by Karen Rock
At last, Niall pulled back and gazed down at her, his expression both playful and tender. “I’m glad I’m a partner. I wouldn’t want you to think I did this for a raise.”
She gave him a gentle kiss, then pushed at his shoulders, encouraging him to lean back on the bench. He did, and she nestled into the crook of his arm again, resting her head on his biceps. “Whatever you’re making, double it.” She gave a contented sigh and snuggled firmly into the circle of his arms before she looked up. He smelled warm and rich, like sunshine and cider.
The corners of his mouth lifted, amusement in his eyes. “Two times zero is still zero.”
“We’ll make this work, Niall,” she said fiercely, not sure if she meant their start-up or their relationship. She was taking a huge risk with both. Was it too much for her to ask that both succeed?
He pulled her close again when the wind turned chill and gusty, with fits and starts of rain that spattered down lightly, then with growing intensity.
“Yes. We will.”
She smoothed back the damp hair that stuck to his cheek. “Promise?”
He looked at her with heavy-lidded eyes and lowered his face to hers again, both of them heedless of the steady downpour.
“Promise.”
* * *
“SHH! YOU’LL WAKE Gianna,” Kayleigh said, giggling as Niall backed her through her open apartment door and kissed her hard again. He couldn’t keep his mouth or his hands off her. She’d always been beautiful to him, but never more so than now, with her cheeks pink with happiness, her tangle of wet hair tumbling down her back, her lips swollen, her silver eyes glimmering up at him.
He used the back of his foot to close the door and embraced her again, the air too empty without her close. He breathed in the fresh smell of her, not wanting this moment to end. His lips found hers, and pleasure filled him when she moaned in the back of her throat. He sampled the berry taste of her, his hands running up and down her heaving sides, loving her soft silhouette.
The table by the door tilted when she placed a hand on it to steady herself, spilling its contents to the floor. She half sat on the furniture piece as he moved his mouth against hers. Passion seized him, and he marveled that the moment he’d longed for had finally come true.
Someday, when Kayleigh found out about Chris, she might hate him. But he hoped she might eventually forgive him. Why deny himself this happiness by staying in his dark past? Living in fear. Master Jung was right. He needed to move past that bleak time. And Kayleigh was the light to guide him. She made him the luckiest man in the world.
“What you do to me,” he groaned, pulling back to catch his breath.
Kayleigh put a hand on her heaving chest. “I could say the same thing,” she gasped, her teeth showing in a wide smile.
He held her face between his palms and looked deeply into her eyes. He didn’t know how much time they had together, but he wouldn’t waste it by holding back his feelings anymore.
“I see you when I close my eyes,” he murmured, touching his forehead to hers. “I can’t stop thinking about you, wondering where you are and what you’re doing. Things in my past made me closed off. You were right about that. But I’m not anymore. My heart is open, and it belongs to you.”
Her eyes squeezed shut, and when they opened, they looked like the most precious metal in the world. “I think I’ve always belonged to you. Even at camp. Growing up. We’ve been friends, but there was always something more. Now we have the rest of our lives to be together.”
“You won’t regret it,” he whispered in her ear, holding her close and hoping that it could be true.
“Not for a minute. But for now, I’d better go to bed. We have some long workdays ahead of us if we’re going to get that program in ahead of GSI, mister.”
Her teasing words brought him back to reality. She was right. Their first priority was to get the patent and move ahead with the app. They needed to help provide for Chris’s family, and it felt good knowing that they’d be doing it, and everything else, together.
“I need my beauty rest,” she said, dimples flashing at him, and he knew that he’d never think anyone lovelier than her.
“Until tomorrow, then,” he said, imagining the incredible days ahead full of her.
“Hang on,” she said. “I’ll get you something to take home with you.”
Since she was already moving to the kitchen, he let her go.
While he waited, Niall leaned down to grab the gym bag he’d left by the door earlier and noticed unopened letters scattered on the floor. He bundled them together to place on top of the table.
“Do you want two cupcakes or three?” Kayleigh called softly as he heard a kitchen drawer open then shut.
“Two,” he answered and his hands stiffened when he noticed the letter at the top of the stack. It was from the Department of Defense and was stamped Priority. His heart drummed. Had Senator Gillibrand come through and gotten Kayleigh the declassification? News about his role in Chris’s death?
“I’d better make it three so you’ll have one for breakfast and think of me.” Kayleigh’s voice came to him from a distance, as if he were underwater, already drowning. Without thinking, he slipped the letter into his pocket and turned as she appeared in the kitchen’s archway.
“Actually, I’ll take a rain check on the cupcakes.”
“Oh.” She seemed as if she wanted to say more, and suddenly he needed to get out.
“See you tomorrow?” Her impish grin was a blow to his chest. He knew once she read the letter, she might never look at him that way again. Worse, he’d be kicked off the project when they needed him most, and he could lose the woman he desperately cared for.
While his heart splintered, his head told him to keep this letter from her until they sent in the program and he was certain of her success. Once that happened, he’d give it back and leave her forever if that was what she wanted, as impossible and painful as it seemed. He’d planned to tell her the truth when they’d finished the program regardless, but now she’d only believe he’d been forced to confess because of the letter. That he hadn’t done it voluntarily. Not because he loved her more than anything.
He’d reached for the light, but already felt himself falling back into the dark.
Where he belonged.
Why had he let himself imagine otherwise?
“Sounds good,” he said, and shut the door behind him, the envelope crinkling in his pocket. He paused on the landing and gripped the marked-up wooden banister. If the letter contained what he believed it held, his parting words had been a lie.
Things were not good.
In fact, they couldn’t be worse.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“KIHAP!” NIALL HEARD Josh holler as he watched the boy execute a series of punches, turns and kicks on the cracked sidewalk leading to Beth’s apartment. In the humid, hot air, Niall’s skin glistened, and his breath felt labored. The sky was no longer bluffing rain, and the gray clouds that had scurried across it had settled, water heavy, overhead.
Despite his troubled heart, Niall smiled at the kid’s excitement. He’d earned a yellow belt today. Quite an accomplishment given the short time frame. He’d thrown himself into the twice-a-week tae kwon do lessons and had practiced for hours every day in front of his mirror, according to Beth. Better yet, he’d kept to his end of the deal by attending anger-management therapy followed by martial arts tutoring with Niall.
The boy was gaining skills, but even more important, he seemed in better control of his temper. Apparently, he and Samuel hadn’t fought in a week. Things were looking up for the Renshaw family.
As for Niall—not so much.
After wrestling with the dilemma for days, he’d finally opened the letter from Senator Gillibrand’s office a week and a half ago. His stomach had filled wi
th lead as he’d read her notice that Chris’s death was declassified, an appointment to give his family the details set. He winced as he recalled that the meeting was at three o’clock today. Two hours from now. And Kayleigh and Beth knew nothing about it. Guilt over keeping this from them tunneled through him. It was a lie on top of an even bigger deception, and Kayleigh might not understand his reasons or forgive him.
His fingers tightened around the letter. Now that he’d sent the Mesh app program to the patent office this morning—ahead, according to Gianna’s sources, of Brett’s team—he had no reason to keep the letter. High Dive Enterprises would be fine without him.
But he wouldn’t be fine. Not by a long shot.
He should be satisfied with all that they’d accomplished. Happy that the Renshaws were off to the strong start they needed. Should be glad that he’d done what he’d set out to do—help Chris’s family. Hadn’t that always been the plan?
A squirrel scampered down a tree and leaped across his path, stopping him. He gazed after it, wondering if he could pinpoint when, exactly, his goals had blurred. Day by day, he’d fallen harder for Kayleigh. She’d opened him up to the world again. Opened his heart. After the war, he’d wanted the solitary life he’d thought he deserved. But Kayleigh had convinced him otherwise. Working with her, Josh and Master Jung’s students had made him believe that there might be an expiration date on the time you paid for your sins. He’d stopped living in his past and started thinking of his future. And every moment he’d glimpsed ahead included Kayleigh.
Would she feel the same way after she learned the truth? Hear him out and forgive him? There was a chance, now that they’d started their relationship. He needed her to understand that he’d never meant for anything bad to happen to Chris. To see why he couldn’t share the secret and had kept the declassification letter.
Until now.
“Look at Josh. He’s wearing pajamas!” a boy’s voice called, snapping Niall out of his thoughts. He looked up to see four boys Josh’s age circling him. His white dobok seemed the brightest spot in the darkening day, the still, muggy air as motionless as Josh.
“Did Mommy forget to dress you?” sneered another guy.
Niall realized he’d let Josh get too far ahead and made to close the distance until he caught the boy’s head shake. Pride filled Niall. Josh wanted to handle it on his own. Whether that was the right decision or not, Niall needed to give him a chance. It was time to see if he’d learned enough self-control in therapy and through tae kwon do to help.
He paused by a tree and leaned against it, his muscles tight and ready to respond if needed.
Josh’s mouth set in a grim line, and Niall noticed that he set one foot ahead and angled the other behind him, a warrior stance. The muscles on his thin forearms stood out, as tight as twisted ropes.
“I dress myself,” Josh snapped, his face flushing.
“Yeah, in pajamas!” hooted another kid, and Niall felt his fingers dig into the bark as he held himself in check. It was important to Josh to handle this on his own, and he needed to give him that chance.
“They’re from my dojang. I’m taking tae kwon do.” He sank into a crouch and brought his hands up.
“Oh, look at the Karate Kid over here!” one of the gang hooted, but impressively, Josh didn’t react. Instead, he maintained his strong-looking pose.
“What? So you’re a tough guy now?” A boy with orange hair and freckles jerked his chin at Josh.
Josh’s face remained impassive, his eyes clear and calm. “No. I have a strong and gentle heart.”
Niall smiled at the words Master Jung instilled in all of his pupils about the best qualities in a warrior.
“Sounds like a pansy. Let’s see how tough he really is.” And with that, the biggest and loudest in the group lunged at Josh. Niall leaped forward, but faster than he could blink, Josh had swept the other kid’s legs out from under him, and the bully landed on his back with a thud. He blinked up at the sky, the breath knocked out of him. Josh extended a hand, but made no move to kick the kid when he was already down.
“I don’t want to fight with you,” he said firmly. “Words can’t hurt me. But if you come at me, I’ll defend myself.”
Niall’s mouth dropped open. It was the perfect response. Josh wasn’t starting fights, but he wasn’t a pushover either. Suddenly, he realized that this wasn’t the first time Josh had met up with these kids. But by the looks on their faces, they’d expected a different outcome. At last, he understood Josh’s mysterious comments about people messing with him.
The leader grabbed hold of Josh’s hand and was hauled to his feet, looking pale and shaken.
“How’d you do that?” asked one of the smallest boys in the group, his tongue showing between a gap in his front teeth.
“Come to Master Jung’s studio and learn. I just earned my yellow belt today.” Josh pointed at the bright color strip around his waist. He’d been so proud of the belt that he’d insisted on wearing it home to surprise his mother.
“Cool.” The freckle-faced kid stepped forward and touched it while another shoved him out of the way for a better look.
“Lame.” The group’s leader rolled his eyes, but the other kids were too busy looking at Josh to notice.
“So they teach kids how to fight dirty like that?” The gap-toothed boy rubbed the back of his dark crew cut, his large eyes bulging.
Josh shook his head, his light brown hair short after Master Jung had insisted on a haircut. “I thought that at first, too. But it’s really about learning to control and defend yourself. Big difference.”
“Let’s get out of here.” The leader backed away and twisted his baseball cap so that the brim faced backward. “This is boring.”
“Yeah. Let’s hang out at the park,” said a boy with short dark curls. “Bet those stupid twins are there. We’ll get them.”
“Uh-uh.” The smaller boy shook his head and pushed back his thin shoulders. “I’m going with Josh. I want to hear more about the dojang.”
The boys scrunched their noses and eyed him skeptically before waving their hands. “Whatever,” one of them shouted before sauntering away, though the redhead who’d touched Josh’s belt swerved back and raced to rejoin their little group.
“I want to hear, too,” he said, holding his sides and casting a fearful glance over his shoulder.
Niall stepped forward. “I take Josh there twice a week. If your parents agree, I’ll bring all of you if you want to sign up.” He scribbled his and Master Jung’s numbers down on two pieces of paper and handed them to the boys. They might still come and possibly bring Josh. He’d miss the boy if the Renshaws kicked him out of their lives, and this could be his only way to see him again.
“Your parents can get a reference about me from the owner of the center. Once they’ve signed you up, have them call me so we can confirm. Sound good?”
The boys’ eyes were wide as they glanced at the prosthetic leg appearing below the hem of his long shorts.
“Are you a teacher?” The smaller kid took off his glasses and wiped his damp nose.
Josh smiled wide. “The best. Everyone says so. He’s, like, part cyborg.”
The other boys lost their anxious expressions and grinned at the familiar term. “Cool,” said the redhead. “My grandpa lost his arm in Vietnam, and he’s still tough. Hey, want to shoot some hoops with us before it rains, Josh?” He cast a glance up at the overcast sky.
Josh shook his head. “Tomorrow, maybe?”
“Cool.” The kid nodded and grabbed the basketball his friend carried.
“See you, boys.” Niall put a hand on top of Josh’s warm head and guided him farther up the street.
“Later, Josh,” they called, and that, Niall thought, settled that.
“Well done, kid.” Niall ruffled Josh’s hair and t
he once-defiant boy grinned up at him.
“I didn’t hurt that kid too bad, did I?”
Niall looked over his shoulder and watched the two animated boys chattering as they walked away.
“No. But you taught him a valuable lesson.”
“What?”
“That you’re no pushover. They’ve bullied you before, haven’t they?” Niall unlatched the gate before Josh’s apartment building and gestured for the boy to precede him. The smell of flowers filled the air as they passed urns bursting with yellow, white and lavender blooms and climbed the stoop. At the landing, Josh stopped and hung his head.
“Yes. I fought back, but they were always stronger, and they never quit. I didn’t want Mom to worry, so I tried to handle it and be strong. Like my dad.”
“And you did.”
Josh peered up at him. “I was scared today. Would Master Jung be disappointed?”
Niall put a hand on Josh’s narrow shoulder. “He’d be as proud as I am. You controlled your feelings and defended yourself while causing the least harm. It’s all we can ask.”
Josh threw his arms around Niall’s waist, making him stagger backward.
“You’re going to stick around, Niall, aren’t you?” His muffled words moved against Niall’s T-shirt, tears thickening his voice and dampening Niall’s shirt.
His chest constricted. Beth might not welcome Niall when she learned the truth. Despair filled him. Josh needed him, and Niall needed Josh, too. Before now, he’d felt like a negative contribution to life. But seeing Josh grow made him realize that he could make a difference. That his life mattered. Only, his past had caught up to him, and now it might be too late.
“I hope so, buddy,” he replied when he could keep the wave of emotions from washing into his voice. His arms tightened around Josh, and he wondered if this would be the last time he’d hug the kid. “I won’t leave unless someone makes me.” He glanced up at the gray-violet sky, the low clouds looking too heavy to move.