by Rina Kent
She gasps, then releases a series of needy sounds.
“You want more of that, beautiful?”
She nods into my chest, her sweet scent filling my nostrils the more her hair brushes against my bare chest.
Still kissing her neck and pinching a nipple, I slip her trousers and underwear down her parted legs.
She’s still hiding her neck in my chest, but Zoe will never be able to hide from me. She can run, and she did, but she never hid. I found her and I’ll continue to find her every fucking time.
I let her believe she’s hiding from me with her atrocious acting skills. I lift her and pull her closer so she’s straddling my lap. My hard as stone erection presses against her wet core. She’s ready for me.
A wave of possessiveness hits me. Zoe will always belong to me and only me.
I unhook her bra and replace my fingers with my mouth on her rosy-perfect-for-my-mouth nipple. She thrusts her chest forward and I reward her with a sharp bite. She cries out and clenches against my erection inviting me in.
With my head still buried in her breasts, I roll my hips and sink inside her. It’s a slow, almost torturous rhythm like I never did before. Zoe and I started with a battle. We grew with a battle. Every encounter was about conquering and winning. In truth? We’s been losing to each other all the fucking time.
This once, I want to savour every inch of her. I pamper her heated skin with a thousand kisses as I pound into her warmth with passionate, slow strokes.
She’s so fucking tight and right.
And mine.
Hades can mould me into a robot again, but he’ll never make me forget this. Her warmth. Her sweet scent. Her soft noises. How much she belongs to me.
I’d always been aimless. Rubbish Boy. Shadow. A nobody. For this woman, I want to be fucking somebody. Someone worthy of her and the life she’s carrying in her womb.
At the thought, I place a hand on her stomach and continue thrusting into her with escalating urgency. Her breathing deepens and she’s moving more frantically which means she’s close. The thought of her carrying my child springs a jolt of primitive desire.
My thrusts turn harder and faster as I drive her into orgasm. I follow right after. My release is the wildest I’ve ever had. It’s almost comparable to the first time I had her – almost. This one is nothing like an orgasm and more like a realisation. A fucking light bulb going off in my head.
I, Shadow, Rubbish Boy, who never had anything belonging to him has this woman and a mini human being that I hope as fuck looks like his mother.
Zoe collapses against me, arms encircling my waist. Our heavy breaths mingle together and fill the silence of the room. A sheen of sweat covers our skin and her citrus scent is all I can smell and taste.
She lifts her head and leans her chin against my chest. Her cheeks are crimson. I missed a few smudges of blood when I wiped her. Her eyes are puffed out from so much crying, but their green drips with affection that knots my heart.
“I love you.” Her words drift in a whisper, but the emotions behind them roar loud. “Don’t go.”
If there’s a moment I can freeze, then this will be it. I want this to be on fucking repeat.
I tuck a rebellious strand behind her ear and try to wipe the blood off her cheek. It won’t come off and I fucking hate the sight of blood near her. That filthy stuff is for people like me, not her.
“Remember when you told me I’m a hollow monster?”
Her lips twist. “That was before. I –”
“I know.” I cut her off. “You were right. I was a monster, and I sure as fuck was hollow that I only cared about myself. But guess what?”
She shakes her head violently, her voice on the verge of breaking. “I don’t want to guess anything. I want you to stay.”
I steal a quick kiss from that pouting mouth. “You filled me up, Zoe until I have no fucking room even for myself. So whatever happens.” I take her hand and place over my heart. “You will always be here.”
“If you leave.” She threatens even though her lower lip trembles. “I’ll find myself another man.”
My mood blackens and I see fucking red. The possessiveness returns with a choking hold. The idea of her with another man sickens me and calls for that primal savageness in me.
“Keep it up, beautiful. Just be ready to feel guilty when I kill the sorry fuck.”
“Then don’t go!” She hits my chest. “Stay. Please.”
Hearing her beg and not being able to do anything about it is like bleeding with no way to stop the haemorrhage. So I result to bargaining. “If I don’t do this, it’ll come back and haunt us.”
“If we tell President Joe, he’ll help.” Her arms are like steel around my waist, even though she’s trembling.
“It’s not only about that. I have an account to close with Ink so he wouldn’t bother me in the future. He’s a sorry fuck who holds a grudge. If I don’t repay him for the disciple I killed, he’ll sooner or later come after me, after you. I’ll never put you at risk, Zoe.”
She shakes her head again, and this time, tears stream down her cheeks and into her mouth. “I’m pregnant!” She shouts as if it’s her last resort. “I'll hate you forever if you leave me this way. I swear.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the pregnancy before.”
“I didn’t know how.” She sinks her fingers into my flesh and shakes. “I’m telling you now, so please don’t leave us.”
“As long as I have breath in my lungs, I’ll never leave the two of you. I promise.”
“But you’re leaving now!”
“To protect you both.” I wipe her tears with the pads of my thumbs and grin, trying to lighten the mood. “You look hideous when you cry.”
She wraps her arms tightly around my torso and buries her head in my chest. “I’m not letting you go. Ever.”
With a deep sigh, I wrap my arms around her, too.
Just one more time, I tell myself as I take her again and again.
Zoe didn’t let me go, but she fell asleep. For real.
I almost feel sorry for how much she fought it. She even wanted to make coffee, but afraid I’ll disappear, she never got up from my lap. However, she’s a deep sleeper, so I was able to slip easily from underneath her.
I put on a T-shirt and trousers and storm towards the door. I halt at the threshold, debating a glimpse at her. I so fucking want to whirl around and kiss her one last time.
Who fucking knows how long it’ll be before I see her again? Maybe I’ll be a hollow monster and she’ll never want me then.
I turn the doorknob and step outside, abandoning my impulse. If I look, I won’t be able to leave.
I close the door with a hiss and take the stairs down two at a time. My shoulders hunch, but my determination level soars. I’m doing this for the future.
Once I’m at the safe house entrance area, I halt.
Ghost, Mist, Scar, Flame, and even Hawk are here. They’re all weaponless so this eliminates the idea that we’re going on a mission instructed by Hades.
I can’t remember the last time so many Zeroes existed in the same place.
Ghost leans against the wall with Mist beside him, crossing her arms. Hawk is the farthest from her, crouching near Flame who’s smoking. Scar sits cross-legged in a meditating position on the ground.
“Whose birth is it?” I ask with a grin.
“Whose funeral, you mean?” Flame rolls his eyes.
“Right.” I snap my fingers. “Funeral! I was hoping it won’t get to that.” I face Ghost and he’s watching me with that concentrated expression. “You’re going to kill me after all?”
I can’t even fake the smile. I deserve death. I even deserve to have a joker card on and be hunted down by every member of Team Zero. However, I hoped Ghost will give me time to fix things with Ink first. I don’t want him coming after Zoe once I’m gone. Mist promised to protect her, but it isn’t enough.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Ghost says in an anno
yed voice. “That woman was never a mother to me. She abandoned me and only returned to sell me. I don’t remember her name or even her fucking face. Whether she lives or dies means nix to me.”
I stare, incredulous. Did he just forgive me or am I hearing things?
Flame is the one who speaks up. “I thought we were all gathered here for some action.”
Scar cracks one eye open. Smudges of blood still stain her skin, but my bet that the psycho doll doesn’t give a shit. “Then why did you beat him to a pulp?”
“Because he wanted to die in The Pit.” He faces me. “Say anything about a suicide attempt and I’ll cut you.”
“I didn’t sign up for this sappy rubbish.” Flame throws his cigarette and heads down the hall. “I’ll be sleeping if you need me.”
I stare at Ghost as if he’s indeed a ghost. “You serious, mate? Because if you’re not, this is a shitty joke.”
“Had I ever joked?”
“Yeah, you’re way too serious, it’s stupid. No idea what Elle sees in a boring man like you,” Scar says with her eyes closed.
Mist nudges her with a foot. “Shut it, doll.”
I don’t even know what to say so I bow my head. Shit. I’ve been hiding the secret all these years but he never cared. “A head start would’ve been fucking brilliant, mate.”
“I didn’t ask you to be all secretive about it.”
“No shit.” Still, a heavyweight lifts off my chest. I always thought that my friendship with Ghost will be ruined when he learns the truth, but it turns out I was worrying for nothing.
“Don’t go back,” he says. “I’ll figure out a way to get Ink out and you can work whatever you have with him outside. Look, Hawk came over to help.”
I grin at Hawk. “Not running away anymore, big man?”
He doesn’t fall for the taunt. He never does. Hawk is like that unmovable rock during a hurricane or a volcano or a fucking tsunami. I didn’t miss the fact that he didn’t utter a word thus far.
“Leave him alone, arsehole.” Scar cuts me a glare. Right, the psycho doll has always been close with the big man. He’s too silent for his own good and she’s too loud for hers.
Mist throws her an indecipherable glance, but she soon ignores her and Hawk’s existence altogether. They haven’t exchanged a word since his release. They don’t even fucking look at each other, so I don’t understand all the tension in the tension.
“Are we clear on not going back?” Ghost asks.
I shake my head. “Ink has many disciples. He can always send one after me or Zoe. She’s pregnant, mate.”
“She’s under our protection,” Mist says, “Besides, Ink and I go back. I can ask a favour so he wouldn’t touch Zoe.”
“He won’t spare me even for your pretty face.”
It’s Hawk’s turn to glare at me. Seriously, get a room.
“I can’t risk Ink and his crazy clan.” I can’t risk anything when it comes to Zoe’s safety. I won’t spend the rest of my life looking at my back, waiting for one of Ink’s cockroaches to jump at me. I would rather pay him his due and be over with it.
Fuck. Being responsible is so exhausting.
“Keep your promise to take care of her.” I nod at Mist and then nudge Scar, “And psycho doll, teach her some meditation, I heard it’s good for pregnancy.” Heard. As in studied the shit out of it via Google while Zoe was asleep.
Ghost blocks my path before I can leave. “You might never be the same again, mate.”
I clasp his shoulder. “I’m not worried about that, you know why?”
He shakes his head.
I grin. “I’m not afraid to be Rubbish boy again. That boy fought for what he wanted.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
One month later,
I smile at the children as they cross the road in a line. Omar, the youngest and the most mischievous, looks back and waves at me.
His dark curls of hair fall against his forehead and he pushes them back with a tiny palm as he continues waving.
I wave back and point ahead so he doesn’t miss the line.
“Would you like a cuppa?” Nonna’s voice drifts from her office. She’s perching on the counter already pouring steaming tea into two cups.
Once I make sure the last of the kids left safely, I take a seat across from Nonna’s old wooden, desk.
The afternoon sun slips through the small window, and it’s surprisingly enough to cast a thick orange hue on the office.
The scent of Jasmine and other herbal ingredients Nonna puts in her tea waft in the air. Who knew I would look forward to tea instead of coffee, but the miracle actually happened.
Nonna places the mismatched saucer and teacup in front of me and settles on the opposite chair. She drapes the blanket on her knees and sighs.
I can’t help but sigh as well. Nonna’s boarding school has been the only reason why I’m not going insane.
Helping children who are like me, tossed out, abused, or growing without parents gives my life a purpose. Being an officer was out of the question. I barely escaped the authorities’ wrath, and by barely, I mean Ghost helped in bribing some of the high authorities – or someone from his side did.
I was even given the chance to take the last exam and officially became a part of the Met Police like Liam. However, being stuffed in an office – or chasing criminals — when I dislike violence is useless.
My place is in somewhere like this with Nonna.
Of course, Liam had a field day with me when I told him everything. He’s been drifting away from Elle and I, but he can’t physically quit being our oldest brother.
I take the cup of tea and breathe in the herbal fragrance.
Silence and the sense of calm causes my heart to shudder and shrivel into its empty shell. I’m supposed to be patient and try and not aggravate my pregnancy, but at times, I can’t help it.
Is it normal that I don’t feel my heart since that day I woke up in a cold and empty bed?
Elle sat beside me with a sad expression and I knew without asking that Shadow was gone.
My life has never been the same since then.
Shadow left me. Even after I begged and pleaded and told him my deepest feelings, he just left.
Now, I hate him and I don’t need him in my life. It’s so easy to hate him.
That’s what I tell myself every night before I fall asleep with tears in my eyes.
Hating him is better than picturing him being tortured or relapsing to the monster he was before. What if he doesn’t come back? Worse, what if he returns and doesn’t recognise me?
Being caught in the maze of those thoughts always put me on the edge, so I shoved them to the back of my mind, focused on my baby, and helping Nonna.
“He’ll return,” Nonna says in a firm tone while sipping from her cup of tea. She always says that, as if she can see the terror and gloom behind my silence.
I wish I had her confidence. Although President Joe helped with the payment and Hades doesn’t need to keep Shadow, he still does anyway.
Scar said it’s because Hades doesn’t like having his hand twisted and Ghost did exactly that when he demanded Hawk’s release, so now, he’ll take revenge by keeping Shadow.
Mist shut her up, in consideration of my feelings, but I have no doubt about how true Scar’s words are. She’s weird but she always says it blunt and direct.
Despite Elle, Ghost, and Mist’s consolations, I can’t keep the hope. It’ll bloody destroy me.
Every time Nonna says he’ll return, I want to break down in tears. Because he won’t.
Maybe he’s already dead.
My lower lip quivers. I clamp my mouth shut and stand, plastering a joyful smile on my face — the type Shadow always had. “Thanks for the tea, Nonna. I better head back.”
She stands and pats my hand. “Stay strong, child.”
“See you tomorrow, Nonna.”
A breeze hits my cheeks as soon as I’m outside. I cross the sweater on my now growing b
ump and stop in front of the school.
In the poor neighbourhood, two cars are parked. Liam stands in front of his, crossing his arms and glaring at the other car. Inside the mini cooper, Scar rocks back and forth, shouting. I can’t hear much since her windows are up, but I’m sure she’s listening to Oasis. Her obsession with that band is weird as hell.
As soon as Liam sees me, he crosses the street with wide purposeful strides. Scar jumps outside and runs towards me. I step back, afraid she’ll bump into me or something.
She reaches me before Liam and places a hand around my shoulder with a big grin on her soft features. “Zoe! I came to pick you up! You, Elle, and I are going to have so much fun meditating.”
Liam pulls me towards him by the arm and scowls at Scar. “No. I came to pick her up. You can scarce now.”
I’m frozen in between. Liam has a hand around my bicep and Scar clutches my wrist.
“Hey, police.” Scar is still grinning, but her tone becomes lethal. “Don’t you have any work to do like arresting criminals and stuff?”
“I should start with you then.”
“Do you think you can take me, police?” she quips with a flirtatious edge.
“Do you?” Liam’s tone is hard steel like his posture.
Their heated glares give me a headache. They’re always like this on the rare occasions they meet. I don’t know what’s come into them to be here at the same time, but I can’t help smiling at their bickering.
However, my ride is with neither of them. I tactfully wiggle free from under their holds.
“Come with me, Zoe.” Liam finally steers his cold green gaze from Scar and slides it to me with visible softening. I’m glad he isn’t as angry with me as I thought he’d be, but I can see that disapproval loud and clear. Elle says he’s only respecting our wishes because if it were up to Liam, he would’ve signed us up in the witness protection program.
“No.” Scar stands between me and Liam. “She’s coming with me.”
They both continue their glaring contest. Then they’re back to throwing swift insults. They don’t even notice when I sneak to the back where my ride always awaits me.