Even as his rational mind began to return, the world pulsed with light, and he again experienced a feeling of hyperawareness, as if he could see beyond the walls of the Sayer house. The earth seemed unsteady, and he found himself sitting down on the bed, trying to clear his head.
“Something’s wrong with me,” he said, hoping she would understand. “I don’t feel well.” He needed to get away, but the world kept swaying, and he felt dizzy.
Brenda smiled at him, “That’s perfectly natural.” She pushed him back into a reclining position.
“No,” he protested. “I have to go. I can’t—this isn’t right.” Even as he spoke, he could see that something had changed. His vision was different. There was a faint glow around Brenda Sayer, as well as most of the objects in the room, although it was brightest around her, especially her head. He could also feel the shape of things behind him, even beyond the walls.
“Don’t be silly. You’re fifteen, you’re far from finished,” using one hand she guided his hand to her bosom. “Feel that…” He could see a change in her aura as she pressed his hand against her breast.
“But Kate…”
“…won’t be home for hours,” she finished for him.
Chapter 7
More than an hour after arriving, Daniel walked away from the Sayer’s house. He felt empty, alone… and deeply ashamed. His mind had simply stopped working. It refused to look back on the past hour, as if that might erase what had happened.
Sick at heart, he knew that he must be thoroughly damned.
“Daniel?”
Kate was walking toward the house, carrying a heavy basket in her arms, already done with her visit to the market. Daniel stared at her as she approached, stricken by a black feeling he had no name for.
Normally he would’ve gone to help her, offered to carry her burden, walked her to the door, anything, but today he just watched her walk. Inside he felt the loss keenly, his dreams had been destroyed, shattered, and taken from him in the span of less than an hour. Even as she drew closer, he felt the distance between them, as though they stood on opposite sides of a huge gulf.
Kate could see something was wrong with him, so she hurried until she was within arm’s reach. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
The door on the porch opened, and Brenda Sayer looked out. “You should hurry home, Daniel. That warden is probably still somewhere close by.”
“Warden?” said Kate.
Daniel nodded, unable to speak.
“Daniel encountered a warden on his way over,” announced Kate’s mother. “He came to warn us.”
Kate looked at him in alarm, “Thank goodness you’re safe.”
Daniel nodded and began walking, not daring to meet her eyes, but Kate had other ideas. Setting her basket down, Kate hurried over and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. “Be careful going home!” she urged.
“I will,” he mumbled, moving away as quickly as he could. He broke into a run after a few long strides. The summer wind dried his tears as he ran.
The world still seemed strange around him. Just as with Brenda Sayer, Daniel had been able to see a soft glow of energy around Kate. Even running away from her, he could see it changing slightly, probably an indication of her curiosity at his odd behavior.
As he ran, the world seemed to open up around him and it felt as if his mind expanded, taking in a huge variety of information. He felt the trees and rocks and the gentle pressure created as the wind passed over them. Below, the water moved between the banks of the river, swirling and twisting in complex and chaotic patterns.
A flash in the distance caught his attention, as though a bright light had lit up the sky. He was quickly learning to tell the difference, though. It hadn’t been real light, but something else, the imaginary light, the sort that he saw with his mind but not his eyes. Someone was approaching, someone was searching for him.
The warden.
He knew why. His crime was clear for the warden to see. The warden had let him pass before, suspicious, as though he had sensed Daniel’s impending sin. Now there was nothing to protect him from the judgment of the forest gods. The warden would find him and he would be seen no more.
Clenching his jaw, Daniel ran sideways, leaving the path while at the same time he somehow closed his mind, shutting out his unnatural visions. Darting between stiff thorn bushes and through softer hedges, he slipped in and out of the small trees, dodging larger rocks and the occasional boulder. Always downward, he ran with reckless speed toward the river, unsure where he would come out, until at last he found himself with nothing beneath him.
The empty air failed to support him, and he fell a short distance into the river below. He knew where he was now. He had gone further than he realized, to a point where that side of the river was faced with a low cliff. Cold water shocked his body, and the swift current swept him away.
Rather than fight it, he turned and swam with the flow, doing his best to avoid the odd rock that cropped up from the riverbed to break the surface. The banks on either side flew by with amazing speed as he surged along. Twenty minutes later he began to wonder how far he had gone.
The river broadened at that point, slowing and opening out on one side to a shallow sandy beach. Kicking out he swam for that bank, the same one that he would need to be on to get home, although he couldn’t be sure how far he would have to walk now.
His teeth chattered fiercely as he left the water, a stiff wind making the water on his skin and in his clothes seem even colder. If it hadn’t been late summer, his swim might have been fatal, but after a short time his clothes began to dry and the warm sun eased his chills.
Trying to remain practical, he began following the river back in the direction he had come. Eventually it would lead to an area he was familiar with, and then he could strike out for home. He didn’t plan on returning to his usual trail, though. The warden would be out there somewhere, still searching.
As he traveled he could feel occasional flashes, whenever his mind relaxed and started to reopen. He clamped down on that strongly, forcing his perceptions to remain strictly normal. He had no name for what he was doing, but imagined it like a doorway that opened between his mind and the world around him. He concentrated fiercely, trying to keep the door closed.
Deep down he suspected that, if it were to open, he would see the warden again, as a light in the distance. If I can see him, then he can probably see me. He continued his effort to keep the door closed.
Hours later he made it home. His clothes were cut and torn from the river rocks, and he was thoroughly exhausted. Throughout his short journey he had refused to examine what had happened to him. It hadn’t been real, it couldn’t be real.
“What the hell happened to you, boy!?” said his father, emerging from beside the house as he approached.
“I saw a warden,” he blurted out immediately. If there was one thing that would divert suspicion from the length of his absence, word of a warden’s appearance would be the thing.
“What? Where? Are you alright? What happened to your clothes?” his father drew him into a hug, suddenly worried about his son. Daniel stiffened at the gesture, but managed to endure it until his father released him.
“He was on the trail when I went to Kate’s house. He stopped and examined me before passing on. He was coming this way.”
“Did you warn them? Why did it take you so long to get back?”
Daniel relayed the rest of his story, omitting what had happened at the Sayer house, as well as any mention of his weird visions and sensory perceptions. Even as he spoke, he could occasionally see an aura surrounding his father. He worked doubly hard at closing the door in his mind until he no longer saw even that.
“You’re lucky you weren’t hurt when you fell,” observed Alan Tennick. “You could have easily landed on a rock and dashed your brains out.”
“I know, Dad,” said Daniel tiredly.
Alan tousled his son’s hair again, and Daniel flinched almost imperceptibl
y. “Go wash up while I tell your mother where you’ve been. I’ll meet you inside.”
Helen held her questions until after dinner was finished, but then she questioned him endlessly. Daniel managed to avoid hugging her, though his mother looked at him oddly a few times. The Tennick family had always been close-knit, and hugs were a common way of saying hello and goodbye, even between father and son.
Being physically exhausted it was easy for Daniel to claim tiredness as an excuse to leave the table early and find his way to his small bed. Sleep was hard to find once he was there, though. It stayed stubbornly beyond reach, while momentary flashes of what had happened kept recurring.
Dark emotions stalked him as he lay in bed, depression and despair, for he knew his future with Kate was utterly ruined. He had lost what was most important to him, before his life had even properly begun. Even worse was the guilt, for while he hadn’t wanted what had happened, he knew that in some part, he had enjoyed it.
Damned, well and truly.
He wondered if being taken by the warden might be a mercy.
***
Dawn came without regard to his feelings on the matter. He had gone to sleep with the door of his mind tightly closed, and now that he was awake it seemed as if the door was gone. Perhaps he had imagined the strange visions yesterday.
As soon as that thought crossed his mind however, the door flew open, and he was assaulted by a barrage of information. His mother was cooking in the kitchen; he could see her as clearly as if he was standing beside her. His father was outside, moving stiffly in the cold air as he headed for the barn. Beyond the house was a huge world, and in the distance Daniel thought he could see a light…
With an effort of pure will he closed the door again. The light could only be the warden, and he must still be searching. Looking to cull the wicked from the faithful.
He recalled the events of the day prior, and his mind recoiled in plain denial of it. He had been trapped, cornered, and used, but despite his intentions, he had also enjoyed it. Disgust with his moral impurity ate at him. His old self-image was gone, broken like the weak illusion it had been. Before, he had believed himself to be a good person, not perfect, but kind at least, with honest intentions and a loving heart to offer someone—to offer Kate. Now he knew the truth, he hadn’t tried very hard to keep Brenda Sayer from her desire. He had offered only a token resistance, and then he had given her exactly what she had wanted—what he had wanted.
Three times?! I’m no better than a beast.
Pushing his self-loathing aside, he rose and joined his parents for breakfast. There was work to be done, and it wouldn’t wait for him to lie around moaning all day.
If his parents noticed his particularly foul humor, they said nothing. The day passed with shocking normalcy, and those that followed it were much the same. A week went by, and he still remained free. He had gotten used to keeping his mind closed, and the strange visions hardly bothered him anymore.
Once in a while he would test it, to see if perhaps he had imagined the entire thing, but each time his mind opened easily, and he found his head filled with strange perceptions. He wasn’t crazy. Whatever had happened to him was real.
After two weeks had passed he began to wonder if perhaps life might go on. Surely his dream, a life with Kate, that was gone, but there were other things in life. His mood began to lighten, until his father asked him to take a load of firewood to the Sayer house the next morning. Since Mr. Sayer had vanished a few years ago, it had become a custom of theirs to cut extra wood for Brenda and her daughter each year. It was what neighbors did.
“If you don’t mind, I’d rather stay with the sheep today,” said Daniel.
Alan Tennick looked at his son as if he’d grown two heads. “Have you taken ill, son?”
“No, I’m just worried. I saw a wolf yesterday,” said Daniel. He couldn’t remember the last time he had lied to his father, but he couldn’t tell him the truth.
“I’ll keep an eye on them,” said his father, “You go, and take a minute to say hello to Kate.” He winked at Daniel as he finished.
Without knowing what else to say, Daniel nodded, “Yes sir.”
Two hours later he had nearly reached Kate’s house. He had decided to try to leave the firewood nearby, close to the house, but without announcing himself. He thought he might have a decent chance of leaving it without having to let anyone know he had been there. Later he could tell them that he had knocked but no one had been home.
Kate was in the yard, though, and she greeted him before he could escape. “Hello, Daniel!” Her smile was bright and sunny, highlighting the darkness that now resided within him.
“Hi Catherine,” he responded.
The use of her full first name brought a frown to her face. It wasn’t that she disliked her name, but she couldn’t remember the last time Daniel had used it.
“What’s wrong Daniel?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he lied. “Dad sent me to bring some firewood for you and your mom, that’s all.”
“Let me tell her,” said Kate, heading back toward the house. “You can stack it over there if you’d be so kind.”
Daniel watched her head for the house. You don’t have to tell her. Just let me leave it and go.
A moment later Brenda Sayer stepped out. “Kate, I want you to run to town for me,” she told her daughter firmly.
“But, Mother!” protested Kate, looking from Daniel to Brenda and back again. “You told me earlier you wanted my help in the…”
Brenda interrupted her brusquely, “I’ve changed my mind. Hurry up so you don’t take too long.”
“But you haven’t told me what you want.”
“Flour,” snapped Brenda. “I’m sure Alice Hayes will have it.” Mr. and Mrs. Hayes ran a small store in Colne.
Daniel worked steadily, unloading the cart while the two women argued. He kept his eyes on his work even when he could feel Kate staring at him. She was hoping for some support, some remark that might delay her trip, at least long enough for them to talk, but Daniel refused to look at her. His only goal was to unload and leave as quickly as possible.
Kate was gone before he finished, but Brenda was watching him with a feral gleam in her eye. “Come here,” she told him as he put the last piece of wood in place.
“No thank you,” he answered stubbornly, moving toward the wagon seat.
“Maybe you’d rather I tell Kate?” she said from the porch.
He froze in place.
“Or I could tell your father that you were disrespectful when you stopped by. I think you should consider your manners, Daniel,” she said lightly, as if the words weren’t a threat.
Daniel’s parents took such matters seriously, and they trusted Brenda Sayer. If she told his father that he’d been rude he would probably get a strapping, but that wasn’t what stopped him. It was the threat to tell her daughter. She wouldn’t, he thought.
“Come here, Daniel,” she said again, with a tone of authority.
Anger and frustration burned through him. Turning back he went to her, but he didn’t allow her to lead him inside. Instead he led her, roughly, to the bedroom, and there he gave her what she wanted, although this time he let his aggression show clearly in his actions.
Brenda Sayer didn’t seem to mind at all.
Chapter 8
Lynarralla held up her hand, “I don’t understand.”
I looked at her, worried what she might ask, especially considering the subject material. “What’s your question?”
“Exactly what are they doing? You keep skipping over it without explaining fully,” said the young She’Har.
Matthew and Moira looked at each other, grinning impishly. They knew enough already that they hadn’t needed to ask.
I started to elaborate, carefully, although the effort embarrassed me, but Lynarralla stopped me. “They were procreating? It sounded more complex than a simple conjugation.”
I was surprised, “You already know ab
out… conjugal rites?” The wording sounded odd, but Lynarralla had chosen the it.
“Yes, but each time you mention it, it sounds as if they are fighting. Is it a painful thing? Is she hurting him, or is he hurting her? I don’t understand.”
That was both a simpler and a more difficult question to answer. “Well, I think you’ve hit the heart of the matter with that question. What she did to him was a kind of violence.”
“Couldn’t he have refused her?” asked Lynarralla.
“Technically, yes,” I answered, “but in reality, that was almost impossible for him. At barely fifteen he had no experience of the world or himself. Many grown men, with full knowledge of the consequences and a far better understanding of themselves, fail at such a test, but he had almost no hope at all.”
“Was his choice wrong? He was not bonded with the other female. Did she harm him?”
“It harmed him because she coerced him into making a choice that went against his real wishes. He already loved her daughter. The realization that he had betrayed himself, betrayed Kate, that is what hurt him,” I told her.
“It all comes down to love and trust,” said Moira suddenly.
Lynarralla sighed, “That is what I don’t understand. Everything seems to revolve around these imaginary terms.”
“I just wish you’d stop telling us about this stuff, and get to the part where he meets the She’Har,” complained Matthew. “Isn’t that when the fighting starts?”
“Unfortunately, most of his life revolved around fighting, but to understand the why of it, you have to understand his past. You need to understand evil,” I explained.
“Would things have been better without this ‘evil’?” asked Lynarralla.
“Sadly, no. If he had been able to love properly, we wouldn’t be here today. The She’Har would cover the world from one end to the other, and humankind would be nothing more than a historical footnote by now.”
The Mountains Rise Page 5