal the loss of a family member. If he had grabbed the hard drive in the first place or left the post when ordered, Chris wouldn’t have stayed behind to make sure he got out. Kayleigh wouldn’t have lost her brother. Simple as that.
“Kunar,” he said to her at last, when she repeated her question. He gulped his water, then forced himself to ask, “Is your brother still in Afghanistan?” Keeping this from her was even harder than he’d imagined. Especially when he remembered how much her parents’ secrets had hurt her. No matter the time or distance, he still felt protective. Wished he could shield her. Ironic, considering he’d wounded her worst of all.
Kayleigh’s eyes closed. “He’s in Arlington Cemetery now. He was killed in a classified mission. That’s all the army will tell us.” She looked at him, her anguish as sharp as a knife to his gut.