by Jill Cooper
For a moment she’s thoughtful. “Sometimes I want to pull my hair out, but I love it. The paint, the homework, the laughter.” Mom pauses. “I’m sorry it wasn’t something I could give to you.”
“It’s all right, Mom. I’m thankful to have you now.”
“And how are you?” Mom asks. “How’s my girl feeling? She’s going to be a mother. I can’t believe it. Do you think this is the face of a grandmother?”
“Just a gorgeous grandmother.”
Mom’s nose crinkles. “I can get used to that. So can Mike and Molly. They are so excited to be an aunt and uncle. Mike is taking his duties very seriously.”
That doesn’t surprise me. “That sounds just like him.”
“He’s already practicing to swaddle on Molly’s doll. Between the two of them, you’ll be lucky to hold the baby at all. Well and me. Today’s the big day, huh? Donovan.”
I nod. “Rewind.” The anxiety returns when I think of the place, even if it did make all of this possible.
Mom rubs her hands on her jeans. “He’s smart and just so good. I just pray his ambitions don’t get the better of him like they did me.” She picks up her fork as her salad arrives and then my cheeseburger is next.
I munch on a fry.
“Do you remember the last time we ate here?” Mom asks.
Gagging, I nearly choke on my fry. I rush a sip of milk. “Mom?”
It can’t be possible. Can it? Is it possible my Mom on the outside of the virtual world is out there, feeding this virtual copy of her information to send me a message?
“I didn’t at first.” Mom’s eyebrows go up. “But once I tried the mac and cheese, it opened me right up. My mind snapped open.”
“What do you remember about this place?” My stomach hurts from the nerves as they spin.
“Pretty much everything.” Mom’s face is haunted. “But I know this place is a secret, so I can’t tell anyone. I have to pretend I don’t remember.”
“How much longer do I need to sleep? When do I get to wake up?”
I hold my breath as I watch her struggle with the answer. “Soon,” Mom says. “The architect hasn’t got what he needs yet, but soon.”
“Well—” I pick up my milk and my hand shakes “—then we’ll just have to plan a party.”
Mom picks up her iced tea and we toast to the future and our plans. I want to do nothing but talk but I know we can’t. We dare not speak it again or risk her going under again. I can’t risk Rex messing with her mind any more than him messing with mine.
****
I head to meet Donovan after work. To stand inside the lobby of the Rewind agency feels wrong. Like standing at the gates of hell. But when the elevator dings and Donovan strolls out, my soul soars and all my fears drift away.
He takes long strides to greet me with extended hands. I take them with a squeeze and go on tiptoe to accept his kiss. “Aren’t you a sight?”
He’s always so sweet. “How did your first day go?” I ask as we go out to the sidewalk and we wait for our driver to take us home to our penthouse suite.
Donovan raises his eyebrows and his face is lined with fatigue. “There’s a lot to go over. Federal regulations are being broken all over the place. There are people still faithful to my mom here. I know it. I see the resistance. It’s going to take a while to weed them all out.”
I squeeze his arm close. “You can do it. I know you can. Be persistent. Patient.”
“Very good P words,” Donovan says as the black car slides up. He opens the car door for me without waiting for the chauffeur to do it and I step inside. I smooth my shirt down and wait for him to slide in beside me. “Home, please,” Donovan says to the front.
“It’d be easier if you came in with me. Your brain is a time travel marvel.”
“I can’t use it anymore. You know that. The baby—”
“—I know.” Donovan holds up his hands. “I’m not asking you to time travel. Just help me vet the people. That’s all I’m asking. I want my wife by my side. I need people I can trust, even if it means filing papers or making sure technical equipment is doing what it’s supposed to. If I could hire your mom I would, but her license was stripped.”
“Maybe she could get reinstated.”
Donovan concedes with a shrug. “If she wants to. Maybe even Jax. If you could talk to them.”
I grin. “I could try. And, yes, if you need someone you trust, of course I’ll be there.”
Donovan kisses me with unabashed enthusiasm. It makes me wonder what Rex’s plan is. Why put me through this scenario? What is his end game angle? I need to find out and if that means going along with it for a short time, then that is exactly what I’m going to do.
But if I am going to be honest with myself, this virtual reality, this new life, is nice. Damn nice. I’m not sure anymore if I want to wake up.
Chapter Ten
“Wake up, sleepy head.”
I moan, rolling my head on the pillow as Donovan places a kiss on my cheek. My head is foggy, like I’ve been asleep a long time. My eyelids are heavy as I blink them away. “Don?” I whisper.
He’s already in his suit and tie as he sits beside me and strokes my hair. “You sure are tired lately.”
I push up on my elbows and glance out the window. Outside I see the swirl of snow. My heart skips a beat. The last season I remember was summer so why is Rex speeding up the time? What has he done to the system since I met with my Mom? Did he know what I was up to? Has he hurt her?
“C’mon, today’s the big day!” Donovan pulls the covers off of me and takes me by the elbow to help me from the bed.
“Big day?” My toes meet the soft carpet and I see my reflection in the mirror. I see how round my belly is beneath my flannel pajamas and the light strain it puts on the buttons. Gingerly, I touch it and inside there’s a flutter. A kick. It makes me jump.
Holy crap. It all feels so real.
“The day we find out the baby’s gender. Then we can finally hire someone to paint the nursery. Come on, you need to get dressed and eat.” Donovan kisses my cheek and rushes from the room and I’m left there just staring at myself in the mirror.
My mouth hangs open and I hold my belly. I’m terrified about what Rex is doing. Why he’s doing it. I don’t want to be here anymore in this happy place. In this happy reality.
Rex is building up to something, I can sense it. Now I live with the terror that the rug will be pulled out from underneath me and I’ll lose it all.
But I have no choice but to move forward. I get dressed in a long, blue sweater, black leggings and fury winter snow boots. Donovan cooks me breakfast, a sweet gesture considering all the hired help we have. And we sit together over hot cocoa for me, tea for him.
The food is warm and delicious; the drink is thick and creamy. Heavy with a hint of cinnamon. In other words, it is perfect in every way. “You spoil me.”
Donovan strokes my hair. “You deserve it.” His eyes flick to the clock. “Come on, we have to go before we’re late.”
I place my mug down and throw a gaze at the old clock on the wall. The needles aren’t spinning backwards anymore. They are ticking in time as they should be. My breath shakes and I hold very still, my hands flat on the table.
Rex and his crew of magicians did it. They fixed the system.
Now how will I ever know what is real and what is imaginary?
“How will I know?” I wonder the question aloud and feel the strong kick of my baby. The strong kick of my baby that is becoming more real with each passing moment.
“Montgomery!” His voice is far away. I didn’t even realize he got up from the table.
“I’m coming,” I call and race after Donovan.
***
In my hand I hold the ultrasound photo of my baby. We’re back in our car and Donovan peers over my shoulder as we study the image of our girl. Our baby girl.
“Oh, Donovan,” I whisper. “A daughter. Suddenly everything seems so much more real than it was before.”
“I’ll say. When I saw her yawn, I nearly died.”
“I never thought I’d be a mom so young. Just like my mother, but this—” I sigh “—it’s everything now. Everything.”
Donovan kisses the side of my head. “It sure is taking a while to get to your parents’, more than usual.”
Glancing out the window, I see he’s right. The skyline is wrong. “Don, this is Cambridge. Not Boston proper.”
Donovan pushes a button on the console to signal the driver. “We’re going to Commonwealth. Turn the car around.”
There’s no response from the front and my stomach tenses as I reach for Donovan’s hand. It could be nothing, but deep inside I feel like something’s wrong. I know something is wrong in my heart of hearts. Everything in me says to run and hide, but being pregnant and going forty miles an hour my options are limited.
Donovan senses my distress and slings his arms around my shoulders. “Driver, pull the car over. Now.”
The dark partition glass lowers. I star at the back of the driver’s head. He has black hair and is wearing the standard chauffeur cap. He angles the rear view mirror so he can see me and I see a scar running down the side of his face.
“I don’t think that’ll be happening anytime soon, Mr. James.”
My stomach cramps and I squeeze my eyes shut as I grab it.
It’s Rex.
But I shot him. He was supposed to be dead. So why was he here? What did he want and how did this serve his agenda?
“Lara?” Donovan shakes my shoulder. “Are you all right?”
“You best keep your wife calm. Stress isn’t good for the new baby girl, is it, Lara? We wouldn’t want anything bad to happen, now would we?”
“I killed you!” I grit my teeth and breathe through the pain. Whatever it is, I pray the pain is temporary. Rex has me right where he wants me. I’ve never been so vulnerable. Whatever he wants I’m going to have no choice but to hear him out.
Rex laughs. “You just think you killed me. I’m like a bad coin, always turning up. Get comfortable, kids. We’re going on a little ride.”
We continue through the streets and stop at a red light. Rex turns around in his seat and trains a gun on me. Donovan holds his arm across me to protect me. “Now hold up a second.”
“Don’t worry,” Rex dulls on, “I have no intention of injuring the new Mrs. James, at least not yet, but any funny business—”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash of blue as a car races straight toward us. His horn blazes and his headlights drown out my vision. “Look out!” I screech at the top of my lungs as the metal crushes against the side of our limo and we spin toward the guard rail that protects us from the bottom of the Charles’ River.
The inside swirls black and I reach for Donovan’s hand as we flip toward the river. His door slips open and our fingers touch. His face falls open with horror as he slips out the door and tumbles toward the icy river below.
“Donovan!” I scream and cling on to my seatbelt to keep from falling overboard. “Donovan!”
A gun shot fires and everything goes dark.
****
When I come to there are bright lights and I am being wheeled down a hallway. My vision splits and I moan. “Hang in there, sweetheart,” a voice whispers to me and strokes my forehead. It’s Mom and she is struggling to keep up with how fast they are pushing my bed down the hall.
“Mom?” I grab her arms and try to sit up, but can’t. I touch my forehead and feel it’s wet. My fingers are slick with blood. “What happened? Donovan! Where’s Donovan!” I want to cry, but something in me cramps. I grab the side rails of the bed and let out a low, guttural noise.
“We don’t know yet, sweetheart. We’re still looking for him.”
I shake my head and my curls swish side to side. “No. No he has to be okay. He has to be.” I cry and Mom leans over to hug me.
“It was a drunk driver. Rex is dead. For real this time. He can’t bother you anymore. I promise.” Mom strokes my head.
“We have to get the baby out,” a voice not too far away says. “Please, Mrs. Montgomery.”
Mom nods but I violently shake my head. “It’s too soon. It won’t survive.” But the deep cramps inside me tell me I don’t have a choice. It’s coming one way or another. My lip wobbles and tears fill my eyes. My head rocks back onto the pillow.
“We don’t know that yet, honey. This is the best hospital in Boston for this sort of thing. If your baby is going to survive, it has the best chance here. You know that.”
“Mom,” I whine as they wheel me away. I reach my arm overhead to grab her but I can’t reach her as we go through the double doors into the sterile operating room. “Find Donovan,” I beg her, but I’m not sure if she hears me.
I’m not sure if anyone hears me.
****
When I wake up in a hospital room, I’m free of pain. I sit up and touch my stomach. It’s so flat it doesn’t feel like I’ve been pregnant at all. I grip my stomach and cry out in emotional pain. Where’s my baby? Where’s Donovan?
I glance around the room. There’s no flowers, no cards. No signs at all that anyone has come to see me. In haste, I push the nurse call button repeatedly.
No one comes. I sit there in silence. I throw the covers off my legs and rip the IV from my hands, gasping in pain. But at least that pain is something. I’ve just had a C-section, there should be some pain. I slide down to my feet and the cold linoleum greets my toes. I grip them down and my legs are like jelly. I can’t put any weight onto them at all, they feel like they would crumble like a house of cards.
“Someone help!” I grab on to the wall to keep from falling flat on my face and make my way over to the door. The knob won’t twist open. I scowl and bang my fist on the door. “Help, please!”
I go on tiptoe to peer out the glass and I see a few people in white lab coats walking around. But no one looks in my direction. Furious, I bang the glass harder and bare my teeth as I scream. My insides are craving what it doesn’t have anymore. My baby. I need to see her. It’s more than a want or a desire but a deep physical need.
Finally, I see someone familiar coming toward the door.
Mom. It’s Mom.
I stand away from the door as she opens it so she can step inside. I’ve never been so overjoyed to see her before. “Mom!” I grab her arms and squeeze for moral support, as well as physical. “I need my baby. Where’s my baby?”
She strokes my hair and leads me back into the room. “Lara, it was a great success. Such a great success.”
“Where is she?” my voice demands. “Is she all right? Did she survive? Where’s Donovan?”
Mom helps me sit down on the bed and she rushes to the sink. “I know how real this all feels and for you it was real. Your body actually felt the contractions. Your head swelled up from the impact of the car crash, just like Rex planned. With this success”—Mom fills a paper cup with water and hands it to me—“we will really be able to change people. Help improve lives.”
I can’t follow a single thing she’s saying. I swallow the water and crush the cup with my fist. “Why can’t you answer my question? Where’s my baby?”
Mom goes down on bended knee in front of me. “There is no baby,” she whispers and I turn away from her. It can’t be true. I know there is a baby. I know I was pregnant. I could feel her. I could feel it all. My body is now aching because she’s gone so how could none of that be real?
“Liar.” I shake my head and Mom stills it with her open palms.
“Lara,” she says calmly but with great power, “we made it up in the virtual reality. Your marriage, the baby, the car crash. We’ve made such strides, these memories are just as real now as anything you’ve ever actually done.”
What she says can’t be true. The clenching in my gut says she’s wrong. The pain tearing through my heart says she’s lying. “Why would you do this to me?” My lip quivers. “Mom…”
She stands up straight. “
I’m a scientist, not a mother. You are our subject, for now. And you’re helping us, Lara. You’re helping us discover so much about the human mind. With this information, we can save people. Murderers, rapists. We’ll save people like you from ever being hurt again.”
“But you’re hurting me.” I can barely stand to look at her face as I grip the rails of my bed. “You’re lying to me.”
“No.” There’s anger in Mom’s voice. “I’m not.”
My nose flares. “I was six months pregnant.”
“You thought you were six months pregnant, but you were only plugged in for six weeks. Go look out your window if you don’t believe me.”
With great hesitation I slide out to the other side of the bed. I stand with my hand on the window and can’t believe what I see. I expect there to be snow, people in parkas and wool caps, but instead I see images of summer, lush yawns and lavish trees where people are gathered in tank tops and flip flops.
“We’ve been laying memories into your brain faster, so it doesn’t need to happen in real time anymore. One week is a month. Hopefully, we will get it down to five minutes. Then five seconds. We can reform people so fast, we might not even need prisons any longer. Think of what a better place we can make the planet.”
“This is a trick.” I rub my temples and my hands search under my hair looking for a scar, like the one I sustained in the car wreck, but I can’t find anything. A sob lodges in my throat.
“It’s not a trick. You’re valuable to us and the project. Nothing has been real to you for a long time. This project is as real for you as anything ever was. And it’ll change the world.”
I cradle my middle with my arms and sob, falling against the wall. My mouth is frozen open in a silent sob as the door opens to the room.
It’s him again. Rex.
I stand up straighter as he enters the room. He studies me, but his eyes dart down to Miranda. “Good job. You may go now.”
She hesitates, her eyes on me. “Why does she keep calling me Mom?”