“Since you asked so nicely, yes you may. But you must obey everything I say and you may not come until I tell you. Now, pull your pussy lips apart with one hand. I want you to circle your clit. I bet that feels really good, doesn’t it?”
“So good,” she sighed. Tingles began in her feet, working their way up her legs. She was close, so close.
“Now press two fingers from your other hand inside that wet passage. Can you find that sweet spot inside you, baby?”
“I’ve found it, sir.”
“I want you to rub it with the tips of your fingers while you circle your clit. Are you doing as I say?”
“Yes, it feels so good, so hot. I need to come so bad, I can feel it growing. Please,” she begged. Her skin felt too tight, on fire, her blood bubbling, overflowing with heat.
“Not yet. Hold off. Be a good girl and wait until I say you can.”
“That’s so mean,” she complained, her breath coming in hard, harsh pants.
Tom chuckled. “You’ll thank me soon. Tap your clit now. How do you feel?”
“Like I’m going to explode.”
“Are you hot?”
“Yes, God, yes, please, sir.”
“Flick your clit harder, I want you to pump your fingers in and out of your passage. Faster. Faster.”
Her head thrashed as she followed his orders, his words surrounding her, driving her higher.
“Come now, Francesca!”
She exploded, her body bucking off the couch as she screamed.
“Good girl, let it all out, come for me. Keep tapping that clit. Slowly now,” he crooned. “Come back to me now.”
Still panting heavily, Frankie fell back into the present.
“Oh wow.” She was exhausted, sated, satisfied.
Tom chuckled. “Feel good?”
“Shit, yeah.”
“Language,” he warned.
Frankie held back her sigh. She was in too good a mood to want to ruin it by moaning about his silly rule regarding her swearing.
“I love you, honey. I wish I was there.”
“I love you too, Tom. I miss you. It’s lonely here without you.”
“Why don’t you go spend tomorrow night with Heath and Ava, honey?” Tom asked with concern.
“Oh no, I’m fine. They’re busy preparing for baby number two. I’d just be in the way.” And she wasn’t in the mood to watch Ava and her brother. She hated it, but she was incredibly jealous of how together Ava was. She was secure in Heath’s love and protection. She had Jaron and even though this pregnancy was putting her through the wringer, soon she’d be bringing another baby into the world.
While Frankie felt like she was a mess. She didn’t like her job. She couldn’t get pregnant and she was constantly worried that one day Tom would wake up and realize she wasn’t good enough for him.
“That’s not true, sweetie. Listen to me, I want you to hang up, go get cleaned up and I’ll ring you back in fifteen.”
“It’s too early to go to bed, Tom,” she whined. She looked at the clock, it wasn’t even nine.
“You need an early night, miss,” he said sternly. “I can hear the exhaustion in your voice and you’ve still got work tomorrow.”
“But I haven’t even had dinner.” Frankie knew it was a mistake as soon as she’d said it. She wasn’t even hungry, she was just trying to delay going to bed.
“You what?” Tom asked her, his voice darkening. Shit. She was in trouble now. “Why not?”
“I was busy,” she defended.
“Doing what?”
Yeah, no way was she telling him about the pregnancy test.
“Just stuff,” she muttered.
“Not good enough. Were you even going to eat dinner?” he asked intuitively. Damn it. Having a husband who paid attention could have its downside. Especially when said husband believed in domestic discipline.
“Probably not. I hate eating by myself.”
“Not a good excuse, Frankie. We’re going to have a talk about that when I get home.”
Uh oh, she mouthed to herself. She knew what he meant by talk. Sure, they’d talk. But the conversation would end with her over his lap getting her ass spanked.
“You have an hour to make yourself some dinner, get cleaned up and into bed. I will call you on your cell phone and I expect you to be in bed, ready for sleep. Understand?”
Exactly an hour later, Frankie’s cell rang.
“Hi,” she answered.
“Hi yourself, gorgeous. You in bed?”
“Yes.”
“I’m very disappointed in you, little girl,” Tom told her.
Immediately, she felt awful.
“You understand I’m not happy, don’t you? If I can’t trust you to take care of yourself while I’m away then I’m going to have to stay at home, aren’t I?”
She sniffled. “I’m sorry. I’m worse than a child, aren’t I? Well, I guess that’s karma. I’m a childish brat who doesn’t deserve children and that’s why I can’t have any. Maybe you should stick a diaper on me and pretend I’m a baby, it’s the closest we’ll probably get. I should just disappear before you get home; give you a chance to find someone who’s not as fucked up as I am.”
Immediately, she froze. She couldn’t believe what she’d just said.
“Frankie?” She heard the shock in his voice. “What are you talking about? I cannot believe you just threatened to leave me!”
In a panic, Frankie ended the call, staring at her phone it like it was a snake as it rang over and over. Then the landline buzzed. Frankie crawled under the covers, hiding herself away.
What the hell was wrong with her? She hadn’t meant to bring up her failed pregnancy test. She wasn’t ready to do what was right and leave Tom, free him up to find a woman who could provide him with everything. And yet she’d told him just that.
God, had she really suggested he put her in a diaper? Was she going insane?
She really needed to answer the phone. Apologize. Tell him she didn’t mean a word of it. But she found herself frozen. Suddenly the silence hit her.
He’d given up.
Tears welled in her eyes. Idiot. You wouldn’t answer the phone because you didn’t want to talk to him and now you’re upset because he’s given up trying to talk to you.
What was wrong with her? She felt like an emotional wreck. Like she was stuck in a downward spiral with no way up. She’d just wanted things to be perfect. To be an amazing wife, to have wonderful babies, to give Tom the life he deserved.
Instead she’d dug herself into a miserable hole and she was only making things worse.
Chapter Two
Frankie she stared at the flashing light of the answer machine. Tom had left her a message. She swallowed heavily, working up the courage she needed to listen to it. She’d lain awake most of the night, filled with guilt and worry.
She needed to get moving. If she didn’t leave soon she’d be late for work. Face scrunched up, not really wanting to hear the message; she quickly reached down and pressed the playback button.
Tom’s voice immediately came through the speaker, rich and stern.
“Young lady, what rule do we have in our house? If I am ringing, you must always pick up. That’s two.”
She frowned. Two? What was one?
As though he could hear her, he continued. “One was not eating dinner when you were supposed to. And I’m making a new rule, one I never thought I would have to, and that is you are not allowed to hang up when we’re having a conversation. It’s disrespectful and rude. And you will not be leaving me. Ever. That was a horrible threat to make. Honey,” his voice became quieter, gentler. “I know you’re stressed and tired at the moment, when I get home we’re going to sit down and have a long talk. I don’t like seeing you so upset and exhausted. Now, I will ring you during your lunch hour. I love you, baby. Drive safely. Eat. Take care of yourself.”
The message ended and it was then she realized she had tears running down her face. Wh
*****
By the time lunchtime came around, Frankie was a nervous wreck. She’d spent most of the morning berating herself. Her boss had even asked her if she was ill and needed to go home. She’d been tempted to lie and say yes, only what would she do at home except obsess more?
Walking outside to sit in the sun, she sighed as she realized she’d forgotten to bring any lunch with her.
Her cell rang in her hand. Tom’s name flashed on the screen. Frankie ran her finger over the screen to unlock her phone, and then drew it up to her ear.
“Hello,” she said shakily.
“Baby.” Tom’s voice immediately had tears rising to her eyes. The relief in his tone humbled her and doubled her guilt. “Are you okay? I’m so worried about you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just couldn’t talk to you again last night. I was really upset. I didn’t really mean that stuff about, you know, putting me in a diaper or leaving you.”
“I know you didn’t, honey. But saying you’re going to leave me, even in the heat of the moment, is serious. I stressed all last night that you were packing your bags; that you wouldn’t be there when I got home. Do you know how frightened I was? I just don’t want you ignoring my calls anymore, got it? I can’t function with worrying that something has happened to you. If I could have got a flight home last night I would have.”
“No, no, don’t do that. I’m fine. I just miss you and I was already upset last night...” she trailed off.
“Why were you so upset last night?” Tom asked her quietly.
“Well, I—”
“You took another pregnancy test, didn’t you? When I expressly forbid you not to do another test without me present.”
Frankie remained quiet.
“Frankie,” he said warningly. “Think about this carefully. Do you really want to add lying as number four?”
“Four? What happened to three?” she squealed. How had she racked up punishments this fast?
“Three was hanging up on me.”
“But I didn’t know that was a rule!”
“Common courtesy and respect has always been a rule. I just didn’t think I needed to spell that out,” Tom said patiently. “Now stop procrastinating and start talking.”
She sniffled miserably, trying to hold back the tears.
“Baby, talk to me.”
“You’ll be disappointed in me.” And she couldn’t bear that. She just wanted to make him happy. She knew she wasn’t always a good person; that Tom deserved someone who was kinder and nicer, but she couldn’t give him up. So she was trying her hardest to be whatever he needed.
“Honey, just tell me everything. You’ll feel better after.”
“I took another pregnancy test and it was negative,” she admitted in a quiet voice.
“Ahh, baby,” he said tenderly. She almost melted in a pool of tears. “I know how upsetting that is. Why do you think I didn’t want you taking one again without me? Because I need to hold and comfort you after.”
“I know,” she sobbed. “Please don’t be disappointed in me.”
“Sweetheart, the only thing I’m disappointed about is that I couldn’t be there to take care of you after. I know how much love and support you need after.”
Frankie gave in and sobbed.
“Frankie, sweetheart, don’t cry, you’re breaking my heart,” he said miserably.
“S-sorry,” she stuttered, unable to stop herself.
“Shh, shh, it’s okay, baby.”
“It’s not okay,” she cried. “There’s something wrong with me. I can’t have children.”
“Frankie, I want you to listen to me carefully, all right? Take a deep breath and let it out slowly, calm down and listen,” his voice took on a stern tone.
Frankie did as he ordered, wiping her eyes, huddling in on herself in the hope no one could see her.
“Yes, sir,” she whispered.
“Whether we can or cannot have children, I love you. Understand? Whatever happens we will deal with it together. We’ve been trying for a year, honey. It’s not unheard of for it to take that long or even longer. What worries me is how upsetting this has become for you. Honey, I’m worried about you. I think it might be a good idea if we took a break from trying to get pregnant.”
“No,” she said urgently. “No, Tom, we can’t. What if there is something wrong? What if we have to do IVF?”
“We’re both young and healthy. We have plenty of time. There’s no rush. Frankie, I think it might be a good idea for us to talk to someone about all this.”
“A specialist?” she said hopefully.
“A counselor.”
“No! Why? Do you think I’m a whack job because I-because I suggested you put me in a diaper? It was the heat of the moment!”
“Honey, just calm down of course that’s not why I want us to see a counselor. The failed pregnancies are very upsetting for you. You are my first priority. Your safety. Your health. We will go to a specialist if the counselor thinks it’s a good idea. I know that this is a good idea. For both of us.”
She didn’t know if she could talk to a stranger about this, but on the other hand she couldn’t keep going on as she was, she felt near breaking point. Plus, she knew when Tom spoke in that voice that his mind was made up. He was not going to bend.
“All right,” she said. “I’ll go talk to a counselor with you.”
“Frankie, it’s going to be okay. I’ll be home around ten tomorrow morning. Jeff will drop me off. Now, have you had some lunch?”
“Not yet.”
“I want you to go and get some lunch, eat it and not worry. Might be a good idea for you to go stay with Heath and Ava tonight.”
“No,” she said urgently then tempered her tone. “No, that’s okay, I don’t feel like company.”
“Okay. I will call you tonight. Pick up the phone. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Tom closed his cell with a frown. Damn, of all the times for him to be across the country. He could tell how upset his wife was. Her failure to get pregnant was knocking her around. He was starting to wish that he’d never agreed to try for a baby. But she’d been so insistent.
Of course, it didn’t help that Ava and Bryony were both pregnant.
He wanted children. Eventually. But he wondered why they’d started trying straight away, almost from the day of their wedding. He guessed he’d gotten caught up in the idea and not thought about the reality, about whether they were both truly ready for a baby. Like he’d told Frankie, they were both young, they had plenty of time. He was building up his practice and right now, he needed to concentrate on that and on his wife.
Her negative pregnancy tests each month were taking a huge toll on her. He’d noticed her fatigue and weight loss with worry. Tom vowed to pay more care and attention to her. With his practice needing so much time lately, he hadn’t been home as much as he would like to. And he was really worried about Frankie being by herself.
Not that Frankie wasn’t a capable, smart woman. She was all those things and more. She was brilliant at her job and he was so proud of her. But she didn’t always cope well with stress and worry. She tended to find other outlets to mask the effects stress was having on her, like shopping or throwing herself into work.
It had been a battle of wills when they were first married. Anytime Frankie got upset, she’d go shopping, racking up a huge bill. And while they were comfortable, she didn’t need half the stuff she bought, and if there was one thing Tom hated it was waste.
So each time Frankie went on a stress-related spree, Tom made her return everything then he’d sit her down to have a talk. Which often led to a trip over his knee. Sometimes it was only during a spanking that Frankie truly let go and released all her stress.
Her need to get pregnant was becoming obsessive, and he wasn’t quite sure why. He needed to get to the bottom of what was really going on with her. Both of them needed to take a step back and evaluate what they were doing and where they were going.
Frankie needed to know that whether they could have children or not, he loved her and was committed to her and his relationship.
She was his everything.
And he knew she didn’t truly understand that. She seemed to think she needed to provide him with this perfect life.
Tom let out a deep breath. He’d handled this badly. He should have waited to talk about the counselor until he got home so he could speak to her face to face and reassure her, hold her close. Now, she was probably fretting that he thought there was something wrong with her mind.
He didn’t think that at all.
But he didn’t like the fact that she’d threatened to disappear on him. Fear pierced his heart at the idea of not having Frankie in his life. He’d wanted to race home last night and tie her to the bed. He smiled a little. In fact, tying her to the bed wasn’t a bad idea, then he could play with her at will. Torture her to the point of ecstasy over and over.
Then spank her until she promised she’d never even think about leaving him again.
Tom was a naturally dominant man. His need to care and nurture was tied in with his need to protect. And Frankie came first in his life. He loved caring for her, indulging her where possible, but he also knew she needed boundaries and consequences.
Frankie had grown up in a household where her father was most definitely the head of the household. When Frankie’s parents had died at sixteen, her oldest brother, Heath had taken over as her guardian. Heath was probably a stricter disciplinarian than Tom was.
Frankie was full of fun and fire and he never wanted to smother her or put a damper on her spirit. He just wanted to make sure that she had fun while being as safe as possible.
Tom hadn’t had much of a home life. His father had left before he’d turned five. When his mother had remarried, he’d been ten. She’d focused all her attention on her new husband. Rod wasn’t been a bad man, but he’d had his own family from a previous marriage and hadn’t been interested in Tom.
So he’d spent a lot of time at the Jamieson house growing up. They’d been his second family. At college he’d met Austin. They’d quickly become best friends and Tom ended up spending most of his holidays with Austin and his family. They were an amazing family. Austin’s mother was the center of the family. His father doted on her and her children adored her.
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