by Jill Cooper
My heart stutters. “Me?”
“We’ll plug you back in. Then you can travel back in time to save Donovan’s life, for what it’s worth,” he snarls.
He might as well have asked me to build the Golden Gate Bridge as far as I’m concerned. I’ve promised myself no more time travel, real or imaginary, and I refuse to give him what he wants.
“You want me to jump back in time? It’s virtual. It’s not real.” My eyes fill with tears at the truth of my words. I’m not with my parents. I’m not with Donovan and whenever I try, I find I’m just in a layer deeper. Rex has me trapped and I don’t know what to do.
Every day I am a step closer to becoming the woman with the purple hair—the time travel assassin they want me to be.
But I can’t. I won’t.
I resist; I pull, but my will to survive is fading. And I’m fading along with it.
“Perhaps”—Rex’s smile chills me—“but your brain, your emotion, thinks it’s real. And that belief will play out the same. We can study your brain. See how you do it.”
“So you can duplicate the effects?” My skin shivers. “No thanks.”
He steps up to the cage and grits his teeth. “Then we will plug you back in and you will experience his death … every … day. We will make you suffer and slowly rip away everyone you love. Dear Mommy. Daddy. Baby sister.” His lip curls.
I back away from the glass without thinking. My fingers curl into fists. I think back to that day when all this started. The cage lights up as I tap into my time travel ability without even meaning to. The coils above my head radiate heat and emit a golden glue that punctuates with a hum. The pain hits my head all at once. I grip it and fall to my knees, groaning.
Rex continues like he doesn’t witness my pain. “There’s only one way to end all this. Plug back in. Do what we ask.” Rex’s voice is so even and calm, he might as well have just asked me to make toast.
He’s lying. I know he is. I shake my head and it causes me rivers of pain. They jolt through me. I can’t remember anything before the pain. It’s been everything for so long. Over a year. Is anyone looking for me? Has everyone forgotten me?
Does anyone remember who I am?
I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.
“You’ll never let me go.” My chest heaves. I hold my breath and wait for his answer, but I know the truth is in my words. Not his.
“If you stop fighting us, it doesn’t have to be like this. We can give you anything you want. You just need to cooperate. Do a few small things.” He’s smooth like milk chocolate, but I know Rex is just a bitter pill.
“Whatever you give me won’t be real.”
“Fine.” Rex’s jaw pushes firmly together. “Maybe you would like to live in the real world for a while. Feel that pain. Is that what you want, Lara?”
What I want he won’t give me. I want to go free. I want to see my family again. I want anything but this.
“Bring her some food.” Rex speaks in the air as though someone is listening but I’ve known that for a long time. Someone is always watching me even when I’m unconscious.
“And bring her some newspapers,” Rex sneers and walks away.
Newspapers. It’s what I’ve been asking for. Proof that things on the outside are as bad as Rex says. But if he’s willing to give me what I want with no negotiation, I know two things.
I can’t trust him. And the news must be bad.
Real bad.
Chapter Two
I thought I broke free before. But I’m wrong.
I went back in time to Rick’s apartment and escaped the capture of his men. That really happened, but when I met up with Donovan, I thought I traveled back in time to stop Rex from killing my mother. I thought I apprehended him.
But it’s all a figment. A lie. Virtual reality plugged into my brain so Rex could see what I would do next. So they could study my brain waves as I think I’m traveling in time, saving my family time and again.
And again.
Now I know I am stuck in an endless loop and that knowledge allows me to remember—really remember what happened the night Rick turned on me.
****
Rick chases after me. “Wait!”
I hurry past the van and make a break for the curb. Shielding my eyes, I hear movement to my side and then gunfire. I leap to the ground, ducking behind a light post and an old newspaper vending machine for cover. I look up at the glowing Dunkin’ Donuts sign covered in a dream-like fog. It shatters under a hailstorm of bullets.
I cover my head as a set of tires squeals. Donovan’s sports car pulls up on the curb to cover me. I dive into the passenger seat, my head down low, and scream, “Go!”
Donovan peels away from the curb in a 180 and drives back the way he came. His eyes stay on the road, but his hand squeezes mine. “You all right?”
I nod and clutch the duffle bag to my chest. “Keep driving.”
“Where?” His eyes flash from the road to me.
“Police station. I need you to drop all this stuff off in case I don’t return.”
Anxiety creeps into his voice. “Return? Return from where?”
“The past.”
“Lara, you’re not making any sense.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” I bite my lip. “There’s no time to explain. I need to fix all of this so my dad is never framed and Molly is never kidnapped, and there’s only one way to do that. I need to go back to the beginning.”
Donovan drives under an old, abandoned bridge. He cuts the engine and turns to me. His eyes study me, and I study him because I’m afraid the next time I see him he won’t love me at all.
“How do we do that? Do we need to get into Rewind?”
I shake my head and stroke his cheek. “Not anymore.”
The features of his face are drawn together. “You never make things dull, you know that?”
I laugh and lean over. In the background, sirens wail and I heard a rush of footsteps. “Remember me when I’m gone.”
“Don’t talk like this. I could never forget you, Lara.”
When our lips meet, the moment is magical. I feel warm everywhere in the blanket of his love, understanding, and compassion. My mind opens up, and suddenly I remember everything.
Everything.
I wish to stay with him forever. I grip his jacket, and his arms squeeze me tight.
But in my mind, I see—
The doors yank open. I squeal and someone grabs me. His hand clamps a cloth over my mouth and the fumes sting my nose. He pulls me from the car, and my heels drag along the pavement. I can barely keep my eyes open. I throw a glance across the car and see Donovan.
One of the thugs twists his arm behind his back and forces him to his knees. “Lara!” he screams and the thug grips his shoulders.
“What do we do here about the senator’s son?”
“Don!” I shriek as a warning. Donovan fights even as my insides scream for him not to. He swings wild, taking out one of the thugs, and springs to my location.
A gun goes off.
Donovan’s eyes grow wide right as he reaches me. Shot in the back, I watch the pin prick of blood on his chest spread into a pool. His body drops like a sack of rocks to the pavement.
Behind him the cool, calculating eyes of Rex Montgomery. I won’t rest until he pays. I won’t rest until he’s dead.
I scream in terror. The drugs, or whatever they clamped on my mouth, have worn off. I kick and fight as they lift me up and carry me off into the back of the van. That damn van. That stupid van.
They toss me inside and I clank against the metal floor. I cringe as Rex puts his hands on me to keep me still. “Let me go!” I wail.
“What are we going to do with her?” someone I can’t see asks. The van speeds away.
“Soon she won’t remember any of this.” Rex smiles coolly at me. “You tried to run and now you have gotten the senator’s son killed. She is going to be most foul with you, Lara.”
A
lready on the floor of the van, I crumple into myself. My body quakes into a painful cry. I did everything I could think of to change time, to get away. But they still caught me.
And now Donovan’s dead.
****
I hope it’s all a lie. I hope it’s nothing more than a made up memory to break my spirit.
But now, after eating a sandwich and some Jell-O, I know it’s not. In front of me are various papers from the past year and the one I hold in my hand contains Donovan’s obituary. I saved it for last, but they were all equally bad.
Molly is still missing.
Jax is arrested, and jailed, for embellishing money from The Rewind Agency. His angry spouts that he was set up land him in the psych ward. And then he went missing, in the middle of the night. No sign or trace. An enigma.
Mom hasn’t been seen since the day Rex kidnapped us all.
And Dad, oh God, Dad was killed during an attempt to escape prison once he heard the news that I disappeared without a trace.
Nothing is left. It’s all gone. And unless I get out of this cage, I can never try to go back in time to fix it.
But to give Rex what he wants, to let him study my brain further, I can’t give him the satisfaction. I’ve already given him too much. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I can’t give in.
Not yet.
Not without a plan.
I can’t trust anything anymore except the clock. The hands are normal. There’s no spinning backwards. And that means I’m in real life. Even though it breaks my heart, at least it’s real.
“Satisfied?” Rex asks, hands clasped in front of him.
I nod, but keep my head low so he can’t see my tears. My shoulders rock in silent sobs, but I’m not ready to stare defeat in the face.
“What do you say now, Lara?”
I take a shaky breath. My fists clench and when I’m sure I can talk with strength, I answer. I don’t know how much time has gone by, but Rex stands patient like we have all the time in the world, because we do. We can spend the next ten years doing this and he wouldn’t care. But inside I’m going to fall apart like a house of cards. “Can I have green Jell-O next time?”
When I look up, there are two armed guards staring at me with dead eyes.
“Plug. Her. Back. In.” Rex walks away as the door opens and his tempo is fast. Angry. That at least pleases me. It’s the only thing that can anymore.
It’s all I have.
I scream as a doorway opens in the glass cage that’s now my home. It’s where I spent my last Christmas. My last birthday. Backing away, I bump into my bed. They grab my arms. It doesn’t matter how much I kick and scream. In the end, the Taser jolts my skin and my body goes limp in their arms.
Shuddering, I can’t fight them anymore when they lay me in the bed. All I can do is stare in their faces as they strap the machine back up to me. I think I might be drooling. One of them wipes my face and whispers.
“Hang in there, Lara.”
It’s Delilah. Mom’s old assistant at Rewind. Do I have a friend on the inside?
My back arches and my vision lights up. I’m unable to answer my own questions as I’m traveling through a fast canal straight into my own virtual reality.
Chapter Three
“You can go in to see him.”
My eyes snap open. Groggy, I wipe the sleep from my eyes. I expect to be home, but I’m in a white, sterile room with plush carpets. The air is cold, too cold. Glancing down, I notice I’m in trousers and a white blouse, too fancy for regular clothes.
“Mom?” I turn to her. She grips my hand and there are tears in her eyes. Behind her I see a white pedestal with a bouquet of flowers, white orchids and baby’s breath. The room is serene. Peaceful.
I’m in a funeral home.
My breath catches in my throat and I gargle a sob. She catches my cheek and nuzzles my face. Her hand is warm; her hug is tight. All of it feels so real, but I know in my heart of hearts it isn’t. It doesn’t matter what I say or do. I can’t get out of this place. I can only endure it. Nothing I do will matter.
But still my heart is broken. The emotion is real even if I tell myself I am surrounded by a lie. My mind knows something my heart cannot be taught, no matter how much I try.
“I can’t go in there.”
“You have to say goodbye, Lara. If you don’t…” Her eyes hold pain. It’s as real as I am. But I can’t trust her. She is there, like everyone else, to convince me to do Rex’s bidding. I might as well be cuddling the monster who put me there.
I walk away from her, but there’s nowhere to hide. There’s nowhere I can go that Rex can’t find me, where he can’t see what I’m doing or feeling. He will manipulate every thought, every decision I make. A rat trapped in a maze has a better chance of escaping than I do. The sinking feeling in my gut, I can’t escape.
So I go into the next room. There are rows of empty chairs and, at the end, a shiny, brown casket.
I know who’s in it, but I go anyway. I go until I am close enough to see the hairs on his hand. He’s not real. He’s been dead for almost a year, but still when I look at Donovan’s face, I crumble. My fingers grip the edge of the casket. It’s soft, smooth, and cold. Feels exactly like one would expect.
The longer I am here, the more I accept it as my reality. The longer I am here, the more lost I am about to become.
“Don.” I grit my teeth to stop the painful tears from falling, but they don’t listen to me. When have they?
My arms quake under the strain and I lean down. My lips brush up against his. Cold. Dank. Everything about this is wrong. I curse him. I curse Rex.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. Sorry for all of it. “I wish I had never gone back in time. I wish it had never happened.”
“I’m sorry.” I fall against him and my vision begins to swirl. I am two steps from traveling back. From doing it all again.
Snapping upright, I wipe my tears away and force myself into the present. I refuse to give Rex more. The world is a dizzy mess. My feet wobble and my legs give out on me as I turn from the casket.
I fall to the ground, but someone catches me. I grip his forearms and a moan escapes me. His shaven face is just the one I need to see. “Dad.”
He pulls me in and I sob even before my head rests against his chest. He doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t need to. His arms are like a giant bear’s and I am warm and safe against him. The world slips away thanks to him, just like he’s done countless times even if I am the only one who remembers.
I threw it away without a second’s thought because I wanted Mom back.
And now I’m left with nothing.
*****
My room is packed into boxes. Only one box left. I place a picture of Donovan on top. The frame is pearls and glitz. I stare at it a long time and feel empty. I close the box and tape it up, never escaping the dread mounting in the pit of my stomach.
I toss the spool of tape onto the bed as there’s a knock. Mom’s grim face is standing in the doorway. Her arms cross against her cozy, pink sweater. “Everything’s done?”
She tries to keep the tremor out of her voice, but she doesn’t want to move any more than I do, but with Jax losing most of his money we aren’t left with much of a choice. Rex is turning the screws on me to force my hand.
Tucking my hair behind my ears, I nod. “Are the movers here?”
“Not yet.” Mom’s eyebrows raise for a brief moment and then she sighs. I stand beside her and follow her eyes. She gazes off into the hall. There are nails on the wall where photos use to hang. “I really don’t want to go down there.”
Down there and see Jax she means. My mind fills in her complete thought. “He loves you. He loves all of us.”
“I know.” Tears glisten in her eyes and the lines on her face are much deeper, more pronounced than they were last year. “I think it’d be easier if he didn’t. If I could hate him.”
I squeeze her arm. “He made a mistake. He’s trying. You both are.
Maybe that’s enough.”
She nods and her chin trembles, barely holding together. “And you? How are you?” Mom strokes my chin.
“About as good as you are,” I say and we both laugh. Mom puts her arm around me and we head out to the hall.
Mike and Molly, my young siblings, run by. Molly stops and smiles at me; I smile back. She’s safe. She’s all right. That makes everything worth it.
Except it’s all a lie.
She’s not safe. None of us are. I’m not here; I’m stuck in a lab.
I hold my breath as I think about Rex, about what he is trying to get me to do. But I can’t. I won’t. I refuse.
I’m Lara Crane. I can beat Rex. Once I figure out how to do it.
****
The truck is filled and it’s time to get on the road. I make sure Mike and Molly are strapped into the back of the car and their seatbelts are secure. They munch on crackers for snacks and they have the juice they need.
My eyes lock with Molly’s. Hers are soft and serene. “I’m okay. Thanks, Lara.” There are cheddar flakes on her fingers, clinging to her lips.
I close the door and squeeze my eyes closed. Molly has been trying to make me feel better ever since we got out of the lab. I hate that she feels the need to do that, but I feel guilty.
So guilty.
Mom and Jax embrace awkwardly in front of me beside the truck. Some contact is better than nothing, I guess. When they see me, they pull away. The breadth of the grand canyon between them.
“We’re getting ready to go.” Jax hands me the keys.
I look at them, folding them over in my hand. “You’re sure about this? They’re precious cargo, right?” I glance back at the car. The kids inside are talking, laughing. My heart soars, despite everything else going on.
“They’re safer with you than anyone.” The truth darkens Jax’s eyes. I wish he’d start to forgive himself.
Instead of saying that, I make a fist around the keys. “I’ll drive safe. I promise. See you in forty minutes, right?”