We’d been over that in preparing Nang’s presentation to the refugees who had made their way to the Academy. Kalquor’s space fleet of destroyers had been the attack force that showed up, while the majority of their ground troops fought ours on colonies and allied worlds.
“Can you hold out for three months?” I was getting scared.
“That remains to be seen. I’ve sent men out to track down these attackers to wherever they are based. I want to get a head count and find out how well they’re armed.”
I shivered. “It can’t be good. If they’re bold enough to plot taking over the Academy, then they must think they can win.”
Nang reached over to stroke my hair. “Your bodyguards have instructions to evacuate you to a safe place should the situation become dangerous. All Earthers, medical, and support personnel will be taken care of.”
It was good to know he had a contingency plan. It made me relax a little. “I hope it doesn’t come to that,” I told him.
“That makes two of us.” He smiled at me. “I’m sorry I can’t stay and talk more, but there is a lot of work to be done.”
“Of course. I appreciate you stopping in to see Mom.” That had been a super nice gesture since Nang undoubtedly had a full plate without checking on invalids and their frightened daughters.
Nang leaned close and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I let him, needing the comfort though I really don’t want to encourage him to have the wrong ideas. I thought it would be okay this time. I think the commander is capable of simple kindness.
He murmured, “I will always make time for you, my little Shalia.”
With that, Nang left. When I went back to Mom, she was sleeping again. It’s been quiet for the rest of the day, and the lockdown has been lifted. Weln stopped by to check on us. He says at the end of his shift he’ll sit with Mom while I go get some dinner. He’s due back any time now, so I guess I should sign off for now.
October 6, late
Boy, is it ever quiet in my dorm without Mom’s chatter. I am really not good with the silence. It’s wearing on me.
Dinner started off almost as bad. With all the excitement that’s been going on, Dusa and Esak are working extra hours. I had to sit and eat by myself. Then who walks in but Matt King. His eyes lit up when he saw me, as if he’d come in just to speak to me.
He headed right to my table. “May I join you?” he asked, as smooth and friendly as before.
“Sure,” I said. “I’m solo tonight.”
Matt settled in a chair right next to me, not distant in the least. “Let me start off by saying how sorry I am to hear about your mother’s illness,” he said, his smile dropping away. “It is hard to see someone who has already had a time of it suffering even more.”
“Thank you,” I answered. “It really does feel like a case of adding insult to injury. Fortunately, she’s expected to get much better, especially after she gets treatment on Kalquor.”
“The aliens have been such a welcome surprise.” Matt punched in his dinner order at the table computer, a mix of Kalquorian and Earther food. He really wasn’t just giving our needed partnership lip service.
“A lot of Earthers would beg to differ with you on that score,” I muttered.
“I have to admit that I was deeply suspicious of the Kalquorians at first. After all that propaganda we were fed about their evil, and then Armageddon hit … well, I let the government and Church think for me.”
“As they wanted you to. As we all did, to some extent. In a way, life is easier letting others make all the decisions, even when you know it’s wrong.” It was nice to be able to talk to someone of my own species about how things had been. I appreciated the freedom of openness and not have to worry about being hurt.
Matt sighed. “Now we’re coming under attack here at the Academy, Earther and Kalquorian alike. I’m worried about how many angry people are out there, eager to kill not only our former enemies but also those of us they no doubt believe are traitors.”
“Commander Nang is concerned too,” I said. “The soonest reinforcements are still three months away.”
“Really?” Matt’s eyes widened. “That is frightening. What is his plan in the meantime?”
“He’s got squads out there trying to track down the attackers. He’s hoping to find out their numbers and strengths. Then he can figure out the next move.”
“Smart man.” He gave me another one of his approving smiles. “You are doing such good work with the Kalquorians, Shalia. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. Others do too, though they are too afraid of the disapproving few to say so.”
Well, that was good to hear. I’d thought everyone pretty much hated me. Was it true that I had more friends than I was aware of? That simple fear kept would-be allies from approaching me?
The rest of dinner was nice. Matt and I traded a little of our histories. It turned out he actually had been a politician before Armageddon, but only a local commissioner who worried more about keeping his jurisdiction under budget than ruling his fellow man. And I, Shalia Monroe, hater of all things political, like this guy. The other Earthers were smart to make him their spokesman.
It turned out to be a pretty good end to a pretty crappy day. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t so crappy. Mom’s getting better, the attack didn’t get any of us killed, Nang was nice without trying to climb in my pants, and I found out I’m not the most despised Earther ever. I’m missing Dusa and Esak tonight, of course, and still thinking we don’t have nearly enough time together before I have to leave. But overall, I think I can count on some decent rest tonight … aw, please tell me I didn’t just jinx myself by writing that!
October 7
Mom continues to improve. When I walked in this morning, she gave me a tiny half-smile and whispered, “Hi Shalia.” I proceeded to jump up and down like a human pogo stick, laughing and crying all at once before I kissed her entire face. She knows me. Mom knows who I am.
Drs. Dad and Ginna were quite pleased with this development. Then they reminded me not to tire her out. She’s still got a long way to go to recover, but damn it, we’ve got real hope now. I can’t even begin to say how over the top happy I am.
Weln scored a day off. Sweetheart that he is, he spent a good part of it sitting with me and Mom. Mom still sleeps more than she’s awake, so Weln was mostly stuck with me. I was finally able to put in a good word for Dusa and Esak.
“You don’t have to tell me how great they are,” he grinned. His face went red. “I’ve stopped seeing all my other clanning prospects, in fact.”
“That will make Dusa and Esak happy,” I said.
Weln’s eyes went wide. “Really? Do you think they’ll seriously consider me?”
I snorted. “Who do you think asked me to talk to you about them? They think you’re the perfect Imdiko for their clan.”
If Weln had smiled any bigger, everything above his upper jaw would have fallen off. Okay, he’s too big and masculine to be anything like a little girl with a crush, but he came as close to it as a six-and-a-half-foot-tall alien can. I was both amused and touched that he was so thrilled over my news. His whole body wagged like an overeager puppy. I had to laugh.
“I know, I’m acting stupid,” he said, ducking his head as he turned redder than ever. “Clanning is a big deal, though. As an Imdiko, I need people to take care of and watch out for. It is not easy to be alone when you have so much of that need to give.”
“Weln, you give of yourself all the time to plenty of people,” I pointed out. “Look at where you are on your day off. You could be outside, taking a walk, enjoying yourself, hanging out with your friends. Instead you’re sitting here with me and Mom, watching over us. Don’t you ever relax?”
He shrugged. “I need to be needed. Taking care of others makes me feel good. Without it I feel empty.”
I wonder if there has ever been as sweet a man as Weln. He really meant what he said.
“Thanks for making me feel like a selfish, self-absorbed perso
n,” I teased, smiling to make sure he knew I was joking. “I can barely stand most people. I usually can’t get away from them fast enough, though there are a few exceptions.”
Weln patted my shoulder. He said, “You’ve had a terrible time of it, Shalia. Too many have hurt you, so it’s no surprise you can be distant at times. If I’d had your experiences, I probably would feel the same.”
I couldn’t imagine it. Weln seems made to be everyone’s darling. I said as much.
“I had very caring parents. They provided an atmosphere that supported everything I wanted to do with my life.” He seemed a little sad as he looked at me. “I envy you, believe it or not. Your struggles have made you strong. I constantly worry that if I was faced with something really bad I wouldn’t be able to handle it. That’s why I signed on as an orderly for the fleet’s medical corps, so maybe I’d have challenges that would force me to be tougher.”
“You got more than you bargained for, didn’t you?” I asked.
Weln shrugged. “Not really. Not yet. The men in charge of this place keep us in Medical and invalid care almost as well protected as you Earthers. But seeing some of the trauma your kind has suffered has taken me out of my comfort zone. I think I am becoming mentally stronger as a result, but more gradually than I thought would happen.”
“Don’t rush it,” I advised him. “I hate the thought of you not being the gentle soul you are. I think you’re perfect.”
Weln looked surprised and touched. “Thank you, Shalia. That’s very kind of you to say. It’s no wonder Dusa and Esak are in love with you.”
That was like a splash of freezing water over me. “They’re not.”
The Imdiko snorted. “Like hell they’re not. They’d give anything for the rank and status to make you their Matara. From what I’ve seen, I wouldn’t be averse to it either. You’re an amazing woman.”
My lips were numb. I mumbled, “They told me they would clan me if they were able, and that they care for me. They never said anything about love.”
Weln gave me a rueful smile. “Then maybe I spoke out of turn. They do love you, Shalia, with every ounce of their beings. Right now, their greatest concern is that you get to Kalquor to find a clan worthy of you. It’s making Dusa crazy that you might end up with less than what you deserve.”
I had no idea what to say to that. I mean, I know a few days ago I was wishing I didn’t have to leave my sweethearts, that I might even consider being their Matara if it was possible. Now I’m back to thinking I’m not quite ready to join any clan. I don’t know that I ever will. Don’t get me wrong; I adore Dusa and Esak. I might even be in love with them. But they still lack maturity, something that I need them to possess. Sometimes I feel more like a den mother than their girlfriend. That’s not the way I want to feel for men I’m romantically involved with. I want us to be equal.
Plus the fact that clanning is forever kind of freaks me out. Kalquorians don’t do divorce or de-clanning, as they call it, except in the most extreme situations where a clan member is a threat to another member’s life. Or in the case of royalty, when someone important objects to a match. I’m not royalty, and Dusa and Esak would never hurt me. If I take that step, if I join a clan, there’s no turning back. Quite frankly I’m afraid to not have an out.
Yeah, I’ve got some things to work on before and if I ever decide to tie the knot with Kalquorians. Right now, I’m going to concentrate on enjoying the short time I have left with my sweeties and getting Mom to Kalquor so she can be cured. There’s really nothing else to think or worry about.
October 8
When I got back to my dorm last night, I found Dusa waiting for me. He paced back and forth in front of my door, worry on his face aging him beyond his years. It scared me to see him like that, and I hurried to him.
He smiled at me and pressed a kiss to my forehead, uncaring of my Nobek bodyguard looking on. “How is Matara Eve?” he asked.
“She spoke to me today,” I told him. “I think she’s going to be okay.”
“Wonderful. Can we go in?”
“Of course.” I led the way and closed the door, leaving my bodyguard outside.
The instant we were alone, I asked, “What’s wrong? Is Esak all right?”
Dusa nodded, but a shadow passed over his face. “He’s fine. They sent him out to track the group that’s been attacking the Academy.”
No wonder my favorite Dramok looked so concerned. “Yikes. That’s a dangerous bunch. I hope he’s careful.”
Dusa snorted. “As careful as a Nobek knows to be, anyway. He’s excited to be at the forefront of the action. It makes me anxious, though.”
Poor guy. I was troubled for Esak’s safety too. Those Earthers who had bombarded the gates meant business, and I was sure they wouldn’t hesitate to kill any Kalquorian they came across. I went to Dusa and wrapped my arms around his waist. He enclosed me in his strong arms and we stood that way for a little while.
Finally I said, “I spoke to Weln today.”
That made Dusa’s voice a little brighter. “Really? How did that go?”
“He’s not seeing anyone but you and Esak now. He was thrilled you’re seriously considering him for your Imdiko.”
When Dusa didn’t respond, I looked up at him. His expression was a mixture of quiet joy and concern.
“What?” I asked. “I thought you were ready to clan him.”
“Oh, more than ready. I just wish we weren’t constantly under some kind of threat.” Dusa frowned. “I hate asking him right now when Esak and I work so many hours. We’d hardly see Weln, and that’s not right to do to him. Plus our work is so dangerous, and he’s been rather sheltered for most his life.”
“He’s trying to toughen up,” I said, recalling our conversation earlier in the day. “He wants to worry over you.”
“That’s an Imdiko for you,” Dusa chuckled. He sobered again. “It would be horrible if I clanned him and then something happened to me and Esak. Leaving him on his own like that – I can hardly stand the thought of it.”
“Would he feel worse if something happened to you two and he didn’t get the joy of being your Imdiko, even for a short time? Maybe you should ask Weln and let him make that determination.”
Dusa’s frown deepened. “I hadn’t thought of that. This whole war with Earth and now trying to rescue people who don’t want to be rescued has made things so complicated.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I need to shut up and stop making it worse with questions you hadn’t considered.”
Dusa laughed a little. “Shalia, I like that you bring up all the options. I would never ask you to shut up.” Then he got that mischievous twinkle in his eyes that let me know he was thinking naughty thoughts. “Of course, there are some situations in which making you be quiet could be fun.”
“Uh oh,” I said, warming at the dangerous look coming over his face. “What has that devious mind come up with this time?”
He showed me by tearing a strip of material from my bedsheet and gagging me with it. Then he tied me naked to the bed with my arms and legs splayed wide. I lay helpless beneath him, the flow from my pussy soaking the sheet beneath me.
“Someone likes to be dominated,” Dusa teased me. He hadn’t bothered to undress yet, except for pulling his boots off. Somehow me being nude while he was still fully dressed made me feel all the more vulnerable, though I couldn’t say why.
He kneeled over me, his knees straddling my torso. His play began with my breasts. First he rubbed them as if giving them a massage. The rough pads of his calloused palms and fingertips made my nipples erect in no time. He plucked at the stiff points, sending warmth tumbling down from my chest, into my belly, and lower to excite my pussy. I moaned against the cloth tied around my head.
“Some pleasure to start,” Dusa whispered. His smile turned a bit cruel. “And then some pain in a little while.”
I whimpered. What was he planning to do?
He cupped my breasts. His thumbs gently stroked my pe
bbled nipples, sending more thrills through me. “Yes, lovely Shalia. I think a little punishment will do you good. Not because you’ve done anything to deserve it, but because it pleases me to give it to you. Does it please you to surrender yourself to my discipline?”
I wanted to say no. I wanted to shake my head at him, to tell him I wasn’t going to give over to such strange urges. However, my sex was gushing in anticipation of what he might do to me. I was falling under his spell and there was something deep inside me that only wanted to give in and to please him with my submission.
I really don’t get myself sometimes.
Shalia's Diary Book 2 Page 4